Chapter 38 It's So Hard to Say Goodbye

"I am sorry sir it looks like she did online check in." the women concentrated on the screen.

"So she is gone?" Dylan closed his eyes briefly and looked down.

"But…it doesn't look like she ever physically checked in, her boarding pass was never scanned."

Dylan shot his head up, "What does that mean?"

The women raised her green eyes from the screen and smiled, "It means she may have planned to be on this flight but it doesn't look like she is…someone special?" the girl gave Dylan a dreamy look.

"Yes." Dylan cupped the woman's face with both hands and leaned in and gave her a hard peck, "Thank you…thank you…thank you." He began to run from the gate.

The women blushed and giggled, "I hope you find her." she called out.

As Dylan got to his car he thought where would Brenda be, if she didn't get on that plane and she wasn't at the hotel who would she be staying with? Dylan picked his cell up and dialed the beach apartment.

"Hello." Kelly answered.

"Hey Kel…is Bren there?" Dylan said desperate.

"No…I haven't seen her. Everything ok?"

"No…if you see her, tell her to call me right away."

"Will do."

"Bye Kel."

"Bye."

Kelly clicked off her cordless phone and exhaled turning toward the couch. She picked up the coffee mug with tea and walked over handing it to Brenda.

"Ok…I lied…what's going on?" Kelly sat next to Brenda.

Brenda swallowed hard and brought the tea up to her lips taking a sip, "I was at the airport, I was checked in, I sat at the terminal, watching people go by. People saying good bye, families, boyfriend…girlfriends…and when they called that they were boarding flight 327 I couldn't get up. I thought leaving without saying goodbye would be easier but I couldn't do it." Brenda looked down with tears in her eyes.

"What do you want to do Bren?" Kelly set her hand on Brenda's shoulder.

"I don't know." Brenda breathed out

Brenda and Kelly's attention turned toward the back door as they heard a gentle knock. Kelly looked down at her watch and seeing that it was late she made a face.

"Who could that be?" Kelly started to get up and Brenda reached out her hand grabbing Kelly's.

"If its Dylan…I am not here, don't let him in…please Kel."

Kelly nodded and went to the back door opening it slightly.

"Brandon?" Kelly opened it further.

Brandon moved in quickly letting himself through the door and cupped Kelly's face and leaned in and kissed her hard, enveloping her lips with his. Kelly smiled mid kiss with her eyes closed.

"I don't want to waste anymore time. I love you and I don't know…for the first time I don't know anything…but I do know that I regret not marrying you and ever since I left L.A you have always been on my mind."

Kelly smiled exhaling out of her nose looking toward the couch. Brandon followed Kelly's eyes and saw his sister sitting on the couch looking at them.

Brenda smirked and gave him an uncomfortable wave, "Hi." she said short.

Brandon smiled and looked down, "Hi."

"Ah…well I am going to go to bed. Thanks Kelly for the tea, I just need to sleep on it." Brenda set the mug down and got up.

"Brenda.." Kelly tried to stop her feeling badly.

Brenda smiled at her and shook her head, "Talk to him Kelly…we are finished, I will talk to you tomorrow."

"Are you sure?"

Brenda looked back and forth between Brandon and Kelly, "Positive." Brenda moved toward the bedroom turning around and looking at them. Kelly reached her arms around Brandon's neck and squeezed him tightly. Brenda took a deep breath and smiled, retiring to Gina's old room to get some sleep.

"Oh Kel." Brandon whispered as he held her. "It was a mistake…calling off the wedding…me moving away."

"I know." Kelly pulled out, "I am sorry."

"I saw you on Christmas and it hit me…I wasn't over you and I never will be."

"Shhh…it doesn't matter. You're here now."

Brandon smiled at her and sighed, "Yeah…I am."

Brandon grabbed the back of Kelly's head drawing her closer to him and this time bringing his lips to hers roughly and passionately they began kissing. They didn't need any long drawn out apologies; they didn't need uncomfortable or awkward silences. Both of them had been holding back these feelings for months and with nothing or no one in their way to stop them they both knew it was the right time.

Brandon walked Kelly backwards leading her to her bedroom, hitting walls and doors on the way. They never left each others lips because they didn't want to waste anymore time away from each other; Brandon kicked the door closed with his foot. Kelly felt the bed hit the back of her legs and she flopped down, Brandon covering her with his body. As Kelly helped Brandon out of his shirt, they took turns undressing each other and began making love.

Kelly pulled away in between kisses and looked into Brandon's eyes, "I missed you so much." Kelly breathed out.

Brandon looked down at her and smiled, "I missed you too." he leaned down and planted gently kisses along Kelly's neck causing her to giggle.

Brenda looked toward the door hearing the giggles coming from across the hall. Brenda smiled, she was happy her brother and Kelly found their way back to each other but seeing them get back together only reminded her of Dylan. She knew he was right, she had to go, he wasn't ready to commit to her and Brenda and Dylan's relationship never thrived on long distance. Maybe after Brenda's tour she could come back and maybe the separation would do them well, maybe bring them closer. It all sounded well but why was Brenda so torn then. Probably because this whole thing was déjà vu and the last time it was only for the summer and she ended up staying there. Brenda grabbed the pillow putting it over her face. She had to go…she had made up her mind.

**

Dylan had looked everywhere for Brenda, he had called all of their friends, he even called a few hotels in the area and no one named Brenda Walsh has a reservation there. Maybe the flight attendant was wrong, maybe they didn't scan her boarding pass or the computer made a mistake. All Dylan knew was that Brenda was gone, whether it was out of the state or ignoring him. She was gone. Dylan walked down the hallway of the hotel and stopped at Valerie's door. It was after one in the morning now but Dylan didn't care. He took out the velvet box and rubbed the soft fabric in his hands. He reached up and knocked. After several moments Valerie opened the door half asleep.

"Dylan?" her voice scratchy, she rubbed her eyes trying to focus from the bright light of the hallway.

Dylan tossed the velvet box gently at her as Valerie fumbled to catch it. Dylan started to walk toward his room as Valerie looked down at the box opening it hoping to see an empty box but the ring was still there.

"What happened?" Valerie called out to him.

"Have it…make a necklace out of it or whatever, I don't want to look at it anymore." Dylan unlocked his room and shut the door behind him.

Valerie sighed disappointed and looked down at the box. She shook her head and went back into her room.

**

Wednesday had gone by so quickly. The day started and before Brenda had noticed it was 7 o'clock already. Brenda played with her take out Italian food Brandon and Kelly had gotten. She looked up at them, she watched as Brandon brought his fork to her mouth feeding Kelly a bite of his food. Kelly laughed covering her mouth as Brandon leaned in and kissed her. Brenda hadn't seen them together, she knew they had been and she had seen pictures but not in action. It was hard to deny the love they showed for each other. Brenda set down her fork and took a deep breath. She got up and walked toward the door.

Kelly pulled away from Brandon's lips, "Where are you going?" she said with a smile.

Brenda turned around, "To say good goodbye to the love of my life." Brenda said picking up her bags that were sitting by the back door.

Brandon and Kelly looked at each other and smiled and then looked at Brenda, "Good luck." Brandon said wrapping his arm around Kelly and pulling her into him so her head was resting on his shoulder.

Brenda nodded and smiled, "Thanks."

**

Dylan played with his key as he got off the elevator, he had tried keeping busy, surfing, the Peach Pit, even spent 2 hours that morning picking up trash on the side of the freeway, not like he enjoyed it but it was something but the only thing he thought about was Brenda. How much he screwed up, which was becoming more and more of a habit for him. If Brenda wasn't gone already she was leaving the following day. Dylan thought of ways that they could have both, New York and each other and he couldn't think of a logical way, besides a long distance thing and that scared him and wasn't good enough. He wanted to be with her and wake up to her everyday. Dylan felt his heart flutter and it caused him to stop and look toward his room. There she was sitting on the floor looking at him with sad eyes. Just like he had done all those years ago, they felt each others presence and Dylan quickly moved toward his room watching as Brenda rose to her feet. They embraced each other tightly finally exhaling.

"I thought you had left without saying goodbye." Dylan whispered with his eyes closed tight as he squeezed her so hard Brenda let out a grunt.

She quickly shook her head as tears freed themselves from her eyes. "I couldn't leave without saying goodbye." she whispered back to him.

Dylan leaned out and unlocked his door letting her in, grabbing her bags for her. Dylan set them down once the door closed behind them and stood there staring at her.

"Bren…I have to tell you something."

Brenda shook her head, "No…don't say anything…I don't want to know. Tomorrow I will be on a plane to New York but tonight I want to be with you. I don't want talk about anything, I don't want cry about anything." Brenda spoke too soon because the tears appeared out of no where again and fell down her cheek, "I just want to spend my last night in Beverly Hills with the man I love." Brenda voice cracked as she stared at him. He was blurred from the tears and Brenda blinked and as she opened them he was standing in front of her. Brenda broke down and this time before she stood there and sobbed Dylan wiped the tears from her face and kissed her intensely. He reached his arms around her waist moving them down her butt lifting her off the ground. Brenda played with the back of his head moving his hair between her fingers as Dylan moved them slowly toward the bedroom.

"I love you so much…don't forget about me ok?" Brenda said as he lay her down on the bed and moved himself over her.

He shook his head concentrating on one thing her eyes, "I could never forget you, I love you too."

Brenda helped Dylan with his shirt and he did the same with her, kissing each other in between. Their kisses were passionate and hungry; there was urgency to them both knowing it may be the last time they were together. Brenda arched her back as Dylan kissed down her chest, holding on to her hips and pulling them into him so he could make love to her. They moved together slowly, neither wanted to rush anything, Dylan wanted the feeling of her to last. Knowing that if they moved faster it would be over quicker. Brenda and Dylan made love for two hours like it was the last time they would ever make love and it still didn't feel long enough. He held her in his arms after not wanting to ever let her go. Dylan knew Brenda didn't want to hear what was on his mind and he respected it. Dylan moved slightly turning to his side so he could face her. He brought his face close to hers and stared at her. There were no words, she didn't want to hear them and Dylan didn't feel like he needed to. All Dylan did was lean in and kiss her…all through the night, neither wanted to sleep, the clock seemed loud, so loud both could hear it tick and tock. They just wanted to enjoy each other and they did.

**

Brenda moved out from Dylan's embrace, both had fallen asleep off and on through the night and day. Brenda sat up sadly and glanced over at the clock. 6 o'clock…she had spent the whole night and day in bed with Dylan. She began to get up as Dylan reached out and grabbed her bringing her back to him with his eyes still closed.

"No." he groaned finally opening his eyes slowly.

Brenda smiled and leaned in and kissed him gently, "I got to leave here in an hour."

"Well then we have a hour." he smirked at her and leaned in again this time giving her an intense kiss.

Brenda pulled away sadly and looked at him, keeping her feeling to herself she let go again and kissed him again this time leading the way. And going in for the 5th or 6th time with Dylan…they had lost count and weren't really sure when they had stopped and started.

"Ok…now I really have to get up…and I can not feel my legs." Brenda sat up and smiled looking down at him. She ran her fingers through his hair as they stared at each other.

Dylan gave her that cute flirty smile that melted her heart, "Well…if you can't feel your legs then you can't leave."

Brenda laughed as she leaned down pecking him one last time and got up going to the bathroom to get washed up and dressed. Dylan watched her walk into the bathroom as his smiled faded. He moved his head straight ahead and stared at the ceiling. This was going to be even harder than he imagined. Dylan and Brenda had both gotten dressed and migrated out into the living room area. Brenda went through her mental checklist making sure she had everything as Dylan went over to answer the door. He smiled opening it wide as the gang popped their heads in.

"Surprise." they yelled.

Brenda laughed walking over to them, "Guuuuuuuyssss." she whined, pouting a bit.

"You didn't think we would actually let you leave with out saying goodbye did you?" Donna said handing over a scrapbook she had made especially for her and giving her a hug.

"You guys…never." Brenda smiled.

Brenda looked around at her friends as she began to tear up. She went over to Steve and leaned up kissing him on the cheek. "Take care of casa Walsh huh? Keep in touch this time; I could always use a good laugh from my buddy Steve."

Steve sadly nodded and embraced her, "Good luck Brenda…break a leg."

Brenda nodded and moved to Donna, "I love you…write me ok?" Brenda wiped her tear.

Donna nodded laughing at them for being so sappy. "I love you too." Donna said back hugging her.

"Well Val…you are the biggest bitch I know and God I love you for it." Brenda smiled as her lip quivered.

Valerie laughed wiping her nose, "I keep things exciting." Valerie said with a smile.

"Absolutely." Brenda said giving her a hug.

Brenda moved to David and the tears fell faster, she grabbed him and embraced him tightly squeezing him. "Thank you for everything you did for me, I couldn't have gotten through everything without you." Brenda whispered in his ear.

David eyes watered and he closed them holding on to her. She leaned out and gently rubbed down his face and smiled at him. She leaned in and kissed him gently on the lips. They nodded at each other, "You two come visit ok? I love you both and I am so happy for you." Brenda wrapped her arms around both of them for a tight group hug.

Brenda smile faded as she faced Brandon and Kelly. She shook her head opening her mouth to speak but the words didn't come back.

"I am so glad you guys are back together and I will never forget that I was there for it. Thank you Kelly for everything and this time keep in touch ok? Now that I we seem to be getting along lets not go back." Brenda nodded. Kelly tilted her head as a few tears escaped her eyes. She leaned in and embraced her.

"I will, I promise." Kelly whispered.

"Oh Brandon." Brenda breathed out embracing him tightly. "I am going to miss you." She sobbed. "I'll call you when I get there."

Brandon nodded sadly, "I love you…have a safe flight."

"I will." Brenda wiped her face and looked around the room at all her friends. Wiping away their tears and sniffling. Her eyes found Dylan. They stared at each other for several moments.

"Ready?" she whispered to him.

Dylan nodded quickly wiping his eyes in hopes no one saw. "Yeah." Dylan picked up her bags and walked toward the door.

Valerie picked up her purse, "Don't forget this." Valerie said with a smirk, "You are going to need it."

Brenda grabbed her purse swinging in around her shoulder. "This is silly…it's not like I am not going to see any of you again. I guess it's because last time we did this we thought it was going to be 6 weeks and it was 5 years." Brenda laughed.

"Well don't do that again." Steve said with a smile.

"I won't." Brenda shook her head and held up her hand, "Bye." she sadly whispered as her and Dylan headed down the hallway to the airport.

Dylan and Brenda hadn't said anything to each other the whole way to the airport. After Brenda checked in she took a seat next to Dylan who was waiting with her. Dylan leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"Bren…tonight at my meeting I get my 90 day sobriety metal…I just wanted to thank you because I know I wouldn't have been able to do it without you."

Brenda tilted her head and gave him a sad smile, "Oh baby, that's wonderful. You did it yourself." she leaned forward so she was closer to him.

"No…it was you…it was always you. I don't know what I am going to do without you." Dylan said with tears in his eyes.

Brenda shook her head, "Dylan…please." Dylan looked to the floor.

"Now boarding flight 271...now boarding rows 35 to 50 flight 271 to JFk." The flight attendant announced.

Brenda broke down and stood up; Dylan rose to his feet and looked at her. He moved her hair behind her ears and cupped her face; Brenda closed her eyes not able to look at him. He leaned down and kissed her hard. He opened his mouth covering her lips with his. Feeling the wetness from each others tears on their faces and tasting it on their lips.

"I love you." Brenda whispered through her tears keeping her eyes closed, resting her forehead against his.

"I love you too." Dylan whispered back.

Brenda looked at him and had a small tantrum shaking herself out, she groaned, "Uh ok…I am going to miss you." she took a deep breath

"I am going to miss you so much." Dylan embraced her. They held each other tightly.

"Tell me I am doing the right thing. Tell me it's ok and just tell me...lie to me if you have too" Brenda cried.

Dylan began to tear up, "You're doing the right thing, you will be amazing and all your dreams are coming true." he whispered in her ear as he held her.

"Not all of them." Brenda breathed out into his ear.

"Now boarding rows 34-18 flight 271 to JFK."

Brenda leaned out from Dylan and stared into his watery eyes. She leaned in and gave him a long drawn out passionate kiss not caring who saw them. She bent down picking up her carry on and purse. She smiled at him and just walked away. If she stood there any longer she wouldn't leave. Dylan reached out his hand to grab her but missed her. He moved his hands in his pocket and watched as the line moved toward the gate opening. Brenda handed over her boarding pass and looked at Dylan. He tilted his head and looked at her.

"I love you." he mouthed.

Brenda nodded, "I love you too." she mouthed back. She turned and started walking down toward the plane turning around one last time to see his face. Dylan took a deep breath and just like that she was gone.

*Wahhhhhh* I cried writing this chapter, I am such a sap. Second to last chapter is planned out and will be posted soon. Let's hope I let people catch up a little for the ending. The next chapter is the big ending, will it fast forward? Will it continue? Review so you can find out. Xoxoxox.