Chapter Thirteen

Charlie

I slammed my fist into the thin wall, feeling the pain spread through my knuckles. Rachel was the only woman I'd ever felt like this about and I'd fucked things up. That's all I ever seemed to do. Damn! I was thankful it was the wall that had taken my fist rather than Rachel. I couldn't have lived with myself if I'd hit her.

I couldn't let her out on her own again. I couldn't watch her walk into danger and wind up hurt, or worse, dead. Of all the things I'd done in my twenty six years, that was one thing I'd never be able to forgive myself for. A promise was a promise. It was one promise I was determined to keep, even if it killed me in the long run. Then I'd at least know I died for something fair.

I grabbed my gloves, pulling them over my hands. The pain in my knuckles had at lest died down some now.

The things men will do for a girl. It was an old voice in my head from someone who I couldn't even put a face to. Over my ten years with the Boss I'd stared at so many men down the barrel of my six shooters so there was no way I could see every killed man singly in my mind. But whoever the owner of the voice was, they were right. Men really will do stupid things for women. Up until a short while ago I'd thought it a great steaming pile of bullshit. Now…I agreed wholeheartedly and rolled my eyes as I left the room.

Wherever Rachel had got to, I was hoping she'd spent enough time on her own to let off the steam. Hopefully there'd be a better chance of reasoning with her then.

That afternoon I scoured the town, checking all the places she could have gone. The town hall, saloons, stores…even the barns. I was pretty sure in the back of my mind that she hadn't left town, but I still felt physically sick, secretly scared shitless that she'd done something stupid.

She was so stubborn that it made me smile. I didn't admit it at first, but now I saw everything so clearly. I was in love with her. Rachel deserved a good man who'd cherish her and treat her like the princess rather than her having to see me be ridiculed as being one.

As an outlaw rumours spread quickly and stories form out of any old shit. One rumour that had followed me for quite a while now was that I was sweet on the Boss. Come on! That was just the most disgusting crap I could ever imagine. Women were my thing. Guy after guy I'd killed or beaten up for calling me goddamn 'Princess', but it still remained with me, following me around like a really bad smell. It made my blood boil.

Set back a little was a church, one place where I know I was never welcome. I doubted I was worth much in God's eyes. Suddenly as I was about to take the first step up into the place, something stopped me. Not even thinking, I dragged my arm away, and then looked down at an old haggard woman. Her face was dark, yet her eyes seemed bright. It took me off guard for a second. "Ah know how to get her back home," she whispered in a croaked voice.

I knew the best way to go about this was to act ignorant. "Ah have no idea what you're on about!" I snapped, stepping back from her. She knew something and even though I wanted to find a way to send Rachel home, to fulfill my promise, I was still suspicious as to who this crazy bitch was. "Get the hell away from me." Then I left her outside and stepped into the church, seeing three people standing at the very end of the aisle. One I instantly recognised as Rachel, but the second figure was someone I'd never expected- Boss.

Completely ignoring the priest, I walked towards Rachel, noticing that she only looked at me once and then looked down. "Charlie!" Boss said loudly, getting up from where he was kneeling. I'd never understood where his faith had come from. He was a man who led us lot of assholes on raids, yet he'd make sure he read his Bible at least once a year. As I saw it, religion is up to everyone who wants to believe, but for me, I just couldn't find anywhere in my life it fit. "The rest of the boys have checked in with you," Boss said, placing his black hat back in his head.

"Everythin' go okay?" I asked. It was something I always asked when we'd been separated.

"Sure."

That afternoon, once we were all back together in our normal group, we had a few drinks while telling any news we'd managed to come by. In the corner of my eye I couldn't help but watch Tommy carefully. If I let myself let rip, I'd have killed the fucker. All he did was leer at Rachel and I could tell a mile away she was uncomfortable. None of the other boys seemed to notice her, and that was how I wanted it to be. I'd never wanted Rachel to think I owned her; I respected her too much for that crap. But I still didn't want the rest of the outfit getting the idea that they could touch her or make passes.

Most of what Boss said went in my one ear and out the other. I felt myself coiling so damn much, like a spring, ready to pounce on Tommy.

"Ah'm sure Charlie treated ya well?" Tommy said in his slimy way which I hated.

Not realising, I cut across Boss. "Knock it off, Tommy!" I growled. I grit my teeth hard and felt my hand ball into a fist, ready to knock him out.

Rachel moved closer to me in her chair and looked up at me with her innocent eyes. Everyone else around the table stared at me, and I knew I had some answering to do once the rounds of questions came thick and fast. How I felt about Rachel was becoming too obvious now, and I knew I'd never be able to hide it.

"Can ah have a word, Charlie?" Boss asked, rising from his chair. He had a very suspicious look in his eye that I didn't like one bit. We moved outside and stood out on the small porch. I looked away, feeling too stupid to look at him. I knew he could see through me. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he spat.

"Ah don't like Tommy talkin' to her like that," I replied.

"Like that's ever bothered you before!"

Boss paced a little along the porch and then looked back at me, his eyes burning into me. "Ah know somethin' is goin' on with you and the girl," he told me. I just looked down again, kicking a stone away from under my boot. "You love her, don'tcha?"

I closed my eyes, admitting the shameful truth to myself, and then to him. "Yeah, ah do," I said quietly, squinting even under the brim of my hat.

He then did the last thing I ever expected him to do- he smiled. "Charlie…," then he sighed and looked away towards the sky; probably thinking about something. "Ah know you….Hell, ah trained you into what you are now. You don't open easily to anyone, so ah'm really wonderin' what this girl's done which is so special."

"She hasn't done anythin' special," I said. "She's just bin herself, ah guess." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Ah take it you're now askin' me for her to stay with us?"

I never answered, again, feeling so dumb and pathetic under his watchful eye.

"Ah promised to find a way home for her," I said finally, letting the words come.

"She's your responsibility. It still stands: if she holds us back, then she's gone."

"'Kay, Boss," I said feebly.

Just after my short conversation with Boss, I began wondering where that old hag from earlier had got to. Maybe a visit to her was something I needed to do. She was probably some bitch who'd lost all her bearings, but how did she know about Rachel? I sat in my chair between the Boss and Rachel, tapping my fingers on the table. This was my chance to make good on my promise and keep Rachel safe, no matter how much I knew it'd kill me to see her go. She just didn't deserve this crappy existence; she deserved so much better. And I was going to give her that.

Wherever she came from and whoever her family was, she'd see them again.

After my threat, Tommy began using his charm on the maid- typical; asshole. I always wondered why Boss had taken the piece of shit in. Potential he said it was. Yeah, right. All he did was hold us up and had once got us all locked up. Jackass.

"It's bin nice, boys, but ah'm gonna retire for a few hours," Boss said suddenly rising from his seat. I knew he was probably going to go out and find that maid he had his flings with. Every time we left this place, he'd say how good she was.

We all parted and headed for our rooms, most of us, yet again, bunking together. At least I had more pleasurable company than usual. I was able to wake up to a beautiful girl next to me, not to some fat bastard snoring, or even worse, farting. In all ways, this change was for the better.

Back in the room, I heard Rachel begin to mumble under her breath, moaning about the lack of technology…or some crap like that. I just lay on the bed, taking off my hat. "Yeah, but come on, we can make our own entertainment," I told her, laughing. That thought made me start to get hard. "Boss is on about another raid in a few days, so we'd better get as much of this in as possible."

She just laughed at me and sat down on the bed with her back to me. I wanted to see her face, so I put my hand on her shoulder, pulling her back some toward me.

Even though I was deadbeat, I still felt horny. She was constantly making me feel like this, and didn't even have to look at me, speak…nothing. Most other women hadn't got me feeling this built up until they were lying on top of me with all their clothes off.

After a minute or so, she moved back and lay down beside me. I'd better not push this. I wanted her again but I didn't want to upset her. The last thing I wanted to do was break the trust she'd built up toward me. My animal instinct would have to lay low a while.

I watched as she fell asleep pretty quickly, obviously real tired. Her head was against my chest. I smiled to myself, holding her. Everything grew so warm and so comfortable as I fell asleep too.

It was so dark when I finally woke up apart from one small spot of light from the other side of the room. I rolled over, squinting under the light.

"Rachel?" I called out, wondering where she was. I couldn't see a damn thing, only the light and even that made me see lots of bubbles in front of my eyes.

"Yeah?" her voice came back.

"Whatcha doin'?" I asked.

"Just trying to read under this light, but not having much success." Then I heard a book snap shut.

Before I realised what was happening, I felt her lips on mine again. I could only just see her, but could I feel her. Even though I couldn't see her, I swept her up against me and let her take control like she always wanted. As a man, I wanted to take control, but I could sense that she wanted to be the leader here.

In the fading light of the lamp, I let that instinct rise. That night I had her again.