A/N: Time for chapter two. Thanks to all my reviewers, your kind words make
it easier to write the story.
Okay, enough of that, on with the story.
Chapter 2: Musings of What could Have Been
"I wonder what Harry's doing today?" Ginny mused. She was sitting at the dinner table in 12 Grimmauld Place, staring absently towards nothing at all. The interior of the old house was much different then the first summer that she and Harry first spent there. Gone was the insufferable painting of Mrs. Black, as well as the hideous row of mounted house elf heads. Kreacher the house elf had also disappeared soon after Remus and Tonks moved in. No one knew exactly what happened to the vile being except for Remus and Harry. Nobody talked about it either. It was something that was meant to be between Harry and Remus only.
The colors inside were also much nicer. The interior was no longer drab and moldy. Tonks had done a great job designing the place; it was a myriad of color. The dinning room was a beautiful shade of red. It wasn't bright, but not a dark red either. It was like the color of the sunset reflecting off of the lake at Hogwarts. The mahogany table was long enough to fit twelve, but Remus and Tonks rarely ever entertained. Its legs twisted down towards the ground in elaborate carving. Colorful banners were hanging from the high beams of the ceiling. One was clearly the Hogwarts coat of arms. Another was the sign of the Aurors; the banner was black, with the seal being gold. Inside the seal were two wands crossed. The top left square held a dragon, the top right a unicorn, the bottom left a thestral, and the bottom right a griffon.
And that's where Ginny sat. She was in the dinning room of 12 Grimmauld Place. The first and last place she wanted to be. She loved it here of course; it was the only place she could speak freely of matters concerning Harry. Here at Grimmauld Place she could declare her unending love for Harry Potter. It was here that Remus and Tonks lived. She had begun to think of the two as surrogate parents since her own had lost their mind years ago.
However, being here was a constant reminder that Harry was somewhere far away. She hadn't seen his face or heard his voice in four long years. After three years passed, she began to wonder how she would react if she were ever to see him again. She dreamed that she did once, and she lost it completely in front of him. She prayed constantly that she wouldn't do that.
"You can't keep doing this to yourself, Ginny," she vaguely heard Tonks say, bringing her out of her trance.
"What do you mean?" she asked the auror.
"Ginny, Harry would not want you to mope about all day."
"I don't mope around all day," she defended. "I just miss him, that's all."
"I know, Gin. You, me, and Remus, we all miss him."
"It's not fair," Ginny yelled as she stood and began pacing the room. "Why does all of this shit happen to Harry? His entire life has been an absolute sacrifice for the very same people who want him locked up or killed. And now, he's not the only one being forced to sacrifice." Tears began to spill out of her cinnamon eyes. "We could be married by now. We could have children. He could finally have the family he's always wanted. But instead he's somewhere out there. All we know for sure is that he's not in England."
"Ginny, you know that it's safer for both him and us if we don't know where he is."
"Why? Why can't I just go and be with him. He doesn't have to come back here. Just tell me where he is and I'll go to him."
"How, Ginny? He can't send it by owl because they're too easily intercepted. He can't contact us by floo because our fireplaces both here and at our offices at the ministry and Hogwarts are monitored."
"Why doesn't he apparate here and tell us?"
"Ginny, you and I both know that the temptation to stay would be too great for Harry. Then, he'd be right back in the same boat as he was before he left. Even disguised, it's too dangerous for him."
"I know, Tonks, I know." I'm just depressed again."
Tonks approached the younger woman and enveloped her in a gentle hug.
"I know, Gin. We all want Harry back."
Their depression was broken by the sound of a rambunctious three-year-old running into the room.
"Aunty Ginny! When you get here?" Lily shrieked while running directly into Ginny's leg.
"I got here while you were sleeping." Ginny said, as she picked up the girl. She was an exact copy of Tonks in the face, but she had Remus' brown hair.
"What's wrong, Aunty Gin? Why are you crying?"
"Nothing's wrong, sweetie. Your mum and I were just talking."
"Were you talking about Uncle Harry?"
"What makes you say that?" Ginny was stunned. This little girl was too smart for her own good sometimes.
"Mummy always cries when her and daddy talk about Uncle Harry."
"So do I," Ginny replied absently to the girl.
"Why? Uncle Harry is not dead. He's brave and handsome. Nobody could ever beat Uncle Harry," Lily said in a very matter of fact manner.
Ginny laughed. "You're right, Lily. Uncle Harry is both brave and handsome. I just miss him, that's all."
"Can you tell me a story about him? Normally daddy tells me stories about Uncle Harry, but he can't right now."
"No, Lily," Tonks began, "Why don't you go upstairs and play?"
"Okay, mum. Bye Aunty Ginny."
Ginny leaned over and kissed the girls cheek. "Bye, sweetie."
She put Lily back on the ground, and the little girl ran out of the room just as fast as she had entered. Ginny sighed and wiped at the new tears that spilled over at the girl's words.
"I'm sorry about that, Ginny," Tonks sighed.
"What?" Ginny said absently. "Oh, no, don't be. I don't want to talk about Harry right now. How's Remus doing?"
"Fine, he's sleeping. I think last nights transformation was really rough." Tonks visibly shuddered. "He's a strong man, but every month is worse than before. I don't know how he stands it. I would have ended myself a long time ago. And it gets more difficult on me. It's so hard to watch the man you love go through such agony and pain, and you can't do a damn thing about it." She was openly crying. Ginny gave her a comforting hug. "But, what can I say, I married him knowing that it would be this way."
"Was it worth it?" Ginny asked.
"Every second," Tonks nodded. "I wouldn't trade a moment of our marriage for anything. It is worth all of the pain I can bear. Love is always worth it."
"Yes, it is," Ginny agreed.
There was a silence between the two women that lasted what seemed an eternity. They were both roused from the quiet by a clanking on the window. Tonks looked up to see their owl Hector standing on the ledge. She made her way to the window and let the owl in.
"Hello, Hector. What have you got today?" Tonks asked. The owl had landed on the table and was holding its leg out. Tonks removed the letter and turned it over to see the writing.
"It's from Harry," she exclaimed, instantly garnering Ginny's undivided attention.
She slowly walked towards Tonks in a daze. "Open it," she said as if she were a million miles away.
Tonks opened the folded parchment and began reading. Ginny was positioned just behind Tonks, reading the letter from over her shoulder.
Time stood still while they read the anguished words of their hero and friend. Tears threatened to overflow in Tonks' eyes while they poured freely from Ginny.
Finally, after what felt like years, the two women tore their gaze from the letter onto each other. Neither spoke, both unable to control the sobs as they held each clung to the other for comfort and support.
"W-w-why would he s-say s-something like that?" Ginny shrieked. "How could he expect me to move on?"
Tonks rubbed her hands along Ginny's back comfortingly. "Shhh. Its okay, Ginny. Harry just wants what is best for you. He's afraid of never being able to see you again, and he doesn't want you to suffer as he is suffering."
"You don't think he's found someone else, do you?" Ginny asked with a horrified face.
"No, the rest of the letter belies that theory. He's too depressed. However, this letter is alarming on another level."
"What do you mean?" Ginny queried.
"Well, according to basic psychological theory, Harry is quite suicidal."
Ginny gasped at this declaration. 'It couldn't be. Harry would never do anything like that,' she thought.
"This letter is almost a stereotypical cry for help. The only problem is, we don't know where he is to help him."
"There has to be a spell or something we can use to find him," Ginny proclaimed, her mind frantically trying to find ways to help Harry.
"If there were, then the ministry would have found Harry years ago."
"I don't understand why this depression came about him. I have gone the same amount of time without seeing him, but I'm not entertaining thoughts of suicide."
"Ginny, you're looking at it from the wrong side of the glass. Harry has not only not seen or spoken to you, he hasn't seen or spoken to anyone he loves for four long years. Plus, he is still dealing with being shunned by most of the wizarding world. He has lived god knows where for years. He's isolated and alone. Those conditions are enough to drive even person as mentally strong as Harry to the brink."
Ginny was sobbing again. "Why Harry, Tonks? Why did all of this happen to Harry."
"I don't know," she replied while physically comforting the red head again.
"Its as if Harry didn't even win the war," Ginny considered aloud. "Voldemort is dead, but Harry didn't win. He's torturing Harry from the grave."
"It does seem that way," Tonks muttered.
At that moment, an exhausted Remus appeared in the kitchen. He didn't need to speak; the look on his face told both women that something was severely wrong.
"Remus, are you okay?" Tonks tentatively asked. "Look, we received a letter from Harry."
At sound of the name, Remus' head snapped up at attention. "Harry! I've got to warn Harry!" He snatched the letter from Tonks' hand.
"What are you talking about? What do you need to tell Harry?" Tonks exasperated.
Remus looked directly at Tonks, considering her. She could tell he was in a frantic mood, yet he was still and pensive.
"Last night, while I was transformed, I felt the call."
"What do you mean, Remus?" Ginny asked from the other side of the table.
"Whenever a dark wizard is gathering followers they usually send a call to dark creatures, like werewolves, to join them. The call itself is quite difficult for a werewolf to resist while transformed. The only reason I was able to was because of the wolfsbane potion."
"But Voldemort is dead, and all of his supporters are either in Azkaban or dead as well," Ginny continued.
"You don't get it. It's not Voldemort or the Death Eaters. It's someone else. I fear more dark times are ahead of us. I have to reach Harry."
Remus ran from the room and returned with a quill and parchment. The point of the eagle feather scratched hastily against the rough parchment as the werewolf quickly wrote a short message. He then folded and sealed the paper before leaving to seek out the family owl.
"Not again," Tonks muttered as she sank against the wall, her hands protectively covering her womb.
~*~*~
Harry was sitting in the last pew of the Notre Dame Cathedral. This was where he liked to go to think. It was always quiet, always peaceful, but never empty like his apartment. This place was filled with hope. All of these people came here with hope.
"Fools," Harry mumbled. There was no such thing as hope, only desolation. That is all he knew. Hope was for those too blind to see the real world, the world he knew. Here there was nothing but despair.
Whether he had been there for ten minutes or ten hours, Harry could not tell you. Time no longer seemed to exist in this state. Each wretched moment seemed dissonantly identical to the next.
After a few more moments (or many more moments: Harry wasn't counting), he rose to leave the cathedral. It was just past dusk outside. The sun had set and the moon was shining brightly. It had been a full moon just two days ago, so the shadow of the earth was slightly intruding on the dull orange satellite. The air was sultry and thick. The streets reflected the lights of the city in their pools of half hour old rainwater.
The solitary figure of Harry Potter began to walk toward his apartment building before he changed directions and went straight toward the bank of the River Seine. He didn't want to go to his flat just yet. It was too lonely there. Not that he would be less alone walking along the romantic banks of the river, he just didn't want to go 'home' just yet.
As he slowly stalked along the path, he came upon a couple kissing under a tree. The woman had red hair that automatically brought his thoughts to Ginny. He stopped and watched for a second, a solitary tear running down his deceptively smooth cheek. He continued to walk slowly, not really watching the path but following it instinctively.
~*~Flashback~*~ He thought back to Christmas of his sixth year. Walking down into the Gryffindor common room after opening his presents, his latest Weasley sweater clinging to his muscular frame. She was sitting in an overstuffed chair in front of the roaring fireplace. The light shinning in from the windows danced off of her hair, igniting in a fiery waltz of reds and oranges. She was reading a note. Harry could see her shaking her head and talking to herself.
"No, no. It's all wrong. I can't give this to him, he'll laugh at me."
"What's the matter, Ginny?" he asked the troubled girl hesitantly.
She jumped up from her seat and hid the note behind her back.
"Harry! Nothing, its nothing. Just a note from home," she spoke wildly.
"But you just said that someone would laugh at you."
"Harry, please drop it. I don't want to talk about it."
Harry held up is hands in surrender. "Okay, okay. But remember, I'm always here to talk if you need me."
Ginny smiled. "Thank you, Harry."
~*~End Flashback~*~
Harry shook his head as he found himself on the grounds of the Eiffel Tower.
"I must have been daydreaming for a while."
He had never once been to the tower in his four years of residence in the city.
"I guess now is as good of a time as any."
He glanced around to make sure no one was watching him. Satisfied that he was basically alone, he disapparated from the ground and apparated at the very top of the tower. Gazing around from up there, things seemed so different. The city was peaceful and beautiful, everything it was said to be.
"Paris," Harry whispered. "The city of love." He gave a short laugh. "Unicorn shit!" Paris was nothing more than Harry's own personal hell. That's all it was, hell. He was a cast away in this hell, and he was absolutely sick of it all.
"IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED??!!" He yelled out toward the city. Harry sat on the very edge of the city, looking all the way down to the ground. "Why shouldn't I? It would make all of the wizarding world happy."
'What about Ginny?' a nagging voice in the back of his mind said.
"She's better off this way. Besides, I already told her to move on. She shouldn't wait around for me."
'What about Remus, Tonks and Lily?' the voice continued.
"They'll be able to stop worrying about me."
Before his conscience could sway him anymore, he mentally slammed the door shut on it. He was going to do this, and no little voice in his head was going to stop him.
His hands gripped the metal of the tower, his knuckles turning white from the pressure. This was it; once he let go there would be no turning back. Slowly, his hair changed from its Weasley red back to his original raven black mess. He blinked his eyes and they changed from the bright yellow back to his own emerald green. His facial features slowly shifted back to there original form. "If I'm going to do this, I want them to know what they drove me to."
He leaned over and looked down again.
"I'm sorry, Ginny," he said has he shut his eyes.
Steeling himself for one last moment, he began to let go of the tower when something happened that hadn't happened in four years. A twinge of pain shot through Harry's forehead, right where his scar was.
He reinforced his grip on the tower.
"What the hell was that?"
He lifted his hand to the offending scar and ran his finger along it. It still stung, but not as bad as a second ago. He stood, still clutching his hand to his scar.
"What does this mean? He can't be back! He's dead! I killed him!"
Just then, a new wave of pain shot through his head, forcing him back down to his knees.
"Ahhg!" he breathed as he through his head back in pain. He needed to get back to his flat, but there was no way he could apparate in this kind of pain. He had to sit there and wait for it to subside.
Confused, Harry had many things to mull over while he waited to be able to apparate. What was causing his scar to ache? What had he almost done before the pain came? Could he have gone through with it? What would it have done to Ginny?
Ginny. His world. It would have broken her heart. HE would have broken her heart. He could never do that to her.
The thoughts of Ginny seemed to sooth his scar quickly, and before long he was able to leave the tower and apparate back to his desolate flat.
He lit a fire with his wand and paced back and forth in front of the fireplace. Something was going on, but he had no clue where it was or who was behind it. All he knew was that it had to be important or someone he loved had to be in danger for it to aggravate his curse scar.
He hated being isolated, especially in a moment like this. "Why did Dumbledore have to be dead? He'd know exactly what to do right now."
Suddenly it dawned on him, he had to write a letter to Remus explaining everything. He went into his office to his desk to begin writing. As he walked into the office, he noticed Hector the owl sitting on his desk with a letter attached to his leg. Harry removed the letter and opened it quite hastily. It was short and mentally resounding.
~*~
Harry,
No time to explain. Come to see me as soon as you get this.
Remus
~*~
Harry removed his wand from his clothes. He flicked it once and his muggle clothes turned to flowing midnight blue robes. He waved it again and his trunk appeared at his feet with everything he would need for a journey of indefinite length.
He went to Hedwig's cage where both owls were perched.
"Hedwig, I'm going to visit Remus. I don't know how long I'll be, so go to Grimmauld Place and stay there until I come get you."
The snowy white owl hooted and nipped his finger before flying out of the window, followed closely by her tawny companion.
Harry checked his trunk to make sure he had all of the essential things he would need: invisibility cloak (even though he no longer needed it to be invisible}, you never know when it will come in handy), the roaming marauder's map (magically programmable to work on any building or structure, not just Hogwarts), spare wand (dragon heartstring and mahogany), and his various dark detectors, and of course his Nimbus 3000 (Harry couldn't bring himself to ride the Firebolt since Sirius' death).
Content that he had all that he needed, he waved his hand to shrink his trunk and placed it in his pocket.
With a pop, Harry Potter left Paris and returned to England without a clue as to what awaited him upon his arrival.
~*~*~
A/N: I'd especially like to thank my beta, my goddess, my superwoman and the overall love of my life (next to my wife of course) dolphingirl79. Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule to read over the story.
To all of the readers out there: please tell me what you think. I'm trying to do a story that's original, but I don't want it to be boring either. Please tell me what you think either by leaving a review or sending me an email. Any and all help is much appreciated.
David: Thank you, I hope you like this installment as well.
WaterStorm99: Don't get ahead of me. I might just decide to keep Harry from ever seeing Ginny again. Hey, it could happen. Maybe.
athenakitty: We'll have to wait and see how Harry deals with the Weasleys.
Hell's Reaper: I'm glad you like the story. True, there are many Harry/Ginny fics, but you have to admit, they go so good together.
dolphingirl79: Thanks for your constant support of my stories. I hope you continue to enjoy the story, because I'm in trouble if you don't.
pablo5280: Thank you
HongMing: I'm glad you like the story, here is the next installment.
Eric2: Thank you
dementorchic: Harry is afraid to go back, even disguised. It would be hard for him to interact with those who abandoned him with out showing malice. Also, being around Ginny and her not being able to call him by his real name or even knowing its him. It's a tough and scary situation Harry is in, but things will unravel in due time.
person: Thank you
Suky: I'm really glad you enjoy the story. As for Ron and Hermione, you know Ron always jumps to conclusions when it comes to Harry. Hermione followed Ron because she had to choose between the two, and we both know which one she belongs with.
hedowl5: I'm glad you like the story, please continue to read.
Jeni Black: Thank you, thank you.
Okay, enough of that, on with the story.
Chapter 2: Musings of What could Have Been
"I wonder what Harry's doing today?" Ginny mused. She was sitting at the dinner table in 12 Grimmauld Place, staring absently towards nothing at all. The interior of the old house was much different then the first summer that she and Harry first spent there. Gone was the insufferable painting of Mrs. Black, as well as the hideous row of mounted house elf heads. Kreacher the house elf had also disappeared soon after Remus and Tonks moved in. No one knew exactly what happened to the vile being except for Remus and Harry. Nobody talked about it either. It was something that was meant to be between Harry and Remus only.
The colors inside were also much nicer. The interior was no longer drab and moldy. Tonks had done a great job designing the place; it was a myriad of color. The dinning room was a beautiful shade of red. It wasn't bright, but not a dark red either. It was like the color of the sunset reflecting off of the lake at Hogwarts. The mahogany table was long enough to fit twelve, but Remus and Tonks rarely ever entertained. Its legs twisted down towards the ground in elaborate carving. Colorful banners were hanging from the high beams of the ceiling. One was clearly the Hogwarts coat of arms. Another was the sign of the Aurors; the banner was black, with the seal being gold. Inside the seal were two wands crossed. The top left square held a dragon, the top right a unicorn, the bottom left a thestral, and the bottom right a griffon.
And that's where Ginny sat. She was in the dinning room of 12 Grimmauld Place. The first and last place she wanted to be. She loved it here of course; it was the only place she could speak freely of matters concerning Harry. Here at Grimmauld Place she could declare her unending love for Harry Potter. It was here that Remus and Tonks lived. She had begun to think of the two as surrogate parents since her own had lost their mind years ago.
However, being here was a constant reminder that Harry was somewhere far away. She hadn't seen his face or heard his voice in four long years. After three years passed, she began to wonder how she would react if she were ever to see him again. She dreamed that she did once, and she lost it completely in front of him. She prayed constantly that she wouldn't do that.
"You can't keep doing this to yourself, Ginny," she vaguely heard Tonks say, bringing her out of her trance.
"What do you mean?" she asked the auror.
"Ginny, Harry would not want you to mope about all day."
"I don't mope around all day," she defended. "I just miss him, that's all."
"I know, Gin. You, me, and Remus, we all miss him."
"It's not fair," Ginny yelled as she stood and began pacing the room. "Why does all of this shit happen to Harry? His entire life has been an absolute sacrifice for the very same people who want him locked up or killed. And now, he's not the only one being forced to sacrifice." Tears began to spill out of her cinnamon eyes. "We could be married by now. We could have children. He could finally have the family he's always wanted. But instead he's somewhere out there. All we know for sure is that he's not in England."
"Ginny, you know that it's safer for both him and us if we don't know where he is."
"Why? Why can't I just go and be with him. He doesn't have to come back here. Just tell me where he is and I'll go to him."
"How, Ginny? He can't send it by owl because they're too easily intercepted. He can't contact us by floo because our fireplaces both here and at our offices at the ministry and Hogwarts are monitored."
"Why doesn't he apparate here and tell us?"
"Ginny, you and I both know that the temptation to stay would be too great for Harry. Then, he'd be right back in the same boat as he was before he left. Even disguised, it's too dangerous for him."
"I know, Tonks, I know." I'm just depressed again."
Tonks approached the younger woman and enveloped her in a gentle hug.
"I know, Gin. We all want Harry back."
Their depression was broken by the sound of a rambunctious three-year-old running into the room.
"Aunty Ginny! When you get here?" Lily shrieked while running directly into Ginny's leg.
"I got here while you were sleeping." Ginny said, as she picked up the girl. She was an exact copy of Tonks in the face, but she had Remus' brown hair.
"What's wrong, Aunty Gin? Why are you crying?"
"Nothing's wrong, sweetie. Your mum and I were just talking."
"Were you talking about Uncle Harry?"
"What makes you say that?" Ginny was stunned. This little girl was too smart for her own good sometimes.
"Mummy always cries when her and daddy talk about Uncle Harry."
"So do I," Ginny replied absently to the girl.
"Why? Uncle Harry is not dead. He's brave and handsome. Nobody could ever beat Uncle Harry," Lily said in a very matter of fact manner.
Ginny laughed. "You're right, Lily. Uncle Harry is both brave and handsome. I just miss him, that's all."
"Can you tell me a story about him? Normally daddy tells me stories about Uncle Harry, but he can't right now."
"No, Lily," Tonks began, "Why don't you go upstairs and play?"
"Okay, mum. Bye Aunty Ginny."
Ginny leaned over and kissed the girls cheek. "Bye, sweetie."
She put Lily back on the ground, and the little girl ran out of the room just as fast as she had entered. Ginny sighed and wiped at the new tears that spilled over at the girl's words.
"I'm sorry about that, Ginny," Tonks sighed.
"What?" Ginny said absently. "Oh, no, don't be. I don't want to talk about Harry right now. How's Remus doing?"
"Fine, he's sleeping. I think last nights transformation was really rough." Tonks visibly shuddered. "He's a strong man, but every month is worse than before. I don't know how he stands it. I would have ended myself a long time ago. And it gets more difficult on me. It's so hard to watch the man you love go through such agony and pain, and you can't do a damn thing about it." She was openly crying. Ginny gave her a comforting hug. "But, what can I say, I married him knowing that it would be this way."
"Was it worth it?" Ginny asked.
"Every second," Tonks nodded. "I wouldn't trade a moment of our marriage for anything. It is worth all of the pain I can bear. Love is always worth it."
"Yes, it is," Ginny agreed.
There was a silence between the two women that lasted what seemed an eternity. They were both roused from the quiet by a clanking on the window. Tonks looked up to see their owl Hector standing on the ledge. She made her way to the window and let the owl in.
"Hello, Hector. What have you got today?" Tonks asked. The owl had landed on the table and was holding its leg out. Tonks removed the letter and turned it over to see the writing.
"It's from Harry," she exclaimed, instantly garnering Ginny's undivided attention.
She slowly walked towards Tonks in a daze. "Open it," she said as if she were a million miles away.
Tonks opened the folded parchment and began reading. Ginny was positioned just behind Tonks, reading the letter from over her shoulder.
Time stood still while they read the anguished words of their hero and friend. Tears threatened to overflow in Tonks' eyes while they poured freely from Ginny.
Finally, after what felt like years, the two women tore their gaze from the letter onto each other. Neither spoke, both unable to control the sobs as they held each clung to the other for comfort and support.
"W-w-why would he s-say s-something like that?" Ginny shrieked. "How could he expect me to move on?"
Tonks rubbed her hands along Ginny's back comfortingly. "Shhh. Its okay, Ginny. Harry just wants what is best for you. He's afraid of never being able to see you again, and he doesn't want you to suffer as he is suffering."
"You don't think he's found someone else, do you?" Ginny asked with a horrified face.
"No, the rest of the letter belies that theory. He's too depressed. However, this letter is alarming on another level."
"What do you mean?" Ginny queried.
"Well, according to basic psychological theory, Harry is quite suicidal."
Ginny gasped at this declaration. 'It couldn't be. Harry would never do anything like that,' she thought.
"This letter is almost a stereotypical cry for help. The only problem is, we don't know where he is to help him."
"There has to be a spell or something we can use to find him," Ginny proclaimed, her mind frantically trying to find ways to help Harry.
"If there were, then the ministry would have found Harry years ago."
"I don't understand why this depression came about him. I have gone the same amount of time without seeing him, but I'm not entertaining thoughts of suicide."
"Ginny, you're looking at it from the wrong side of the glass. Harry has not only not seen or spoken to you, he hasn't seen or spoken to anyone he loves for four long years. Plus, he is still dealing with being shunned by most of the wizarding world. He has lived god knows where for years. He's isolated and alone. Those conditions are enough to drive even person as mentally strong as Harry to the brink."
Ginny was sobbing again. "Why Harry, Tonks? Why did all of this happen to Harry."
"I don't know," she replied while physically comforting the red head again.
"Its as if Harry didn't even win the war," Ginny considered aloud. "Voldemort is dead, but Harry didn't win. He's torturing Harry from the grave."
"It does seem that way," Tonks muttered.
At that moment, an exhausted Remus appeared in the kitchen. He didn't need to speak; the look on his face told both women that something was severely wrong.
"Remus, are you okay?" Tonks tentatively asked. "Look, we received a letter from Harry."
At sound of the name, Remus' head snapped up at attention. "Harry! I've got to warn Harry!" He snatched the letter from Tonks' hand.
"What are you talking about? What do you need to tell Harry?" Tonks exasperated.
Remus looked directly at Tonks, considering her. She could tell he was in a frantic mood, yet he was still and pensive.
"Last night, while I was transformed, I felt the call."
"What do you mean, Remus?" Ginny asked from the other side of the table.
"Whenever a dark wizard is gathering followers they usually send a call to dark creatures, like werewolves, to join them. The call itself is quite difficult for a werewolf to resist while transformed. The only reason I was able to was because of the wolfsbane potion."
"But Voldemort is dead, and all of his supporters are either in Azkaban or dead as well," Ginny continued.
"You don't get it. It's not Voldemort or the Death Eaters. It's someone else. I fear more dark times are ahead of us. I have to reach Harry."
Remus ran from the room and returned with a quill and parchment. The point of the eagle feather scratched hastily against the rough parchment as the werewolf quickly wrote a short message. He then folded and sealed the paper before leaving to seek out the family owl.
"Not again," Tonks muttered as she sank against the wall, her hands protectively covering her womb.
~*~*~
Harry was sitting in the last pew of the Notre Dame Cathedral. This was where he liked to go to think. It was always quiet, always peaceful, but never empty like his apartment. This place was filled with hope. All of these people came here with hope.
"Fools," Harry mumbled. There was no such thing as hope, only desolation. That is all he knew. Hope was for those too blind to see the real world, the world he knew. Here there was nothing but despair.
Whether he had been there for ten minutes or ten hours, Harry could not tell you. Time no longer seemed to exist in this state. Each wretched moment seemed dissonantly identical to the next.
After a few more moments (or many more moments: Harry wasn't counting), he rose to leave the cathedral. It was just past dusk outside. The sun had set and the moon was shining brightly. It had been a full moon just two days ago, so the shadow of the earth was slightly intruding on the dull orange satellite. The air was sultry and thick. The streets reflected the lights of the city in their pools of half hour old rainwater.
The solitary figure of Harry Potter began to walk toward his apartment building before he changed directions and went straight toward the bank of the River Seine. He didn't want to go to his flat just yet. It was too lonely there. Not that he would be less alone walking along the romantic banks of the river, he just didn't want to go 'home' just yet.
As he slowly stalked along the path, he came upon a couple kissing under a tree. The woman had red hair that automatically brought his thoughts to Ginny. He stopped and watched for a second, a solitary tear running down his deceptively smooth cheek. He continued to walk slowly, not really watching the path but following it instinctively.
~*~Flashback~*~ He thought back to Christmas of his sixth year. Walking down into the Gryffindor common room after opening his presents, his latest Weasley sweater clinging to his muscular frame. She was sitting in an overstuffed chair in front of the roaring fireplace. The light shinning in from the windows danced off of her hair, igniting in a fiery waltz of reds and oranges. She was reading a note. Harry could see her shaking her head and talking to herself.
"No, no. It's all wrong. I can't give this to him, he'll laugh at me."
"What's the matter, Ginny?" he asked the troubled girl hesitantly.
She jumped up from her seat and hid the note behind her back.
"Harry! Nothing, its nothing. Just a note from home," she spoke wildly.
"But you just said that someone would laugh at you."
"Harry, please drop it. I don't want to talk about it."
Harry held up is hands in surrender. "Okay, okay. But remember, I'm always here to talk if you need me."
Ginny smiled. "Thank you, Harry."
~*~End Flashback~*~
Harry shook his head as he found himself on the grounds of the Eiffel Tower.
"I must have been daydreaming for a while."
He had never once been to the tower in his four years of residence in the city.
"I guess now is as good of a time as any."
He glanced around to make sure no one was watching him. Satisfied that he was basically alone, he disapparated from the ground and apparated at the very top of the tower. Gazing around from up there, things seemed so different. The city was peaceful and beautiful, everything it was said to be.
"Paris," Harry whispered. "The city of love." He gave a short laugh. "Unicorn shit!" Paris was nothing more than Harry's own personal hell. That's all it was, hell. He was a cast away in this hell, and he was absolutely sick of it all.
"IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED??!!" He yelled out toward the city. Harry sat on the very edge of the city, looking all the way down to the ground. "Why shouldn't I? It would make all of the wizarding world happy."
'What about Ginny?' a nagging voice in the back of his mind said.
"She's better off this way. Besides, I already told her to move on. She shouldn't wait around for me."
'What about Remus, Tonks and Lily?' the voice continued.
"They'll be able to stop worrying about me."
Before his conscience could sway him anymore, he mentally slammed the door shut on it. He was going to do this, and no little voice in his head was going to stop him.
His hands gripped the metal of the tower, his knuckles turning white from the pressure. This was it; once he let go there would be no turning back. Slowly, his hair changed from its Weasley red back to his original raven black mess. He blinked his eyes and they changed from the bright yellow back to his own emerald green. His facial features slowly shifted back to there original form. "If I'm going to do this, I want them to know what they drove me to."
He leaned over and looked down again.
"I'm sorry, Ginny," he said has he shut his eyes.
Steeling himself for one last moment, he began to let go of the tower when something happened that hadn't happened in four years. A twinge of pain shot through Harry's forehead, right where his scar was.
He reinforced his grip on the tower.
"What the hell was that?"
He lifted his hand to the offending scar and ran his finger along it. It still stung, but not as bad as a second ago. He stood, still clutching his hand to his scar.
"What does this mean? He can't be back! He's dead! I killed him!"
Just then, a new wave of pain shot through his head, forcing him back down to his knees.
"Ahhg!" he breathed as he through his head back in pain. He needed to get back to his flat, but there was no way he could apparate in this kind of pain. He had to sit there and wait for it to subside.
Confused, Harry had many things to mull over while he waited to be able to apparate. What was causing his scar to ache? What had he almost done before the pain came? Could he have gone through with it? What would it have done to Ginny?
Ginny. His world. It would have broken her heart. HE would have broken her heart. He could never do that to her.
The thoughts of Ginny seemed to sooth his scar quickly, and before long he was able to leave the tower and apparate back to his desolate flat.
He lit a fire with his wand and paced back and forth in front of the fireplace. Something was going on, but he had no clue where it was or who was behind it. All he knew was that it had to be important or someone he loved had to be in danger for it to aggravate his curse scar.
He hated being isolated, especially in a moment like this. "Why did Dumbledore have to be dead? He'd know exactly what to do right now."
Suddenly it dawned on him, he had to write a letter to Remus explaining everything. He went into his office to his desk to begin writing. As he walked into the office, he noticed Hector the owl sitting on his desk with a letter attached to his leg. Harry removed the letter and opened it quite hastily. It was short and mentally resounding.
~*~
Harry,
No time to explain. Come to see me as soon as you get this.
Remus
~*~
Harry removed his wand from his clothes. He flicked it once and his muggle clothes turned to flowing midnight blue robes. He waved it again and his trunk appeared at his feet with everything he would need for a journey of indefinite length.
He went to Hedwig's cage where both owls were perched.
"Hedwig, I'm going to visit Remus. I don't know how long I'll be, so go to Grimmauld Place and stay there until I come get you."
The snowy white owl hooted and nipped his finger before flying out of the window, followed closely by her tawny companion.
Harry checked his trunk to make sure he had all of the essential things he would need: invisibility cloak (even though he no longer needed it to be invisible}, you never know when it will come in handy), the roaming marauder's map (magically programmable to work on any building or structure, not just Hogwarts), spare wand (dragon heartstring and mahogany), and his various dark detectors, and of course his Nimbus 3000 (Harry couldn't bring himself to ride the Firebolt since Sirius' death).
Content that he had all that he needed, he waved his hand to shrink his trunk and placed it in his pocket.
With a pop, Harry Potter left Paris and returned to England without a clue as to what awaited him upon his arrival.
~*~*~
A/N: I'd especially like to thank my beta, my goddess, my superwoman and the overall love of my life (next to my wife of course) dolphingirl79. Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule to read over the story.
To all of the readers out there: please tell me what you think. I'm trying to do a story that's original, but I don't want it to be boring either. Please tell me what you think either by leaving a review or sending me an email. Any and all help is much appreciated.
David: Thank you, I hope you like this installment as well.
WaterStorm99: Don't get ahead of me. I might just decide to keep Harry from ever seeing Ginny again. Hey, it could happen. Maybe.
athenakitty: We'll have to wait and see how Harry deals with the Weasleys.
Hell's Reaper: I'm glad you like the story. True, there are many Harry/Ginny fics, but you have to admit, they go so good together.
dolphingirl79: Thanks for your constant support of my stories. I hope you continue to enjoy the story, because I'm in trouble if you don't.
pablo5280: Thank you
HongMing: I'm glad you like the story, here is the next installment.
Eric2: Thank you
dementorchic: Harry is afraid to go back, even disguised. It would be hard for him to interact with those who abandoned him with out showing malice. Also, being around Ginny and her not being able to call him by his real name or even knowing its him. It's a tough and scary situation Harry is in, but things will unravel in due time.
person: Thank you
Suky: I'm really glad you enjoy the story. As for Ron and Hermione, you know Ron always jumps to conclusions when it comes to Harry. Hermione followed Ron because she had to choose between the two, and we both know which one she belongs with.
hedowl5: I'm glad you like the story, please continue to read.
Jeni Black: Thank you, thank you.