Hmm it seems like some of you don't really get my decision to leave a month between Spencer leaving Ashley and them finally coming into contact. I actually contemplated leaving it longer.

The reason for the length of time is simply that this story is loosely based on something that happened to a friend of mine. She and her partner broke up due to issues relating to work. My friend's partner was working long hours and being a bitch when she was at home. They broke up and it was about three months before they spoke again. They are now very happy and have been back together a few years.

I just feel that after all that Spencer went through with Ashley she would have to take some time before she was ready to face Ashley again. Some hurts you can't just bounce right back from.

Oh and I'm going to be a little mean and not give the cliff hanger away right off the bat, instead I'll start with Spencer's POV and go from there. There have been many reviewers fearful I have gotten Spencer together with another girl… well read on and all will be revealed.

Thanks for the reviews guys, you are truly awesome!

You Have To Go There To Come Back

Chapter 8

Spencer's POV

So it had been a month, a whole long, shitty month, since I had walked away from Ashley Davies. It had been tough, really tough since I left. I missed her every second of every day and thought about her constantly. I had thrown myself head first into college and work at MTV and had even managed to film a short documentary about the life of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender freshmen at UCLA.

By immersing myself in work I had managed to cope and even start to enjoy life again. I was loving college still, it was broadening my mind and giving me a passion for learning that I never knew I could have. I felt inspired every single day and it felt amazing. My work at MTV, while it was hard and sometime a little overwhelming, was incredible. Lily had really taken me under her wing and I was learning so much that I was scared I'd run out of room in my brain.

Lily had been vital in keeping me sane since the little intervention my loved ones staged. She looked after me at work and encouraged my documentary, even helping me with the editing and post production work. I was really proud off the documentary, but sad at the same time. I really wanted to share it with Ashley, I want to share all the moments in my life with her, but I just couldn't. I can't leave myself open to more hurt. I know I couldn't survive being hurt like that again. I really couldn't see myself coming back from this kind of pain for a second time.

It had been a month since I'd spoken to her and I had to fight the urge to call her everyday. I just wanted to hear her voice. I wanted to hold her in my arms and feel her heart beat with mine. I craved her like an addict craves drugs.

I had heard from Kyla that she had quit her job. I was shocked to say the least, I also heard she broke Madison's nose, God I wish I had been there to see that! I also heard that she was starting up her own record label with a friend of her father's. It sounded like she was really trying and that gave me hope. Hope that we would get our happy ending after all. I was proud of her and I longed to tell her that, I just wasn't sure if I was ready to see her just yet. I know, I know a month is a bloody long time to not speak to the person you're in love with, but I was terrified of how seeing her would effect me. Yeah I can be a wimp sometimes.

In order to celebrate me finishing my documentary Lily, Seth, Maya, Jen and Ralph from MTV, Cameron, Katie, Rhea, Harry, Jill, David, Fran and Cassie from college and Glen and Chelsea were taking me to this new club just near the UCLA campus, Radius I think it was called. I hadn't been out in a really long time so I was kind of excited. I really needed a night to just have some fun and forget all the drama of the last few months.

I wanted to look good so I dressed carefully. I went with a light, olive green dress that showed off a fair amount of cleavage and a good deal of my back. It had straps that were about half an inch thick and it fell to just above my knees. It was a great dress to dance in because it always swirled around my legs and made me feel really free. I added tan heels and a tan belt to the outfit and put on a long gold chain with a heart pendant on it, the one my Grandma gave me for my 18th birthday. I had my hair up, leaving my neck shoulders exposed. I felt good, better than I had in a long time.

Glen and Chelsea gave me a ride and we met everyone at the bar where we quickly became rather tipsy. With fresh drinks in hand we headed out to the dance floor and started to move to the music. I felt so alive dancing to the beat. Me and Jill started to dance together, there was nothing there, Jill is totally, 100% straight and her boyfriend was with us, plus I was still desperately in love with a certain someone else. Jill and I got really into it and were dancing a bit provocatively, it was just in fun. I always had a great time out on the town with Jill, she was so carefree and fun-loving and she brought that out in me. While I was dancing with Jill I thought I saw a familiar brunette disappear through the crowd but chalked it up to the booze and hell of a lot of wishful thinking. I spun out of Jill's arms and was swept up in Harry's. We were all laughing uproariously and goofing around like high school kids. It was just what I needed.

After another forty minutes or so we headed to the bar to rehydrate. A few shots of Sambuca later and I was pleasantly wasted. I was leaning against a table by the dance floor, watching my friends dance when I felt an all too familiar pair of arms snake their way around my waist. I had no doubt at all as to the identity of the person behind me. I instinctively leaned back against the woman I had been craving, her arms were my favourite place on earth. My God I had missed her.

Ashley's POV

As soon as I registered that I was seeing Spencer dancing in the arms of another woman I fled, Kyla hot on my heels. "Ashley, Ashley! It probably isn't what you think, wait would you stop for a second?" Kyla yelled over the music.

"God we broke up a month ago and she's already with someone else? How is that even possible, didn't she love me at all?" I cried, trying to fight back tears, I truly felt like I had been hit by a semi.

"Ashley stop and look back at her would you," Kyla demanded, looking kind of exasperated. I rolled my eyes but complied surprised to find Spencer now in the arms of a clearly gay guy. She then spun out of his arms and started dancing with Lily and Chelsea. I think that's when I realised I'd been a tad hasty. I then saw the girl she had been dancing with start making out with a guy and knew I had gotten the wrong idea. I actually recognised her, Jill I think her name was, from the times I'd hung out with Spencer's college friends. I looked bashfully at Kyla who just shook her head and lead me to the bar. I guess I have always had a pretty massive jealous streak, which sometimes runs out of control, especially when it comes to Spencer.

I watched her for a moment and let her beauty wash over me. I hadn't seen her so happy in a long time. I just wish she was that happy with me.

A few drinks a little bit of dancing later I was kind of hammered. I had avoided Spencer up to this point because I wasn't sure she'd want to see me but when I was walking back from the bathroom I saw her standing on her own watching her friends dance and I couldn't help myself, she looked so amazingly beautiful and I missed her. I gave into want was as natural to me as breathing, I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist. I expected her to tense up and pull away but she didn't. She leaned back into me and held her arms over mine. She didn't even turn to see who was holding her, it was like she instinctively knew it was me.

Oh God, holding her in my arms was like coming home, it was ecstasy and I never wanted it to end. We stood like that for a while until I placed my lips against her ear and whispered, "Dance with me." Spencer just nodded and let me lead her out to the dance floor. Our eyes locked and held as we held each other and began moving to the music. We were oblivious to everyone and everything around us. All that mattered to me was the woman in my arms, the woman who set my heart, body and soul on fire.

We danced the rest of the night, barely stopping as our respective friends came by to tell us they were leaving. I saw only Spencer. I couldn't believe that I was holding her against me, feeling her body move with mine. I wanted to talk, to tell her how sorry I was and how much I loved her but I was scared that if I said anything I'd break the spell and she'd disappear.

She rested her head on my shoulder and I felt shivers from the sensation of her breath on my neck. God I had miss this! It felt so completely right being there with her and I just wanted time to stop so I could hold her forever.

I almost jumped out of my skin when I felt her start to kiss up my neck. I bit my lip to hold in a groan that threatened to erupt from my mouth. I pulled her closer against me and move my hands to her hips so I could grind against her. She bit down on my neck and then soothed it with her tongue, my God she was making me lose my mind! Finally after an excruciatingly exquisite torture of kisses up my throat, her lips found mine. It was without a doubt the most passionate, hungry and desperate kiss I had ever experienced. Our mouths crashed together, tongues warring for dominance. I explored her mouth, tasting as much of her as I could. Fuck this was all I ever really wanted, her.

I felt my heart soaring, God I love her.

Spencer's POV

I kissed her. It was hungry and passionate and all-consuming. I threw away all thoughts of the consequences and just gave into what I so desperately needed, to feel her again, to taste her. I ignored all the doubts in my mind and focused on the moment, the divine joy of being in her arms and feeling her lips on mine.

I wanted the world to stop, time to cease, so I could stay forever in this moment with the woman who I loved more than I ever thought it was possible to love anyone. In that moment I forgot the past, the pain and the anger and only saw the love, need and want between us.

There is no denying it, me and Ashley have something strong and real between us, something undeniable. Even when we were just friends, we were never really just friends if you know what I mean. It was always deeper than that, more intimate and intense. I moved my lips from hers and trailed them over her cheeks, eye lids and nose before capturing her lips once again. I felt her moan into my mouth and that just made me hot. I wanted her, no I needed her.

I pulled back and looking into those captivating mocha eyes that always saw into my soul and said softly, "Let's get out of here." Her eyes darkened at my words and I saw her lick her lips before kissing me again. She grabbed my hand and pulled me from the club. We hailed a cab and headed back to the loft. We gave the cab drive on hell of a show on the way, we couldn't keep our hands off each other!

We arrived at the loft and stumbled our way inside. As soon as the front door was closed I pushed Ashley up against it and attacked her throat with kisses. I grabbed her hands and held them above her head, delighting in the moans and whimpers I was causing her to let out. I loved that I could do that to her. I lay my body flush against hers, pushing her into the door as I devoured her mouth.

I was starting to get really into it when I felt her spin us around and shove me against the door with a growl, oh hell yes a growling Ashley is a sexy Ashley! She roughly kissed me then dragged me across the loft and into her bedroom. Once inside the tone of the night changed, instead of hungry and desperate our movements became slow, tender and lovingly. We slowly undressed each other, relishing the feeling of smooth skin as it was exposed. We kissed gently, with love rather than lust. Once we were naked we stood there taking in the sight of each other. I had been deprived of her beautiful body for far too long.

Ashley gently pushed me backwards onto the bed and lowered herself on top of me. The moment our naked skin touched I let out a moan of pure ecstasy that echoed around the room. Ashley smiled down at me and began a loving assault of my throat with her lips and tongue. She left no part of my body untouched, sending me to the heights of pleasure. I felt her all over me, but still craved more. She made her way back to my lips briefly before working her way down over my breast and stomach to where I needed her the most. Her lips and tongue started a slow rhythm on me before speeding up and gradually taking me to the most beautiful climax I had experienced to date.

As I shook in the aftermath Ashley held me close and whispered words of love and devotion that made me feel safe and loved in way only she could. God I had missed this woman, who I had lost months ago to her job. The woman above me was my Ashley and I had longed for her. Once I had caught my breath I began my own tender assault on my girl. I kissed her long and deep before moving down her gorgeous body. I had to touch and taste all of her. I nipped, kisses, licked and teased her for as long as she could stand it before I took pity on the writhing woman beneath me and started to make my way back down her body, only to be pulled up so I could look into her eyes. I looked at her questioningly so she whispered breathily, "I need you up here with me." I smiled and dropped kisses all over her face and throat as I entered her with my fingers. I used my thumb to bring her to the edge and let my fingers take her over. I felt her arch against me as she came and covered her mouth with mine to muffle her scream. I kissed her tenderly before I took her into my arms.

I ran my hands over her back to sooth her in the aftermath of what had been an intense and emotional experience. I felt tears fill my eyes and slowly course their way down my cheeks. She looked up at me and murmured with concern, "Spencer, what's wrong?"

I shook my head and kissed her forehead before I whispered, "I love you."

Ashley smiled softly at me and whispered back, "I love you too, so much." After that the alcohol and the intense emotions of the night sent both of us into a deep sleep.

Ashley's POV

I woke up the next morning to find a gorgeous head of blonde hair resting on my chest and the rest of my beautiful girl tangled around my body. I felt a huge smile break out on my face, this, right here was perfect. I had the woman I loved in my arms and I had this feeling of peace, everything was exactly as it should be. Feeling our naked bodies fused together just felt so undeniably right. I couldn't bear to wake her so I lay there, cradling Spencer in my arms and watched her sleep.

We were lying there for another ten minutes or so when I felt my girl stir. She opened those cerulean eyes of hers and looked around her. I felt her body tense up and felt sick when I heard her whisper, "Oh my God," in a panicked voice. She sprung from the bed like it was on fire (which it kind of was the night before hehe). I sat up, covering my body with the sheet feeling a deep pain seeping through me. Spencer started to pace to the room, grabbing her clothes and trying to throw them on in a rush, all the while muttering, "Shit, Shit, Shit," under her breath.

I got out of bed and pulled on my robe before walking to her side and placing a hand on her shoulder. She refused to meet my eyes, she just looked anxious. She moved away so that my hand fell to my side and continued to pull on her clothing. "Spencer stop," I said softly when she didn't respond I took her shoulder a little more firmly and said, "Please."

She turned towards me, still not meeting my eyes and murmured, "This shouldn't have happened, it's too soon." I could hear the fear in her voice and my heart went out to her, God I had hurt her so much. I reached out and gently tilted her face so I could look into those remarkable eyes of hers. Her eyes were so expressive and I could always read exactly what she was thinking. She was confused and petrified and I could also see a hint of something that could possibly be almost happiness. I held her gaze and said, "Spencer please don't do this."

"Do what?" she asked, still looking into my eyes.

"Walk away from this. Spencer I know I screwed up but Baby I'm trying, I'm really trying. I'm sorry if you regret last night, but I don't, I can't. Being with you and waking up with you in my arms, it filled a hole that has been in my heart since I watched you walk out our front door." I pulled her into my arms and cradled her against me, "Please Spencer, don't walk away from us."

She let me hold her, I could feel her inner struggle and knew she was torn between staying in my arms and running away from the person who had caused her so much suffering. I knew she loved me, I couldn't doubt that, but I could feel the trepidation coming off her in waves.

She suddenly jerked out of my arms and took a few steps back away from me. "Ash I can't do this. I just can't," tears started to roll down her cheeks and I felt my heart aching for all the pain I had caused her. "I love you, God damn it I love you, but I can't do this. It just hurts too much and I'm so scared to let myself be vulnerable to you again. You broke my heart Ashley. I just can't go back. I love you but I just can't trust you." Spencer stopped and brought her hand to her mouth to try and stifle the sobs that were wracking her body.

I felt my own tears start to fall as I watched the woman I love break. Her words hurt, not gonna lie about that, but I knew I needed to hear them just as much as Spencer needed to say them. I swallowed around the lump in my throat and said, "Spencer I'm so sorry."

"I know Ashley and God I wish I could just get past this, go back to being us, but I can't. I'm not there yet, but I so want to be," Spencer sobbed. I pulled her back into my arms and let her cry on my shoulder.

"Spencer I told you I would give you space and I have, but I don't want to lose you from my life. Strip everything away and you and I were always friends. Could we try starting from there?" I asked tentatively. Spencer pulled back slightly so she could look into my eyes. She took a moment before answering, maybe trying to discern the truth in my eyes. She swallowed audibly and nodded. "Ok, I'm in. let's start slow as friends and see where it leads us, see if we can get back what was lost. Um but I have to go now, I have a lot to process after…well you know." I nodded and gave her a small but sincere smile.

Spencer turned to go, before turning back to me, giving me a tentative smile and a quick warm hug before she walked over to pick up her purse and jacket. As she got to the bedroom doorway Spencer turned back to me and said in a soft voice, "Um will you call me tonight?"

I nodded and murmured, "Or course I will. I promise." Spencer nodded and fixed me with a look that clearly said 'I'll believe it when I see it.' I felt my heart constrict painfully, I couldn't believe I had hurt her so much that she couldn't trust even the simplest of promises from me.

"Spencer I will call you tonight," I said with as much sincerity as I could. She smiled briefly at me and walked towards the front door. I followed her and gave her a smile as she turned back to me, her hand on the door handle, "For what it's worth being with you last night filled a hole in my heart too." She smiled again before walking out the door.

I leaned against the wall and felt a faint shimmer of hope, it was a small step but at least it was a step forward, maybe we could finally start to heal.

Spencer's POV

I had spent long day just thinking about everything. About how good it felt to be with Ashley again but how scared I was that she would hurt me again. When I woke up in her arms part of me just wanted to stay there forever while another part of me just wanted to run. I guess I chose run, well sort of anyway.

I felt the faint stirring of hope in my heart, we had taken a step forward and I felt that it was long since due. I mean I had my reasons why I hadn't contacted her in a month, I wanted to, God how I wanted to but I needed time and to be perfectly honest I was scared that if I called her and things hadn't changed I wouldn't be able to cope. I knew she didn't contact me because I'd asked her to give me space, but I was glad we were in contact now.

Ashley was right, before everything else we were friends and I really missed my friend (almost as much as I missed my girlfriend). Once we got our friendship back on track then maybe we could get us back on track. I really hoped so.

I was disturbed from my thoughts at exactly 7.30pm when my cell phone rang. I glanced at the caller id and beamed when I saw it was Ashley. I flipped open my phone and answered sweetly, "Hello Ashley."

"Hey Spence, how are you?" came her husky voice down the line, I so love that voice

"Honestly? I'm confused, overwhelmed and kinda tired. You kept me up pretty late last night Miss Davies," I said with a chuckle.

"Yeah me too, you're kind of insatiable Spence," Ashley teased.

"Only with you," I said softly.

"But are you ok Spence?" Ashley asked seriously.

I smiled to myself, I liked that she was worried about me, "I think I will be, just got a lot on my mind these days with school, work, the family and well you," I paused briefly before whispering, "I miss you."

I heard Ashley swallow before she answered, "I miss you too Spence, so much."

"It's funny, since we broke up, since the moment I left, my instincts keep telling me to call my best friend, but that was…is…was…ah you. It's just hard. When things are great or shit or scary or whatever my first instinct has always been to call you. You were always so much more than just my girlfriend Ash, like you said strip it all away and we were always friends." I fell silent, my thoughts overwhelming me.

"I totally get it Spence and its been exactly the same for me. So let's try this friend thing again, baby steps. I won't push or demand anything more. I miss you and will accept any part of your life that you will let me share with you." Ashley said softly.

I smiled to myself and replied, "Ok, baby steps. So uh, maybe we could meet for coffee or something soon. You know if you can fit it around work." Oh God did I want to take that last sentence back, I didn't want to be all bitchy, but it just slipped out! "Shit Ash I'm sorry that was harsh, I didn't mean it," I apologised immediately.

"It's ok Spence, I deserved that. Um let me know when is good for you and I'll be there, anytime at all." Ashley replied.

"Ok uh well how about Thursday? I have class til 2pm but I'm free after that?" I said hesitantly. If I was perfectly honest I was almost testing Ashley. I so desperately wanted to trust her, but I needed to know if I was a priority so I picked a time in the middle of the work day.

"I'll be there, how about I pick you up from class and we go to that café just off campus that makes those donuts you're so crazy about?" Ashley offered, sounding happier than I'd heard her in a very long time.

"Sounds perfect, I'll meet you in the usual place at like 2.15ish?" I suggested. Ashley used to pick me up from class on occasion so we had a designated meeting spot.

"Yeah I'll be there with bells on, minus the bells." Ashley chuckled and I couldn't help but giggle in response and then instinctively replied, "I think bells would look sexy on you," Oh my God I am such a tool! "Oh…um, well I'll see you then. Uh call me sometime if you like," I stuttered. I am almost positive she could hear me blushing through the phone.

Ashley laughed softly and said, "Great and I'll definitely call you. Bye Spence."

"Bye Ash." We hung up and I couldn't help the small and extremely hopeful smile on my lips. I put my phone down on my bedside table and snuggled back into my pillows clutching the teddy Ashley had given me. I reached over and gently lifted a photo frame off the bedside table. It was the one I could never sleep without. I smiled to myself as I remembered Ashley teasing me on the day I moved into the loft for my inability to be without that photo of us at the beach the day I told her I liked girls.

Even after everything that had happened, that photo was one of my most treasured possessions. Just thinking of that day when we moved in together, the love and joy between me and Ashley, made me feel warm inside. I love her and I always will, I'm just scared to let her in again. She hurt me so badly I wasn't sure I would ever recover but I still loved her with all of my being. She was a huge part of me and I wished with all my heart that I could just move past this and forgive her, I wasn't quite there yet, but I knew I would be

It felt so amazing to be with her the night before, to get to hold her and touch her. I could lie and say I was so wasted that I didn't know what I was doing, but I won't do that. From the second I felt her arms around my waist at the club I knew I would end up making love to her. I wanted it, wanted her so desperately and I pushed aside all thoughts of the past and the consequences. All I wanted was my Ashley, and I found her.

When I woke up in her arms I panicked, pure and simple. All the heart break and pain came rushing back to me and I freaked out. I felt so confused. In the cold light of day I knew that it was too soon and that I wasn't ready yet. I wanted her and I loved her but we needed to rebuild before we can even think about being together again.

So here I am putting myself out there, well slightly. I want our friendship because that's where we started, where us began. I'll give her the chance to show me she can change and make me a priority, but I know my heart cannot survive going through it all again. It would actually be easier if I could hate her and walk away, it would certainly save me a lot of confusion and hurt, but life would be grey. After the technicolour of being in love with Ashley Davies I can't exist in grey.

Well there's chapter 8 done and dusted. I hope you enjoyed this instalment.

I have been enjoying reading your reviews and feedback so keep em coming.

Chapter 9 will be up shortly.