While My Guitar Gently… Part 2
A/N: I'm really not turning this into a longer story. I'm just having a very difficult time finishing On The Veranda and needed a distraction.
* * * * *
You must leave it behind.
Maria paused at the edge of the grounds of the villa and took a deep breath. With her quick stride, it would not take her long to reach the house. Once she took that first step onto the grounds, she would be fine. Once she took that first step… why was she reluctant to take that step?
She had no way to explain to herself what she had felt on the mountain, or why she had felt it. It made no sense to her. But she told herself that it would pass; it was passing already. She just needed to leave the last traces of it behind. There was too much ahead of her to keep holding on to something she didn't even understand. There were the children to look after.
She took another deep breath, trying to fill the curious vacuum that still wasn't quite gone, and shook herself. The guitar rattled in it case; the muffled, dissonant sound it made reminded her that she was still carrying the case. Her eyes widened in surprise. She knew she was easily distracted, but how could she have forgotten so completely that she held it? How could she have ignored the feel and weight of it in her hand?
Take hold of yourself, Maria. Whatever it is, leave it behind. Don't let it damage anything. Think of the children.
The children.
Maria walked onto the grounds with a single-minded purpose. The children.
* * * * *
She slowed as she neared the house, a smile forming easily as she heard the sound of laughter, of the children talking over each other excitedly. She could not make out their words, but they sounded cheerful. They must be enjoying the time spent with their father.
She approached quickly, eager to see the children and the Captain. When they came into view, she listened more carefully, and the smile on her face grew. They were sitting outside the gazebo and appeared to be playing some sort of guessing game. The Captain had apparently given an incorrect response, something so ridiculously incorrect that the children were openly laughing at it. The expression on his face, a look of mock disbelief that did not hide the amusement in his eyes, made her laugh as well.
"Fraulein Maria! You're back!"
"Can you play with us now?"
"We went to town today!"
"We've been playing a game with Father!"
"I want to show you the flowers I picked on the way home!"
"Did you miss us too?"
"Father, look, Fraulein Maria is back!"
As the children ran to welcome her, Maria wondered how she could have been feeling anything but joy. She walked back with them to the benches and set down the guitar.
"Really, children, I've only been gone a few hours. I hope you've all had a perfectly marvelous day. And yes, I missed you too." She had missed them. That must be why she had felt as she had. It was clear to her now.
"Yes, it has been a marvelous day." She had not expected the response to come from the Captain. He was on his feet, smiling, watching her and the children. He looked happy, and it was so infectious that she smiled back at him without giving it a second thought.
"But as you can see, now that they've seen their beloved governess, there's no bringing them back to their grumpy old father," he continued, nodding toward the children, amusement still evident in his eyes.
"You're not grumpy, Father. Not anymore. Although you are a bit old, I suppose."
Maria held her breath, fearful of how the Captain would respond to Gretl's spontaneous reply. But the Captain laughed heartily, scooping Gretl up in his arms and squeezing her until she squealed in delight.
Maria could hardly believe what she was seeing. She must have been mistaken about the initial impression he had made on her, that of a man, a good man, but one so contained that he had needed a mirror held to his face to see himself clearly. He couldn't have changed so much so quickly, could he? Certainly not merely because of the way she had confronted him. He must always have had all of this inside of him.
He looked in her direction suddenly, and she felt caught, confused. These were curious, almost inappropriate thoughts, thoughts she was grateful not to have blurted out for once. Even though she had not, it seemed to her that he had heard them; it seemed as if had read them from her mind. As if he was connected to her.
Everything seemed to be moving so slowly. The world around her slowed to a crawl. Even the sounds around her slowed until it all fell away, until there was only one thing in front of her. One person. One connection.
Kurt pulled hard on her skirt.
"Fraulein Maria? I asked if you would play and sing for us. I asked you twice. Didn't you hear me?"
She looked down at him dazedly, sound rushing back to her ears, air refilling her empty lungs. She hadn't heard him. She hadn't heard anything or anyone. She had been too busy looking at…
What was happening to her?
"Kurt, perhaps we should let Fraulein Maria enjoy the rest of her afternoon off. She can play for you tomorrow."
The Captain lowered Gretl to the ground. He was looking at her with concern. This was unacceptable. It didn't matter how inexplicably odd, how unlike herself she was feeling today; she was here for the children. She must not forget that, she must not lose herself in… whatever it was. She smiled down at Kurt.
"Of course I'll play for you. But why don't we all sing together?" She sat on the bench and took the guitar from its case.
The children sat near her quickly, waiting for her to decide on the song. She thought something cheerful might be wise, and she began to play.
"Do – a deer, a female deer…"
The children's voices and the memories of the time she had spent teaching them the song helped to bring her back to herself. By the end of the song, she felt almost normal again. She smiled at the children, relieved and grateful.
"Children, you have such lovely voices. It pleases me so to hear you sing." They were extraordinarily talented. Maria had not expected it when she had first begun to teach them, but it had made sharing music with them all the more enjoyable.
"It pleases me as well. Exceedingly so." The Captain had been listening quietly, seated across from them. The look of pride and contentment on his face was obvious, even to the children, and they beamed at him, laughing and talking over each other again. The Captain quieted them by raising his hand.
"But I'm afraid we won't have time for more. Dinner should be ready soon. Into the house now, time to wash up."
After only a bit of grumbling, the children obeyed their father and walked toward the house, still chattering among themselves. Maria stood and started to put the guitar back in its case when she saw another hand wrap itself around the neck of the guitar. She looked up, startled.
"May I?"
He stood next to her, both of them holding on to the guitar. She didn't know why, but she felt suddenly nervous, and she looked away, quickly letting go of the guitar.
"I didn't know you played, Captain."
He sat down, balancing the guitar on his thigh, curving his right arm around the body of the instrument. He picked out a few notes.
"I don't, really. It's been some time. Years."
He picked out a few more notes, repositioning his fingers. She stared at him, astounded at the fact that they should have this in common. It seemed that every day brought a new discovery of something else that they shared. She felt everything shifting yet again, and she watched him play, spellbound.
He played for only a short time. Before long he was rubbing the fingertips of his left hand with his thumb. He smiled wryly at himself.
"The calluses have worn down. I'd forgotten that it hurts."
Maria looked at the calluses on her own fingers, calluses that had begun to rebuild after she had started to play again. Yes, it had been painful at first. But not anymore.
She looked up and found him watching her, his expression inscrutable. He seemed mysterious, and… sad? She didn't know what made her think that; why should he be sad? He stood and held the guitar out to her. She took the instrument from him and wrapped her arms around it. The guitar was still warm where he had held it against his body. Another connection.
You must leave it behind.
She looked away, steeling herself against the tears that threatened to form in her eyes. By sheer force of will, her eyes remained dry. She put the guitar away, closing the case, snapping the metal latches securely in place.
When she was certain she was in control of herself again, she looked up. To her relief, he was no longer staring at her. He was staring at the guitar case. He stared at it for so long, remaining silent, that she began to wonder if something was wrong.
"Was there something else you wished, Captain?"
He turned to look at her again, the same inscrutable expression still on his face.
"No."
He began moving toward the house but stopped after only a few steps, not looking back at her.
"Yes. Thank you." He did look at her then, before leaving. She watched him until he disappeared into the house.
She didn't know why he had thanked her.
She didn't know why the song in her heart had changed. But she knew that it had.