Chapter 27 Broken

Dylan pulled into the cemetery and looked at the map he had retrieved from the entrance. Bruno had told him what section and the cemetery was numbered on the map. He slowly drove up the hill and pulled over on the side. He stared down at the map and glanced at the grassy area filled with headstones. He reached over to the passenger side and picked up the white tulips he had picked up. He closed his eyes as thoughts of Toni ran through his head, her death, her funeral and the confrontation with Anthony Marchette. He slowly opened them taking a big breath as he looked up the grassy hill again. Why couldn't he get out of the car? Dylan looked down as more flashbacks came into play.

Dylan had traveled through France. He had been gone from home for a month since his late wife had gotten killed. He handled his wife's death like he handled everything else, he ran away. He bummed around, staying in old villages, exploring the countryside and one day hopped the train from Paris to London. He never fully admitted at first exactly why he decided to head north instead of south. He had planned on heading down to the French Riviera, staying in Nice, a small beach type city, with great beaches and nightlife. He knew why he was heading to London just never said it out loud. After spending most of the day walking around, sight seeing, he hadn't been to London since he was a kid and a lot had changed. He had finally found a small café outside London's theater district. He took a seat and ordered a coffee, as he waited for his drink he pulled out a postcard. He looked at the front of it, a scenic shot of London, Big Ben in the background. He reached into the envelope and pulled out a letter and began to read.

Dear Dylan,

Well here I am still in London. I guess you're probably surprised I decided to stay here. I have tried calling you a few times but couldn't get you. Please don't think that I didn't mean what I said. I had every intention of coming back to L.A. and to you. I do miss you and you are the only man I have ever loved. Please understand I have to do this now. I have been offered a full scholarship to continue here at RADA and no matter how much I love you, I have to take advantage of this opportunity. As I sit here and write this I debate with myself if I will actually send it. Ever since we broke up, I have dreamed of being with you again and now I know staying in London may actually close the door on us forever. Please know I love you more than anything and I will never forget you and how you changed me. I also hope you meant what you said and you will applaud me from afar and if we ever run into each other, I will welcome you with open arms and an open heart forever and always. I love you Dylan, please know you will always be the love of my life and even with an ocean between us my heart is always with you.

With Love,

Brenda

Dylan sighed reading it over again. He had received it shortly after learning Brenda was not coming back to Beverly Hills. It was touching but it hurt and Dylan never wrote her back or called her after receiving it because he wanted her to succeed, he truly did and Dylan knew if she heard from him, she would know how he was feeling and he didn't want her returning to L.A and giving up her dream because he was in a place he had promised her he would never be again. Also sadly…a part of him was mad at her. Mad at her for leaving him and staying there. Mad that they had finally gave into their hearts, after a year of being off and on with Kelly, him and Brenda getting closer, they had given in and they had both opened up their hearts again to each other for nothing. Then the other part felt he deserved it, deserved her rejection like he had done to her. Dylan stared at the return address, he knew he was close. In London theater life is as big as or even bigger than in New York City. London's main theater district is located in the heart of the West End of the city center. Dylan looked up and realized he didn't even have to try and find her. Brenda lived at 175 Drury Lane, flat 4A. As he stared at the street sign, he smirked slightly seeing the street name. Dylan was sitting at a café on the corner of Drury Lane and Long Acre. Was it fate or was it Dylan's subconscious leading the way? Dylan didn't care, he had wanted to see her or even talk to her for so long. He then admitted in his mind why he had gotten on that train to London, it was to see her, he missed her. With all the stuff Dylan had been through, he knew she was the only one that could save him. She was the only one he loved as much if not more than his wife and he had never gotten over her.

Dylan took a deep breath setting down the flowers and starting the Porsche up. He couldn't do it, he couldn't face her even if it was just her tombstone. Was Toni watching him, was she mad he ran into the arms of another women so soon? Did he not love her as much as he thought? Dylan's guilt was overwhelming and instead of visiting her, telling her he missed her, that he was sorry for not protecting her and for letting her drive alone that night to meet her father, he drove back to the hotel, stopping at a liquor store on the way.

**

Brandon draped his arm around Gina as they walked across the balcony of the beach apartment.

"Thank you for doing this?" Gina said turning her face toward him with a smile.

"No problem, thank you for understanding. It's just weird you know? It shouldn't be though, I mean she is with Matt and she seems happy enough and I actually am in talks with the LA times because things are going so well here, I think I want to stay here."

"Really?" Gina gleamed.

"Does that scare you?" Brandon stopped in front of the door.

She faced him and shook her head, "No, does it scare you?"

Brandon smiled, "A little."

Gina laughed, "Me too." She stuck her key in the door leaning in and giving him a soft peck. As she kissed him, they walked through the door running into Kelly.

The two broke apart, "Oh Kelly, I'm sorry…I didn't see you."

Kelly with a straight face looked back and forth between them. Brandon smiled walking around them and heading to the restroom. "Hey Kel."

Kelly smiled at him as she watched him walk around her.

"Just getting in or just leaving?" Gina asked being nosey.

Kelly looked at her not answering.

Gina looked at her oddly, "Ok…what's your problem?" Gina took off her sweater tossing it on the arm of the couch. She placed her hand on her hip and stared back at her.

Kelly took a deep breath, "Nothing…I don't have a problem. I'm just in a hurry to get back to the store. Donna forgot to set the alarm and she has a date with Noah and asked if I could go back and set it for her."

"Oh ok…are you coming back or are you staying at Matt's?"

"No I'll be back; Matt has a case he is working on so I told him I wouldn't be a distraction." Kelly shrugged.

"Ok well see ya." Gina sighed carrying the food her and Brandon had picked up and setting it on the kitchen table.

Kelly took a deep breath; she knew this was going to have to happen eventually. It just was a lot easier assuming Brandon and Gina were together at David's then in front of her face. Kelly noticed Brandon walk out of the bathroom and headed for the kitchen. She set her hands on the outside of her pocket looking for her keys. She looked on the ledge by her back door but didn't see them.

"Looking for these?" Brandon said with a smile holding her keys in the palm of his hand.

"Oh yeah." Kelly laughed slightly, "That might help huh?"

"Yeah…don't think you will get very far without them." Brandon said playfully.

"Thanks." Kelly reached for them and looked into his eyes.

"Ok bye…see you later Kelly." Gina said noticing the looks.

"Right…see you guys in a few, I just have to run to the store." Kelly smiled one last time turning toward the back door.

"Alright…well we have a ton of food and we rented There's Something About Mary, if you're interested." Brandon tried to be friendly.

Gina took a deep breath and forced a smile, "Yeah Kel, don't get anything to eat on the way home, we got more than enough Chinese to feed an army."

Kelly nodded and smiled, "Ok…maybe I will pick up something sweet. I'll be back." Kelly smiled happily and left.

Gina's smile faded as she looked at Brandon, "Well I guess it isn't as weird as you thought it was going to be?" Gina said it nicely but Brandon sensed the sarcasm in her tone.

"Are you mad? I was just being nice."

"Why would I be mad?" Gina looked away from him, taking out plates and silverware.

"Are you sure?" Brandon said looking at her.

"Yeah…why wouldn't I be?" Gina continued to collect things for dinner, anything not to make eye contact with him.

Brandon took a deep breath knowing it was bugging Gina, but if she wasn't going to say it or admit her jealousy, Brandon wasn't going to feed into it.

**

Dylan stared down at the glass he had poured himself two hours earlier. He had smelled it, he had whirled it around, he had brought it to his lips more times than he could count too afraid to actually drink it. Dylan had come to the conclusion that he didn't have anything. He had a dead wife, in which he felt too guilty to even visit, he had a dead daughter and even though Brenda was the only light at the end of the tunnel, he didn't have her either. Dylan lifted the cup contemplating ruining his sobriety. He had been doing so well and just one sip would make him have to start all over again. He tilted the glass to his lips but didn't pour it down his throat yet. Dylan shook his head putting it back down again. He reached for the phone.

"Come on Bren…pick up." Dylan tried desperately to reach her calling David's first. With no answer he assumed she was out and about or maybe still at rehearsal. If Brenda would just come over, maybe she would stay with him, help him get through the night without taking a drink.

Dylan looked at the phone and dialed her cell phone this time. "Hey this is Brenda, leave me a message." BEEP

"Bren…its Dylan…call me back please…I need you." Dylan hung up looking at his alcohol, cursing at himself for even buying it. Why did he put himself in this position? He was sure hearing Bruno and finding out where Toni was buried was the culprit but why was it different this time, because he wasn't with Brenda this time, he had nothing to look forward to like the birth of their baby or was he just weak. He always had been.

**

Brenda walked out of rehearsal and reached into her bag glancing down at her phone. She had 4 missed calls, one from Kelly and the others from a local number she thought looked familiar but wasn't exactly sure who it was from. As she walked toward her car she dialed her voicemail.

"You have 4 new messages." Brenda pressed one.

"First message…Hey Bren its Kelly, call me when you get this, I just wanted to see what you were doing tonight. Alright, bye."

"Second message…Bren…its Dylan…call me back please…I need you."

Brenda listened carefully and something about his tone made her worry.

"Third message…click"

Brenda made a face as she kept listening.

"Fourth message…click"

Brenda closed her phone and got into her car. She looked at the bags in the back seat. She had no idea where she was going to go, she shrugged thinking about it. Dylan sounded pretty urgent to talk to her, was it wrong to want to stay there? Steve was the only person she knew well at the Walsh house, Kelly, Donna and Gina's place was crowded, David's was well done. Brenda started her car and headed for the Bel Age. At least she would have somewhere to stay for the night, and maybe Dylan would help her find her own place.

As Brenda struggled to carry all her bags down the hallway she finally reached Dylan's door. She took a deep breath and reached her knuckles to the door and knocked gently.

"Who is it?" Dylan called out.

"Dylan…its Brenda." Brenda called out.

Dylan opened the door and looked at her, he exhaled relieved to see her. He moved in tenderly and embraced her. He held her tightly and closed his eyes burying his head in her neck. Brenda had her hands full with her bags so she didn't hug him back; she was actually taken back a bit by his demeanor.

"Dylan…are you ok?" she asked confused.

Dylan pulled away from her and sighed, "I am now." Dylan looked down at the suitcase and bags she was carrying, "Are you going somewhere?" he said almost worried.

Brenda walked past him letting herself in as Dylan closed the door behind her. She dropped her bags, "Can I stay here until I find a place?"

"You moved out of David's?"

"Long story but yeah…let's just say our little break up wasn't on the best of terms…" Brenda walked toward the couch and stopped in her tracks as she saw the poured liquor on the coffee table. "Dylan…you're drinking again?" Brenda looked at him with disappointment.

Dylan took a deep breath walking towards the couch. He sat down and leaned forward setting his elbows on his knees, "No just torturing myself. I'm really glad you're here."

Brenda moved slowly sitting next to him as she stared down at the scotch. "Dylan…what's going on?"

"I don't know…I got that call from Bruno and I went to the cemetery…but I couldn't get out of the car." Dylan looked toward the floor.

Brenda scooted closer to him and wrapped her arm around him. She leaned back on the couch taking him with her and held him.

"Why?" Brenda said softly.

"Guilt."

Dylan leaned out from her arms and looked at her, "Guilt… for not protecting her better…guilt for…never mind." Dylan looked away.

"Hey…you can tell me anything." Brenda said leaning toward him again.

Dylan caught her stare and took a deep breath, "Guilt for…moving on with you so soon."

"Oh." Brenda almost said in a whisper.

"Not that I wasn't ready to." Dylan started to fumble over his words; it was all coming out wrong. "Not regretting doing so or anything…"

Brenda got up setting her own personal feeling aside about the situation and picked up the phone.

"Who are you calling?" Dylan look confused.

Brenda took a deep breath, "Room service…we need ice cream, lots of ice cream."

Dylan gave her a tired smile looking at the bottle of scotch. He grabbed both the bottle and cup and walked over to the bar. He looked up at Brenda who was on hold. He shrugged cutely and started to pour the scotch down the sink, along with the glass he had poured.

Brenda hung up the phone and met him as he walked out of the bar. "I am proud of you."

Dylan nodded and took a deep breath, "Thanks Bren for..."

"Well…I didn't really do anything." Brenda smiled interrupting him.

"Yeah." Dylan nodded, "Yeah you did." Dylan smiled and he found himself looking her up and down.

"Hey." Brenda pointed at him, "Be good." She gave him a flirty smile.

"Well…us living together again, that could be pretty dangerous." Dylan joked.

Brenda was serious, "Dylan…lets not rush into anything…maybe you should give this Toni thing some time. If you hold that guilt inside and if you think maybe you jumped into things with me quickly the first time…then this time would be no different."

"Bren, I knew I shouldn't had said anything, I don't regret it; I just feel badly that's all." Dylan knew she would take it like that.

Brenda stopped him, "No, its ok." Brenda went over plopping on the couch and reaching for the remote. "So you're living in a hotel again, is there movie channels?"

Dylan sighed and took the hint Brenda didn't want to talk about Toni or London or their potential reconciliation. "Yeah." He breathed out. There were many things he wanted to say to her but didn't want her to take it the wrong way. So Dylan did what he had done best for years, he kept it to himself.

So what are your thoughts? I do intend to go more into London, which is fun for me. I know most of the reviews were against Dylan and Brenda living together again and I do intend on her trying to find a place of her own. There are some surprises with them as well. B/G/K…there story is slow but I do intend to work with it. Thank you for all your reviews and even the B/K fans have been nice to me. You guys are the best.