A/N Hello again readers! Hope you are enjoying the story so far! (Feel free to review or message me even if you hate it, I haven't had any hate mail before, but that would be interesting). Has everybody read Edward's Eclipse and Eternity Dawning by PoweredbyStarlight? Those are the first fanfics I ever read, and if you like reading Twilight from Edward's POV you will love them!
Disclaimer: Obviously you can all tell by now that I am not Stephanie Meyer, I'm not earning anything by posting this and I only wanted to share my love of twisting a great story with the world of fanfiction.
Chapter 11- EPOV
The kiss was like our first kiss all over again, only I was prepared this time. I felt confident that I would be able to control my demon desire to harm her and I held her arms tightly by her sides so that she wouldn't be able to reach up and try to take charge of the kiss as she had before. Unfortunately her accelerated heart rate caused her to faint. This was also not completely unexpected so I was more than ready to catch her before she could fall.
To make matters worse I heard Esme's alarmed thoughts behind me before she voiced her distress out loud. "Bella! Bella honey!" she shouted, bringing the whole episode to Carlisle's attention who flitted to our sides in half a second.
Oh my, he thought anxiously, Edward what happened?
Bella's eyes slowly opened in response to Esme's pleas and her face colored beautifully but heavily as she took in her surroundings, I was holding her bridal style with Carlisle and Esme hovering in her face. I heard both Carlisle's and Esme's thoughts and sighs of relief as I placed Bella back on her feet.
"Um, Edward honey, please, what happened?" asked Esme with concern filling her every thought and feature. Carlisle's face and mind held the same sentiments though he was busy trying to relate spontaneous fainting to her illness.
I completely ignored them, but addressed Bella, whose face had become impossibly redder with Esme's question. "I suppose I shouldn't do that again," I stated with all the fake seriousness I could muster.
"No!" she exclaimed without thinking and her embarrassment only grew, to my amusement. "I mean, there's no need to take drastic measures. Just perhaps a bit of warning next time would suffice," she finished, allowing her long dark hair to fall forward, covering her beautiful red face. Carlisle and Esme were beyond the point of confusion. They were trying to figure out what I had done to Bella and they were impatiently waiting for me to tell them what on Earth was going on. I decided to show them, rather than force Bella to explain the situation.
I gently placed two fingers under her chin, and carefully lifted her chin so that she was staring at me in the eye. "Bella," I said, allowing a crooked half smile to distort my face. Her heart rate began picking up again and her eyes became unfocused. "I'm going to kiss you again, please do not pass out this time. I don't want to worry Carlisle and Esme any further." Carlisle and Esme immediately understood and politely stifled their laughs so that Bella wouldn't hear them as they snuck away. I held her beautiful heart shaped face in my hands ever so gently, keeping in mind that she was incredibly breakable. I swooped in for a quick kiss that would hopefully keep her on her feet this time.
After showing Bella around the majority of the first floor with stops in the living room, kitchen, and Jasper's library, there was only one room left on the first floor, the sizeable family room/ dining room. Esme and Carlisle had vanished again to continue making Bella an early lunch and I reveled in the time we had alone. We had been standing outside the family room/dining room during our kiss, but now I held the door and let Bella stroll into the large room before me, immediately she gasped.
Before I could panic, I searched out the item that had elicited the gasp. I felt cleverly obtuse when I realized that she probably remembered the enormous old piano standing before her. It was the very one I had played for her fifty three years ago.
"Your piano," she whispered, completely frozen in place.
I smiled and let my fingers lightly trail up and down the arm I still had clutched in mine until I once again reached her hand. I enjoyed the tingly sensation that accompanied any physical contact we made, but I worried that I might be making her too cold when I saw the trail of goose bumps that followed my fingertips down her arm. I intertwined our fingers playfully, but she just stared at the motions my hand made in what seemed to be amazement. "Would you like me to play for you?" I finally asked in a quiet tone, wary of disrupting her thoughts.
Her strong gaze steadily made its way up to meet my eyes and held me for an indiscernible amount of time. I watched as her pupils began to dilate ever so slightly and I heard her heart beat begin to pick up speed once again. I began to wonder if she was finally beginning to feel the fear that had evaded her for so long already. Then to my utter shock and horror, a tear bubbled over the side of her right eye and trailed down her face.
I dropped her hand so as not to frighten her any more and took a step back to give her some space. "Bella what's wrong?" I begged. What I wouldn't have given to hear her thoughts at that moment.
She said nothing, but closed the gap between us and wrapped her arms around me in a soft embrace. Confused, I lightly kissed the top of her head and all but buried my face in the lovely strawberry scent of her shampoo. I inhaled contentedly until she released me and allowed her curiously tear filled eyes to meet mine.
"I would love that," she finally whispered in an emotional voice. So I lead her over to the piano bench so that she could sit beside me as I played.
I played first the lullaby which she had inspired once upon a time. It morphed easily into the livelier tune I had rewritten since meeting her again and she smiled a teary smile at the new upbeat song. Afterward I played the song I had written for Esme more than a century ago and I finished with Claire De Lune, a beautiful and ethereal piece from Debussy's Suite Bergamasque. It was a song that I had loved since my early teens when I had first heard it performed at a concert in downtown Chicago, before the Spanish influenza hit, and before I believed in vampires. It was also a song that I knew Bella enjoyed immensely when she was human the first time. I wondered if she would know it now.
Her eyes lit up as I played and I chuckled inaudibly in response. "Do you know this song?" I asked, my voice barely above the rising and falling whispers of the music.
"I don't know," she responded, her eyes following my fingers. "Did you write this one as well?"
"No, this one was written by Claude Debussy. This suite first came out around the time I was born believe it or not," I explained as the song came to a close, "It was part of a suite which first made Debussy so popular."
"Tell me about how we first met," she commanded, startling me from my history lesson. I heard Carlisle chuckle quietly from the kitchen in response to her request. "I want to know about my previous life. All I have are dreams and some vague memories that I'm not even positive are real. I just want to hear about us." She looked at me expectantly, and I found there was no way I could deny her.
"Where to begin," I stalled, not completely disposed to telling her about how I almost brought about her death the first time I saw her. "You were the most intriguing person I had ever met, and still are, even to this day I can't figure you out," I admitted.
"I met you at Forks High School, a trivial school in a small and remarkably rainy town in Forks, Washington. You were the new girl in town and I had seen you in the unoriginal minds of the student body the whole day before I first laid my own eyes on you, in the cafeteria of all places. It was the fact that I couldn't read your mind that first captured my interest, but when you were in closer proximity there was something else that dominated my mind, something powerful and horrible," I explained more slowly, ashamed.
"My blood," she stated, matter-of-factly, "You wanted my blood for some reason?"
I nodded grimly and continued my story, "It took everything I had not to kill you right there in a classroom full of children. I would have of course killed all of them as well, no witnesses you see. It would have been easy. But I didn't want to be a monster, so I left as soon as school was over that day. I ran away until I finally convinced myself that I was being weak by running away from my fears. When I first came back, I was completely arrogant, I couldn't fathom a simple human girl having such a powerful effect on me. When I returned to school a few days later I decided to be nice to you so you would think I was normal," I paused as I neared the best part of the story, the part where I realized I was in love. "The little conversations we had completely enthralled me though, I couldn't get enough, and I began to realize that you were so much more than a simple human girl." Bella was listening intently, completely focused on every word I said, I could almost see the pictures playing out in her head as she listened.
"Long story short, it wasn't long at all before I fell in love. And then you almost got yourself killed a number of times, so I had to reveal some of my abilities to you in order to save you. You of course didn't even care that I was a vampire when you figured it out." I stopped abruptly, lost in my own thoughts, "But you have to understand how huge that was for me, falling in love. I had been roaming the planet for over one hundred years, resigned to thinking that I could actually survive without the love I had with you. And I was so wrong."
"Have," she corrected quietly. "The love you have." I smiled at her with my stupid half smile and her eyes glazed over, dazzled at that moment as much as I was.
"Have you always been able to do this to me?" she asked ambiguously.
I continued to smile, "Do what?"
"Dazzle me?"
"You haven't seen anything yet," I joked as I offered her my hand and stood up, "Let's go see what Esme and Carlisle have cooking in the kitchen."
"But—," she began to protest. I could just see the questions in her eyes.
"Bella, you'll be staying here for a whole week. You have an abundant amount of time to find out about your past, you'll have all the opportunity in the world to squeeze the gory details from myself and family. For now let's enjoy the present and get you something to eat." She agreed reluctantly and followed me into the kitchen with our hands still locked together comfortably.
The lunch that Esme and Carlisle had concocted for Bella was some sort of pasta or fettuccini dish and it smelled positively atrocious. Bella was exceedingly grateful though, thanking Esme and Carlisle after almost every bite. I was relieved to see that she actually seemed to be enjoying the foul smelling mush so I had to assume that it was at least better than the hospital food, and she was so thin, I was glad she might have the opportunity to put a little more meat on her bones as the saying goes.
After lunch I finally got around to showing her the rest of the house. We spent a considerable amount of time in my room, which for the next week would be hers as well. She loved the bed and at one point looked as if she wanted to ask why a house full of vampires who cannot sleep has so many beds, luckily she thought better of the idea.
I was surprised that she actually recognized some of the music CDs I had around my room. The CDs interested her immensely and the functioning CD player thrilled her even more. I laughed as she tried to figure out how to work it.
I only kept the CDs for sentimental value and the spiteful part of me enjoyed annoying Alice. I had every song from every CD saved onto my computer, but Alice hated that I kept such old things around. Watching Bella play with the antiques was certainly amusing, but a slow realization began to plant itself in my head. It was long past time for me to let go of the past. It was time to get rid of all the old CDs I had laying around like Alice had gotten rid of the clothes yesterday.
Though I couldn't sleep, I felt like Rip VanWinkle, because to the world I had been asleep for the past fifty years. Bella's return into my life had woken me up again, and there was no going back. I had to get rid of the past and all of its memories, because it was time to embrace the future.
I just wished that I could find a way to have Bella in that future. I could only think of one solution and I hated myself for even considering it. But maybe Rosalie was right, maybe changing Bella into a vampire was in fact the best thing for her, who was I to deny her?
Bella lay sleeping on my couch with her head on my shoulder as I contemplated her future and whether I could damn her to an eternity on this planet. A little before three o'clock I heard the sound of Rosalie's car turning onto our private drive. The excitement rolling out of that car was almost tangible, and it served to increase my own excitement about the upcoming reunion.
"Are you ready to meet the rest of my family?" I asked Bella after I roused her from her nap.
"Are they here already?" she asked sleepily as she sat up.
I nodded and she looked nervous. "Come on love, no need to worry. They already love you." I said as I rubbed her warm shoulder with my deathly cold hands. My attempt to comfort her and calm her completely unnecessary uneasiness was useless however. She remained nervous beyond reason as I lead her out of my room and down the two flights of stairs.
We made it downstairs approximately two and a half seconds before Alice came dancing through the door leading the way for the others. Alice the whirlwind stopped short as soon as the rest of my family made it into the front entryway. The smile on her face was exultant, but her mind was completely blank. It was as if the joy she was feeling had completely taken over her mind and blocked out every other thought.
I was holding Bella's hand on one side and Esme had moved in to stand on Bella's other side, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"I can't believe it's really you," Alice said emotionally, her happiness radiating off of her in every direction. Finally her thoughts exploded in her head, and in mine. Oh she looks exactly the same, just a little younger, maybe a little tired and thinner. I'm so happy right now, the whole family is together again. Who would have thought we would get a second change? My best friend, my sister… oh and just look at Edward. I haven't seen him smile like that in half a century.
I looked into Bella's face expecting to see nerves or confusion, but the smile on Bella's face matched that of Alice's when I released her arm so that she could walk across the room and embrace Alice. "You don't know how wonderful it is to meet you again Alice," Bella said just as emotionally. Alice was beaming at the mention of her name. "We were good friends, weren't we?" Bella asked innocently.
"Like sisters," Alice said easily, and they embraced again.
Next was Emmett. He picked Bella up in a bear hug and swung her around in a circle. Bella's back! And she smells exactly the same! "You're back! And you smell exactly the same! ... if I may say so myself," he laughed heartily as he placed her back on the floor.
"It's nice to see you again too Emmett," she laughed and his golden eyes bulged.
"You remember me too?" he asked, stunned.
"Of course I do silly, it's hard to forget someone who greets you by nearly breaking your ribs!" she teased, and my eyes narrowed. I thought he was gripping her too tightly, I'd have to have a talk with him about that.
Rosalie was in the line next. The smile on her face was timid, almost apologetic. It was unquestionably a rare find on my usually proud sister's face. "Hi Bella," she said shyly. "I don't know if you remember me, I wasn't the most—friendly of vampires in the world when we last met. I want to apologize up front and let you know that I will be much more accepting this time. Second chances are hard to come by, and I don't plan to waste this one." Even if Edward insists on wasting it. She finished her thought and let her eyes bore into mine as if daring me to disagree with her.
Bella answered most graciously, but it would be foolish to expect anything less from her. "I'm sure you were only concerned for your family if you had previous reservations about me. It's a pleasure to meet you again Rosalie. I'm glad we'll have a chance to be friends this time."
Rosalie received a forgiving hug from Bella and she lightly wrapped her arms around her in response. Wow, I can't believe she even remembered me! How is any of this possible? Bella is really back… and Edward's just going to let her go, she thought sourly as Bella stepped away.
"Rosalie," I glared at her, "Please just stop."
She glared right back until Jasper stepped forward to make his introduction. He was exuding an air of calmness to everyone in the room, especially Bella, but it really wasn't necessary. Bella was perfectly fine. Jasper was the only nervous being within a mile radius. "Bella," he began, even more timidly than Rosalie.
Jasper was still feeling guilty about trying to attack Bella on her birthday all those years ago. He was keeping his distance now because he didn't want to frighten her. "It is such a blessing to have you back in all of our lives. This household was simply incomplete and unbearably cheerless after we lost you, I just can't even say how—"
Bella cut him off before he could finish. "Jasper, I'm not sure what happened all those years ago, when we were separated. But I know that it was nobody's fault. Don't blame yourself for things that were out of your control."
Jasper simply stared at her, mouth gaping in awe. How does she even know? Then in a most uncharacteristic move on Jasper's part, he closed the distance between them and embraced Bella in an appreciative hug. "You are such a joy," he stage whispered in her ear before releasing her. The answering blush which colored her face was tempting and I was glad that Jasper had moved away before he noticed it. Sometimes I still didn't completely trust his restraint.
"So did Edward show you all the clothes that you'll be wearing?" asked Alice suddenly, breaking the mood of emotional bonding which filled the room, much to Emmett's relief. "I picked them out for you last night," she continued, "I know you'll like them."
"And how do you know all of that Ms. Omniscient?" Bella asked coyly, trying to hide the surprise which all too plainly showed in her features. I knew she hated surprises and she hated when people bought her things, but she also didn't want to seem ungrateful.
"Because I'm a psychic," Alice responded without a second thought.
"Oh," Bella stated plainly. The surprise on her face had only increased, and once again I craved insight into what she was thinking.
"Well, come on upstairs. We'll get you some new clothes on, I'm sure you're dying to get out of your hospital pajamas." Alice trilled in her bird voice. Mr. Edward the gentleman should have handled that, she thought wryly as she threw one last glance at me then made her way to the stairs with Bella in tow.
I felt a little guilty about not offering Bella a change of clothes sooner, but I was sure Bella would not exactly be thrilled with the idea of a whole new wardrobe at somebody else's expense. I kept my mouth shut though as Alice whisked my love away, up the stairs to our room. Alice was blissful about the whole idea. She loved taking care of Bella, and I supposed I didn't mind that too much.
Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper were still standing, completely speechless in the front entryway. Their thoughts were not so silent though.
How does she remember so much? How is it possible that she is back? And does she truly understand what almost happened all those years ago when we had to leave? We can't just let her go. We can't let her die. Surely Edward must see that—Jasper.
She is so gracious and sweet, and Edward just lights up with her around. I can't believe I was ever wary about including her in this family. I will not let Edward leave her this time—Rosalie.
I can't belief we have Bella back and she remembers me! And Hell, I'm so proud of Rose. I absolutely adore her caring side, that's what makes her so special, and perfect. How can somebody so incredibly beautiful have such a caring side?—Emmett of course. He was really talented at finding the good in people, which made him perfect for Rosalie because her good was rather difficult to find sometimes. If Edward doesn't figure out soon that he's not going to be able to let Bella go… his thoughts cut off as he decided to voice them, dramatically breaking the silence in the room.
"Edward," he said slowly as he wrapped his arm around Rosalie, "Do you really think you're going to be able to just let her go and watch her die?"
"What other choice do I have Emmett?" I refused to even acknowledge the option he, Rosalie, and Jasper were all hinting at in their minds. "I will not steal her soul."
"And who says that making her a vampire automatically robs her of her soul?" he asked angrily though he knew my view on this, they all did.
"You are so stubborn. You can't even see the truth before your very eyes," he said cryptically.
"And what would that be Emmett?" I asked, sarcasm dripping from my tone.
"How about this, Edward: do you love Bella?"
I pinched the bridge of my nose between my two fingers. Carlisle and Esme stood silently behind me, though I could see that their thoughts were in more support of Emmett. Jasper and Rosalie stood flanking Emmett, and to an innocent passer-by, this argument would look more like a war. "More than anything in the world," I swore, to nobody's surprise.
"And do Carlisle and Esme love each other? Do Alice and Jasper love each other? Don't Rosalie and I love each other? And how about Carmen and Eleazar, don't they love each other?"
"Enough with the rhetorical questions!" I cut him off with exasperation. "Obviously you all love each other, that doesn't prove anything!" I continued, seeing the direction his thoughts were traveling.
"But Edward, don't you see?" Carlisle spoke now, in a much more subdued tone than Emmett, "Where do you think our love comes from if not from within the soul?"
Emmett was pleased that Carlisle had continued his thought for him and Rosalie remained smugly proud of her husband's argument.
"How could I deny her heaven, and force her to stay for all eternity confined to this Earth?" I asked, feeling a bit more resigned.
"I'm not so sure that the choice is yours," Jasper said quietly as we heard Bella and Alice beginning to descend the stairs from my bedroom. Our argument had been too quiet for Bella to hear, but there was no doubt that Alice had heard the whole thing. She was reeling at my stubbornness. She didn't want to let Bella go any more than I did, and she felt I was being thickheaded.
As I saw Bella near the bottom of the steps dressed in a most beautiful, casual dress I forgot to breathe, or think, or do anything at all besides just stand there with my mouth gaping. The dress was royal blue and it had been far too long since I had last seen that beautiful color adorning Bella's slender frame.
When Alice saw my face she was torn between feeling resentment for my decision, and feeling amusement from my obvious amazement. Bella was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen, I scoffed to think that I had ever for even a millisecond considered her ordinary.
My siblings relaxed from their attack stance smoothly and complimented Bella on her dress as they exited the room. Esme and Alice took turns hugging her and telling her how glad they were to have her with us before they left as well. Carlisle placed a calming hand on my back, hardly rousing me from my ogling. Maybe you need to rethink your stance, for Bella's sake. I won't force any decisions on you, but it will be hard for more than just you if we have to say goodbye to Bella once again.
I nodded as a sign of comprehension before Carlisle left the room as well to find Esme. Bella looked at me questioningly, but I simply took a few steps to close the space between us and wrapped her in a gentle hug of my own. "Well my beautiful Bella, you're all dressed up. I suppose we should go somewhere and show you off," I teased.
I began pulling her toward the garage so that we could take my car without giving her the opportunity to protest. She nearly tripped with the speed from excitement that I had as I lead her by the hand, but I slowed our pace considerably after that. I grabbed the key to my Volvo and opened the passenger door for her so that she could climb in.
The Volvo was the only possession I had which was not dated. I missed the control I had with a manual shift car, but they stopped making those several years ago, and this automatic actually performed better anyway. My car was top of the line, as were those of the rest of my family.
I quickly decided I would bring Bella to an Italian restaurant since it was nearing dinner time, and she must be getting hungry. I enjoyed the sentiment because it reminded me of Bella's and my first date of sorts at La Bella Italia in Port Angeles after I was forced to save Bella from the horrible human men who wanted to hurt her. How I had hated and wanted to kill those men that night, but the most important thing was to save Bella. I unfortunately had no way of saving her from the disease which was trying to hurt her now. There was only one other option.
The fact that I was even viewing it as an option now was completely horrible. It was time to start facing the truth though. The truth was I had found out long ago that I was entirely too selfish to deny myself Bella's presence even for her own good. The truth was that the selfishness in me which had originally compelled me to return to Forks was alive and well, and would do anything to keep Bella.