"And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13

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If You Seek, You Shall Find

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KPOV

Lily was getting antsy in Rob's hands, and I knew he was getting nervous, so he started to twist her out of his arms, and getting ready to place her back into mine.

I took her back into my arms, and gently rock her.

"I'll help with the medical issues, the money, just call whenever you need me, alright Kristen?"

I couldn't believe this. After everything that just happened, he was still going to leave me, and our daughter. I just had to realize that he just a selfish son of a bitch.

I just nodded, and grabbed him by the arm before he could leave.

"So that's it? You're going to walk away after everything that just happened? You're going to leave us again?"

"I told you Kris, I can't do this."

"You Rob, are six years older than I am, and you're the one complaining? If you walk out that door, don't think about coming back. If you walk out that door, Twilight's done. If you walk out that door, you can never, see your daughter. I won't allow it. I won't have you toying with our child's mind like you did to mine. She is a baby Rob, she needs both of her parents. Not just some eighteen year old mom who doesn't have a clue as to what she is doing."

"I wish things were different Kristen, I really do, but this is just the way things turned out to be. I'm sorry--"

"Oh don't play that game with me."

I shifted Lily's weight into my other arm.

I looked at her, then back Rob, who had his eyes fixated on mine.

"Do you even care about her Rob? Do you give a damn that you took part in making a life that you are not even capable of taking responsibility for? How does it feel to know that you messed up?"

"Kristen…just cut the crap, okay? Don't play the pity card, and stop trying to get me to feel sorry for you. It won't work. I told you I wasn't going into this, and I haven't changed my mind."

"She is your daughter Robert. Grow--UP!"

"Kristen…I don't know how many times I have tried to explain to you that I would be no good in you're child's life."

"Our child Rob. Ours."

"Ours. Whatever. I don't want to mess her up."

"Rob, come on! I don't believe that! You just don't want a baby. Well guess what? You have one. So step up!"

I watched him storm off out of the hospital room, and I just held Lily close to me.

"Shh baby, its okay. Mommy's got you."

2 MONTHS LATER

It's been two months, and I have not heard from Rob. The headlines stated that the wedding was off for Camilla and Rob, and I could care less.

I heard the baby crying from the monitor, and went upstairs to check on Lily.

I walked into the room, and walked over to the crib. I picked her up into my arms, and she settled right away. I smiled down at her, and kissed her cheek.

"Mommy loves you. Yes she does!"

I put her back into her crib, and headed back downstairs, and the phone rang.

I picked it up quick as I could.

"Hello?"

"Kristen…its Robert. How are you."

I was taken aback.

"What the hell do you want?"

"Look, Kris, I didn't call you to argue. I just wanted to know how you and Lily were. Are you two alright?"

"Rob, if you really wanted to know, you wouldn't have left." And with that, I slammed the phone back into the receiver, and headed upstairs to get Lily. I was going out.

RPOV

"Shit!"

I closed the phone, and ran my hand through my messy hair, and then punched the wall.

I turned around, and exited the bedroom, and went to get ice for my hand. I walked over to the refrigerator and stopped to look at the picture that Kristen sent me of Lily when she first was sent home from the hospital.

I wanted to be there for them, but I couldn't. Not after everything I've done to them. Especially Kristen.

KPOV

I entered the doors to Harrods and grabbed one of the little baskets.

I needed one of those harnesses that you strap to your body, so you can carry a baby without hassle, clothes, socks, booties, and a few baby bibs.

I held Lily tighter to me when I spotted paparazzi. When they tried to talk to me, and snapped photos of me, Lily started getting nervous, and she started whimpering, so I put my hand on her back to soothe her, and picked up a little bunny to distract her.

Once I left the store, I drove back home, and organized the things I bought into Lily's bedroom, and changed her into her "I love mommy" outfit.(PIC ON PRO) Since she spoiled her other one.

It was a month away from Christmas, and my mom bought Lily the cutest little dress. It was a black velvet material near the breastbone, and it was a cream white for the rest, with red lace and a little bow.(PIC ON PRO)

I was still nervous about "baby's first Christmas", so my mom invited the whole family for the day.

CHRISTMAS

Lily was now 3 months, but to me, she didn't look any different.

After we finished with the presents, Lily was playing in her bouncer when my mom called me into the kitchen.

"Kristen…I really think you should give Robert a call, I mean, he is the Lily's--"

'No, mom. I cant. Not after what he did to us."

I leaned against the counter, and sipped the red whine in the glass.

"Sweetie, I know it seems to you like you're doing the right thing for your baby, but maybe if you let Rob see her…"

"Mom, NO! I cant forgive him mom…it's too hard. Lily doesn't need her father to be in, and out of her life. I told him that. I gave him a choice mom, to either stay, and be in her life, or leave, and never be in her life. He didn't go for option A mom, in case you haven't noticed."

"Kristen…honey. That little girl needs a dad whether he's in and out of her life or not. He isn't going to stay away for ever. If you keep him away now, It'll just e harder one day when he just shows up out of NOWHERE!"

"I don't know mom."

I walked out of the kitchen, and put on a big, bright smile, and went over to Lily.

My brother; Lawrence was playing peek-a-boo with her, and she was giggling, and trying to touch the hands that he had cupped on his eyes.

I wanted that so badly to be Rob.

I giggled, and made my way over to her.

"Hi baby! You wanna go get changed into something comfortable? Hu sweetie?"

I picked her up, and she started kicking her legs, and reaching for Lawrence. She started whimpering, so I just rushed up the stairs with her.

I opened the bag in the guest bedroom I had brung, and pulled out a green baby suit, and a pair of little white socks, and put it on her.

After we left, Lily was asleep in the car.

I made my way up the stairs, and put down the diaper bag, and sat down in the rocking chair with Lily.

"You know Lily, your daddy loves you, he just…doesn't know how to show it, But he does love you. I don't think he knows what its like to love something so much, and he's scared because he feels that way for you. But I promise you baby, that one day, he will be your daddy. I promise."

I kissed Lily's forehead, and cried into her.

"Mommy loves you so much sweetie. I was such a mess before you came along. Yea. Sounds kind of messed up right? Yea, I know. But then, you showed up, and you made mommy better. You're the best thing that I have in this world. I love you more than anything sweetie. Mommy loves you."

I got up, and carefully placed her in her crib.

I went for my bedroom, and changed into a pastel pink tee, and boy shorties, and climbed into bed. I stared out the windows in front of me, into the big, amazing lit city, and smiled.

I wanted him to be next to me. To be holding me, and telling me how much he loved me, and Lily. But he wasn't. I don't know where he is.

I meant what I told to Lily about her father. That he loves her so much, that he's scared. That's what I believe. And somehow, I know that's the reason. It just has to be. There is no way, that he can just not love the little life he created, and just forget about it. I think he thinks about her, maybe me, every second, of every minute, of every day of his life.

I sometimes think that he knows everything that's going on in her life; we have the tabloids to thank for that. But that wasn't the way I wanted him to know his daughter. I wanted to call him, and tell him to come over, and see her, but that would just be letting myself go, and giving up on myself, for everything I've accomplished, just throwing it away and saying 'oh whatever." I wasn't about to just throw the towel in.

RPOV

"Nikki…It's Robert."

"Oh, hello Rob. How are you?"

"Uh…not so great, actually, I was wondering If you knew how Kristen is…she wont talk to me and---"

"Yea, well Rob, you haven't exactly shown her that you care, at all. Why would she take you seriously now? Rob, hun, you have a little girl. A baby, that you walked away from. I'm sorry…I cant help you."

And then I heard the line cut.

I pushed the off button, and sat on the couch, head in my hands.

Nobody took me seriously. I wanted to see her so badly. Both of them. Her words haunted me.

"Walk out that door, and you'll never see your daughter, ever again."

"Aurghhhhhh!"

I threw the vase against the wall, shattering to the ground.

I got up, and went upstairs for my bedroom. I dressed in faded jeans, and a plain white tee shirt.

I grabbed the phone from the stand, and dialed Kristen's mom's number.

"Hi, Laura, It's Rob. How are you?"

"Hi Rob, I'm okay, how are you?"

"It's not about me, look Laura, I need your help. I need to know where Kristen and Lily are. I need to find them. Please."

"Rob, I…I don't think Kristen would be too happy if…if I told you that."

"DAMN IT LEAURA PLEASE! YOUR ALL THAT'S LEFT! PLEASE!"

"Calm down Robert. She lives about a mile away from the house. It's number 1145. Goodbye Rob."

"Laura, WHAT TO-"

The line cut.

WHY DOES EVERYONE HANG UP ON ME?

A mile away from the house.

What house? My house? Her house? My sister's house? Nikki's house? WHAT HOUSE!?

I rushed to the door, grabbing the keys, and jumped into the car, probably going faster than I should have been. But hell, I didn't care.

I drove to the nearest Gas station, and pulled into one of the spots, and walked into the doors, dodging paparazzi.

"Hello, uhm, do you have a phone book?"

He didn't say anything, just gave me the book.

I searched for Stewart, and wrote down all the addresses of the name Kristen.

When I got to the first house. It was a little house, and was definitely not Kristen's house. The next one was a big, brick house, and I knew for a well known fact that Kristen did NOT live there. Every brick house we used to pass, she would say how much she hated brick houses.

After a few more NOT KRISTEN houses, I got tired of looking, and looked on how many more houses were left. There was only one. With the address 1145.

"Oh My God."

"OH MY GOD!"

It was her house!

I pressed the gas hard as it would go.

KPOV

It was 5:04 PM, and Lily was finally asleep. After all the crying, screaming, and fussing she did, I would think she wouldn't be able to let out another sound for the rest of her life.

I walked into the bedroom, and searched for something to wear. I pulled out a navy blue tank top, and a white ruffled woven professional top, and a pair of deep blue straight leg jeans, with black heels.

I pulled my dark brown curls out of the band, and shook my hair out, letting the curls fall just below my breasts, and combed down the roots, so it looked like it was natural. I grabbed my makeup bag, and smeared a dark black, and a light blue on my eyes, followed up but black mascara, an eyeliner on my inner eye-lid. I brushed some light pink gloss on my lips, and a few strokes of foundation and blush , and went downstairs, and into the kitchen, and took a glass from the top shelf, and filled it with white wine.

I grabbed the almonds out of the counter, and sat on the couch, drinking wine, and eating almonds.

Then, out of no where, the doorbell rang.

SHIT! IM GOING TO KILL WHOEVER IT IS IF LILY WAKES UP!

I got up off the couch, and set the almonds on the coffee table, bringing my wine with me.

I turned the lock, and opened the door.

I up to see who it was, and suddenly, let loose on my glass, and heard it shatter on the cold, hard, marble floor.

I grabbed the staircase for support, and suddenly, my eyes were fogged up from my tears, and I couldn't see.

I quickly blinked them away, and looked into his eyes. God how much I missed those eyes.

I just kept staring at him, before taking steps towards him, hearing the glass crackling under my heels.

I made my way, so my lips were about a millimeter away from his. I raised my hand carefully, and put it to his cheek.

He closed his eyes, and wrapped him arms around my waist, and pulled me into him.

I grasped his shoulders, careful not to fall.

I sobbed into his shoulder, and we just stood there. Silent. Saying nothing. Just holding one another.

I pulled away, and took several steps back.

"Robert…why?"

"Kristen…I'm so sorry. I never should have left you. Ever. Not any of those times. I should have been there for you every second of everyday, loving you like I promised I would."

I smiled slightly, and walked closer back to him.

"Don't ever leave again, please?"

"I swear to you, I will never again leave you."

I cried again, and he took my face in his hands, brushing my tears away with his thumbs. He kissed me, and I kissed him back, then, he pulled away, leaving me with my eyes closed, searching for more, like he had done so many times before.

"Uhm, the--uh---Li--"

"She's upstairs."

I started up the stairs, and he followed behind me, until I made my way to her door, and creaked it open, peeking my head in to see if she was still sleeping. She was.

I turned back around, facing Rob, and put my finger to my lips, signaling that she was sleeping, and we had to be quiet. He nodded, and took my hand in his, and gently squeezed it tightly in his.

"It's okay." I whispered.

He nodded, and I opened up her door slowly.

I walked in, and he led right behind me, and we stopped at her crib.

I took a few steps back, while he just stood there, he was tense, he had his hands in his pockets.

He tilted his head, to see her little face more clear. I saw him smile then, and look back to me.

I walked over to him, knowing what he wanted.

I hated waking Lily up from her naps, especially the well needed ones, but, I hated even more that the more time I wasted, the less time she would have with Rob. So, gently, I picked he up my the head, and her back, and she gurgled, and let her arms roam.

I nested her in the crooks of my arms, and she opened her eyes, and looked up at me, but then, Rob cut in, and touched her head, and she instantly, looked around.

When she met Rob's eyes, he smiled his crooked smile, and took her hand in his.

I gave him the signal, that I was giving her to him, and he quickly put his palm under her head, and I gave her over to him, resting her in his arms.

I wanted to cry right now, at this sight.

"I'm so sorry Lily, that I left you and your mom alone all this time. I love you so much, and I never forgot about you.." He kissed her forehead. "Do you think you can ever forgive me?"

She giggled, and reached her hand up, towards his face, and gently touched it, then, she went for his necklace.

"Uh uh sweetie, don't touch that, you cant play with that." He looked at me, and I suddenly remembered that he was her father, not a visiting friend.

"It's okay"

He walked over to the rocking chair, and sat down with her.

I crossed my arms over my chest, no knowing what to do with them.

He looked up to me, and patted his thigh, signaling for me to come, and sit on his lap with our daughter.

Once I sat down, he put one arm around my waist, and for the first time in a while, I felt safe, happy, and like a family.

I smiled down at him, as he hummed the lullaby he wrote for the Twilight's Bella's Lullaby.

She fell right asleep. God I loved this little girl.

He looked up at me, kind of helpless, so I just brushed my hand along the little strands of light russet hair she had, and got up form Rob's lap, as he slowly rose out of the chair, and made his way back over to her crib.

He placed a light kiss on her forehead before setting her down in her crib.

Once we left the room, I looked to him, and he pulled me into his arms.

I led him to the bedroom, and he started attacking my lips with his.

He brought us over to the bed, and kissed my neck and I rushed his shirt off, and he started to untie the white bow, and gently took it off, following by rising my tank top off.

He worked on my jeans, licking my stomach, and fathering kisses.

He rolled off my jeans, and underwear, and I worked on his.

Once we were both completely bare, he started kissing my neck, my collarbone, and headed toward my breasts.

I moaned, and brought his lips to mine, and I felt my stomach burning, and he positioned himself at my entrance.

"Mmm Please, Rob."

He gently glided himself into me, kissing my neck. I raked my nails up his back, and he started a little bit of a faster rhythm. He started pumping, not fast, in, and out of me.

He got faster, and faster, and I started kissing his lips, fiercely with mine.

I started moaning uncontrollably.

"Shh…Kristen…Lily's right down the hall Love." He teased me.

I smirked at him, and he thrust once harder, and I screamed, and he covered my mouth with his hand, as I came down from my high, I could feel his cum trickling inside me.

"mmmmmm"

I giggled, and he nestled his face in-between my breasts.

He rolled off me, panting next to me, and I rolled over to him, still both of us, out in the open naked. I looked over to the fully open, gigantic windows.

"Oh no!"

He shot up.

"What is it baby?"

He rubbed my back, and I rushed to the windows, closing the curtains.

I sighed, and climbed into the covers.

He just laughed.

"Its isn't funny Rob…the whole city is exposed. Someone could have seen us, taken pictures, taken a video…the buildings are so close!"

"Kristen…calm down…it's okay."

I sighed and rested my hand on his chest.

He picked my hand up, and traced each finger with his thumb.

He paused on my ring finger, gently making circles with his thumb.

"Someday, you will be my wife Kristen…I promise."

"Mmm Rob…I already am."

I smiled into his chest, and fell asleep.