Brian's POV

After reading some information online about rape, I was ready to knock some heads together. None of the health care providers at Allegheny General had mentioned postexposure prophylaxis (PEP), which could prevent Justin from becoming positive. They had given him an HIV test and known he'd been raped. Hell, they'd even known that Justin was especially at risk because he'd suffered some minor rectal tearing. What the fuck?

The treatment needed to start as soon as possible and last 28 days, if Justin's HIV test was negative. Maybe I should report this to PFLAG or some other gay-advocacy group. I wasn't sure if their neglect was the result of homophobia, but, whatever the reason, gay men who'd been raped needed to know about PEP just in case doctors and/or nurses didn't offer it. Maybe contacting an HIV/AIDS advocacy group would be better. Female rape victims needed to know their treatment options, too. Thankfully, the health care providers at Allegheny General had not neglected to give Justin antibiotics to help prevent gonorrhea, chlamydia, and trichomonas infection, and Justin didn't need the hepatitis-B treatment, since he'd already been fully vaccinated.

I called the hospital and screamed at half a dozen people. According to the doctor I had finally reached, since Justin had already been seen, I could go back to the hospital alone to get a 5-day starter pack. Justin was peacefully dozing, so I didn't want to wake him. Justin would need to get the rest of the 23-day supply from a doctor specializing in infectious diseases, but that could wait a day or two. There were some side effects, such as headache, nausea, and fatigue, but nothing too serious.

According to the information I'd found, in animal studies, PEP was 100% effective within 24 hours, 50% effective between 24 and 48 hours, and 25% between 48 and 72 hours. There was little specific data on its efficacy in humans (just 81% within 72 hours), but I didn't want to take any chances. Justin hadn't been assaulted before 6 pm. If I could get Justin's first treatment in him before 6 pm that day, Justin would have the best possible chance of being okay. Shit, only a few hours.

After walking to the closet to get clothes, I glanced over at Justin's sleeping form. He looked so serene when he was sound asleep. That serenity along with his blond hair and porcelain white skin made him seem angelic. I stroked his cheek gently. I was so glad I wouldn't need to wake Justin up. Justin deserved every moment of peace and happiness he could get.

After I had picked up Justin's medication, I sat at the computer thinking. I really wanted to take Justin away for a week. The last thing he needed was the gang or his mother finding out, pitying him, assailing him with questions that he couldn't or didn't want to answer. But I didn't want him to think he needed to be hurt for me to want to take him on a trip. I didn't want him going to school this week, either. I was afraid of how it might mess with his head. On top of that, we didn't know who had hurt him. The last thing he needed was to see Ethan when he might have been involved. But I didn't want him to think that I thought he was weak and helpless.

That'd be a good description of me though. I was having lesbianic moments more than not lately, and I had no idea how to help Justin. I doubted that he'd want to see a therapist or join a support group, but he was kind of into the talking thing, and I couldn't think of anyone with whom he could be completely honest. Except maybe me or Daphne, and that's a big maybe. I might be able to get more advice from the therapist who'd helped me when Justin came home from the hospital after the bashing. No. Then I'd have to tell him, and Justin wouldn't want that. I could suggest that Justin call a rape crisis hotline. No. That'd make him feel pathetic. I guess I could call one. Maybe the counselor would have some ideas about how I could help him. I guess what they say about desperate times is true.

*******

Brian: Hello. My (pause) partner was raped. I'm not sure how to help him. He probably won't want to see a therapist or join a support group, at least not right away.

Rape Crisis Counselor: Ok. What kind of support system does he have?

Brian: Well…He has many people who love him, but I'm not sure that that they would be any help. The bulk of them can't see beyond their own needs and feelings to give him what he needs. His mother was able to do that once, in particular, but it was a struggle.

Rape Crisis Counselor: When was that? What had happened?

Brian: He was attacked by a homophobe. As a result, he was in a coma for two weeks and in rehab for a month to relearn how to use his hand. He suffered from anxiety and fits of rage, and he didn't want to be touched.

Rape Crisis Counselor: Oh my. Who helped him then? You said his mother provided some help…

Brian: Well…it took her a while, but she finally realized that he needed to be with the person who made him feel safest.

Rape Crisis Counselor: Who was that?

Brian: (pause) Me.

Rape Crisis Counselor: Why was his mother resistant?

Brian: She blamed me for the bashing. She felt that if he hadn't come out of the closet, he wouldn't have been hurt. To her, I represented the gay world he'd entered. On top of that, I'm 12 years older than he is.

Rape Crisis Counselor: Ah. You said that the bulk of his support system was too self-involved to help him. Other than you, is there anyone else who could?

Brian: His best friend. She is always looking out for his best interest.

Rape Crisis Counselor: Was she part of the healing process after the bashing?

Brian: Yes actually.

Rape Crisis Counselor: Well, given what you've told me, I'd suggest that you and his best friend work together to help him through this. He obviously trusts you both.

Brian: Ok. So what do we do?

Rape Crisis Counselor: Rape victims usually feel ashamed, weak, angry, and isolated. They often blame themselves, feel that they should have been able to fight back or fight back harder, and feel that no one understands what they are going through. They need to know that they are not to blame. That may take some doing. You'll need to reiterate that many, many times and in many ways. Self-defense classes can help. Make them feel safer, better able to fight off possible attackers. That has the added benefit of helping them to express their anger. You might also consider other physical outlets for anger. Having such an outlet will be particularly important for your partner because he's a man, and men are usually raised to believe that they cannot be victims. That they should be strong. Protectors. However, what may be the best help would be to have someone he respects and admires share experiences with him, experiences where he or she felt weak and helpless. Because he's a man, another man would be the ideal choice.

Brian: Argh.

Rape Crisis Counselor: What?

Brian: Well, your first two suggestions wouldn't be hard, but the third one…

Rape Crisis Counselor: He needs to know that anyone can be victimized, that he wasn't raped because of some deficiency, some weakness in himself…and that people who have been victimized can and do recover. That there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Brian: (Deep sigh. Long pause.) My dad used to beat me. Would telling him about that help? I mean, it's not exactly the same…

Rape Crisis Counselor: But it's not that different. Rape is a violent act. It's not about sex. It's about exerting control over someone else. Making them feel helpless. Hurting them. I can understand why you wouldn't want to share your experiences with your partner. Doing so would make you feel vulnerable, and you're probably afraid of losing your partner's respect. But don't you see that that is exactly how your partner feels?

Brian: (silence)

Rape Crisis Counselor: The last piece of advice I'd give you is to try to get your partner to ease up on his regular routine (unless he's the type that needs his routine to cope). Dealing with the rape and any older issues that the rape brings to the surface (like the bashing) is time consuming and emotionally draining. He should focus on healing. Of course, part of that is engaging in activities that make him feel good and confident. Activities that relax and center him.

Brian: I'll do that. Thanks.

*******

After speaking with the rape crisis counselor, I was relieved. At least I had an idea what I could do for Justin. I wasn't sure whether I could open up to him about my childhood, but, shit, if he needed me to do that to recover, how could I not try? But that would wait. I had phone calls to make. Starting with Daphne. Maybe she could stay at the loft for a week or two.