I know you got plenty to offer, baby
But I guess I've taken quite enough
Well, I'm some stain there on your bed sheet,
You're my diamond in the rough
Darlin' I'll bathe your skin
I'll even wash your clothes
Just give me some candy, before I go
Oh darling I'll kiss your eyes, and lay you down on your rug
Candy; Paolo Nutini
"Bella, what's wrong?" Alice asked her.
She shook her head in reply, not trusting her voice to speak.
"Do you want me to take you home now?"
Bella nodded her head, and walked with Alice and Jasper to the car. Alice said goodbye to him before getting in the car.
It was a silent ride on Bella's part, though her friend tried to get her to speak. When Alice pulled up to the house, she locked the doors, effectively trapping Bella in the car.
"I want you to know that you can call me anytime to night when you're ready to talk about this. I don't know what happened but I'd like to know."
"Edward is frustrating me. First he gives me attitude, then he tells me I'm beautiful, and now he doesn't want to be friends with me. I don't understand."
Alice nodded her head, glad to know what was bothering Bella.
"I'm not sure what to tell you. I think maybe you should just let him be. Obviously there's something going on, and he just wants to be alone. He'll come around eventually."
Bella sighed, shaking her head.
"It's not like I proposed to him! I just want to be friends with him." She didn't think her motives were horrible at all.
"Give it time, I'm sure everything will work out."
"Thanks Alice. I'll see you later." She said getting out of the car.
She rushed straight to her room, putting her headphones in her ear and crashing on her bed. She turned the music up as high as it could go to try and drown out the voices in her head.
You're worthless. That's why he doesn't want to be friends with you.
Who would ever like you anyway? Did you honestly think that maybe you could have a relationship with him?
Who could love someone as stupid, and socially awkward as you.
You're hideous.
She couldn't even cry at the horrible thoughts running through her head. Her heart had a gaping hole, threatening to engulf her entire being.
The only thought that remained in her head was that Casey had been right; she wasn't good enough for anyone.
Bella had been six the first time her sister tried to kill her. She had lodged large grapes down her throat while their mother was in the kitchen.
Her lungs were on fire, and her face had turned a sickly purple. Her mother came in the room just in time, saving Bella's life. She hadn't done anything to her sister to cause her to try and take her life, which made her question her motives.
When Bella was sixteen, she had gotten asked to homecoming by a boy, Mike, in the junior class. Her mom couldn't fly to Forks from Phoenix, where she lived with her new husband, but she called to congratulate her nonetheless.
He was supposed to arrive at six o'clock to pick her up, but by the time the night was over, she hadn't gotten picked up at all; she had gotten stood up.
"I told you know one wants to dance with an unattractive loser like you. You have nothing to offer anyone. You're disgusting." Casey had said to her, when she walked through the door at midnight after the dance.
Before Casey moved to college, she had tried killing Bella again. They had gotten into a fight about God knows what; the only thing Bella knew was that she had made her sister mad, completely by accident. Casey threw a vase at her head, causing her to go to the emergency room to get stitches in her head.
Charlie had checked Casey into a mental institution, because she became an unrecognizable person. She was mean to everyone, and had a nervous twitch about her. She said things that didn't make any sense, and was beyond hope for them to take care of.
Even though Bella knew that her sister wasn't in the right state of mind whenever she talked to her the way she did, she couldn't help but be haunted by her words.
And those words made her feel just as worthless as they made her sound.
When she got up for school the next Wednesday, she still felt like a walking zombie. She barely spoke to anyone, especially Alice. At this point, Emmett had stopped trying to make jokes in order to make her smile, but offered her a brownie every day at lunch. She managed to get by, her life now a blur of classes, homework, and sleep.
That day at lunch, Alice quietly spoke to her.
"You're birthday is Friday."
Could it really be September eleventh today?
The days didn't mean anything to her, so it took her by surprise that her birthday was only two days away.
"I become an adult." She said, the first words she had spoken in a while.
"Yes. Now you can buy porn!" Emmett said, trying to make Bella laugh. She did, with ease. The fog in her mind seemed to be clearing, and she was now extremely aware of everything around her.
"This is going to be a great birthday now, then!" She said, trying to get back into the swing of things again.
"I want to have a few people over my house to celebrate. Just our friends." Alice said, smiling at Bella because she knew that now she would be over whatever was bothering her.
"If you want." She said. She didn't bother to fight with her over this; and if she was being truthful, she wanted to be around her friends again. She wanted to feel like she was normal.
That day in English class, she decided to try and make conversation with Emmett again. They talked about Rosalie, and what she told Emmett about college. Bella told him that she felt bad that she didn't get to say hello to her at the party, which was the only mention of that night that the two of them made.
She still couldn't help her face turning red whenever Edward walked into the room and took his usual seat in front of Emmett. She was undeniably attracted to him, a fact that she didn't like to admit. It wasn't right for her to like his physical features because she couldn't even be friends with him, let alone try to get into a relationship with him. She pulled out her book of Shakespeare sonnets, which was regrettably falling apart at the seams, and busied herself with reading each line carefully. After only a few lines into her favorite sonnet, Sonnet 115, the book was taken out of her hands, by Emmett.
"You know Bella, I never understood how you could read this stuff. Half the words don't even make sense, and the other half end in 'st' and 'th'. It's not even English!" He exclaimed, flipping through the pages.
She laughed, her teeth showing in a wide smile once she finished laughing.
"You just don't know how to appreciate his writing." She said simply.
"Whatever you say." He replied, handing her the book back.
"He writes lovely sonnets. I assume he could write a whole book of them just on the beauty of your smile." Edward told her, the first words he had spoken to her since Emmett's bonfire.
She looked at him incredulously. After he told her he couldn't be friends with her, he was now going to try to flirt with her? She didn't understand him, and wasn't sure what an acceptable response would be.
"You know what happens when you assume. It makes an ass out of you and me." She told him, opening her book again.
She had the urge, the strongest urge, to look up from her book and find satisfaction in his expression, but she kept her head down until the teacher started class. The teacher had announced that they would be spending the entire class period reading Macbeth; Bella's least favorite Shakespeare play.
She somehow managed to make it out alive after English, only to face a horrible scrimmage of soccer in gym class. She had fallen three times, one of which happened when no one was around her. Luckily, the embarrassment was over sooner than she thought it was, and it was time to head home.
When she got to her rusty red truck, a gift from Charlie for her senior year, Edward Cullen was leaning against the front of it with his arms crossed on his chest. He didn't look mad at all; he actually had the nerve to grin at her when she walked up to him.
What the fuck?
"Hello?" She said, standing a few feet before him.
"Hi, Bella. How was your day today?" He asked, setting his hands to grip the car behind him.
"It was fine." She didn't want any of this civility coming from him, especially not now. She wasn't going to entertain him by asking how he was; at this moment, she couldn't care. She wanted to get away from him before she started making a fool of herself by trying to flirt with him.
Flirting- do I even know what that is?
Oh yes, Alice and her wonderful tips. Fml.
"My day was great, too, thank you for asking."
"Honestly Edward, I'm sick of your mood swings. What do you want?"
When she said this, he let out a sigh; the smile dropping from his face. He took a few seconds to think of what to say, obviously not sure of a response.
"I want to be friends with you." He said slowly, pronouncing each word carefully.
"Why should I believe you? You told me before that you didn't want to be friends with me, and I'm sure you didn't change your mind."
"I'm not lying. It's not that I didn't want to be friends with you, it's that you shouldn't be friends with me. You'll end up regretting it."
She threw her hands in the air, her anger flaring up.
"Yes, I know. I've heard it before. I don't understand why now you want to be friends with me."
He ran his hand through his hair, before speaking so softly she had to strain to hear him.
"Because I can't keep myself away from you. Everything about you makes me want to be near you. I won't fight myself any longer."
She stood still, her mind turning. She took a deep breath, her face flushing, and began to speak.
"Then let's be friends."
It was as simple as that. She didn't want to argue with him; she didn't want to bring up his past words. The only thing she wanted was to be in his presence as long as she could. She wanted to know more about him, and this was the way to do it.
"Just like that?" He asked, a smile on his face.
"Just like that." She repeated. Her lips turned up in an involuntary smile, one that almost mirrored Edward's.
"Thank you, Bella." He said, standing up straight. "Good-bye." He brushed his hand against hers as he walked away to his car.
She got into her truck, and started laughing at the turn of events that happened today. It was almost as if they never had that fight weeks ago. It was a start-over, so to speak.
When she pulled out into the parking lot, Edward waved at her and smiled from his Volvo. She waved back, smiling larger than he was, if that was possible. The ride home was spent with her singing along to every song out of the shear happiness she felt.
When Friday came around, Bella was really anxious for the entire day to be over. She didn't particularly like birthdays, because she didn't find a reason to celebrate the fact that she was born. She knew she was born. She knew she was getting older, so what was the point in making a huge deal about it?
She was nervous about the 'party' tonight, too, even though it was going to be her friends. She didn't want anyone to not have a good time; she wasn't one to throw big parties that are talked about for the next week at school. She hoped that Alice had everything figured out, like the good friend she knew she was.
She expressed her worries to Alice at lunch, only to have her roll her eyes.
"You should be living this up right now, you're eighteen! Bella, you should know by now I've got this covered. You don't have to fret; just show up at my house and hour early… no, just come at five o'clock. I'll fix your hair and everything."
Bella finished chewing her pizza before replying.
"Thank you. Thank you so much."
"No problem. Trust me; I'm going to make you look gorgeous for the party. Your hair is going to be perfect."
"Oh, but there is no perfecting perfection, Alice." Edward said, standing next to where she was sitting, across from Bella.
Bella blushed, earning a wink from Alice.
"You do have a point, Edward." She said, turning around to look at him.
He nodded his head, sending a crooked grin towards Bella.
"Hi." She said, not sure what to say. He laughed, making her feel ridiculous for not being able to make conversation with him, especially because all he did was grin at her. She wondered what would happen if he touched her; how badly her body would react to him.
He thought she was the cutest thing when she didn't know what to say.
"Hello, Bella. I was wondering if you would like to accompany me for lunch." He said. He didn't ask, and Bella was certain that was because he knew that she would go with him.
"Actually, I'm content here with Alice." She replied coolly.
He laughed, walking around the table and pulling her chair out for her. He grabbed her tray and began walking back to his table.
"You know you can't say no to him." Alice said, waving her hand to shoo Bella. "Just go."
She walked quicker than she normally would as she made her way to Edward's table. When she got there, he was reading his book; she couldn't help but notice that he smiled widely when she approached him. She sat down across from him where he had placed her tray.
She pulled the book away from his hands, marked the page, and set it down next to her tray.
"I'm here." She said.
He smiled, resisting a chuckle.
"I can see that. How is your day?" He asked, crossing his hands on the table.
"It's fine. I can't help but think that you didn't ask me to sit here just for you to enquire about my day."
She felt nervous sitting across from him, because now there was a pressure to make conversation, which she didn't feel confident in doing. Especially not with him, for just his presence made her head swirl.
"I just wanted to sit here and talk with you. That's what friends do, right?" He said, taking a drink of water. "Do you mind if I ask you questions? I'd love to know what goes on inside that pretty head of yours."
She blushed, as she always did when he complimented her looks. He leaned across the table, and glided the back of his hand across her cheek.
"You're blush is exceptionally wonderful." He said, his breath fanning her skin.
"That wasn't a question." She said, trying to unfog her head.
He laughed, and sat back in his seat.
"Alright then, tell me about your family."
She didn't know what to say, this being a sore subject to her. She looked down in her lap and muttered;
"I have a dad; my mom moved to Phoenix."
He lifted her chin up with his finger, leaving it there for a few seconds.
"Why did she move to Phoenix. I know Forks isn't the greatest place to be but, you're here, and so is your father."
"I'd rather not talk about it." She said, effectively ending that conversation.
"If you want to talk about it, I'm here." He told her, making her smile.
"Thank you."
After a short pause, Edward picked up his questioning, barely giving her time to answer one before he asked another. Some of the questions were random; her favorite flower, her favorite movie, her favorite color. She blurted out green for the last one, blushing because if anyone else would have asked her, she would have said red.
"Why would you be embarrassed about liking the color green?" He asked, noticing her blush.
"I don't have to answer that one."
"Please, I really would like to know." He said, dazzling her.
"It's the color of your eyes. It's beautiful." She said, looking down at the table.
"Thank you." He said, smiling at her before asking her about where she would like to travel.
The line of questioning continued all the way into their English class, a fact that Emmett didn't miss.
"Holy shit! You're actually talking to him, Bella?" Emmett said, plopping down in his chair.
She turned her head, and rolled her eyes at him, before answering Edward's last question. He had to stop his interrogation once class had started. That didn't mean that after class he wasn't going to question her. He had walked her to her gym class, stringing his questions along.
"Well, bye." She said as he stood outside of the girl's locker room door.
"I'll see you after gym." He said, brushing his hand across her cheek like he did in lunch.
She felt light and almost dizzy as she changed for gym. She could still feel Edward's hand on the back of her cheek, which spread warmth throughout her body. The knowledge that he would be waiting for her after gym made her dress quicker, and anticipate the end of class much more than normal.
She didn't pay much attention during gym class, which wasn't a surprise to her. When it was over, she hurried to get dressed. As she was putting on her jeans she couldn't help but wonder if he really was going to be waiting outside that door for her. Maybe he was just lying, trying to get a reaction out of her after he bathed her in all of that attention. He didn't seem like one to play a cruel joke like that, but from prior experience, she knew not to have any expectations.
He was true to his word, though, she found out after she opened the door to see him standing there, his back against the wall. He was in the same position now as he was when he was leaning against her car. Her heart stuttered as she walked over to him.
"How was gym?" He asked, taking her book bag and slinging it over his shoulder.
"It was…gym." She said, rubbing her wrist. She had fallen down, and sprained it a bit.
"Did you hurt yourself?" He asked, his eyes never leaving her wrist.
"I'm fine, I just fell." She mumbled. He took her wrist in his hand, and gently made circles with his thumb over it.
"I hope you don't make a habit of hurting yourself. I like you better in one piece." He said, opening the main door for her.
"I hate to disappoint you, but I fall pretty much all the time."
He had continued walking with her to her car, setting her backpack in the passenger seat. He then jogged over to the driver's side and opened the door for her.
"Thank you." She whispered, letting him help her into the car.
"Your welcome." He said. "And Bella? Happy Birthday." He squeezed her hand before walking away to his car.
She smiled to herself, and couldn't help but think that turning eighteen would be the most memorable birthday she's had so far. And the day wasn't over yet.
AN:
I'm not going to lie, i'm sorely dissappointed. This story is getting a shocking amount less reviews and alerts than my other stories. I actually thought this was going to be my best. I'm going to ask anyone reading this; DO YOU GUYS EVEN LIKE IT?
This story is coming along so much easier to write because I actually know what I'm doing!
That part about bella getting grapes shoved down her throat actually happened to my sister's boyfriend. It was his adoptive brother though. They haven't heard from him since he moved out when he was eighteen so… it's okay!
I also decided to add lyrics at the beginning of each chapter just because i love music, so thats where i'll get the chapter titles from..even if they have nothing to do with the chapter.
If you're reading this, thank you. And I'd love to hear your thoughts about this.
And I'm curious…are there any Rob haters out there? Cause I know at the beginning of the twilight movie making people were like "OH HES GOING TO BE A HORRIBLE EDWARD!" and now everyones like "I wish he'd take me to bed" hahahaha. Or, maybe you guys think that there could've been a better Edward. Is that possible? You tell me.
Love you guys!,
Jessie (Jess)