Justin's POV

When I awoke, the sun shining bright, I sat up and looked around. Brian was nowhere to be found. I padded into the bathroom, hoping, but not expecting, that Brian would be there.

"I guess the ball is still in my court," I said aloud.

Out of curiosity, I opened the drawer Brian had cleared for me. Still empty. There was definitely hope.

I took a shower, dressed, and made coffee. Then I grabbed a notepad and pen off of Brian's desk and sat down. I needed a plan.

There was so much to do. The day would be difficult enough without having to work and go to school, so I called Deb to ask for the day off and decided to skip class. I only had one today. Tomorrow, I'd copy a classmate's notes. I thought about cooking dinner, but, as great as my desire was to do something sweet for Brian, I realized that that would be a little too domestic for my first day back. No need to freak Brian out more than was necessary. Should I dress my sexiest and go to Babylon? That might prevent Brian from bringing a trick home, but having it out in public would probably lead to more ugliness than otherwise. No, better to face Brian in private. I'd still dress my sexiest though.

To-Do List

Tell Ethan I'm leaving

Get my things from Ethan's apartment

Go to school

Go to work

Move back into the loft

Go grocery shopping

Cook Brian dinner (something that can be reheated)

Babylon

Dig my heels in and wait Brian out

Brian's POV

I sat at my desk, my leg up on the chair, thinking as I drummed a pencil on my knee. I had missed Justin so badly and had wanted him to come home so much that I had let my guard down the night before. Home? Christ, when did I become a lesbian? So after the best sex I had had in weeks, I had told Justin that I missed him. Shit, I had nearly told him that I loved him. I needed to get myself under control. I thought it was safer to avoid Justin in the morning. No telling what I would do otherwise. Just watching the beautiful blond sleep, not stroking Justin's cheek and not waking him with a blow job had taken all of my willpower. I hated how happy Justin's presence in my bed made me. Brian-Fucking-Kinney was NOT supposed to need people. I would have to do something drastic.

Justin's POV

Ethan wasn't at the apartment when I arrived. I wasn't sure whether or not I was happy about that. Part of me was relieved that I wouldn't be forced to pack while he watched, but I felt bad for just disappearing on him. He'd probably freak when I told him that I was going back to Brian, but he deserved to know. I felt terrible that I had used Ethan, even though I hadn't done it on purpose. I wished that I had known what I know now on my birthday. Then I would never have met Ethan. I would simply have gone home after the concert. I wouldn't have hurt Brian, and I wouldn't need to hurt Ethan now. I was about to leave when Ethan walked in.

Seeing me, but not the bag in my hand, Ethan shouted, "Where the hell have you been? Do you know how worried I was?"

I took a deep breath and replied, "I'm sorry I didn't call. Some things happened while I was with Daphne, and I ended up going to Brian's after all. Last night, I realized that this...(I gestured between us) was a mistake. I'm still in love with Brian."

Ethan's eyes widened.

I continued, "I'm so sorry."

Then I waited for the situation to become truly unpleasant.

"WHAT??!! I knew it!" Ethan kicked a chair, sending it flying into the kitchen, well, what passed for a kitchen. He continued, "You realized that this was a mistake. Don't you realize that sleeping with someone for money makes you a whore? I thought you wanted something more. Love. Romance."

I didn't want to hurt Ethan any more than I already had or to draw this out, so I answered simply, "Brian loves me" and tried to walk past him.

In a mocking tone, he declared, "Brian does NOT love you. He fucks you. You and everyone else on Liberty Avenue. You are just a toy to him. A convenient lay when he doesn't see anyone better at the clubs. Don't get me wrong, he's hot. Probably great in bed. But one day, he's going to get tired of you. Then he'll find a new boy toy, toss you out, and never look back. Is that what you want?"

His words stung, but I bit back my sharp retort ("Well, there is one person I know he'd never fuck, and Brian's an amazing lover") and suppressed the urge to slap him. He was hurt, angry, and jealous. Could I blame him?

"He doesn't see me as a toy. I understand why you'd think so, but you don't know Brian like I do. I told you about him, but that was only part of the story." I paused, looking around uncomfortably, and then continued, "Well, I better go."

Ethan grabbed my arm as I walked by him. In a pleading voice, he said, "Wait! Justin, I love you. I want only you. Don't go! He'll never treat you the way you deserve to be treated. But I will."

I frowned. "Ethan, you're a great guy, and you'll make someone very happy, but that someone isn't me. I did want declarations of love and romantic gestures, but…only from Brian. They don't mean anything when they come from someone you don't love. Sure, Brian doesn't say that he loves me, and he isn't romantic in the conventional sense, but I know that he loves, desires, and cherishes me. I don't want or need anything else."

With that, I walked out the door. As I started down the steps, I heard Ethan yell, "You'll be back. Brian will only hurt you."

Yes…Brian would hurt me (and whether I wanted to or not, I'd hurt him, too; I have hurt him), but that wouldn't make me leave him again. Some of the most beautiful art is born out of pain…only twats think that love should be saccharine sweet and simple. I should know. I used to be one.

***********************************

I decided to wear a tight red T-shirt and the black jeans that really show off my ass. Once I was dressed, I settled in to wait for Brian to return. I popped the tape of the prom into the VCR and sat at Brian's new table with my sketch pad. I wanted to sketch a few pictures, definitely one of my taking off Brian's jacket. The desire in his eyes at that moment…desire for me…made my heart skip a beat every time I saw it. A couple hours later, after I had sketched several pictures, I heard the loft door open. I turned the TV and VCR off and looked up. Brian came in with a trick in tow. He seemed surprised that I was there. But not angry. That's a good sign. I leaned back on my arms and said, "Hi" in my sexiest drawl.

Brian directed the trick to the bedroom and walked toward me. "What are you doing here?"

I smiled. "Uh, I live here…"

"Who says?"

"You."

He raised an eyebrow.

"You told me that I needed to decide where I wanted to be. I did."

He just stared at me.

In a playful voice, I said, "So…don't let me interrupt. I have a project to work on."

That really surprised him.

Brian's POV

My eyes widened in shock. What game was he playing? It almost felt like date night. I walked to the bedroom with a smile, tossing my coat on the floor as I entered. I stopped by the bathroom and turned around, so Justin could see me. He was now on the couch with his sketch pad on his lap and a charcoal pencil in his hand. But he was watching me. The trick approached, trying to kiss me. I turned my face away and pushed his head down. He got the idea. He kneeled, unbuttoned my jeans, and pulled them down. Justin drew his tongue across his bottom lip when the trick started sucking my cock. Justin stared at me for a couple of minutes, his eyes darkening with desire, all the while nibbling and gently sucking his pencil. I licked my lips. I really wanted to be that pencil. Justin smiled and then started drawing. A few minutes later, he tossed his sketch pad and pencil on the table and stood up. He took off his shirt and let it drop. The shirt knocked the pencil off the table, sending it skittering across the floor. Justin bent over to pick it up, giving me a great view of his tight little ass. God, could those jeans be any tighter? I threaded my fingers in the trick's hair and started fucking his mouth. Once the wayward pencil had been secured, Justin headed toward the bedroom, unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans as he walked. When he reached the bed, he pushed down his jeans and wriggled out of them. He stood there a moment, raising an eyebrow as I openly stared at his hard, dripping cock. The sight of him sent me over the edge. I started moaning as he walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Suddenly, I felt dirty.

"Thanks for the blow job," I said as I ushered the trick out and locked the door.

Yes, I felt dirty. Filthy even.

***********************************

Justin's POV

That's how I wish it happened. The truth is, Brian was not amused by my presence at the loft that night. He didn't even ask what I was doing there. He just tossed my coat at me and grabbed my arm, pushing me out the door. Then as I sat by the elevator, he fucked that trick. Later, as that one left, another arrived. Same deal a half hour after that. It was Grand Fucking Central. When tricks number six and seven appeared, I lost patience. Apparently, he was doing them two at a time now. One of the tricks knocked, and Brian slid the door open. I stood up, pushed them out of the way, and walked in.

"I thought I told you to get lost."

Annoyed, I snapped, "When has that ever worked?"

Brian just stared at me.

"I know I screwed up. But last night…"

"You think that meant something to me? You're a great fuck. You always have been." Grinning cruelly, he continued, "Always so eager to please. In fact, out of all my tricks, I think you give the best head. I wasn't about to send you away, but that doesn't mean I want you hanging around. Why don't you go back to the fiddler?"

I knew that what he was saying was bullshit, well, except the part about me giving great head, but it still hurt to hear. So much that I couldn't prevent tears from filling my eyes. I pictured us at the prom and Brian at the hospital as I fought the urge to kick him in the nuts.

"I broke up with him. I told him that I love yous and romantic gestures only mean something when they come from the person you love and that, for me, that isn't him. That it never was."

Brian looked down. When he looked back up, his eyes had less steel in them.

"You can parade a million tricks through here, but it won't change a thing. I will still love and want only you."

That seemed to shock him.

I folded my arms and glared at him indignantly. "I'm not going anywhere. You want me to leave, you'll have to call the cops."

Brian sighed. "Fine, but you get the couch."