Phase Three
Chapter 9: The Things You Try to Tell Yourself
~.~
"The guy was hammered, okay?" Chandler said, attempting to console Monica at Ross's rehearsal dinner after a drunken guest had mistaken the two of them for Ross's parents. "There is no way you look like Ross's mother!"
"Then why would he say it?" Monica shot back defensively, downing her glass of wine.
"Because he's crazy, okay? Earlier, he came up and thanked me for my very moving performance in Titanic!"
"Oh, my mother's right," Monica sighed dejectedly. "I'm never going to get married."
Chandler touched her shoulder, still trying to console her. "That's…come on, who wouldn't want you?"
"Oh, please! I'm a single mom, with a thirty-year-old son!"
Chandler sighed, not sure how to reply to that. "Wanna get out of here?"
"Sure, but first," Monica paused, grabbing two drinks from the waiter who was walking by, "we're taking advantage of the open bar."
"Aren't your parents paying for all of this?" Chandler asked, taking the drink she had offered.
Monica nodded, "Exactly." She downed her drink, heading up to the bar for another. Chandler paused momentarily, shrugging before following close behind.
~.~
"So, Rach, why didn't you go to the wedding?" Phoebe asked, sitting across the kitchen table from Rachel.
"Because it's Ross. It would be weird," Rachel explained, flipping through a magazine entirely too quickly to actually be reading it.
Phoebe smirked at her. "You love him, don't you?"
"Ross?" Rachel laughed. "I mean, I still have those lingering, I-loved-you-once feelings for Ross, but," she shook her head. "I'm not in love with Ross."
"I wasn't talking about Ross," Phoebe continued, and Rachel stared at her in disbelief. "Oh, come on, Rachel…"
"I don't know," Rachel whispered.
"Well, then why aren't you over there with him? Why did you stay here?" Phoebe asked. "If anything, you just fully convinced Chandler that you are very much still in love with Ross, and not at all with him."
"I know," Rachel nodded, tears in her eyes. "It's just so complicated…"
"Why, why is it complicated?" Phoebe cut her off. "Ross is getting married. Married! He loves Emily. You love Chandler, not him. Chandler loves you-"
"You think Chandler loves me?" Rachel wiped at her eyes.
"Yes! It couldn't be more obvious!" Phoebe exclaimed. "But it's Chandler! You can't expect him to fix things when he screws up and make things work on his own! You have to hold his hand and walk him through it. You can't just let him go off to another country while he's still pouting over you-"
"He's pouting over me?"
"Did you just meet Chandler?" Phoebe looked at Rachel in disbelief. "Okay, I know it's Chandler, but, come on, I've been watching you guys for the past couple of months. Are you really just gonna let him go? Just like that?"
Rachel thought for a moment. Maybe Phoebe was right. Was she being just as immature as Chandler by not dealing with whatever they were, and just giving up on what could be something great? It was Chandler, and this was how Chandler acted, and she knew that going into it. She had just never thought about all of his relationship issues since the whole Ross issue seemed to be the biggest complication in their relationship or whatever the hell they were. But was it not worth trying? Was she just going to let it be over?
"No," Rachel finally said softly. "No," she repeated firmer, standing up. "Well, that settles it. I'm going to London. If nothing else, it'll be really good closure, right?"
"Right! Good for you!" Phoebe cheered her on.
"Oh my god, am I even going to make it?" she looked at the time. "What time is it over there? God I hope I can get a flight!" she ran into her room to pack, coming out minutes later pulling her suitcase, passport in hand. "I'm gonna do it!" she grinned. "I'm gonna prove I'm over Ross, and I'm going to apologize to Chandler and tell him-tell him I love him!"
"Go, go!" Phoebe motioned to the door. "And have fun! Oh, and bring me something! Oh, and take lots of pictures for me!" she yelled after Rachel as she walked out the door. "All in a day's work," Phoebe smiled, quite pleased with herself.
~.~
"Well," Monica said, stumbling into Chandler and Joey's hotel room with Chandler, her arm linked through his. "We sure showed them!"
"Showed who?" Chandler asked, confused.
"My mo-om!" Monica replied, as if it should have been obvious. "We drank all of her money!"
"And the bar downstairs, we sure showed them," Chandler added, "spending all of our money there!"
"You're funnier when you're drunk," Monica laughed at the joke, leaning into him more as she grabbed his arm to steady herself.
"Or, I'm funnier when you're drunk," he grinned, and she continued laughing.
"A-and we showed that stupid, drunker than us guy, who thought I was Ross's mom," Monica added, suddenly stopping laughing.
"Mon, you're not still upset 'bout that, are you?" Chandler asked, and Monica looked down. "Oh, come on," he grabbed her hand. "You do not look like Ross's mother. You-you were the most beautiful woman in the room tonight…"
Monica looked at him for a moment, trying to gauge, in her own drunkenness, how drunk he was. "Really?"
"Are you kidding? You're the most beautiful woman in most rooms-" Chandler was cut off as Monica wrapped her arms around him, kissing him passionately. He wrapped his arms around her, kissing back. Her hands were in his hair, slowly running through it. His hands were on her waist. Still kissing. Monica. Kissing Monica.
Shit, he was kissing Monica. And the small sober part of him that realized that, didn't stop him. This was something he (while he wouldn't have admitted it to anyone) had been dying to do forever. And it was happening. And Rachel didn't want him. Rachel still loved Ross, even if that was a moot point since he was getting married. Rachel didn't want him anymore. And for some reason, at that moment, Monica did.
And now she was going for his tie. And couldn't get it off. And was getting frustrated.
"Ties and alcohol don't play well together," Chandler said, nearly out of breath as he pulled back, and Monica smiled shyly. "How-how drunk are you?"
"How drunk are you?" she repeated back, still playing with the bottom of his tie.
"Fair enough," Chandler grinned, helping her with the tie as he loosened it, pulling it over his head. She then pushed his suit jacket off of his shoulders before they went back to kissing, moving slowly towards the bed. The slightly more sober part of his brain kept scolding him, saying she didn't smell like Rachel, and she didn't kiss like Rachel, and Rachel could always get his tie off. He pushed those thoughts aside, though, because Monica still smelled nice, and there was nothing wrong with the way she kissed, and, like he said, alcohol and ties don't play well together.
Mostly, though, he pushed all thoughts of Rachel out of his mind, because if Rachel didn't want him, he sure as hell didn't need her.
~.~
"Hello," Rachel was greeted by an overly-cheerful ticket agent at a ticket counter as she entered the airport, still running.
"Hello," Rachel smiled back. "When is your next flight to London?"
"Well," the lady typed a few things into the computer before looking back up. "There is a flight leaving in thirty minutes…"
"Oh, good!"
"And I do have one seat left."
"Thank you, thank you!" Rachel grinned, pulling out her wallet and passport.
"The last minute fare for this ticket is twenty seven hundred dollars."
Rachel dug through her wallet, shaking her head. "I just don't think I have enough left on my card…"
~.~
Chandler groaned inwardly as he woke up, not yet opening his eyes. The past night of the open bar at the rehearsal dinner, followed by the hotel bar, ran through his mind. He froze suddenly, remembering the rest of the night as Monica rolled closer, still asleep. He held his breath when she cuddled up next to him. What the hell was he supposed to do? Pretend to sleep till she woke up and left? Just get up and get ready? Wake her up and talk to her?
What exactly was the protocol for the morning after sleeping with one of your best friends/the sister of the man whose wedding you are the best man in/the best friend of the girl you just stopped seeing?
Chandler squeezed his eyes closed. There was no prior protocol for this situation. He wasn't sure even Joey would know the correct behavior. Well, no, Joey would probably just leave, but that was beside the point. At the sound of a keycard in the lock, Chandler shot up in bed, Monica's eyes opening wide. Joey was back. What the hell were they supposed to do now? As the door opened, Monica dove under the comforter, clinging to Chandler in hopes that it wouldn't be obvious she was there.
"I'm getting married today!" Ross shouted, opening the door. "Woo-hoo!"
"Morning, Ross," Chandler replied. How the hell did Ross have his key?
"I'm getting married, to-day!"
"Yea, ya are!" Chandler cheered him on, hoping he would just leave.
"A woo-hoo!" Ross yelled before turning to leave.
"Do you-do you think he knew I was here?" Monica shot up from under the covers the second he was gone, looking to Chandler for confirmation.
"I have no idea," Chandler shook his head. "I really don't think he would have just left if he knew, though."
"True," Monica nodded, running a hand through her hair. "Shit."
Chandler laughed out loud. "My thoughts exactly."
"We were really drunk last night."
"Really drunk," Chandler agreed.
"We-we really shouldn't have…"
"Probably not," Chandler again agreed.
"I-I should get going," Monica moved to get up. "Can you not look?" she asked, clinging to the blanket in front of her.
"I don't wanna look," Chandler looked away as she got up. "I'll-I'll see you later then?"
"Yea, I'll see you later," Monica quickly pulled her dress on, holding her heels in her hands. "If we have to walk down the aisle together in a few hours, we should probably just pretend this didn't happen…"
Chandler swallowed the knot in his throat at the uncanny resemblance to an earlier situation. "What never happened?" he forced a smile.
"Well, bye, then," Monica smiled back, opening the door a crack to make sure the coast was clear before darting across the hall to her own room.
~.~
"Hey," Chandler smiled awkwardly as Monica linked her arm through his, waiting for Joey and another bridesmaid to get to the end of the aisle before starting to walk.
"Hey," Monica echoed.
"So, what we did last night, was…"
"Stupid," Monica finished for him in a whisper as they began walking down the aisle.
"Totally crazy, stupid," Chandler agreed.
"What were we thinking?" Monica forced a laugh. "I'm still coming over tonight, though, right?" Monica asked, to which Chandler hesitated, simply giving a smile as they parted ways at the end of the aisle.
Looking around the church as Emily started walking down the aisle, Chandler's breath caught in his throat. "When did Rachel show up?" he hissed to Joey.
"I dunno, she talked to Ross before the ceremony. Why?" Joey whispered back. Ross shot them both a dirty look for talking during the ceremony. Chandler just shook his head in response to Joey, glancing at Rachel before looking back to Ross and Emily, who were now both standing at the alter.
"Friends, family," the officiant began. "We are gathered to celebrate here today, the joyous union of Ross and Emily. May the happiness we share with them today be with them always. Now Emily, repeat after me. I, Emily..."
"I, Emily…"
"Take thee, Ross..."
"Take thee, Ross..."
"As my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, till death parts us."
"As my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, till death parts us," Emily finished, smiling at Ross.
"Now, Ross, repeat after me. I, Ross…"
"I, Ross…"
"Take thee, Emily…"
"Take thee, Rachel…" Ross trailed off, everyone looking around the room in shock. Chandler's heart sank. Not so much a moot point that she loved him, then. "Oh my god, Emily. Emily," Ross repeated, realizing his mistake.
The officiant turned to Emily, not sure what to do. "Shall I go on?"
~.~
Chandler slid his keycard, quickly opening his hotel room door. He had about three minutes until Monica was meeting him there. Rachel loved Ross, Ross loved Rachel, so why not let whatever was going to happen with Monica happen? He walked into the room, but quickly froze when he realized he wasn't alone.
"Hey," Rachel whispered. Chandler just nodded. "I got a key from Joey so I didn't have to go to the reception. Kinda awkward," she forced a laugh, but he just raised his eyebrows. "You're still mad at me."
"Why would I be mad at you?" Chandler asked coldly.
"Chandler, come on."
"What, did you come here to get Ross back, is that it? Because he said your name at his wedding. Good job," Chandler nodded, walking back to the door.
"No, Chandler, wait," Rachel ran over to him, blocking the door. "I-that's-that's not why I came…"
"Why did you come, then?" Chandler asked, trying to move around her to leave. Instead of answering, though, she threw herself at him, and before he knew it, she was kissing him, his back pressed up against the door. Chandler completely melted, despite alarm bells going off in his head. As much as he had loved kissing Monica, kissing Rachel was so much…more. It made his knees buckle in a way he thought was only possible in old black and white movies. It was infuriating in the best way possible. That was the only way to put it. Infuriating. While there was nothing wrong with being with Monica, in fact, it was pretty damn amazing, being with Rachel…just didn't compare. Completely different.
He could see the future now. Making a pro/con list. The only con on Monica's side? Not Rachem. Rachel getting hurt. Monica getting hurt. Him getting hurt. Ross being pissed. Him possibly being physically hurt as well. More alarm bells.
"Rachel, no, no, I can't," Chandler finally pulled back, out of breath.
"Why not?" Rachel asked, looking hurt.
"I-I, last night," Chandler took a deep breath. "Last night," he breathed out, "I-I slept with Monica," he finally whispered, and Rachel stumbled backwards a couple of steps.
"You what?" Rachel whispered, trying to keep her voice from trembling. "So, you came up here looking for her, not me?" she asked quietly, and he nodded slowly.
"Don't look hurt," Chandler spit out. "You-you broke up with me, twice! You made it clear that we were over, not once, but twice!" he pointed out, and Rachel bit her bottom lip, nodding. "You stayed home instead of coming here! What the hell was all of that supposed to mean to me?" Chandler yelled, but then sighed. "Rach," his voice softened as he touched her arm, and despite how much he just wanted to be mad at her, his heart couldn't help but breaking at the hurt look on her face.
"No, no, it's fine. We're fine," she shrugged away from his touch. "You said it yourself, I ended it, twice," she nodded, looking towards the door as it opened.
"Oh, Rach," Monica rushed over to her. "Are you okay?" she asked, wrapping her arms around Rachel in a hug, assuming that Rachel was crying because of what happened at the wedding.
"I'll be fine," Rachel hugged her momentarily before pulling back. "I-I think I'm gonna go, though. I don't feel very, uh, wanted here anymore," Rachel glanced at Chandler before looking down. "I might just go see if I can get on a flight home still tonight," she sighed.
"Are you sure? You can stay in my room tonight," Monica offered, rubbing her arm.
Rachel shook her head. "No. No, I think I just need to go home," she sighed. "I-I'll see you guys back in New York," she said softly, pulling her suitcase with her as she headed out the door.
"Bye, Rach," Monica called after her.
"Bye," Chandler forced himself to speak, swallowing the knot in his throat. What the hell had he gotten himself into?
"Hey," Monica smiled at Chandler once the door closed, walking over to him.
"Hey," he forced a smile back, his mind still on Rachel and the look on her face before she walked out the door. "Look-"
"Emily took off!" Joey burst into the room.
"What?" Monica asked.
"She crawled out the bathroom window!" he exclaimed, looking around. "Hey, where did Rachel go? I sent her up here like half an hour ago."
"She left. She wanted to be alone," Chandler explained, and Joey nodded.
"Anyway, Ross is a mess," Joey continued. "You guys should really come try to talk to him, maybe help him look for Emily," he motioned for the two of them to follow as he walked out the door. Monica shot Chandler an apologetic smile, sorry for the interruption, which he tried his best to return.
Truth was, he couldn't have been happier for an interruption.