A/N Hi everybody, so I know I already added two chapters today, but I got two reviews and realized that people are actually reading this!! I'm shocked, and really grateful. This chapter is dedicated to Mimi-Love-4ever because her review is what inspired me to post this tonight.
If you're looking for a great story I recommend her story "Your Guardian Angel" It has a really fantastic story line.
Disclaimer: Guess what, I don't own Twilight or any of the cool characters or places (such as Forks). I know, shocker right? We can thank Ms. Meyer for those (and I'm not referring to Rachel ;)
Thanks for reading!
Chapter 7 – EPOV
School was a thousand times more monotonous and tedious than usual because I was dying to see Bella again. My brothers and sisters had taken Rosalie's car so that I would be free to race off to the hospital to see Bella as soon as school was over. Alice had begged me to take her to see Bella today as well, but I decided it wasn't a good idea to overwhelm Bella so soon after being reunited.
Rosalie's bright red BMW seven series convertible sped off in the direction of the house and I continued along the road toward the hospital. Rosalie had always preferred BMW and she had the finest taste in sports cars, that piece of machinery, her newest acquisition was no exception. Rosalie had mixed emotions about Bella returning to my life. Long ago she had felt many shades of jealousy toward Bella. She was jealous that somehow, Bella, a mere human, had grabbed my attention in a way that her own vampire beauty never could. It wasn't that Rosalie even wanted my attentions for any reason other than vanity, she was simply not used to not being worshipped and adored by every man that walked the planet. Rose was also jealous of Bella's humanity. Rose wanted to be human again more than anything in the world, she didn't like that Bella was so willing to throw away her humanity to be with me forever, to be transformed into a bloodthirsty creature of the night.
These old prejudices haunted Rosalie still, but she worried now in the same way Esme had been worrying yesterday. It was almost touching to me when I discovered that Rosalie actually cared about somebody besides herself. I heard her brooding over the situation last night and I was shocked. Rose didn't want me to get hurt again. She clearly saw the pain I had been facing the past fifty years, and she felt sorry for me. She actually wanted me to be happy, and for that reason she was glad that I had once again found my source of peace and joy in this world. At the same time she hated to think of what I would be like when Bella died of the cancer which confined her to the hospital at present. I couldn't blame her for that, but the only option Rose could come up with was changing Bella into a vampire herself, a subject that was completely taboo, even in the thoughts of my family.
My whole family knew my stance on changing Bella into one of us. They had known it ever since I decided we had to leave Forks to save her. I refused to steal Bella's soul so that I could enjoy her company for the rest of eternity. That would be the epitome of selfishness. At the time Rose had been on my side. Not about leaving Forks, she had been furious about leaving Forks, but she agreed that we should leave Bella human. She thought Bella didn't value her humanity nearly enough, and she was right about that much.
The taboo subject had hardly even passed into the subconscious minds of the rest of my family before they dismissed it. They knew I wouldn't change her, so all they had was worry, no solutions to offer. I continued speeding to the hospital and parked near the cancer ward this time. I gave my information to the parking computer and the generic female voice programmed into the system welcomed me once again to the hospital.
I went straight to the cancer ward this time, heading for the floor where Esme worked. I strolled past the nurse's lounge anxious to see my Bella again but the thoughts of the social worker, Augusta Christianson deep in conversation with Dr. Minor met my ears. What was the pair of Bella's caretakers doing in the nurse's lounge? I hid around the corner and listened in closely to Augusta's thoughts. "So what you're saying doctor, is it is possible? Rachel's heart is small enough to fit Christy's body. The transplant could be done." Christy would be saved! She could come home! This is the answer I've been waiting for.
I stared at the white walls in front of me in horror. This Augusta woman was planning on taking my Bella's perfect heart and replacing it with a diseased one, something that would undoubtedly kill her faster. I couldn't allow this to happen. I would protect Bella at all costs. I had been counting on those six months and I could not allow Augusta to steal my borrowed time! My initial shock at what I was hearing completely captured my consciousness and I nearly forgot about the conversation I had been eavesdropping on.
"Well yes. Rachel's heart is in fine condition and it is the perfect size for Christy, simply a few millimeters difference in size. But I don't think I can perform that surgery, not only are there moral obligations which I need to uphold, but it is a very difficult operation." Mostly I can't stand behind a decision to sacrifice one child to save another.
I knew I liked this Dr. Minor. He would not let Augusta have her way with Bella. Maybe I would see if I could boost his annual salary or give him a nice Christmas bonus.
"But doctor, Christy needs a new heart. She'll die if she doesn't get one soon. Don't you see, if you don't do the surgery, you'll be letting both girls die! Doctor, you have the power to save one of them. Please! Don't let Christy die!"
Augusta was growing hysterical. Her thoughts were hardly coherent and Dr. Minor was shaken by her pleas, a mother's attempt to save her child. Maybe I could do the transplant, they could switch hearts. Rachel is going to die either way. The transplant probably won't even speed the process that much.
All thoughts of a Christmas bonus immediately evaporated from my mind. Dr. Minor was a traitor.
But no, no the risks are too high. Rachel could die right there in the operating room. Or I could end up killing both girls. We need somebody with more experience. "Look Augusta, I told you I can't do the surgery. I have little experience with transplant operations, the risks are too high," Dr. Minor concluded.
"Doctor, please remember that Rachel is dying anyway. There's nobody here to mourn her death, if it happens sooner than later, there's nobody to protest," Augusta reasoned.
My teeth mashed together. If she thought there was nobody here who cared for Bella, she had another thing coming. Dr. Minor's faced hardened, he did not approve of Augusta's rationalizations. "Augusta, I believe it is your job to protest that sort of thing exactly."
I saw through Dr. Minor's mind Augusta's face fell heavily. Tears filled her eyes and I heard the desperation in her thoughts. "Please Jerry. I come to you as a friend. We've known each other for more than a decade. Please don't let my little girl die. There has to be something you can do," Augusta begged.
Doctor Gerald Minor's face softened and I recognized some more traitorous thoughts seeping into his consciousness. "As Rachel's caretaker, you have the right to authorize a transplant surgery. I refuse to allow any doctor to operate on her though, without her permission," Augusta nodded. She looked relieved and she imagined bringing Christy home finally. She listened attentively, "There is a somewhat new doctor who works on the east wing of the hospital," Dr. Minor continued, "I've spoken with him once or twice, and I must admit he is a very brilliant doctor. He has performed risky transplant surgeries before with great success and if anyone at this hospital could safely perform this surgery it would be him."
I was horrified as an image of my father's face filled Dr. Minor's mind. How dare he think of asking my father to help in their scheme of ending Bella's life? It was outrageous and I knew my father would not agree to it, but I was fuming nonetheless.
"What's his name?" asked Augusta cautiously, "Do I know him?"
"His name is Dr. Carlisle Cullen," he replied, "His wife is a nurse on this floor, so you may have seen him around."
"Right, I know who he is. His wife's name is Esme. She's wonderful with the children, Christy adores her." He has to do it. He has to save my Christy. What will Esme think of this? She wants to find Christy a replacement heart too. Maybe she'll help me convince her husband.
Thinking of Esme, I could now hear her thoughts radiating from a room almost near the end of the hall. She was talking with Bella. My fury at these alleged caretakers was replaced by jealousy. Esme was able to go talk to Bella whenever she wanted. She didn't have to leave Bella during the day to go to school, it wasn't fair. Having had enough of the atrocious conversation taking place in the nurse's lounge, I walked at a quick human pace to the room where my mother and Bella were talking. I knocked on the door and considered taking up a work-study program at the hospital. Usually Glen Ellyn Hills only let seniors participate in these programs, but I was certain that I could be convincing enough to gain entrance to one of the programs offered at my school.
"Come in," I heard my love call. I tried to make sure the grimace I had been wearing while I listened to Augusta Christianson and Dr. Minor talking was wiped from my face, and then obliged. "Edward," she smiled, before I was all the way through the door, "You came back!"
"Of course I did, silly Bella. I told you I would," her excitement and uncertainty were utterly ridiculous. How could I not come back?
"I know, I just—," she cut off as a light blush colored her face. Esme smiled at her knowingly.
"Oh come now, Bella," Esme began lightly, "You can't expect our dear Edward to stay away from you for too long," she joked. She's searching for answers Edward. I don't know how much you want to tell her, but I support you no matter your decision.
I nodded in acknowledgement to Esme's warning. I was glad for the support and thrilled that Esme had accepted Bella once again, to the point of calling her Bella instead of Rachel.
"Well I have to head out now," Esme said suddenly, "I have tons of patients to attend to. You kids have fun." Esme smiled with all of her motherly warmth. One more thing Edward, I'm sorry I was so hard on you yesterday afternoon. I just don't want to see you get hurt, but this is Bella, there's no doubt about that. I'm overjoyed to have her back in our lives; I just wish it was longer. Esme gracefully walked to the door. Oh and Edward, I loved the new song you made. You should bring Bella over sometime and play it for her.
I nodded inconspicuously and smiled some more. I would have loved nothing more than to bring Bella by the house and play for her. I wondered who I should speak to in order to set up some sort of home visit.
As Esme exited the room, I sat quietly at the edge of Bella's bed. Her smile was joyous and I assumed it had to be an exact replica of mine.
"So how was your day today," I began conversationally, finally remembering that I needed to speak. She laughed at my completely ordinary attempt at small talk. Her features were even more radiant when she laughed.
"Nothing spectacular," she grinned, "And how about yours? Anything interesting?"
"Nothing until a few minutes ago," I admitted. I felt my smile contort slightly as I remembered the loathsome conversation I had borne witness to shortly before entering the room.
Of course she noticed, "Edward what's wrong? What happened?" she asked, concern coloring her face.
"Nothing," I nearly growled.
"Edward," she demanded reproachfully, "Tell me."
I stared at her for a few moments and saw the resolve on her face. She wasn't about to allow me to get away with not telling her. "It's just something I heard Mrs. Christianson talking about. It's nothing you need to worry about," I admitted.
"Was it about me?" she guessed.
My lips formed a hard line and I nodded.
"Edward I know it's hard, and I'm sorry you have to go through this now. But can you tell me what she said?"
"It seems her daugher, Christy is in need of a heart transplant. Her heart disease is very serious, and a transplant is the only way to save her," I said, hoping this was enough to assuage her curiosity, I wasn't sure I could bear to say the rest out loud.
Bella nodded knowingly and I felt annoyed that I was unable to hear what she was thinking, so I continued in an attempt to drag the thoughts out of her.
"Bella did you already know that Augusta had somebody in mind for the transplant?"
Now Bella nodded guiltily and I was appalled. What I wouldn't have given to hear her thoughts at that moment.
"Please Bella," I begged, "Tell me you are not okay with Augusta's plan to give you her daughter's sick heart. Bella, that's suicide!"
She cringed at my words and her face fell so that her hair covered it completely, blocking her eyes from my view. I immediately felt guilty about what I said, but thiss I could not allow. I had been without her beautiful eyes and face for what felt like an eternity already, so I again lifted her chin so that she was looking me in the eye. "Tell me what you're thinking," I begged, letting my face soften a bit as I spoke.
"I'm so sorry, Edward. I never meant to hurt you, but Christy's my friend and she needs a new heart," she grabbed my hand in an attempt to make me understand, then she spoke softly, "Edward, I'm going to die no matter what. What use will I have for my heart then? When I found out that they were having such a hard time finding a heart for Christy, I convinced Mrs. Christianson to consider using mine. She was hesitant at first, but she eventually agreed that it was best to save at least one person if we could, especially since I wasn't leaving anyone behind, or I didn't think so at the time—," Bella cut off when she saw the agonized, infuriated look on my face.
"Bella--," I began but couldn't bring myself to accept what she had just said, "Bella, please don't tell me that this was your idea," I pleaded with her. The look on her face was miserable but I refused to believe it. Bella had actually convinced this woman to take her heart. Bella's selflessness and lack of self preservation knew no bounds. But what she didn't realize was that by allowing Mrs. Christianson to strip her of her perfect heart, she was giving away mine too.
"Edward, I'm so sorry. I didn't know I would actually get to meet you. I thought you were a figment of my imagination. I'm so, so sorry, but I have to do this. She's my friend. I can't just let her die, not if I can save her!"
"But Bella, I love you, so by what measure do you think that I would just let you die, if I had the power to save you?" I countered.
"You love me?" she asked, completely sidetracked as a smile threatened to occupy her face.
"Of course I do silly. Did I not tell you that your dreams were more than dreams? They're memories Bella."
"I don't understand how that's possible," she admitted, "I feel like I'm recovering from a case of amnesia."
I smiled at her analogy. "I suppose you sort of are," I said thoughtfully, "But what I don't understand is how you can expect me to just sit by and let you die," I said, the anger returning to my features.
"Edward the difference is you don't have the power to save me. There's nothing you can do because no matter what this cancer is going to kill me. Unless you can convince my heart to keep beating without my brain's knowledge, or you know of some other way to sustain life, there's nothing you can do, I'm sorry."
At that moment there was a knock at the door. I heard Carlisle's bewildered thoughts from the other side of the door, but it wasn't because of the argument that was ensuing within the room. Apparently Augusta had tracked him down already and talked to him about the surgery. He hadn't given her a definitive answer and that scared me. He couldn't really be considering following through with this? I was mortified.
"Come in," I heard Bella call, but I was too wrapped up in my own thoughts. Carlisle walked into the room and I witnessed the spark of recognition that crossed Bella's face. Carlisle gave me a meaningful look. I'm not sure if you're aware of Bella's plans with Christy?
I didn't make eye contact as I nodded, but Bella seemed to notice the communication nonetheless. Why did she have to be so perceptive? Carlisle's thoughts filled my mind again. Well I suppose you're taking it better than I would have thought. I looked to my left and then to my right and Bella's eyes narrowed. The communication was certainly not lost on her.
"Hello Rachel," Carlisle finally addressed her. She met his eyes and I could see her putting together the puzzle in her mind. "How are you this afternoon? Would you mind if I spoke with you for a few minutes?"
Finally I saw the pieces click together, and she spoke in a barely audibly whisper, "Carlisle?" He gasped, then both of them looked at me questioningly and I simply shrugged. Who was I to explain the workings of Bella's mind?
"Do you remember me?" he asked tentatively.
She smiled and he beamed at her. What a miracle, Edward this is a miracle. It's really Bella! She remembers you, and now she remembers me! I can hardly believe this!
"You can call me Bella, if you'd like," she said penisvely, probably remembering some dream in which Carlisle had played a role.
"Of course, Bella," he laughed, enjoying the reunion, "But I need to talk to you, Edward, perhaps you should leave the room?"
"No Carlisle, it's okay," she said, "I have a feeling that whatever you have to say, Edward will find out eventually, so you might as well tell him now so nobody has to repeat anything," she gave me an adoring smile and my heart melted. I knew that I couldn't be mad at her. It was her nature to sacrifice herself and her own needs for others. I would simply have to live with the consequences of her choice.
"Alright," he began, full physician mode taking over, "Mrs. Augusta Christianson, your designated guardian has alerted me to the fact that you are interested in a heart transplant operation in order to provide a new heart to a Miss Christina Christianson, her daughter," Carlisle paused and glanced in my direction to see how I was taking this information. I didn't even try to smile as I let my head fall forward onto my chest. Bella grabbed my hand to give me support. She never seemed too surprised or the least bit uncomfortable with the cool temperature of my hand. I met her eyes as she smiled and then began tracing little circles on my palm. It reminded me of our time long ago in our meadow just outside of Forks.
"Bella, you do understand the risks involved with this surgery?" Carlisle asked.
"Yes. I realize that the heart condition that is affecting Christy will be transferred to me with the surgery. I imagine that should significantly shorten my life expectancy," she tried to joke with no humor.
"Bella I'm not your primary caregiver, or your legal guardian, but know that I care about you greatly," I noted that he was back in father mode. "I've known you for a long time, and I thought you were dead once. It was difficult for me to bear the pain of that, especially coupled with the pain that Edward faced when we lost you. But I will respect your decision no matter what. I will perform the surgery, and I will do my best to save the little girl, and I will do all that I can to keep your new heart beating as well. I promise you that much. Now I ask you, as a father, as a friend, and as a doctor, are you sure about this decision?"
She gave me one sad look of apology before answering. "Yes, Carlisle," she said, "I'm completely resolved."
If I could have cried, I probably would have. I let the news of my love's imminent demise surround me and pull at the strings to my sanity. Carlisle had agreed to perform the surgery and remove Bella's heart and to replace it with a dying one, I couldn't move. My father was allowing this to happen, Bella was allowing this to happen, and I was expected to allow this to happen.
Back in doctor mode, Carlisle began to explain the logistics of the surgery and the time frame in which we could expect it to take place. "Miss Christianson's condition is failing quickly. She was actually unable to leave her bed today when asked by the nurses. I fear she is in a great deal of pain. The surgery will need to take place within the next few days; I'd say two weeks tops.
"I spoke to Dr. Minor right after I got done with Mrs. Christianson, and he thinks that if she slips into a coma for too long, then she will never recover whether she has a new heart or not. Now Bella, you will need to get plenty of rest and continue your normal routine of shots and medicines. The chemotherapy you had scheduled for Monday will have to be postponed until after the surgery. We'll determine which treatments to continue with after the transplant is complete. Most likely your primary treatment will be to fight the heart disease rather than the brain cancer."
Bella simply nodded. I didn't realize I had stopped breathing until Carlisle silently prompted me: Breathe son, you're being too still for a human.
"Now Bella, I'm going to speak with Dr. Minor and your nurses about scheduling a few home visits before the surgery," he didn't say it but I heard where his thoughts were headed. He didn't want Bella to have to spend her final days cooped up in a cold, hospital room.
"That's quite alright Carlisle," she said softly, "I have nowhere to go."
I looked at her incredulously. "You'll come to our house of course," I finally spoke.
"Yes of course, Bella," Carlisle agreed, "Our home is your home, it always has been."
It was Bella's turn to stare incredulously. "I don't know what to say," she admitted shyly, "That would be wonderful, thank you so much." She quieted for a moment and I waited for her to speak the thoughts I couldn't hear directly. "Carlisle can I ask you one more question?"
I recognized that tone. Curiosity would have been the death of Bella in the same fashion as the clichéd cat, if not for the cancer.
"You mentioned something about losing me once before," she started.
Oh no, perhaps I have divulged too much. Carlisle thought, knowing what she was about to ask.
"Edward told me that the dreams I've been having for the past few years about your family are actually memories," she continued, "What happened? I don't remember losing you. When did it happen? It couldn't have been during my lifetime because the clothing in my dreams is so old fashioned, but I don't understand how you all look the same exact age as you did in my memories. I feel like I have some sort of amnesia and I'm beginning to see bits and pieces of my life. Little things bring back memories, but I don't understand and Edward won't tell me. What does that make me? What does that make you? What—." Carlisle eventually stopped her torrent of questions.
"Bella, I believe you asked for one question," he chuckled, "It's not my place to answer these for you." He glanced at me quickly. But I really think that you should tell her, and soon, Edward. Make her last days enjoyable. She didn't run away last time, she's not going to run away again, but right now it seems like the poor girl's head is about to explode. I peered at the ceiling then at the floor in a motion of acknowledgement, which again was not lost on Bella. She removed her hand from mine and crossed it with her other across her chest, clearly frustrated. She was so cute when she was irritated.
"I will offer you a little help in solving this mystery though," Carlisle added to my dismay, "Tell me first everything that you know."
Bella perked up slightly but left her arms crossed, "Well I know that you are Carlisle Cullen, your wife is Esme Cullen and Edward is your adopted son. Edward's sister's name is Alice Cullen, and I believe there are two or three other siblings whose names I can't remember. I think there's a large one named Emmett."
He smiled in approval, so she continued quickly, "I know you all have golden eyes, I've seen Edward's eyes change shades because the first time I saw him, they were darker, almost black. You are all stunningly beautiful and you speak as though you are from a different era. You also seem to be able to communicate without speaking."
Carlisle was shocked at how observant Bella was, and he decided to correct her lone misconception. "That's only with Edward," he said. She smiled and uncrossed her arms when she realized that he was really going to humor her by acknowledging her reflections. "Not everyone in the family can communicate without speaking."
She analyzed that information for a moment, considering the possible implications as she bit her lip. She quickly remembered that she was listing what she knew already and continued with the inventory. "I know that you all know me and care for me, though I'm not sure why about that yet. I also know that the dream memories that I have make sense to you, though they only serve to confuse me. I know that Edward loves me. And I know that I love him back. The only other thing that I know is that I'm missing something very important which would probably help this to make sense to me. Oh and I also know that I sound completely crazy right now, and I don't even care."
Carlisle smiled patiently as Bella finished her speech. It must be killing you that you can't read her mind. I nodded and Bella looked back and forth between the two of us as she began chewing on her lip once again. "Well it seems like you have quite a lot figured out so far, I don't know what help I have to offer," Carlisle spied the stack of books lying on the nightstand and casually walked over as if he couldn't read the titles on the spines from across the room. "May I?" he asked as he carefully removed one of the books from the pile. Bella watched him curiously and I watched him suspiciously. I knew Dracula was not a random book in that pile.
"Of course, I'm not entirely sure where those books came from actually, Edward?" she asked as she glanced back in my direction, "Did you leave those here last night?"
I smiled, "I thought you might enjoy some of the classics you loved long ago. I brought a few of your favorites and added a couple others in case you hadn't gotten around to reading them previously."
"Thank you," she said sheepishly, "You shouldn't have done that, I didn't get anything for you."
"Nonsense, it was my pleasure," I admitted, and I flashed her a crooked grin, "How many of those have you read?"
"Well like I said, I was pretty sure that Stephanie passed her love of ancient classics on to me, so I've actually read all of them, and you really did pick some of my absolute favorites."
I wasn't too disappointed that she had read them all. I wasn't entirely positive about how much time she would have left for reading anyway. "Jane Austen and Wuthering Heights, right?"
She smiled and nodded. "There's one more which always intrigued me, though I never fully understood why."
"Oh?" I asked. Completely engrossed in learning about the novels she treasured. I had all but forgotten about Carlisle as he stood in the corner examining the books, as if he had never heard of the titles, or had never seen a book for that matter.
"Dracula," she said quietly, glancing back at Carlisle, "There was always something about that book which made me feel like I was missing something. Like there was more to it than meets the eye."
I stared at her in disbelief, and she took that as confirmation. Carlisle carefully placed the copy of Dracula which he was examining, back on top of the pile. "Well kids, I have some people to talk to before I head home tonight. Edward, if you give me your keys, I'll have Esme move your car out of the visitors section so it isn't towed?"
Very nice Carlisle, I thought wryly. He all but came right out and told her that we were a coven of vampires, and now he was going to leave me alone to figure out how to explain this to ever curious Bella correctly.
He smiled at me conspiratorially, and I rolled my eyes. Good luck Edward, he thought. I almost rolled them again.
After he left Bella met my eyes. Her mouth was a levy holding in the thousands of questions I saw in those chocolate depths. Finally she asked yet again, "Edward, how old are you?"
I laughed and replied easily, "Seventeen."
"And how long have you been seventeen," she repeated her question from the previous night.
"Fifty four years longer than the last time you asked me these questions," I responded finally, giving her at least one answer, "So, a long time."