Brian's POV

The morning after Daphne arrived at the loft, she was "kind enough" to share her culinary skills with Justin and me. Runny scrambled eggs, soggy bacon, and burnt toast. She'd better marry a chef. After breakfast, I was sitting at the computer working when I noticed Justin putting on his coat.

"Uh, Sunshine, where do you think you're going?"

Justin laughed. "Work."

I shook my head. "Oh, no. Hell no! What if the fiddler shows up to shoot the breeze? Or the other attacker? You don't even know what he looks like. He could do serious damage to you before you even knew you were in danger."

I didn't even realize it, but I had been clenching and unclenching my fists as I was speaking. Just the thought of that fuckhead…sent me over the edge. Christ, I wanted to snap his neck! No. No. Too fast. Strangling, yes, strangling him would be nice. Justin's voice pulled me out of my murderous reverie.

"Brian, I can't miss work, and I don't want to live in fear."

I couldn't argue with that. I sighed.

"Fine. Fine! But if you go, I go."

"You're going to sit in the diner all day?"

I smirked at Justin. "Yup."

"Deb will think it's weird."

"I'll bring work."

Daphne, who had been in the bathroom showering and dressing, emerged and piped up, "I'm coming, too."

Justin laughed. "You're both nuts. But you're both adorable when being insanely overprotective."

"Gee thanks, Sunshine"

"Justin, I think I'd better work some magic on your face before we go anywhere. You're still bruised up pretty bad. Unless you want Deb to grill you."

Justin wrinkled his nose. "No. I really don't."

Daphne took him by the hand and dragged him into the bathroom.

*******

"Oh garcon? Garcon? More coffee please."

Justin rolled his eyes, but smiled. As he filled Daphne's cup, he said, "I can't believe you've been here for four hours guarding me."

"Oh it hasn't been too bad. I got some work done, and I got Daphne to tell me a few of your secrets. Not that it was too hard. She just loves to gossip."

"Indeed, she does. So what did your Deep Throat share with you?"

"Not the secret to giving great head, though you'd expect that, given her name."

Daphne and Justin laughed.

"No. She just told me about one of your earliest kinks."

"Oh God! What?"

"Well, I hear that you like to get naked and cover yourself in Vaseline, from head to foot."

Justin blushed. "Christ, I was four! Daphne, how could you tell him that story?"

Daphne shrugged. "I was bored."

Justin shoved her in retaliation.

"Sunshine, if you want, we could take a stroll down memory lane later, though I'd need to buy more Vaseline. I don't have nearly enough."

"You would be into that!"

"Don't judge me! I am merely open to trying new things…I think I'd enjoy rubbing Vaseline all over you…your cock, your ass, your thighs, your chest..."

"Only you could turn a silly childhood story my mother shares at picnics into a sexual fantasy."

"What can I say? I'm gifted."

********

…two days later…

Five days had passed since I'd found Justin at that white house. I was starting to get antsy. So far, Carl had no information to share, and I hadn't gone this long without sex since I was a teenager. But I needed Justin to reinitiate our sex life on his own terms and in his own time. With Daphne here, I could easily have taken a quick trip to Woody's or Babylon, but the thought of being with anyone but Justin after what had happened, especially since we weren't fucking, made me a little nauseous.

It was morning. Justin and Daphne were still sleeping, Justin in bed, Daphne on the couch. I set the coffee abrewing and decided to call Carl again. I still hadn't informed him about the near-gang rape Justin suffered last year.

*******

"I think you'd better find out what the Sap was doing when Justin was raped and beaten."

"The Sap?"

"Yea, he owns Babylon. Apparently, he and his buddies tried to gang rape Justin back when Justin worked there. Justin never reported it. He just quit after that night."

"Why didn't either of you mention it sooner?"

"I just found out, and it was by accident. Justin didn't mention it for pretty obvious reasons."

"How did it come up?"

"He had a nightmare about Ethan and the Sap sexually assaulting him. He and a friend who already knew about the previous incident were talking about it. I happened to overhear them."

"Shoot, any one of Justin's previous attackers could have been involved. Could he ID any of them?"

"I don't know. It was a year ago, and he'd been drugged. I don't think it was like the incident a couple days ago though. He was still mostly conscious, just very, very out of it. He managed to get away and come home. But we could come down to the station. Maybe he does remember something or someone from that night."

"I think it's worth asking him and showing him some mug shots."

"Ok. So did you find anything at that house?" I paused, trying to control my rage. "Have you questioned (pause) Ethan?" I could barely say his name. Every time I thought about the fiddler, I had the urge to kill him, with my bare hands, and slowly.

"Well, there was more semen on the mattress. We're testing it, but there were many, many samples, not necessarily from that night. I'm guessing that that mattress had been used for a similar purpose before. We got shots of the footprints. We are still working on a warrant to search Ethan's apartment. Son of a bitch has some high-ranking friends."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!"

"I wish I were. Anyway, once we get a warrant, we can check the tread on his shoes. We are also trying to get a warrant for a DNA sample to compare with the semen the doctor collected and the semen samples we took from the mattress."

I closed my eyes and rubbed my forehead hard. "This has to go to trial. After everything Justin went through, not just that night but the morning after at the station and the hospital…"

"We'll get them. It's just a matter of time. We are also trying to track down the store the ring was purchased from. I have a jeweler friend whose helping us. Apparently, the design is unique. That should help. There's a good chance that we can connect Ethan to that house through that purchase. We also identified the drug Justin was given. It's a good thing you mentioned the Sap. A poor college student would have trouble getting ahold of it, but a club owner? That'd be a snap. Maybe we can find the dealer and get him to talk."

"Ok. Well, I'll bring Justin down to the station later today or tomorrow."

"Call me before you do. I want to make sure I'll be here."

"Will do. Thanks, Carl."

"Just doing my job."

"Thanks anyway."

*******

After I hung up the phone, I decided to solve my other problem. Just watching Justin sleep was making me hornier than hell. Soon I was in the shower jerking off. I was close. I threw my head back and placed a hand on the wall to prevent myself from falling. It had been so long (for me, five days without sex and three days without an orgasm was long) that the impending orgasm was making my legs wobbly. I came, biting back a moan (I didn't want to wake Justin). Unfortunately, he was already awake, as I learned when I turned around and saw two very angry blue eyes glaring at me. Justin was standing in the bathroom, arms folded on his chest.

"What the hell were you doing?"

Trying to lighten the mood, I laughed and answered, "Again…such questions make me wonder about the accuracy of your SAT score. It's called jerking off. I've even seen you do it."

"I know what you were doing. I meant why were you doing it."

"Ah. I was getting a little desperate. It's been three days since I've had an orgasm."

With that, ice cold blue eyes became rippling pools.

In a shaky voice Justin said, "Look, I know that we haven't…but you could have gone out for a while, fucked some trick."

I was getting annoyed. "If I had wanted to do that, I would have."

Justin was pissed again. "So you'd rather jerk off in the shower?"

I didn't respond. I was hoping to avoid telling him that I didn't want to trick, not for a while anyway.

Justin's mood was changing direction as fast as a weather vane on a blustery day. Now he was sad again.

Quietly, he said, "I can see why you don't want me, but why the hell aren't you tricking? I don't need your fucking pity!"

Oh, pissed again.

I turned off the shower quickly and stomped over to him, well, as much as one can stomp in bare feet. I had had a raging hard-on, almost constantly, for two days, and the little twat had the balls to accuse me of not wanting to fuck him. I had the urge to pound his ass right then and there, but…I needed to be patient.

"You don't think I want you? Fuck, Justin! For four days straight, I've woken up with a painful erection after dreaming about fucking you. I wake up holding your warm naked body against mine…and I have to run in here to take a cold shower before I do something I shouldn't."

Justin put his hands on his hips. "Like what?"

"Like start sucking your cock or wake you up so I can fuck you into the mattress!"

"What the fuck is so wrong with that? I'm not a child. I'm not ill or broken."

"That's not how I see you. I just (sigh) I just wanted to wait for you to want me. As much as you accuse me of not wanting you, did it ever occur to you that I might be…"

"Be what?"

The rape counselor had said that I needed to make myself vulnerable because that's how Justin was feeling…would be feeling for a while…but it made me extremely uncomfortable.

More softly, I continued, "That I might be…hurt that you don't seem to want me anymore?"

Justin looked stunned.

"…You love sex almost as much as I do. Why are you suddenly perfectly content going without? I don't want you to be okay with me fucking you or whatever. I want you to want me to fuck you, like you used to. I know it's probably temporary. So I've been waiting. Not very patiently though…hence the jerking off."

Incredulously, Justin asked, "You think I don't want you?"

I let out a puff of air. "Well…you haven't initiated anything…and you've never really been shy about getting your needs met. Maybe a little that first night, but not since."

Justin laughed. "I've been waiting for you to make the first move."

"Why?"

Justin looked uncomfortable. He started playing with his fingers and looking at the ceramic tile. "I…"

Suddenly, he snapped his head up, his eyes blazing.

"Maybe because I'm revolting. I look in the mirror, and I see myself as I was the night of your bowling competition."

Now I was confused. "What?"

"Knowing I'd been with Ethan, you couldn't stand to be inside me or even naked with me. How could you possibly stand it now? I don't remember much, but I clearly remember being fucked by someone who wasn't you. Ethan was probably the one who fucked me. I have his marks all over my body, never letting you or I forget, for one second, that he had me. Even after the bruises are gone, I might still feel him inside me. Before, there was only you. I always felt you inside me. Only you."

His voice broke, and he started sobbing.

"But Ethan took that from me. Now there's only him. All I feel is him…all I see in the mirror is him. FUCK!"

Justin crumbled, sitting with his knees up, his arms around his legs, sobbing.

"He's inside me, all over me. Sometimes, I can't bear to look at you. I feel so guilty."

I was seriously about to lose my shit. "What the fuck for?"

He spoke barely above a whisper. "Because I went to Ethan's. Because I ate the food he'd made, which was probably drugged. I was awake at some point that night. But it still happened. So I must not…not have fought back hard enough."

He trailed off and put his head down on his knees.

A moment later, he lifted his head. His eyes were dark with rage. He yelled, his voice growing progressively louder, "Maybe I didn't fight back at all! I was drugged at the Sap's party, too, and I managed to get away from several attackers. Why the hell wasn't I strong enough this time? Huh? Why? Michael was right. I am worthless. You should have left me to die."

I'd been maintaining control, but just barely. However, with that last statement, I lost it.

"DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING SAY THAT!"

I punched one of the glass walls surrounding the shower, shattering it.

I was crying uncontrollably. I pulled Justin up and held him by the shoulders. He was stunned.

"Don't you know that if you died, you'd take me with you? I was a fucking zombie the night Hobbs attacked you. I just sat there. Remembering every word, every moment. Willing you to live. After you made it through surgery, I was so afraid that I'd never see you smile again that I spent the next month drunk. FUCK!"

I let Justin go and spun around, wiping away tears, trying to regain control. Once I had stopped crying, I turned back around. Justin had a concerned look on his face. He seemed to want to do or say something, but he was hesitant.

I put my left hand on his cheek, leaving my right, my bloody hand, hanging at my side. I caressed his face gently.

Softly, I said, "I can't help but want you. Don't you get that yet? I tried not to…but I have never been able to stop. Never. The night you mentioned…the night of the bowling competition…I did want to be inside you. So much that it hurt. But I was so angry. You made the rules, and you broke every fucking one. For a ridiculous pompous ass. He wasn't even hot."

Justin's eyes filled with tears.

I shook my head to dispel the bad memories.

"But that doesn't matter anymore. Now is all that matters."

I put my bloody hand on Justin's right cheek and gently brushed my lips against his.

Justin whispered, "Make me yours again. Please."

A heartbeat later, I was kissing Justin with a desperation that scared me.