Ray thought things couldn't possibly get any worse, but that evening, thanks to that damn Skyler May, he found himself staking out the supposed hang-out for the two or more remaining members of Jackson's Army. And this meant sitting in a car, alone, with Gene Hunt all night.

It was times like this when Ray was glad that he was in Alex's body, because Gene couldn't hit him for finding him in that situation in the toilets earlier.

There was an awkward silence. Luckily Gene's anger had cooled off during the afternoon, but he wasn't letting his DI off that easily. After all, they had possible hours in the car together before Skyler gave them the signal to come in and arrest any members of Jackson's Army that she'd discovered.

"So DI Sluttyknickers," Gene said suddenly, making Ray jump, "since when 'ave you and Raymondo been an item? I wouldn't 'ave thought he was your type personally."

"We are not an item," Ray insisted forcefully, "believe me. No way."

"Oh," Gene said briskly, "di'int look that way to me when I found you handlin' his cock in the gent's earlier."

Ray breathed out slowly. This was going to be a long night. "There was a perfectly logical explanation be'ind that one, Guv."

"Oh yeah? And what's that then?"

"She – he – needed…some…some help and…"

With this, Gene laughed out loud. "Needed some help? That's a new one, Bolly. And I suppose that 'Thatcherite Wanker' needed some help out of his clothes? Why won't yer just admit you're shaggin' Ray?"

"I am not shaggin' Ray," Ray scoffed, "that's kind of…impossible, Guv."

"Why? Not big enough in the ol' trouser department?" Gene wondered, looking pleased.

"What?" Ray gasped in horror. "No way, the complete opposite! It's huge. Absolutely ginormous. Yeah, you need a flippin' metre long ruler to measure that one."

Gene turned to Ray, frowning. "Well since when 'ave yer shown any interest in Ray, Bolls?" he asked, looking quite put out. "I mean, why 'im? What is it?"

Ray was about to launch into a fifteen minute lecture about what made him so great, but then remembered that Drake really wouldn't thank him for it. "I'm not interested, Guv. Honest. He's really not the bloke for me."

The corners of Gene's mouth twitched. "Good," he said finally, "cos if it is the massive todger he's got goin' on beneath the nancy knickers, I swear to God, Bolly, I can compete. If that's what you're after."

Ray sensed that this situation was getting way out of control. "Erm…I'm fine Guv," he squeaked. "Really. Yeah. No need for…that."

"Or is it the kissing?" Gene said softly. "Cos as they say, you ain't seen nothin' unless you've tasted a bit of the Gene Genie." With this, Gene had turned round to face Ray, drawing a little closer.

"Erm…" Ray winced, feeling seriously uncomfortable, "I can't say cos we haven't…and we're not going to…"

"You'd be screamin' for the Gene Genie before Raymondo even got a plea outta yer," Gene growled, resting his hand on Ray's thigh, making stroking movements on the inside. His hand was gradually reaching its destination…

"Really, Guv…this is wrong in so many ways," Ray gagged, feeling sicker by the second.

"Ah c'mon, Bolls, you in the gent's earlier gave me the right 'orn," Gene admitted, closer still, "care to explore yer options before you choose?"

"I really don't, thank you," Ray said prissily, trying to swat Gene's hand away and fiddling with the car door. "Oh look, it's Skyler! The signal!"

"Where?" Gene ordered, sitting up abruptly and looking around madly. Not thinking twice, Ray swung the door open and dashed out of the car, running over to where Alex and Chris had parked.

"I don't see 'er…what the…HEY! BOLLY! BOLLS! BOLLS, COME BACK!" Gene bellowed, watching Ray open the door to Alex and Chris' car and kick Chris out. "Bugger!"

-------------------------

"Right yer poof, out! Guv's orders, you need to swap cars with me!" Ray ordered Chris, pulling him out of the car and sitting in the front seat next to Alex.

"Right, okay," Chris frowned, looking confused. Did DI Drake just call him a poof?

"What the hell was all that about?" Alex demanded. "Don't call Chris a poof! And what went on with you and Gene?"

Ray still looked sick. "You really don't want to know."

Alex's blood ran cold. "What – did – you – do?"

"Me?" Ray protested. "I was good as gold, Ma'am, bein' quiet and everythin'! It was 'im who started questioning our relationship, then he started going on about how you should try 'im out first cos you gave 'im the 'orn in the gent's and then he started bloody touchin' me up…"

"What?" Alex shrieked.

"Exactly. I feel violated," Ray shuddered.

"This is completely your fault," Alex spat, tears threatening to spike in her eyes, "making me dress like a complete tart, flashing my boobs to CID, making me look as if I was giving you a bloody hand job…"

"My fault?" Ray gawped. "How the bleedin' 'ell is the Guv fancyin' yer my fault? Anyway, you're the one that's bloody made me look like a right nancy boy, spoutin' bollocks and walking around like a poofter!"

"Well now Gene and the entire population of CID think I'm a complete slag!" Alex squeaked.

"Oh shut up," Ray sneered maliciously, "they all thought you were a complete slag anyway."

There was a stunned silence. Ray gulped, instantly regretting what he just said.

"Ma'am," he croaked, "shit, Alex, I –"

"Shut up," Alex spat, "just shut up." Tears began to spill, and with that, she flounced out of the car and ran down the road. She was going to get him back for this.

"Shit," Ray groaned.

----------------------

Doctor Marsh downed the last pint of his beer and watched as DS Ray Carling flounced out of the police car, leaving DI Alex Drake alone.

"Looks like those two aren't going to be the best of friends for long," he laughed, stroking the long curls of the pretty blonde girl he was talking to.

"Too right," she sniggered, "the DCI likes her though. Drake. He was advancing on her in the car a few minutes ago."

Doctor Marsh smirked. "Well, we can soon change that," he smiled, rubbing his fingers along the blonde woman's arm.