2bz2breading - you are so right it shouldn't have been so easy for Spencer to buy a bottle of wine, but in my defence I'm from Australia where at 18 we can buy alcohol and legally drink. But I'm glad you like the story!

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, it means a lot. I know the last chapter was pretty sad but I hope you liked it anyway.

Ashley is not the most popular character at the moment, yeah she screwed up but I hope people will forgive her eventually.

Thanks again guys and I hope you enjoy Chapter 7!

You Have To Go There To Come Back

Chapter 7

Ashley's POV

I spent the rest of the night curled up in a foetal position on the couch, rocking and crying. I had Spencer's favourite hoodie, which I had pulled out of one of her boxes, wrapped tightly around my body. It smelt like her, fruity and sweet, and although it tortured me I also found comfort in it. My eyes didn't leave the front door once all night, I kept waiting and hoping that Spencer would miraculously walk back in and give me another chance. I had monumentally fucked up. The best part of me was Spencer, loving Spencer and I managed to trash that.

I watched the sun appear through my windows over the near by buildings and felt fresh tears begin to fall. This was the first day I had to exist without Spencer in my life in over a year. I couldn't believe how badly I had fucked everything up.

Once the sun was up I called Ethan at the studio and told him I was sick. I sounded so crap that he didn't even question it. There was no way I could walk into that studio today knowing that my job there had caused me to devastate the woman I loved.

I wrapped Spencer's hoodie more tightly around me and snuggled deeper into the couch, kinda wishing it would either hug me or open up and swallow me…not too sure which. I must have dozed off because I was shocked awake by the sound of keys turning in the door. I bolted to my feet and charged towards the doors. My girl had come home to me!

As the door swung open I felt the air leave my lungs as I fell to the floor sobbing yet again. Mr and Mrs Carlin quickly raced to my side and knelt down next to me. Mrs C pulled me into her arms and held me while I sobbed. I heard Mr C get up and start moving the boxes out of the loft. I wanted to scream at him to stop, to put everything back but I couldn't.

I finally got my sobs under control and looked up at Mrs C, "So can I assume you both hate me?"

Mrs C smiled kindly at me, "No Ashley we don't. You're part of our family and we love you. After Spencer left here last night she came home and I sat up with her. She told me everything. I am angry Ashley and I really believe you made some huge mistakes, but that doesn't change the fact that I love you. I want you to know that Arthur and I are here for you, whatever you need." Mrs C pulled me close again and I willing sunk into the comforting hug. It was the type of hug you could only get from a Mom, not that my Mom has every really hugged me but you get what I'm saying.

"God Paula I really messed up! I got so caught up in the job and all the drama of the industry. I really only wanted to make my Dad and Spencer proud of me. I don't know what to do now." I said as I sat beside the older Carlin woman.

"I know Sweetie. I think you and Spencer both sometimes forget how young you are. I mean your both still teenagers and just going out into the world. Of course there are going to be problems and struggles. You will both make mistakes, God will you make mistakes, but honey that's how you grow. I know you Ashley and I know how much you love Spencer. You made some mistakes and so did she. You are both hurting right now but I know she loves you. If she didn't she wouldn't be hurting so much," Paula gave me a small smile to soften the blow from her words. "You just have to give her some space and show her that things will improve." Paula gave my hand a gentle squeeze and tenderly wiped the tears from my cheeks with a tissue. "Ash she didn't want to leave, it just got to a point where she didn't know what to do anymore." I wiped my eyes and gave Mrs C a watery smile.

"Thanks Paula. I want you to know that I will do whatever it takes to make this right. I promise you that." Mrs C nodded and pulled me into another hug. We sat like that until Mr C came back from taking the last box down to their car. Mrs C and I stood up and walked towards him. As soon as I was within reach Mr C pulled me into a big bear hug. Can I just say that the Carlin parentals give the best hugs ever. They make you feel safe and loved without having to say a word.

Mr C gave me a warm smile and said, "You hang in there Ash, Spencer just needs time to think and so do you. It will all be alright. Now if you need anything, and I mean anything, you call us ok?" I nodded and hugged him tighter.

Mr and Mrs C left soon after that with more hugs and kind words. I so did not deserve their kindness after I broke their daughter. The Carlins are just truly good people.

After they left I walked into the bedroom and felt the emptiness overcome me. It looked so bare without Spencer's things. I know we hadn't been living together all that long, but it wasn't until Spencer moved in here that this loft became a home.

I picked up my cell phone and quickly sent off a text message to Spencer. It said,

-I just wanted to say that im sorry for everything. Ill give u all the space u need but know I will be here loving u and trying to make this right. Ill show u I can change. I love u Spencer

I was really surprised when I got a reply from her five minutes after I sent the message. She wrote back,

-Thank u. Please know that I love u and that I hope that we eventually get our happy ending

I read that message and then held my phone to my heart as I absorbed Spencer's words. I felt a tiny element of hope stirring in my heart, maybe just maybe we would find our way back to each other. I dried my eyes and felt determination spread through my body. I though to myself, I will do everything in my power to make this right. I just had to figure out how.

Spencer's POV

I walked out the cabin door and settled on the porch. The morning after I walked out on Ashley I had packed up my Mini and driven out to Cameron's parent's cabin. I just need the space to clear my head and to start to think about all the shit that had happened with Ashley. The worst part of it all was that I still loved her so much and I kept questioning myself. I knew I had made the right decision to leave, but that didn't stop me from thinking about it over and over again and picturing how it could be different, how everything could have played out differently. I tortured myself with thoughts of what I could have said or done to make things better, it turned into a vicious cycle really.

After three days of solitude I was heading back to my parent's house, that place would never be home to me again. Home was with Ashley and at this point in time I couldn't go home, no matter how much I wanted to. It sucked, it truly did. I hated not being with her but I hated how I had been feeling while I was with her. It was a lose-lose situation for me. On one had you have me walking away from the love of my life, my soul mate and on the other you have me staying in a relationship where I get broken a little more each day until I hate the woman I love. Neither option was particularly appealing to tell you the truth. I guess I just have to have faith that I made the right decision and hope that things work out.

I packed up my car and headed back towards the city. Maybe being away from Ashley, giving us both time to think and heal would eventually lead us back to each other.

The drive back from the cabin took a couple of hours, but I welcomed the time in Josie, my Mini, with my music blaring and the top down. I always took comfort in driving and listening to music, something I had learned from Ashley actually. I parked in front of my parent's house and walked inside, my bags slung over my shoulder. I was about to head up the stairs when my Mom walked in from the kitchen. "Hey honey, how you holding up?"

I have to say I hate it when people ask how you are like that. I mean come on 'how you holding up?' seriously? That is just a nice way of saying 'I know you're about to have a meltdown of epic proportion but lie to me and tell me you're fine'. Ok so maybe I wasn't being fair, but I had gotten text messages with that general message from everyone who had found out about me leaving Ashley and I was getting a tad sick of it. Plus after everything that had happened logic and reason were so not a part of my thought processes.

"I'm ok Mom," I mumbled, lying through my teeth, before heading towards the stairs again.

"Spence wait," Mom called as she walked closer to me, "I know you're going through utter hell right now and I also know that you may feel you need time alone to heal, but I just wanted to say that I love you and I'm here for you. Honey just please don't shut out the people who love you, you need us even if you don't think you do."

I felt the tears start yet again, God is there ever a point where you run out of tears? I dropped my bags and threw myself into my Mom's arms and let her rock me like a child. Some situations you just need your Mommy, and this was one of them. She murmured soothing words and carefully led me to the couch. We sat there for a long time, until I had cried myself out.

"When Dad called he said you went with him to pick up my stuff," she nodded, "um did you, I mean I just wanted to know, uh if you saw her," I asked quietly. My Mom tightened her grip on me and kissed me softly on the forehead.

"Yeah Honey I did. I don't know if you want to hear this Spence," I nodded for her to continue, "Well she's a mess. She knows how badly she screwed up and feels terrible. I have never seen her so upset. She promised me that she is going to do anything to make this right and I have to say I believe her."

I scoffed and shook my head, I had heard it too many times to actually believe Ashley was going to change. Mom smiled sadly at me and murmured, "I know she hurt you but just remember that sometimes people surprise you. I hope you're willing to be surprised Spence, I don't mean that you let her get away with the way she has been treating you. That was unacceptable and Ashley knows that. All I'm saying is don't shut yourself off from the possibility of her, of the two of you finding your way back to each other." Mom smiled at me again, gave me a quick hug and left me to mull over what she had said.

I spent the rest of that day and the following five days wallowing in my bedroom. I barely ate, I barely slept, all I seemed to be able to do was cry and curse the world. I would go from intense rage at Ashley to anger at myself to a deep depression over all that I had lost coupled with a painful regret that I had made the wrong choice. There were moments when I felt hope that things would be ok and then moments where I couldn't fathom how they could be. My head was a mess of conflicting thoughts and emotions. I was kind of damaged.

It was a Monday morning and I had class, I hadn't been in a while and had no intention of going that morning either. I was lazing in my bed when my bedroom door was unceremoniously slammed open and in barged my people. Leading the pack was my Mom followed by Chelsea, Cameron, Lily, Glen, my Dad and then Katie and Rhea, two of my closest friend from college.

"Ok Spence enough is enough! Time to get your butt out of bed and face the real world again." My Mom exclaimed. I groaned and pulled the covers up over my head, if my parents hadn't of been present my groan would have been substituted by a rather colourful string of obscenities.

"Oh no you don't Carlin, we aren't going away so don't even try to make us!" Lily said tugging the blankets off me, rather rude don't you think? I sat up, prepared to yell at them all, but shut up instead. Each of them was fixing me with looks of deep sadness and love. I scooted to the side of the bed and swung my legs over the side. I looked at each person in turn and then started to cry, again.

I buried my head in my hands and felt the mattress dip as someone took a seat beside me. I turned my head as Glen wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "Look baby sis, we love you and are not going to stand by while you torture yourself like this. I know it hurts and it sucks that this happened, but life goes on. We are all really worried about you." I looked up into his face, more used to having him tease me then actually be nice to me. I lay me head on his shoulder and felt him gently kiss my forehead.

"I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do with myself these days. Everything just feels too hard. I'm sorry I've been shutting you all out." I gave them all a small smile. God I am so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life. I took a deep breath and said, "Look if I'm gonna survive this then I'm…I'm really gonna need your help." There I said it I asked for help, not something I like doing but I needed them.

"Whatever you need Spence, we're all here for you," Chelsea said softly, taking a seat beside Glen and reaching out to squeeze my hand. I gave her a smile and squeezed back. I sat there for a moment thinking and then looked straight at Lily and said, "Does the job offer still stand?"

Lily beamed at me and said enthusiastically, "It most certainly does, actually I kinda already told the bosses you'd said yes and I have your contract in my bag." Lily looked almost guilty, but I just laughed. I felt ok, not great but I ok. I knew what I needed to do was to throw myself into work, school, my friends and family and let time heal what was broken. Chelsea had been right, by not following my dreams I was being less of the person I was, less of the person Ashley fell in love with. I was hoping against hope that we would work out and if we did I had to be the best version of myself, the person I wanted to be. If we were ever going to stand a chance it had to be as two complete people.

"Ok so why don't you all get your asses out of here," on their confused looks I added, "So I can get ready for school!" They all smiled at me and filed out, each dropping a kiss on my forehead or cheek. I felt pretty blessed.

I hastily got ready and ran down stairs where my Dad had whipped up a huge breakfast for everyone. We sat around joking and laughing, in fact it was the first time I had actually laughed in a long time. It felt good to be there like that, surrounded by people who loved me. I just wish that Ashley could be there, that we could be ok and everything would be fine. I shook my head, as if that would clear away the depression thoughts, and tucked into my pancakes.

After breakfast I signed the contract which made me an MTV bitch, as Lily called me, and organised my first afternoon of work to start the next day after class. Then I hugged everyone before me, Cameron, Katie and Rhea piled into Josie and headed off to college.

It was time I started to pull my life back together and there was no time like the present to get started!

Ashley's POV

"Ashley! Where the hell are you?!" I heard the annoying sound of my younger sister calling out to me.

I groaned and snuggled deeper into my bed. I pulled the covers over my head and tried to drown out the world, with no luck. Just as I thought Kyla had given up I felt my covers being torn from my body. Damn is she lucky I actually wore clothes to bed last night!

I rattled off a stream of obscenities and glared up at her, "what the hell do you want?"

Kyla glared down at me and crossed her arms over her chest, "I spoke to Chelsea last night, this morning they had to have an intervention of sorts to try and snap Spencer out of the depression you put her in. You treated both her and me like absolute shit and here you are still being a massive bitch. Fucking hell Ashley did you learn anything from breaking your girlfriend's heart?"

I jumped out of bed like I had been electrocuted and glared daggers at my little sister, "You have no idea what I am going through Kyla, no idea. I know I fucked up, with both you and Spencer. I can't stop seeing the look on her face when she told me she was leaving and I can't stop hearing the hurt in her voice for months as I kept fucking up. I love her so much Kyla and I don't know how to fix this." With that I began to cry in earnest. Kyla moved to my side and pulled me into her arms.

I pulled back slightly and murmured, "What did Chelsea say about Spencer?"

Kyla took a deep breath and tucked my hair behind my ear, "Spencer disappeared to a cabin for a few days and then came back and went into isolation. She locked herself in her room, barely ate, barely slept, stopped going to classes and refused to talk to anyone. They were all so worried about her that they kinda ambushed her this morning to try and snap her out of it. Everyone has been really worried about her. I tried to call her a few times but her phone is always switched off." On hearing what I'd done to Spencer I began to cry anew. Oh my God what had I done?

"Shit Kyla, how did I let it get so bad? How did I let myself get so caught up in work that I hurt the woman I love and my sister. I know it may not mean all that much, but I'm really sorry for all of it," I hung my head in shame and watched as the tears rolled off my cheeks and splashed onto my thigh.

"It's ok Ash, hell you forgave me for all the shit last year with Jake and the tribute album and that stupid video. I love you big sis and even though you royally fucked up I want you to know I'm here." I hugged Kyla tighter, so relieved that at least one of the people I had screwed over was forgiving me, Spencer would not forgive me so easily.

"What do I do now Ky?" I asked in a small voice.

"Well I'd say to start will get your ass out of this bed and have a shower coz you stink!" Kyla teased. I swatted her arm and laughed, it was a small laugh but it felt good. I got up from the bed and looked back at Kyla, my expression becoming sombre, "Seriously Kyla what do I do now?"

"Ash the only person who can know the answer to that is you. But you have to do something other than mope around the house." She stood beside me and put a comforting hand on my shoulder. I gave her a half smile and headed off to the bathroom.

I will admit I felt marginally better after my shower. It had been a week since I'd been to work so I got dressed and headed in. I was barely in the door of the recording studio when the crazy Latina Diva bolted over to me and screamed, "Where the fuck have you been?! I so don't have time for your little lesbo melodrama, I'm trying to make a record. If you ever pull a stunt like this again and take a fucking week of work then I'll find a new song writer, one who doesn't have so many issues!"

Ok so it had been a shit week and I was at the end of my tether, I guess that may explain what I did next. I'd like to say I'm not proud of what I did, but that'd be a big lie. Before I could even think about it my fist flew out and landed square on Madison's nose. I felt a sickening crunch as her head snapped back and a blood curdling scream tore from her mouth. Ethan came bolting into the room and looked at me in shock.

"Fuck Ashley, what the hell are you doing?!" He yelled, trying to pry Madison's hands from her face so he could inspect the damage.

I just glared at them both and crossed my arms over my chest, "You know what Ethan, I have taken shit from her since day one of this project and I'm done. This job and that stupid, overbearing, demanding bitch cost me the love of my life. I should have done this months ago but I'm kinda stupid like that. So Ethan, I quit!" I turned and stormed out of the building, ignoring the people calling out for me to stop.

As I walked away from the building I felt free, I felt like I had finally done something right. I strode to my car and drove home. As I walked back in I had to slam the front door to get the attention of the couple making out on my couch. I stifled a smile as Aiden and Kyla sprang apart.

"Jesus Ashley! I thought you were at work?" Kyla asked clutching her chest after the scare I just gave her.

"Well um about that. I uh kinda decked Madison and then quit," I said quietly, but with a small, triumphant smile.

"WHAT!! Oh my God are you serious?" Kyla screeched as she jumped up from the sofa and bolted over to me. "Are you ok?" She asked as she put an arm around my shoulders.

"Actually yeah I am. It was the best decision I've made in a really long time. That job was destroying me and as a result I was hurting the people I love. I know I want to work in the music industry, but not like that, not at the expense of the people who matter most." I smiled at Kyla and Aiden. I knew I did the right thing by walking away from that job and I felt nothing but relieved.

"I have to say I think you did the right thing Ash. I really didn't like who you were while you worked there," Aiden said, moving to stand at my side.

I smiled and said, "I didn't like me so much either. I guess I just have to start thinking about what I want to do now."

Aiden looked thoughtful for a moment, hard for him I know I'm pretty sure it was hurting him, and then finally said, "Actually I may have an idea for you…might be perfect actually," Aiden paused and I felt like punching him one. I really hate it when people drag something out just for the drama of it all. "Well I know this band, they're really good but unsigned and kind of struggling, maybe you'd think about listening to them and maybe helping them out? I don't know maybe you could set up your own record label and get some great musicians out there?" I thought about it, I was a little sceptical, I mean it was a suggestion from Aiden! But actually the more I turned the idea over in my head the better it sounded. If I was running my own label then I'd be the boss and I'd call the shots. I could pick the artists and make some really great music.

"You know what Aid that is actually not a bad idea. Nice to know you're not just a pretty meathead," I teased. Aide stuck his tongue out at me, real mature that one, and Kyla started jumping up and down with excitement, seriously no more sugar for the youngest Davies!

"Ash this is so awesome! You could totally do this, you know the industry, all the ins and outs and you know what makes good music. This is so totally cool!" Kyla gushed, hugging me tight. It was kind of awesome. I felt the smile freeze on my face, yeah it was awesome and I couldn't share it with my best friend and love of my life.

"Hey Ash, no don't think about Spencer, this is a huge deal and you will totally get to share it with her, but right now is about you and this new chapter in your life," Aiden said putting his huge hand on my shoulder. I gave him a small smile.

"Yeah, but Aid telling me not to think about Spencer is like telling the sun not to rise. Can't stop it buddy, it just happens. But no you're right this is a new chapter in my life and maybe our stories will intertwine again. God I hope so because I really miss her," I paused as tears filled my eyes. Kyla and Aide both gave me sympathetic smiles, I returned with a rather watery one of my own.

"Aid, can you get that band to give me a call? Then I'll organise to go see them play. Well I have heaps to figure out and plan so I'm off to the drawing board! Thanks so much you guys, I don't say it much but I love you both." I smiled again and headed off to my room. I had so much to think about and so much to sort out!!

----------

The next month was insane! I went with Aiden, Kyla and Grey (a friend of my father's who had offered to help me set up the record label) and saw the band Aiden recommended. They were called Arona and they were awesome! They had a totally fresh sound and some really inspired songs. They were totally open to my ideas and suggestions and despite my less than stellar reputation they were keen to work with me. The band was made up of two chicks and two dudes and they were seriously talented. The lead singer and guitarist Hope had a voice that was a combo of Tori Amos and Sarah Mclachlan and it just sent shivers up your spine. Africa, the bass player was uniquely talented and completely stunning, she would totally inspire fans! Then we have Grady the drummer, who had a smooth, husky voice that mixed perfectly with Hope's and finally we had Helix the keyboardist/guitarist. Helix was rather eccentric but hugely talented, he and Hope were the song writers of the group.

So they became the first band to sign to my label, which I had decided to call Dirty Mind Records, yeah it was totally inspired by Spencer. I know I let Madison record that song but it would always belong to Spencer (and legally to me seeing as I'd retained publishing).

Grey was awesome, he had been a close friend of my Dad's forever and had produced most of his albums. He taught me so much and made sure that everything was running smoothly. He was a total God send. He helped me find a space to set up, organised all the construction and even helped me find people to work at the label. About a week into the project I hired Grey as the managing director. I mean I was totally the big boss, but he would be doing the day to day stuff, plus because of the fact that I'm a little on the teenager side (only for another year!) it was necessary to have an older, very experienced person with me.

So after a month of hard work, blood sweat and tears Dirty Mind Records was up and running. We booked some good upcoming gigs for Arona and were getting some good initial press. I'd even signed a solo artist, Jacqueline, and another band, Get Higher. Both really talented and just needing the help to get their music out there. It was all systems go to launch the label.

Not a day went by that I didn't think of Spencer and wish she was by my side through all this. It was so thrilling and nerve-wracking and I so wanted to share it with her, but I had promised her I would give her space and I would honour that promise. I had fought the urge to call or text and had been physically wrestled to the floor on more than one occasion when I wanted to go see her (Kyla is stronger than she looks!). I missed her so much it was like a constant ache in my chest, a pain there was no cure for except Spencer. I subtly and not so subtly enquired after her whenever I ran into mutual friends (I was surprised that none of them wanted to beaten me down after what I did, pleasantly surprised) and I hounded Kyla after she's seen her. It's nice that Kyla and Spencer are still close, I guess while I was being an uber-bitch they turned to each other.

It sounded like she was doing well, college and work and I heard she was even working on an independent film for a Documentary Film Festival. I was so proud of her and I hoped that one day I could make her proud of me.

The day we launched the label it was decided to head out and celebrate the official opening of Dirty Mind Records with Kyla, Aiden, Grey, they people from the label and my artists (hehe my artists that sounds seriously cool!). I hadn't been out in ages, been too busy with the label so I'm looking forward to letting lose a bit.

I decided that I needed to look hot so I put on a halter-neck black dress. The straps were plaited and looked like black ropes going behind my neck. The dress fell to mid thigh, but was fitted to the waist before I flowed down over my hips. I had on long earrings made up of strands of silver in different thicknesses and a matching necklace. I was teetering around on black peep-toe heels and had my hair half back and flowing in loose waves. Let's face it I could make a bin bag look hot, but in this little number I was smoking!

Kyla, Aide and I met the others at Radius, which was a new club not too far from the UCLA campus, being a Thursday night it was relatively busy, but not nearly as busy as it would be the next two nights. We headed to the bar and the drinking began.

After several drinks me, Kyla, Hope, Africa, Jacqueline and Helix headed to the dance floor to get our groove on. It felt so good to just dance, to let my body move instinctively to the music. I was dancing with Kyla when I saw something that made me freeze on the spot. Kyla looked at my questioningly before turning to see what had caught my attention. Once she located the source of my shock she froze too, both of our gazes locked on the sight across the room.

Hmm so a little cliff hanger for you.

This chapter was mostly filler to get us to the next phase in the story. I felt it was important to not only see how they struggled after the break-up but more importantly to see their strength.

I really hope you are enjoying this tale so far.

Please read and review!