A/N Hello delightful, dedicated reader(s). I worked on this all day today instead of being productive and studying Chemistry—you're welcome. Can I just say, I can't believe you've stayed with me all the way to Chapter 15! That's over 50,000 words you've read so far! (I'm more than a little bit impressed).
A little about this chapter: I skipped ahead a bit, I hope you're not too disappointed, but I was getting impatient (as I may have mentioned before). I kind of want to play a little game at the end of this chapter if you're up for it. See below to find out details.
The Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I'm not Stephanie Meyer. If you haven't figured this out by now, then I'm sorry for you, perhaps you need to seek a mental health advisor. I've said so in three different languages so far, and if you forget by the time you get to the next chapter, I will reiterate for you once again. I do not seek to infringe any copyrights, just to entertain myself and anybody who is bored enough to read this story.
Bored or not though, I hope you enjoy:
Chapter 15 – EPOV
Far, far too soon it was Wednesday morning once again and time to bring Bella back to the depraved hospital. It had been a difficult night last night. Everyone had been trying to hide their emotions for Bella's sake, but I could hear with insurmountable clarity in their minds that they were all devastated at the thought of her leaving our family once again. To say the week had been short would have been an understatement unrivaled by anything in the world, and to say that we would all miss her a lot would be a downright lie. I already knew that without her, I was missing half of myself, but I realized that my family felt like a piece of our whole would be missing as well without Bella.
During the week, everyone had been vying for opportunities to spend time with Bella, particularly myself and Alice. Fortunately for me, when my family was away during the day I had been able to experience the most wonderful alone time with Bella and it had made me spoiled, to the point of no return. I was so spoiled in fact, that I had initially flat out refused to allow Alice an entire day with her, without me on Saturday. After some intense persuasion from Alice (which included the dirty trick of convincing Bella to argue her side for her), I realized I was being selfish again, so I finally agreed to allow Alice to take Bella shopping in downtown Chicago for the day while I waited impatiently at home.
During our alone time while my siblings were at school and my parents were at the hospital, we had talked about anything and absolutely everything that had no importance whatsoever. It was undeniably Heaven, a greater Heaven than I had ever hoped for or imagined, but at the same time it was tainted by its imminent end. That end was today and I was horrified with the idea of losing Bella, I couldn't let it happen, yet I was determined to not steal her soul, so what choice did I have?
The selfish part of me screamed at me every day to grab Bella, throw her over my shoulder, and run away. I wanted to run away to another world, never to return to this city and certainly not to this dangerous surgery which Carlisle had agreed to. Still, I realized that wouldn't solve the problem of Bella's sickness, and all too soon she would leave me nonetheless. Esme's words on the day I had been reunited with my Bella replayed in my head over and over again, she won't make it to her next birthday. They haunted me during my whole blissful week, and they were particularly daunting to me today.
At 8:30 a.m. I gently roused Bella from her sleep. Her sleep talking tonight had been beautiful, but plaguing. She had begged me not to leave her, then over and over again she had apologized for leaving me. With each unconscious cry and tear I pulled her closer, in an attempt to comfort us both. "Bella, my love," I whispered with as much normalcy as possible, "It's time to wake up."
She didn't complain or even say anything at all as she emptily opened her eyes and climbed out of bed. I had helped her gather all of her fashionable new clothes and new suit case last night, and now there was only one outfit waiting for her today, clearly one that Alice had assembled. Still wordless, Bella picked up the outfit, which she normally would have complained about or blushed at, and walked to the bathroom to shower and change.
In a state of silence myself, I made the bed and picked up the rest of her belongings, carefully placing them into her suitcase which was packed full of clothes that Bella had never worn, and probably never would. I felt my dead heart try to rip itself free of my chest to avoid the agony which had enveloped me today. The books I had bought her on that first night lay on the nightstand and I slipped them into a separate bag after I had finished with the rest of her things. Now except for the lingering scent, it was impossible to tell that Bella had inhabited my room and my broken heart for the last few short days.
I exhaled heavily, in a useless attempt to rid myself of the terror which saturated me to the core. As I heard Bella walking toward me I composed my face into a serene mask before I turned to face her though, I simply couldn't let her see how painful this was. As I studied her lovely outfit appreciatively, I finally allowed my eyes to travel to her beautiful face, and most importantly her deep, telling eyes. I was not surprised to see the matching mask of serenity plastered on Bella's face, she was so brave, but her eyes revealed her torment.
"Oh my Bella," I sighed, pulling her in for a hug which I wished could last for eternity. Her warm tears penetrated my shirt and I only pulled her tighter. After several too short minutes, I finally released her and easily lifted her bags as we began our slow descent to the first floor. As silently as I, she followed me down the stairs and we remained as such throughout the morning.
After a quick breakfast I carried her stuff to my Volvo and we arrived at the hospital shortly thereafter. I submitted my information for the automated parking attendant and lead Bella straightaway to the cancer ward. The hospital social worker, Bella's alleged guardian: Augusta Christianson sat waiting with Esme just outside of the door with the sign that read "Rachel Meyer".
Both wore solemn expressions as they waited for our arrival. "Oh hello dears," Esme greeted us with sweet sorrow evident in her tone. "You're here early."
Finally! Now where's Dr. Minor and Dr. Cullen? Demanded Augusta's thoughts desperately. I didn't have the strength to glare at her as I dropped Bella's suitcases off in the room, still grasping Bella's hand in my free one.
"Edward, Rachel," she greeted softly, much in contrast to her thoughts. I grew wary right away. The thing that would be making Augusta so uneasy right now would be the deteriorating condition of her daughter, and anything involving Christy Christianson automatically involved Bella now. My anxiety at bringing Bella back to the hospital only multiplied as I made that realization.
The four of us waited in dead silence for Carlisle and Dr. Minor. When at last they arrived, the expressions on their faces were not comforting. I became completely still when I heard the thoughts of Dr. Minor, We have no choice; the surgery has to be today. There's no other way Christy can have a chance at survival.
I remained a statue as the thoughts I had just heard replayed themselves over and over again in my head, one hundred twenty times in one second. I didn't want to make sense of what I just heard, because it simply wasn't fair. They couldn't perform the surgery today, Bella had just gotten here, she needed more time. I needed more time. My eyes bore into Carlisle's and I whispered in a voice that only he, myself, and Esme could hear, "Today?"
Carlisle nodded once as his thoughts grew louder in my mind. I'm so, so sorry Edward. I had no idea, I promise. Christy took a turn for the worse last night and upon evaluation, we realized that it had to be now or never, otherwise she may only have a few days left to live.
My human façade all but disappeared as I made sense of what Carlisle had just told me. Breathe, Edward, please, came Esme's concerned thoughts, What happened, what is it? She questioned silently, thoughts nearly as frantic as mine.
"Rachel," Dr. Minor addressed her, but for a moment she didn't stir, as if she didn't realize she was being called.
"Rachel," I tried again, squeezing her hand to gain her attention.
"It's Christy isn't it," she whispered, looking up to meet Augusta's eyes.
Esme looked on curiously as Carlisle, Dr. Minor, and I admired Bella's astuteness. "Indeed," he replied, looking to Carlisle for help.
Carlisle took the hint and continued the explanation for him, "I'm afraid to report that Christy is not doing well, her condition became very severe last night and we are having difficulties keeping her conscious," stated Carlisle, all business on the outside and cursing the many diseases of the world which can afflict loved ones from the inside.
Augusta had blanched with the mention of Christy's failing health, though she was already well aware of it after spending hours at Christy's bedside, only escaping because she was required to be here when they discussed Bella's treatment.
I was glad for Christy, that she had such a devoted mother, but at the same time I was furious that Augusta, who was supposed to be interested in preserving Bella's health, could only bring herself to care about her own love and not somebody else's.
"So what do we need to do?" asked Bella bravely sensing that a change in plans was on the horizon.
"We need to move the surgery up in order to give Christy a better chance of survival," said Carlisle, angry despite himself because we were ignoring the fact that this could significantly lessen Bella's life expectancy.
"No," I growled quietly when he said this, my anger making me brave enough to prevent my complete and utter devastation, "You can't do this."
"I'm afraid that's not your choice to make young man," Augusta said rudely causing both Esme and Bella to flinch. Do not try this right now. Christy needs this, I need this! You will not let my Christy die just so you can have your new girlfriend for a few extra days. God, how can you be so selfish?
I was certain the anger on my face had become an entity of its own as I glared at the horrible woman standing before me. Both she and Dr. Minor slinked away from my angry eyes.
Bella moved the hand which had been resting in mine up to my shoulder to try and soothe the evil glint in my eyes. The effect was instantaneous, but instead of feeling relaxed, the anger all too quickly faded into the horrible misery I had been trying to avoid. "You can't do this," I whispered, turning to face Bella and allowing her to finally see the heartbrokenness I had covered all morning. "You can't leave me," I begged.
Carlisle stepped in this time, "Son," he tried, Please, you've made your decision not to change her, and she's made her decision to save Christy. Please, you have to let her go. I'm so sorry. I know it's hard, it's hard for all of us. But you never know, maybe she'll come back to us once again, he tried to comfort me to no avail, and with his last desperate thought, the fact that she would probably die finally set in on me and I stormed out of the room, leaving the four hospital employees and my dear Bella to determine her fate. I simply couldn't bear it anymore.
Outside the room, I crashed my hand through a metal gurney, then collapsed against the wall allowing myself to fall to the ground in a heap of sadness. It was all I could do to keep from shouting out and tearing through every single thing in this hospital as I tried to bear the pain of what Bella was about to do.
I listened in on the conversation which was taking place inside the room, and I desired nothing more than to tear my heart out. I remembered all too clearly what it had been like when the fire consumed me during my transformation to a vampire. It had been nothing short of Hell, yet now I almost longed for it. Even that could not compare to the pain I was feeling now.
Before Dr. Minor left with Augusta, the five occupants of the room had decided to go ahead with the surgery that afternoon at 4:30 p.m. Again I didn't have the strength to glare at Augusta or even seethe in a more obvious manner as she walked past with Dr. Minor flanking her. I knew that both were struck with the severity of the situation, even Augusta, but not enough apparently, because they were doing nothing to save my Bella.
When Carlisle and Esme finally left the room a few minutes later, they looked nearly as devastated as I felt. I knew that if it had been possible for vampires to cry, Esme would have been bawling, because one again she was losing a beloved child. As it was, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the nonexistent tears in Esme's eyes were far greater than any real tears a human could possess.
I'm so sorry, Edward. I just wish there was something we could do, she thought in a subdued timbre. I made no note that I had heard her, I simply buried my face deeper between my knees and pressed my hands harder to my head.
I will do everything in my power to make sure she survives, vowed Carlisle, and though I wholeheartedly believed him, I was not convinced it would be enough. I crouched into an even tighter heap on the floor, searching for my courage.
When they had gone, I sat outside for another few minutes to try and recompose myself before I returned to see my Bella. She lay silently on her bed, once again adorned in her hospital pajamas, with a sorrowful look saddening her angel face. Wordlessly, I repositioned myself on her bed and took her face in my hands, perhaps a bit too roughly. It was in her that I found my courage, and before Bella could process what I was even doing, I kissed her with all the desperation and sadness I possessed. Her fingers easily found their way into my hair and I relished the feeling.
Neither of us let go as first she, then I deepened the kiss more and more. I wasn't even remotely concerned with my self control, deep down I knew I could never hurt her and the burning in my throat was almost tolerable as I held her as close as I had ever held her before.
Her heart, as always when we kissed, was beating uncontrollably and when I realized that she would be completely out of air soon, I finally released her lips and began kissing her on the neck, then hands, then fingers.
"Edward," she whispered, speaking for the first time since I had entered the room.
"Yes Bella?"
"I'm so very sorry," she said, and I could almost touch the grief which emanated from her lips.
"Oh Bella, it's not your fault," I assured her as I wrapped her up, yet more securely in my arms. We sat like that together for a long time and I didn't let go of her the entire afternoon; not when nurses came in to administer tests or medicines, and not when my siblings came by after they got out of school.
I inhaled sharply when I heard Alice translating the Bible in her mind from Spanish to Chinese. I easily decided I didn't want to know about whatever vision Alice was hiding from me and I did my best to ignore her as she hugged Bella and sobbed tearlessly. Thanks to Alice, they were all aware that the surgery had been moved to today.
My family was having trouble finding words to convey their feelings and Jasper was struggling to deal with the morose emotions of our siblings coupled with his own.
"Please try not to be sad you guys," Bella said softly a few minutes after four o'clock. "I love you all so very much, and whatever happens, know that I will always love you, even if we're not together. You are my family and always have been," she finished. Her cheeks didn't even blush as she confessed her feelings for my family and Emmett was able to round up anything to say in response.
"Everything is going to be alright, Bella," he stated, only half-confidently. He was holding onto Rose for support, the pain on his face greater than I had ever seen.
I noticed Alice bow her head and grab onto Jasper in defeat with Emmett's words. She was doing a very good job of not thinking about whatever she was hiding from me, so I decided not to focus on her or distract her from her continued translating. I didn't want anything to slip, because I didn't want to know what she had seen, I was holding onto whatever little bit of hope that I could, and I didn't want to take the chance of losing that hope.
At 4:12 p.m. a green scrub wearing male nurse with slightly graying hair entered and introduced himself as Jonathon to my siblings and I before informing "Rachel" that it was time to prepare for surgery. Another reminder of the gravity of the situation was the fact that Rose didn't even bat an eye or flash a smile at the male nurse, one of her favorite types of admirers. She was as possessed with grief as the rest of us, and the male nurse Jonathon only a made a passing note of her perfected appearance.
For precautionary purposes, my family stepped out of the room when the nurse administered a shot of mycophenolate mofetil hydrochloride, a medication which I recognized would help Bella's body to accept the new heart in question. Carrying several medical degrees myself, it struck me as odd that Jonathon would give her this medicine ahead of time, so I had to ask, "Sir?" I questioned with as much politeness as I could muster.
He smiled at me somewhat dismissively as he finished the shot. Bella's face was completely pale but she didn't complain once before, during, or after the injection. "What can I do for you?" he asked, my is she pale, and I can't even give her anything to bring the color back to her cheeks before the surgery.
"I was simply curious about the injection you were giving her," I stated, hoping he would explain without me having to demonstrate how familiar I was with operating procedures.
"Oh were you interested in becoming a doctor or something when you grow up?" he asked, trying to figure out the reason for my question and doing a very bad job at it. Kids always have to ask about every little thing when they're interested in the medical field, as if they'll remember half of this.
"Well not exactly," I admitted as politely as I could, but I was beginning to get impatient. "I was under the impression that mycophenolate," I abbreviated, "Usually wasn't administered until after the surgery was complete." I hoped that I hadn't said too much, but I needed to make sure that nothing would go wrong in this surgery.
So I guess he's studied some medical arts after all, he thought reverently, He seems like a pretty smart kid actually. If I had been that smart I probably would have been a doctor rather than a nurse, he mused for a moment, much to my annoyance, I was still waiting for my answer. "Well, I'm impressed, young man. Not very many people your age would be familiar with that fact. And you're absolutely correct, mycophenolate is usually administered post surgery and twice a day for the following two weeks, however Dr. Cullen insisted that it be introduced into her system as soon as possible in case there are complications," And in case this young lady doesn't survive for a full two weeks post surgery, he added, increasing my panic and terror.
I was satisfied enough with his answer though, if Carlisle had recommended it, then it was probably a good idea, if not completely genius. Two more hospital employees entered shortly thereafter. The older woman had black and silver hair tied back in a tight bun behind her head and she wore a face that seemed to refute any sort of nonsense. The younger man who walked in slightly behind her was wearing green scrubs to match Jonathon's and sporting a spiked blonde hairstyle. His mind was reeling with images of Rosalie sitting with the rest of family, paying him absolutely no mind. I instantly disliked him.
"Good afternoon, I'm Grace Woodson and I'll be chief nurse aiding Dr. Cullen with the procedure today," she introduced, mostly to Bella, her eyes purposefully avoiding contact with mine. "This is my assistant Bradley Grayson. If you have any questions I would be more than happy to answer them for you at this time," she finished, still avoiding my eye.
I seized the opportunity, because I had far too many. I needed to know the specifics of this operation, even if I more than disapproved of it. "Will you be using an analgesic anesthetic today, do you know?" I began what could have easily turned into a long stream of questions. I noticed Bella laugh a little at my question. I allowed my eyes to meet hers and smiled despite my state of utter terror because I simply had no choice when I saw the littlest bit of happiness distracting her from our current situation. I didn't know exactly why my question amused her, because I didn't know her thoughts, but I was glad to see she had regained a little of the color in her face with the humor.
Ms. Woodson finally met my eyes and gave me a once over, sizing me up, Who is this kid and why is he in this room and sitting so close to my patient? "No we will not be using the analgesic this evening, Dr. Cullen insisted that we inject her with a strong opioid, separately to maximize pain reduction. And may I please ask what you are doing here exactly? Am I to assume you are her parent or her guardian?" she questioned pointedly. I very much admired her lack of tolerance for nonsense and I appreciated that she didn't even try to simplify her responses to my medical questioning due to my age.
"Ms. Augusta Christianson, Rachel's legal guardian was unable to be here prior to the operation, so she cleared me to stay with Rachel until she was ready to be treated," I lied smoothly. "And I assume you will be using a more fast-acting anesthetic to pair with the more potent opioid?" I ensured. It seemed Carlisle was trying to make sure Bella had the strongest painkiller available, the reasoning was beyond me though. It seemed a bit excessive really because it would probably keep Bella subdued for much longer than necessary for this operation.
Jonathon, Bradley, and Bella were all giving me incredulous looks. "How many medical degrees did you say you had?" whispered Bella so that only I could hear. I simply smiled and waited for my answer.
I'll have to double check that story with Dr. Cullen before I let this young man anywhere near the operating room after the surgery, I don't care how charming he is. If I hadn't been in such a terrible mood I probably would have laughed at that thought. I had actually unwittingly charmed this frigid woman by tossing so many medical terms at her with such ease. As it was Bella allowed another laugh of her own, quite possibly picking up on Ms. Woodson's affections. "You're absolutely correct young man, I was speaking with our anesthesiologist before I came here, and I believe they will be using Diprivan," she stated.
"Propofol?" I asked, using the chemical name for the drug.
Oh my God, how old is this kid? Wow if I was just a few years younger, ah— and the no nonsense had woman cracked, I realized sourly. I was only using some basic second year terminology but she was acting as though I were the centerfold of M.D. weekly.
"And we'll be using Sublimaze for the opioid," she added helpfully.
"Wow, fentanyl when used correctly can be stronger than a double dose of morphine," I mused. Carlisle was being extremely thorough with the painkillers, not that I was about to complain, "You don't find that a bit excessive?" I finally voiced my question.
Ms. Woodson studied me carefully for a long moment before answering. That is a bit excessive for this case, I agree completely. But how does he know that? He doesn't even look old enough to be out of high school. But maybe he's older than he looks, she thought hopefully. "Dr. Cullen's specifically asked for it, you may take it up with him if you would like," she said with false severity.
"No that's quite alright, I'm sure Dr. Cullen knows what's best," I admitted.
I actually heard one of my family members let out a laugh this time, most likely Emmett. I was glad to have effectively lightened the atmosphere in the room with Bella as well as out in the hall with Emmett and my family. I heard Jasper's thoughts from outside, thanking me for my efforts, but I hadn't actually tried to do anything funny, I simply wanted to know more about this procedure which I desperately wanted to turn out as positively as possible.
Oh my, it's time to go, Rachel's supposed to ready for the anesthesiologist in 8 minutes. "I'm afraid we're going to have to take Rachel now," sighed Ms. Woodson sadly, "There's a waiting room upstairs not too far from the operating room if you would like to come along," she informed me dutifully.
"Thank you very much ma'am," I responded. Oh, so polite too. But so young, maybe I can introduce him to my niece Cynthia. I could just give him her number and have him give her a call or something.
Unfortunately, Ms. Woodson's thoughts were starting to annoy me just as badly as the rest of the nurses' in this hospital. I sighed and stood from the bed, trying to convince myself that this wasn't goodbye. I had been murderously devastated a few short hours ago, but being with Bella had given me the courage I needed to withstand the torture of Bella's surgery. I told myself that Bella would be fine, after all Carlisle knew what he was doing. He was quite possibly the best surgeon in the world with all of his experience. As I continued to try and assure myself of these thoughts I gave Bella a quick kiss on the forehead and told her how much I loved her. "I'll be in to see you as soon as they finish the surgery," I promised.
"I'll see you in a few hours," she said unconvincingly, and I froze when the tone of her voice sunk in. If I had had the capacity to become paler I probably would have because I had just realized that Bella herself didn't believe she was going to make it out of that operating room alive.
"Bella," I begged, "Please say it like you mean it."
She smiled at me tentatively, "Edward, you know I can't promise anything," she sighed, much to my disbelief, "What can I say? I'll try my best?"
The look I was giving her silenced her quickly. "Edward, I love you, and no matter what we'll see each other again, I promise you that much," she offered.
"Alright, see you soon my love," I said once again as I stood from her bed while the two male nurses helped her onto the gurney. I wondered randomly what had become of the broken gurney which I had destroyed outside earlier today. Perhaps Carlisle had had it removed.
Ms. Woodson and the two nurses looked onto Bella's and my heartfelt goodbye with sad hearts. I hoped beyond hope that they would take good care of my Bella and bring her back to me. I stayed behind in the room as the trio wheeled her out into the hall and to the ICU. I didn't need to follow because I already knew exactly where the waiting room Ms. Woodson had mentioned was located.
After a few minutes of solitude with my thoughts, I ventured outside to meet my siblings expectant gazes. "Shall we head upstairs?" I invited, with an attempt at optimism.
My attempt had been lost on them, and the hint of humor they had felt earlier was now completely gone. Gloomily, my four brothers and sisters followed me to the elevator, their minds as silent as their mouths, all except for Alice who was still translating rather than thinking. She had at some point during my stay in Bella's room moved to the New Testament.
We walked into the plain looking waiting room and sat in a corner by a large fish tank which seemed somewhat out of place in the otherwise completely sanitary hospital. I stared at the colorful fish inside dancing around for a few minutes dazedly until I decided that the tank was decidedly modern in appearance, so perhaps it did fit in well with the rest of the décor.
After another few minutes of silence, each of my siblings locked in their own broodings while I was forced to listen, Esme streamed into the room and joined our silent gathering. Bella's just been put under and Christy is already being operated on by Dr. Minor. Carlisle will start on Bella in a few minutes, she informed me without speaking.
I nodded without saying a word, and my siblings didn't even bother asking what silent conversation had just taken place. The translations in Alice's mind were becoming louder and more frantic, until finally I became annoyed enough to beg for the revelation I had been dreading, "Alice, enough," I commanded, "Just tell me what you saw!"
Jasper glared at me while Rose, Emmett, and Esme simply stared at me in shock. Alice's translating ceased for half a second, but in that second I saw my worst nightmare come true.
It was Bella's operating room. Carlisle worked feverishly over her, she was already sewed up, the surgery had been completed and her heart was beating, but it beat too slowly. The vision faded out with the loud beeping sound which registered the lack of heart rate, the loss of life, and the end of my happiness. Bella was gone, once again.
A/N The End.
Haha Just kidding. Anyway, I mentioned above that I would like to play a game, and if you're up for it, this game is called: "Alice!" Why? Because you have to look into the future of this story and guess the answer to this question (in a review lol). The question: Which already mentioned, though not yet introduced Twilight character is going to come into play within the next few chapters? (As in he/she is going to have a significant role in Bella's past).
So what're you waiting for? Select the review button below and make a guess! (I'm sorry if these directions were confusing. If you really want to play, but don't understand the rules send me a p/m and I'll be more than happy to do a better job of explaining… I'm struggling not to give too much away as it is). "What does the winner get?" you ask. Well besides eternal glory and bragging rights, the winner will also receive a congratulatory message from yours truly! (I know, tempting right?)
Oh and this game is dedicated to Skweekie because I like that she tried to guess what would happen in the story. ;)