Well some of you guys really aren't going to like me much over the coming chapters, but I hope you stick with the story.

If you want the rainbow you gotta put up with some rain…

LoveAsh87 – yeah it is hard seeing their jobs cause so much strain on the relationship, but I guess it happens to the best of couples. Being 18 and newly out in the big bad world our girls are likely to encounter some problems. Thanks for the review!

C-Olive – I agree, I feel sorry for Spencer too (and I feel guilty that my imagination is putting her through this) and yeah Madison is a bitch, I love the character but always preferred her being her bitchy self.

Thanks for all the wonderful reviews so far and thanks to all who are sticking with this story!!

Flashback in italics.

You Have To Go There To Come Back

Chapter Six

Spencer's POV

I watched the screen in front of me intently. Lily and I were viewing the final edit of the last episode of the documentary series. It had been a long slog but we were done. Six weeks of filming, two weeks of post-production and here we are. The series would be aired the following month on MTV over six weeks. Watching the images moving on the screen gave me an intense feeling of accomplishment. I was so glad I'd been given this opportunity.

As the end credits rolled (with me name in them!!) I turned to Lily and we shared a huge grin. "So Spence how does it feel to see the product of eight weeks of hard work up there on the screen?" Lily asked.

"Lil it is completely amazing! Oh my God thank you so much for this opportunity! I can't believe we did it!" I gushed, I was practically bouncing in my seat with excitement, yeah ok so I may have also been on a sugar high from the two donuts I'd just eaten, there's a reason why Ashley hides them from me at home.

Lily laughed and squeezed my hand, "Spence it was nothing, you did a fantastic job, and I wasn't the only one who noticed. Actually my boss wanted me to ask you again if you'd like to make this a regular thing, you know be my production assistant on a part time basis. I know I already asked you but girl you still haven't given me an answer. Don't tell me you don't want this, because I know you do," she paused and looked into my eyes. Damn my eyes, why are they so easy to read!! "Spence, you haven't talked to Ashley about it yet have you?"

I lowered my head and stared at my shoes, "No, look I know what you're going to say Lil, that this is my decision and career we're talking about, that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity that I'd be crazy to pass up. I know all that, it's just…things between me and Ash have been pretty tense lately. She is so beyond stressed with work right now, we never see each other and when we do I can't seem to do anything right. Every word out of my mouth seems to piss her off. I just don't want to start world war three by accepting this job." I buried my head in my hands unable to hold in the tears anymore. Lily put a comforting arm around my shoulders and gave me a gentle squeeze.

Things with Ashley had been going from bad to worse. Every day was a constant battle. She was always moody and snapped at me and Kyla endlessly. It had gotten so bad that Kyla was more often than not at Aiden's, leaving me to face the full brunt of the storm. I tried so hard to be supportive and to make life easier for her but she just kept throwing it back in my face.

I couldn't help but think back to particularly nasty fight we'd had a few nights earlier.

I came home from work feeling great, the post production work on the doco was going really well and we were almost finished. I was so proud of the work we were doing, this band was something else, really talented and with a huge social conscious. Things had been tense at home, so I wanted to try yet again to do something to make Ashley feel better.

On my way home I stopped by my parent's where my Dad had made the homemade pizzas Ashley and I love so much. He is the most awesome father in the entire world! Now all I had to do was take the pizzas home and stick em in the oven and presto a delicious home cooked meal for my lovely. After Mom and Dad's I went to the florist and got a dozen red roses, then a bottle of wine and a huge chocolate mousse and punnet of strawberries for dessert.

I arrived home and got the pizzas in the oven, mousse, strawberries and wine in the fridge, flowers in some water and put on a Matt Nathanson CD that seemed to fit the relaxed romantic atmosphere I was trying to create. I quickly changed from my jeans and t-shirt into a deep purple spaghetti strap dress that fell to mid-thigh. I touched up my make-up and dabbed on a bit of perfume.

I was just getting the pizzas out of the oven when Ashley walked in. I put the pizza on the counter and walked around the bench to greet her. I pulled her into my arms and kissed her lovingly on the lips. I felt her tense up and when she didn't respond I pulled back and looked at her with concern. "Everything ok Ash?"

"Fine." Came her monosyllabic answer. She jerked herself out of my arms and walked further into the loft. She stopped when she saw the two place settings and candles on the bench with the pizzas and wine. She turned her head and looked at the roses in a vase next to her chair. "I uh got those for you," I murmured, hoping to break the uncomfortable silence that had descended on us. She grunted something unintelligible, keeping her back to me.

I felt my frustration rising. I had gone out of my way to do something in the hopes that it would make her happy, seems like I am incapable of that these days. I walked to her side and touched her arm, only to have her flinch away. "Ash?" I said questioningly.

"You shouldn't have done this," she said in a strained voice.

I just looked at her with confusion, "What? I just wanted to do something nice for you. You've seemed so out of sorts lately and I just wanted to do something to try and make you feel better."

"Feel better? Shit Spencer you just don't get it do you? I am not 'out of sorts' as you put it, this is me. I'm working so hard right now and all I get from you is smothered." I felt that one like a physical blow and took a step back from her.

"I'm, I'm sorry Ash. I just wanted to do something nice for you." I murmured, feeling tears fill my eyes.

"Don't cry Spencer," she snapped at me, yeah that was really going to help me keep the tears at bay. The tears started rolling down my face. "Jesus! This is so typical, I come home tired and just want to unwind, you get in my face and then I'm the bad guy when I want some space. Fuck!"

I angrily wiped at the tears on my cheeks and grabbed my bag. "If you want space, then fine I'll get out of your hair. I am so sorry I tried to do something nice for you. Enjoy the pizza, my Dad made it especially for you. Oh and there's the chocolate mousse you like so much in the fridge." I turned on my heel and ran from the loft, tears blinding me.

As I bolted out the door onto the street I ran straight into someone sending them flying to the sidewalk. "Oh my God I'm so sorry," I said as I pulled the person to their feet. They looked at me and my tears began a new, "Chelsea?"

"Spencer, hey what's wrong?" She asked pulling me into a warm hug. Chelsea Lewis was one of my all time favourite people, as well as being my brother Glen's girlfriend, and she had been studying art in France for the last few months.

Chelsea led me to a nearby café and we talked for hours. I told her everything that had been going on with me and Ashley, sobbing on her shoulder the whole time. She listened intently, providing no judgement, just being there and supporting me. After I had unloaded on her she told me about her life in France and how much she loved it. She then gave me a piece of advice I couldn't stop thinking about, "Love is wonderful but you can't not live your dreams because of it. By not striving for your dreams you become less of the person you are, less of the person the other person fell in love with." She took my hand at this point and looked me straight in the eyes, "Spencer Carlin, you have to do this documentary stuff with Lily. If you don't you won't be the person Ashley fell in love with. I know things are rough right now but I also know the two of you and I know that eventually everything will be fine."

Not long after this we parted ways, with promises to catch up more while she was in L.A. I wandered back home, feeling my feet get heavier with every step. I was so scared of what I would be facing when I got home.

I opened the door to the loft hesitantly, I wandered in and saw Ashley sitting at the bench looking lost. She turned around as she heard me close the door. It was obvious she had been crying. "Spence, I know I am probably starting to sound like a broken record but I am so sorry. I don't know why I got so angry, I just had a really tough day…"

I cut her off gently, "Ash you always have a really tough day at that job. I love you but I can't keep being your punching bag. I know you're stress out and overworked but I can't stand here and let you keep taking it out on me."

"I know Spencer and I'm so sorry. I've just been fucking everything up lately, especially with you." She looked down at the floor as more tears fell from her eyes.

"Hey Ash, its ok, just please try and remember that I'm not the enemy here." I let her pull me into her arms. I could feel it deep in my bones that things were not ok, but I couldn't say that to the broken woman in my arms. She cried desperately on my shoulder and I held her to me, trying to soothe her.

The days that followed that fight were tense and uncomfortable, when we actually saw each other. Ashley had been at the studio for almost thirty-six solid hours. I was seriously worried, not just about us and our relationship, but mostly about her health and sanity. She had lost weight and was always looking exhausted. I couldn't even remember the last time I actually saw her sit down and eat a meal.

Lily waved her hand in front of my face and squeezed my shoulder gently, I guess I spaced out thinking about Ashley. "Spence I know things are bad with you an Ash right now but remember this is for you, I just don't want you to regret not taking this opportunity," Lily smiled at me, "I'll give you another week, but I will need an answer by then ok?" I nodded gratefully. I planned to talk to Ashley in the morning, tonight was our anniversary and we had agreed that work would not factor into it at all. We had a huge night planned, dinner at our favourite restaurant and then I was taking her for a moonlight stroll on the beach.

I left Lily at just after five, eager to get home and get ready. We had a reservation at 7.30pm at La Torero's and I wanted to look perfect. I sent Ashley a text as I left, telling her I couldn't wait to see her and that I loved her. Seeing as I hadn't seen her in almost two days I was really looking forward to seeing her.

I was sitting at home, dressed and ready when my cell phone rang. I had a horrible feeling I knew what was coming as I answered the phone. "Hello."

"Hi Spence, it's me. Look Babe, I'm sorry but I'm not going to make it tonight. We just have too much going on here and I just can't leave. We are laying down some tracks for the album and are on a roll. I'll make it up to you," Ashley said in a rush. I felt a wave of disbelief swarm over my body. I took her treating me like shit and cancelling on me all the time, but this was our anniversary!

"Are you kidding?! This is something you can't just 'make up to me' Ash. Fuck! You know what go on back to your precious work, seeing as it's the only thing you actually give a shit about." I hung up the phone without waiting for an answer. I turned my cell off, because I couldn't stand the thought of talking to her.

Ashley's POV

Oh shit, I'm completely fucked. I closed my phone, still hearing the hurt and anger in Spencer's voice before she hung up on me. I have to say though I'm not sure why Spencer is so angry at me, I mean I can't help the fact that I have to work and it's not like we can't do dinner another night. I just want her to be supportive of my work. It is so important to me. I want to make my Dad proud of me, where ever he is, so I have to put everything into this.

Why doesn't she get that? In the beginning she was so understanding and supportive, now it seems like I just can't win with her. She is always looking at me with these big, blue eyes filled with pain and it is really getting to me. I am doing the best I know how to make this work. I am juggling a serious relationship and an all consuming job and I am only 19 years old! Fuck, what does everyone want from me? I am doing the best I can.

I tried calling Spencer back, not really sure what I was going to say which I guess meant it was great that she didn't answer out home phone and that her cell phone went straight to voicemail. I didn't bother leaving a message. To be honest I was feeling pretty angry at her. Why the hell couldn't she just support me? Was it really asking too much?

I pushed all thoughts of Spencer from my mind and focused on the job I was being paid to do. We had already recorded two songs and despite my feelings of serious contempt for Madison even I had to admit they were pretty damn good. We worked hard, and for once cooperatively, and after another seven or so hours we had recorded the majority of the songs. It was really surreal to see my dream starting to come true. It was pretty great

and what I needed to make it complete was to share it with my girl.

After we finished for the night and I got an actual 'thanks and good job' from Madison (yeah the apocalypse is totally on its way) I jumped in my car and headed home. I was on such a high that I had kind of forgotten the fact that I'd blown Spencer off earlier that night.

I walked into the loft and found it in darkness. I looked at my phone and felt a bit guilty when I saw that it was almost 4 am. I jumped when a lamp was flicked on in the living room. I spun around to see Spencer glaring at me from the sofa.

"Glad you finally made it home Ashley, although I have to say I'm kinda surprised you actually remember where home is," Spencer snapped at me. I have to say I felt a little confused and a bit ticked off that she was ruining my good mood.

"What are you on about? Jesus Spencer I just had a great night and then I have to come home to this shit? Unbelievable!" I shook my head and put my bag down on the bench.

Spencer got to her feet, positively shaking with emotion, "Well I'm so sorry to ruin your night Ashley, not that you cared that you ruined mine. You know what, fuck you! You are the most self-centred person I have ever met. Do you actually give a flying fuck about other people?"

I felt my mouth fall open and anger start to course through my veins, "What the hell is your problem Spencer? Fucking hell I just walked in the door and you attack me, not that I should be surprised, this seems to be a regular occurrence with you. I come home and you straight away jump down my throat." I yelled, taking a step towards her.

Spencer's eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms over her chest. It was a purely defensive stance for her. It meant she was hurting deeply and was desperately trying to shield herself from more pain. She swallowed and said quietly, "You want to know what my problem is? Well where should I start Ashley? Should I go over the atrocious way you have been treating me since you started this job? You treat me like your personal punching bag. You have been constantly snapping at me and making me feel like I'm nothing to you," I went to interrupt her but she just snapped, "don't you dare open your fucking mouth Ashley. You wanted to hear what my problem is so now you will fucking listen. I have forgiven so much shit over the last two months, most people would have walked away. I stayed because I love you so damn much! I love you and I wanted to be there for you because I can see what this job is doing to you. But then tonight you cancel our plans at the last minute, again, and don't seem to even give a shit that today is our anniversary!" she screeched.

I felt all the blood drain from my face and my mouth fall open in shock. Oh my God I had completely forgotten that today was our anniversary! I am the biggest piece of shit ever. I went to speak but I couldn't form the words.

Spencer laughed humourlessly and said, "Got nothing to say then? You know I wish I was surprised that you forgot what today is, but I'm not. I think that's what hurts the most, that I just expect you to let me down. It didn't used to be like this Ash, you didn't used to be like this," Spencer paused as tears started rolling in torrents down her face. I felt my own eyes spilling over. "I have tried everything in my power to be there for you, to support you but you just keep hurting me over and over again. It's too much Ashley I can't go on like this," She choked out, her cries becoming wracking sobs that shook her whole body.

I felt like my world was falling apart and I was the idiot who had been ripping at the threads holding it together. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to me. She protested weakly, shoving at my chest and trying to force me away. I wasn't going to let her. I knew that if I let her out of my arms I would lose her and I was certain that I would die without her. Her protests became weaker and weaker until she was just sobbing in my arms. I couldn't stop the tears from falling from my eyes either. God how had I let it come to this? How could I have hurt this beautiful, kind and loving woman so badly? How could I have treated her so poorly? In that moment I hated myself. I hated what I was doing to the woman I claimed to love.

"Spencer, Baby, I am so sorry. Honey please believe me. Spence I will do anything to fix this, please my love give me a chance to fix this." I begged, my voice thick with tears. I felt her sob harder against me so I tightened my embrace, "Spencer I love you, please give me a chance to fix this, please."

She pulled back and her pain-filled blue eyes locked with my brown ones. The tears still ran, unchecked, from her eyes as she looked at me. "I can't keep going through this Ash, it just hurts way too much," She cried.

"Spencer I promise I can fix this, I can change. I love you and I need you, please give me a chance to prove it too you," I begged again. She looked at me for the longest time before she nodded, looking completely beaten. She cupped my check with her palm and gently wiped the tears from my cheek with her thumb, "Ok, I'll give you a chance. Please don't fuck it up Ash. I really can't take feeling like this anymore."

"Thank you Baby, oh thank you! Spence I promise I'll do whatever it takes to makes things right between us." I felt relief flood through my veins.

"Look I'm exhausted now, so how about we have dinner, here tomorrow night and talk, you know clear the air and spend some quality time together. Can you be home by 6.30 tomorrow?" She looked so tired and it tore at my heart to know I'd done this to her.

"Of course, I promise you, I'll be here." I took her hand and led her to the bedroom. We each got changed and slipped under the covers. I held her close against me, her cheek resting on my chest and her arm around my stomach. We both fell into an exhausted sleep almost instantly.

Spencer's POV

So the night before was a rollercoaster of emotional turmoil. I was so tired I fell asleep in class and had to be elbowed awake several times by my friend Cameron. She shares my love of documentaries, although hers tend to feature more nature and animals than mine. She kept shooting me concerned looks but knew me well enough to know I'd talk if and when I was ready.

So I made it through class and headed home. The work with Lily had ended for now and I still had six days to decide if I would be continuing the work with her or not. After last night I was leaning towards no. With things between Ashley and me so bad I just felt I need to focus my energy around our relationship to try and get back whatever it is we seem to have lost.

I was determined that the night ahead would be a turning point for us. I will admit that I was seriously close to walking out the door the pervious night, but I knew I loved her and I owed it to myself and to us to give it another go. I couldn't walk away from my soul mate without knowing I had given it my all and tried everything to make it work. I would give her this chance to fix things, I owed us both that much.

I stopped at the grocery store on the way home and brought some ingredients so I could make her a romantic dinner for two. I also went to the florist and a liquor store to stock up on flowers and wine.

When I got home I cleaned the loft from top to bottom and began setting up for the night. I placed candles all around the loft and sprinkled red rose petals around the room. I put the wine on ice and started to prepare dinner. I was making lasagne, using my Dad's recipe, homemade garlic bread, a garden salad and chocolate brownies for desert. I also had an array of fresh fruit sliced up on a tray with dipping chocolate over heat to keep it melted and whipped cream.

Once the food was on the go I got myself ready. I put on a white sundress that came to my knees. The halter neck showed off my back and arms to perfection and it made me look very tanned. In this dress I felt every inch the California girl. I pined my hair half up and applied simple make-up. I slipped on a pair on white, peep-toe heels and a white gold heart pendant that Ashley had given me.

I turned on the CD player and put a CD I had made of our favourite love songs on repeat. I went around the loft lighting candles and then went to check the dinner. At 6.30 on the dot I began serving the food. I knew in my heart that Ashley would not miss this dinner, not after last night.

I laid the food out on the table and sat patiently at the table, knowing Ashley would rush through that door any minute.

By the time eight o'clock rolled by I was sobbing broken heartedly over the dinner I had prepared. I had really believed that she would be there. It had never even crossed my mind that she would blow me off again, even after the last few months I thought she'd be there. I poured myself a glass of wine and drank it down in one go. I was going to need the courage for what I was about to do. I poured another and tipped it down my throat. I then forced myself up from the kitchen table and walked into the bedroom. The romantic music I had put on earlier seemed to taunt me but I made no move to turn it off, rather I let the torture continue.

When I entered our bedroom I saw a photo of the two of us together, taken the day I had moved in just before my parents had left. Me and Ash were standing in the middle of piles of boxes, her arm around my waist, while mine was around her shoulder. We were both grinning excitedly at the camera. I felt rage overcome me as I stared at the photo. I picked it up and hurled it as hard has I could against the wall. That photo was a lie, all of it was a lie. I screamed out and sunk to the floor, broken.

Ashley's POV

I walked into the loft at 11.30, fully expecting to find Spencer on the sofa ready to rip me to shreds. God how I wish that had been the case. I walked in and saw no Spencer. I scanned the room and felt guilt wash over me. She had gone to so much trouble to do something nice for us. I put a hand over my mouth and felt a hatred for myself that I have never felt before. I couldn't believe I had let myself be forced into staying late at work when I knew Spencer was waiting for me. For fuck's sake I didn't even call her! I promised her I would fix things and there I go, fucking up again.

I looked at the table and saw a dinner which she had clearly cooked for me congealing on the table. An empty bottle of wine stared accusingly at me as the romantic music in the background mocked me.

"Spencer," I called out. I heard sobbing from the direction of our bedroom and started to walk towards the sound. I was stopped in my tracks by the sight of two large suitcases standing just outside our bedroom. No, no this cannot be happening! I scream in my head. I felt a terror like I have never felt before and I had to fight the urge to scream out loud. My eyes were locked on the doorway to our room as Spencer walked out. The look of unbearable pain and heartbreak on her face will forever be burned in my mind. I took a step towards her, but stopped when I saw her take a step back.

"Spencer I am so, unbelievably sorry!"

"I don't want to hear it Ashley, not again. You keep saying you're sorry but you don't mean it, you can't or you wouldn't keep hurting me like this. I can't do this anymore," Spencer said numbly, tears pouring down her face like rain.

I walked forward and tried to pull her into my arms only to be shoved away, "Don't, just don't. You can't just hold me and make it all go away, it doesn't work like that, it doesn't make it all better. I can't do this anymore Ashley. I just can't. It hurts way too much. Every single day you break my heart a little bit more," Spencer paused, she was crying too hard to speak. I was crying pretty hard myself I couldn't believe that I had destroyed the best thing that had ever happened to me.

Spencer choked out, "I need some time, some space, to figure out what I'm feeling and what I want. All I know is that I can't go on living like this," she took a deep, shaky breath, "I love you Ashley and I know I always will, but I can't be with you right now. You need to figure out what you want because right now I don't feel like it's me."

I felt an unbearable pain in my heart as I said through my tears, "Spence, please don't do this. I love you and I need you. You are all I want. Things will be better I promise!"

"They're just words Ashley, and I've heard them all before. I'm sorry but I've got to go." I reached out and grabbed her arm to stop her from leaving. She just looked at me sadly.

"Spencer please Baby don't go." I cried as tears continued to pour down my face.

"I have to," she whispered.

"But where will you even go?"

"My friend Cameron offered me her parent's cabin for a few days and then I'll be back at Mom and Dad's. Dad will be round tomorrow morning to pick up the rest of my stuff, it's all packed," she pointed back into the bedroom and over her shoulder I can see the numerous boxes she had hastily packed.

I shook my head and said with desperation, "No, it can't be over, not like this. I love you that has to mean something right?"

"I love you too, but sometimes love just isn't enough. I don't even know what I want, if I want us to be over or if I just need time. All I know is that I need to sort my head out and I can't do that here with you. If I stay I'll end up hating you because you keep hurting me so badly and I love you too much for that," she looked at me with so much heartbreak and then whispered, "Goodbye Ashley."

Before I could even register what had just happened Spencer grabbed her suitcases and left. I stood frozen in place until I heard the front door close quietly behind Spencer and then I sunk in a heap to the floor, my legs completely giving way under me, sobbing brokenly. I sobbed so hard that I eventually had to run to the bathroom to throw up.

This will go down as the longest night of my existence. After I had emptied my stomach I made my way to the sofa and sat staring at the door waiting for Spencer to walk back in and tell me she didn't mean it and that she wasn't leaving me.

I cried more than I thought was possible. There was this giant whole in my chest where my heart used to be and I was the dipshit who had dug it out. Let's face it I had broken both of us.

Ok so I am seriously sorry to leave this on such a low note. I won't give the story away but I will say that if you stick with it we will all get the happy ending we so desperately want.

I hope that despite the sadness in this chapter you still enjoyed reading it.

Please read and review!