Feeling Gulity
- - -
RPOV
This position was getting me turned on.
Although, I had to keep my mind away from that kind of thinking and focus on our huge problem. I hated children, and everyone knew that. But deep inside, I was actually sort of happy. I had no idea how to be a father, or anything like that.
"Kristen, you don't get it.."
"WHAT DON'T I GET ROB?"
She was pissed.
"I don't fucking want a kid Kristen…do you honestly want me for you're kid's dad?"
"Well Rob, its not really my decision….because you are its father! And of course I want you around it. I cant do this alone…please Rob, don't leave me."
"Kristen.. I just--I cant."
I got up from her hold, and went for the door. I looked back to her; sitting on the floor, same position, with tears welled in her eyes.
"Please."
It broke my heart to see her so vulnerable like this. I knew she was too young for this. But I just didn't want to mess up our kid. God
Our kid.
I was going to be a dad, I was going to have a son, or daughter.
Oh My God. This couldn't be happening, could it? Why did it have to happen to us, here's so many people in the world, and it happens to…US.
It made me feel sick when I thought about how twisted this whole situation was. I, a 23 year old, drunkie got an 18 year old knocked up.
I hated myself for this. For what I did to her. I knew that she wasn't going to let this baby go though. She wasn't at all like that. She was always one to take responsibility for her actions.
She's so young, with a booming career going for her, and I was the one who had to go and fuck it all up.
I took my hand off the doorknob, and walked back over to her, and put out my hand.
She took it, and I quickly and swiftly brought her back to her feet.
"You blame me?"
She looked so done for.
"No Rob, I don't blame you."
How could she not blame me for this? I mentally thanked her to god that she didn't.
In between sobs, she tried to talk.
"I--I ca--not do--thi--s--R--ob. I--ca--nt!"
She pounced into my chest, and sobbed harder.
I took her frame into my arms, and just held her there.
I slowly, hesitantly brought my hand up to her hair, and stroked it softly.
"Shah---it'll be okay love."
She sunk in further.
I just wanted to melt away, and hide. I knew she was scared, and overwhelmed. I was as well. I couldn't believe this was happening to either one of us.
I didn't really plan on doing anything with her beside turning to her for sex.
I knew she didn't take my proposals seriously, but for a second, I did.
I pulled her at arms length, and her head drooped down.
I could tell she was humiliated, and ashamed over herself, and It pained me to see her that way. I wasn't completely emotionless, and un sympathetic. I cared about her; deeply.
KPOV
I had to admit, I was surprised Rob didn't leave. He was close, but he didn't.
I looked up to him and whispered "I'm sorry"
"Kristen, don't apologize to me, I mean, yea, this is really, really bad, but we'll get through it…I promise you, we will. Everything is going to be okay, alright?"
I nodded, and he brought his hand to my face, and kissed me, not hard, but lightly.
I have never been the person who broke down, or showed her emotions to others, but right now, I was a complete failure.
I kissed him back, and broke the kiss.
I looked up at him, and he smiled, nervously.
I don't know why, but I was always afraid of Robert. I knew how much he liked me, he told that to EVERYONE.
4 MONTHS LATER
I wasn't showing that much, for a 4 month pregnant woman.
I was so grateful for that.
Rob and I have sort have been, drifting. As I got further into my pregnancy, I knew he just became more, and more nervous about actually being a dad.
He still stuck by me, but I knew that if he had a choice, he would opt to go back to the way things were 4 months ago, and leave me and our baby.
When I told my family about the baby, they were less than thrilled about having a grandchild this young, and were not so happy about Rob being the father.
But I didn't give them a choice on whether or not to already love it.
My sister was so thrilled about being an aunt, but I sometimes felt like she was just happy because I was the one to upset mom and dad, and not her.
She was turning 17.
I knew that she was no longer a virgin, but I think now, she would be more careful. Considering my situation.
I was already starting to see myself in the magazines in the "Bump Alert" sections.
I really hated this. I sometimes just was nauseated by the fact that I was pregnant. It was actually to me, kind of sickening to think about.
3 MONTHS LATER
Rob moved to Miami last month.
I hated him for it.
He left me, when I was seven months pregnant, being attacked my the tabloids, and practically rejected by everyone.
I went into false labor 2 days after Rob left, due to stress.
Each day, I wanted this baby to be gone more and more.
It was ruining my life, and I just wanted it out, and gone.
I have been looking into adoption, and my Mother hates me for it.
But honestly, I just can't handle a baby. Not now that Rob is gone, and my family pretty much does nothing to help me.
I met with a really nice family earlier today, the woman was 28, and the man was 32.
They couldn't have children, and wanted a baby so badly.
The other couples I had met with seemed like they just wanted my baby because Robert Pattinson was the father, and I refused to give my baby to that.
I knew that I just wanted what was best for my baby, but I felt so guilty about abandoning my baby.
But I as trying to do what was right, and what the best thing was for my baby.
I look forward to getting back on track, and moving forward with my life, but I knew that when it was time to give my baby up, that it would be the hardest thing I would ever have to do in my entire life, and that I would never, ever forgive myself for it.
REVEIW!REVEIW!REVEIW!