Brian's POV

I looked around the loft and sighed. The circus was still in town when we returned. They had pitched their tents and taken the animals out of their pens for exercise. They were even serving food (that was really the only good part. Justin hadn't eaten in quite some time; for all I knew, I was starting to look tasty to him, and not in a positive life-affirming way).

Poor Daphne. Deb and Mother Taylor had her cornered and were pumping her for information. I couldn't have been more proud. She'd responded, "It's not my place to say" so many times that Deb was having an apoplectic fit, and Mother Taylor was beside herself, hand on her chest, so pale I could barely see her (I'd heard Daphne do so five times in the few minutes we'd been standing by the door).

Mikey was standing by the window, arms crossed, pouting. Ted was watching porn on my computer with the sound off, as evidenced by the perverse smile and wide eyes (so glad he didn't take my laptop anywhere), and Auntie Em, as always (if I were honest), was a breath of fresh air. He had called in the cavalry (to bring groceries) and was cooking up a storm. It looked like he was preparing for a cocktail party at the United Nations.

When Emmett saw Justin, he called out "Baby!" and tried (but failed miserably) to hold back the tears that had sprung to his eyes. He looked at me uneasily, and with good reason (I was shooting him a warning look), shoved something into Justin's mouth (was that a codfish ball?), handed him a plate with all different kinds of appetizers on it (salmon caviar on buttered toast, strange-looking meatballs on toothpicks with a white sauce for dipping, stuffed cabbage leaves, sushi, baked sweet potatoes, corn bread, and some type of flat bread), and ran back to the kitchen (and his hanky). I think I smelled cake or cookies, too.

Justin happily munched on his codfish ball and eyed the other appetizers hungrily; I couldn't help but laugh and kiss the little twat on the cheek. Everyone (but Ted) turned their attention to us when they heard Emmett's greeting. Mother Taylor, Deb, and Mikey were headed our way, none looking pleased. Fucking Christ! Daphne looked like she wanted to hide in the bedroom, but, like the true friend she is, she walked over to Justin and awaited the onslaught (and helped herself to a piece of salmon-caviar-laden toast, saying "Ooo, pink! I love pink food!" I couldn't help but smile, especially when Justin responded, mouth still full, "That does look good!")

Both the mothers (I'll leave the implication where it lays) squared off with Justin and I, while Mikey took Ben aside.

Deb yelled, "So did they arrest that son of a bitch?"

Jen glared at me and suggested to Justin, "Honey, I think you should come home with me. I can keep you safe."

Mikey moaned, "Ben, why did you go to the police station? And where were you before then? You aren't involved in this, are you? I don't want you to put yourself in any danger! You've suffered enough."

Ben replied calmly, rubbing Mikey's shoulder in reassurance, "Michael, I was just being a supportive friend."

Before anyone had answered her first question, Deb posed another. She asked, with concern, confusion, and urgency in her voice, "So Sunshine, what exactly happened that night? Had you even seen Hobbs or Ethan recently?"

Mikey shook his head and stated, "I like Justin and all, but he attracts trouble."

That was the last straw!

I snapped, "Mikey! Shut the fuck up! Ben wasn't there to support Justin. He was there in case I needed him."

Everyone was stunned, even Justin. Well, everyone but Daphne and Ben, privy as they had been to my freak outs.

Mikey responded, "Huh?"

I yelled at Mikey, avoiding Justin's eyes like the plague, "Am I not speaking English? Did it ever occur to you that I might…that I might be going insane with guilt and feelings of helplessness? Or that this might be bringing some of my Daddy issues to the surface? I may be an asshole; I may not have expressed my feelings for Justin when I should have, but, if you knew me at all, you'd know that I have always tried to protect Justin. ALWAYS! Together or not. But I'm NOT fucking Rage, Mikey! I'm not a superhero. I can't tell when a closet maniac is about to crack…or feel evil descending on Justin. Everyone thinks I control everything, but I don't (I turned to face everyone now, except Justin and Daphne, who were beside me) I can't! I would if I could! I couldn't even kill Ian when I had the chance. Why, you might ask? I certainly have no scruples. No, it's because I'm afraid. A scared little faggot. Afraid of losing Justin again…afraid of becoming Jack and seeing Justin recoil in horror…afraid of being forcibly separated from him when the cops send me to jail. Did you all know that I haven't left his side since it happened (well, just once, but Daphne was here)? I'm fucking powerless to keep the person I love most in the world safe, and it's fucking killing me!"

Everyone's eyes were wide with shock, even Ted's. I honestly don't know what expression Justin's eyes wore. I couldn't meet his gaze, though I felt it. Not now. I was afraid that I was hurting him somehow… that admitting my weakness would make him lose respect for me, or worse yet, pity me…I just couldn't bear to see more pain (disappointment or pity) in his eyes. I just couldn't.

A little more calmly, I continued, "Now to address other questions and comments…Mrs. Taylor, Justin lives here. This is his home. Deal with it! Mikey, Justin doesn't attract trouble. If you really liked him, you'd never fucking say that! I hope it's just your concern for Ben talking because that was yet another thoughtless comment you've made about Justin that went WAY WAY over the fucking top…and I won't have it! No more. Think before you speak or shut the fuck up! Loving me and Ben doesn't give you the right to spew such hateful bullshit! And Deb…I have no idea where you were going with the whole 'Had you even seen Hobbs or Ethan' crap, but I fucking hope you weren't asking whether Justin did something to precipitate what happened!"

I looked down and pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to regain control. Every time I thought I was okay, I wasn't.

A few moments later, I added, "If you all want to stay, eat some of Em's food, and act normal around Justin (assuming he wants you to stay), that's fine by me. But Justin's gone through so much recently…he shouldn't be assaulted with prying questions, however well meaning, or suggestions about how he should live his life differently. And blaming someone (other than Ethan and Hobbs) or something may make you feel better, but it has the potential to scar Justin…so don't do it! Oh and Ted, go watch porn at your own fucking place!"

At that, everyone burst out laughing, well, except Ted. He actually blushed.