--God of the Night and the Moon--
Sitting in the shadow of one of Lourdes' towers, and merging into the snow that collected at its base, lived a white demon…
A pure, white demon…
Like nothing Rene had ever seen before.
But he had – He had seen it, with his own two eyes. There -- up past the gilding and trim of the cathedral, past the dirt and grim that could not be reached and washed away. There. Amongst a fog of change, there, sat a lily-colored demon…
And oh, what a beautiful demon it was…
…………..
12/31/04: 11:13am
Aiber and Wedy were sitting at an outside café.
Wedy was stylishly arranged in some fur ensemble that turned many a fellow's head on the street, and Aiber was smartly dressed in a suit, without the tie and the trappings of the buttoned-down look.
The both of them made quite a pair as they lounged, coffees untouched, smoking cigarettes, and looking far cooler than the snow-covered sidewalks at their feet.
"Bonjour," L greeted.
«Et bonjour à vous messires. Comment puis-je vous aider?» (And hello to you sirs. What can I help you with?) Aiber expressed, as he snubbed out his cigarette in an ashtray and hospitably offered them seats.
Miss Wedy, on the other hand, was too busy to acknowledge their presence, reapplying powder and looking far too good in a whole lot of dead mink.
When they were seated and orders were taken, discussion naturally revolved around Lourdes, with informal bits thrown in whenever a staff member journeyed a little too closely to their table.
L and Aiber did most of the talking. There was the occasional add-on from Wedy when questions arose in her field of expertise, but other than that, the half-an-hour was generally spent going over what was to happen on January the first.
Raito saw no need to participate, leaving him time to dawdle on his tea and the scenery around him.
After some time spent pensively picking at his sandwich, Raito felt the stare of another on him. His eyes naturally glided towards L, but the detective was engaged in business-talk with Aiber and obviously not the culprit -- which only left one person…
However, the person in question was currently wearing dark shades that hid her line of sight. But Raito was pretty certain she was looking at him, as her lips were pursed in that half-pout of assessment that she liked to judge others with.
Raito did not smile at her to ease any kind of tension, as it would be completely lost on this woman, who only seemed to value her compact and her finery than any gentlemanly courtesies he could display.
And as he continued to watch her, Raito could not help but think she really did come off as the type of woman that would play hard to get to the bitter end, the type, he thought amusingly, that kept her suitors at arm's length and their wallets a lot closer.
Raito thought he preferred women that way, the ones who wouldn't give up without a fight, who were as hard to boss around as he was, and who had class to spare – too bad he only knew the other kind.
Blowing the steam from his drink, Raito favored Miss Wedy with the same look she was appearing to give him, that impassive and uninterested gaze.
«Semblerait qu'on a ennuyé l'autre moitié de table.» (Seems we've bored the other half of the table) Aiber suddenly said, smiling at the woman beside him. Miss Wedy turned her head in his direction, her red lips completely devoid of any expression.
«Vous voyez avec quoi nous devons travailler. Les belles femmes sont les pires. Elles vous dévorent vivant avec leur apathie.» (You see what I have to put up with all day. Beautiful women are the worst. They eat you alive with their apathy) Aiber complained comically, throwing a hand up next to his face in a tired gesture, as a waiter began to clean the table adjacent to theirs.
When the waiter clumsily dropped a glass and did not look like he was going anywhere anytime soon, Aiber turned his eyes on Raito and smiled at him.
«Est-ce votre première visite en France?» (Is this your first time in France?)
Raito obliged him in diversionary small talk with a nod of the head.«J'ai toujours voulu venir visité, mais maintenant que j'y suis, je ne désire point partir.» (I've always wanted to visit, but now that I'm here, I don't feel much like leaving) he said. «Si ce serait que de moi, le vol de départ nous mènerait directement à Paris.» (If I had my way, the return flight would lead directly to Paris.)
Aiber stared at him, but when he spoke again, he was clearly speaking to L, despite facing forward. «Il parle comme si son père avait eu une affaire avec une Française de classe aristocratique.» (He speaks French like his father had an affair with an upper-class French woman.)
Raito assumed he was being complimented, but the way Mr. Aiber put it, one had to wonder…
«Je ne pense pas que Raito-kun apprécierait se faire appeler un enfant illégitime.» (I do not think Raito-kun would appreciate you calling him an illegitimate child,) L said brusquely to the man as he sipped his tea.
«Mes excuses…» (My apologies then,) Aiber chuckled and winked at Raito to show no hard feelings, despite his employer getting suddenly huffy at his suggestion. When the older man glanced over at L again, he made a mysterious 'hmm' sound and raised an eyebrow.
"…"
Really, Raito sighed internally, Aiber might be an expert at behavioral analysis, but was it really that obvious that L and he were sleeping together?
After the waiter left, and until then and the time to leave, L and Aiber continued on with business. When the time came to depart, Aiber placed down a sum of money that would cover all orders and rested his coffee cup on the bills.
«Je dois partir, je vais donc prendre congé avec Mlle Wedy.» (I have to get back, so I shall take my leave with Miss Wedy now.) Aiber politely bided L farewell and when he turned to Raito, he said, «Ce serait une honte de manquer Paris lorsque vous êtes dans sa cour.» (It would be a shame to skip over Paris when you are in her backyard ) He then pointed towards L. «Je ne crois pas qu'il serait dérangé si vous lui demandiez.» (I do not think he will mind taking you if you ask) and Raito quickly noticed as Aiber said this, L was giving the man a very grumpy look.
………….
7:16 pm
As Raito watched L rap lightly on the door in front of him, he stretched out the day's worth of stress that had accumulated in his shoulders and back from sitting in front of the monitors.
They did not have to wait long before the door was answered; opening to reveal his father and the surprised expression he had as he saw who his visitors were.
"Ryuuzaki" he said, and then remembered himself and stepped aside to let the detective and his son pass. "What's wrong?"
Looking around the room, L seemed to not have heard his father's question, until he turned towards the older man and replied, "Nothing, I'm simply intruding for the time being." He glanced away and then added after the fact, "Do you mind?"
"No" his father quickly responded, even when he was clearly confused. "I was actually going back across the hall." Raito noticed that his father's hair was still wet; he had most likely stopped over here to take a shower and change into something clean before heading back to the team.
"Did you need to speak to me about something?"
L stared intensely at Yagami-san before his eyes wondered away again and began to roam around the room. "No," he said dismissively, "I only thought I should take a break from things that have no consequence."
At the moment, an enormous crowd of worshippers, holding candle-light and awaiting the New Year, was camped out on the grounds of Lourdes. There was also another large crowd inside the main hall, where the collective clergy of the Cathedral was busy holding services for those who wanted to bring in the New Year with prayer.
It was very unlikely that anything significant pertaining to the case would happen tonight, being as everyone was so busy over at Lourdes. For now, L had no reason to watch the cameras, and it seemed he wanted to use the small time he was given for other things.
"Then please leave the surveillance up to the team," Yagami-san advised, "tomorrow will be a very tiring day so please get some rest."
L did not give him a reaction, only continuing to absently look around, and in that, Yagami-san took no offense. Striding towards the entrance, he opened the door, but then halted and looked back at his son. "Don't stay up too late Raito."
Raito smiled at the lecturing tone and the too-serious expression on his face as he told him this. "I won't dad."
When his father closed the door behind him, Raito immediately felt L's side of the handcuffs tugging at his wrist. Turning to see what L had gotten himself into, Raito found him already moving towards a certain corner of the room, where, matching with the plain décor, stood an upright piano, dusty black in color and squarish in make.
No choice but to follow, Raito moved along with L. He even took a seat beside him on the matching bench situated in front of the piano.
L had unfolded his legs from the edge of his seat and placed them on floor; he looked a little uncomfortable as he did this, but to compensate for the loss of his habitual posture, he hunched forward, and hooked his toes on the shelf holding the three pedals at the base of the piano.
"It's a waste to get a room with a Petrof and not use it," L told him as he finished arranging himself.
"You play?"
"No, not really," he said and gazed down at the black and white keys in front of him.
"And here I thought you were going to play me something." Raito pressed a finger down on one of the keys and the high resonance broke out louder than he expected.
"Did you have anything specific in mind? Maybe I can stumble through it." L raised his hands over the keys, kept them stiffly poised there, and then turned towards him, appearing to patiently await his cue.
"Are you sure? I might pick something that might make you look clumsy," Raito joked.
"Then do not worry. I always feel clumsy around you – that's only natural since Raito-kun is the way he is." L was staring at him fixedly as he said this, and for the life of him, Raito could not help but feel a tad freaked out by it, especially with how disquietingly bare his features were.
Raito knew that things had settled down as much as they were going to since Christmas, but there were still times when he felt the conflict between them imposing itself.
And it did not help that L was already so awkward. He usually knew how to handle himself in front of others, but for these past few days Raito could see him actually struggling with that unwieldy part of his personality.
Oddly enough, it was as if a stranger had stepped into L's place and Raito was slowly getting acquainted with him.
Raito was beginning to see just how…strangely earnest a person L was in his own emotionally stunted way. L was sincerely trying to repair whatever he thought was going on between them – little things that he would ask or say out of nowhere or how he would find ways to get them a little time away from the group – Naturally Raito had worried about the amount of suspicion L was holding over him and if that suspicion was making him act funny like this…
Maybe at first, suspicion was moving L, but now, he had no idea what was driving him. It almost seemed like he was wavering and that his belief in Raito was winning out. Raito could only hope that was the case. He needed L to remain at least partially blind to what was going on.
"To be fair," Raito started up, regaining the control that he always had over any situation, "I'll give you something that's moderately challenging, but not impossible. Although, if I were going to mean about it," he teased, "I could always demand you play me Godowsky's Etude of Chopin's Op.25 No.1 'Aeolian Harp' Version 2."
This time, L stared at him with a less intense air. He seemed to be distracted by his request. "Please do not ask me to play something that not even the composer could accomplish."
"I won't," Raito placated, "not until I can see where you're at level-wise. So for now, I'll be requesting Beethoven's Sonata no. 14 in C-Sharp Minor, op. 27, no. 2. Do you think you could play that for me?"
"I will try," L told him, as his hands slowly descended towards the keys and he gently started up the first movement of the Moonlight Sonata, gradually drawing out the somberness of the piece and beautifully distending it with a layer of piercing and poignant notes floating in and out of volume.
L quickly fell into the unrushed pacing, and as Raito watched his long fingers leisurely climb and drop within the confined space of the first movement, he was amazed at how gracefully they moved over the keys.
The second movement made L pick his hands up faster. Gone was the sad, meditative quality of the first movement, and taking its place was bolder resonance and faster pacing. It was over in less than two minutes, and from there, L quickly transitioned into the final movement, a climbing dash of even faster notes based on arpeggios, but still retaining the poetic grace that was a variant of the first.
L's fingers rapidly moved back and forth, stopping here and there abruptly, and causing jarring sounds that would be built quickly into a crescendo and taken apart just as quickly into a descent before finally coming to its mutually calm end.
When L was done, he rested his hands on his knees and turned towards him. Raito was currently watching him in disbelief.
"You sure are awfully good for someone who never plays."
L shrugged his shoulders. "I might have toyed with one a few times before."
Raito gave him a strange look. "Well if that's the case you're frighteningly good at it."
And it wasn't just empty praise.
When Raito had taken the mandatory semester of music in junior high, he had naturally done what was expected of him. He played the violin and was encouraged by the teacher to pursue the piano as well. He memorized the music easily and played with a fluency that even surprised his instructors. Technically speaking, he was perfect. However…when it came down to the emotion of the piece, his teachers always side-stepped that and focused on his other abilities.
So when everyone else was being congratulated for the heart they put into their playing, the teachers only praised him for his amazing talent for accuracy. He was great at Prestissimos and compositions with many notes, but the slower and more melodic pieces – he actually had trouble with those.
So watching L play and actually capture that elusive sentiment within the sonata, as well as nail the accuracy of the piece, it needn't be said that he was impressed.
Plus L was playing on a modern piano and he had skillfully compensated for the longer sustain times that this specific sonata required of the pedal work.
"I would clap, but I don't think my applauding would be enough."
L glanced over at him and then stared down at the keys in front of him. "I've never had anyone applaud – so I think I would like to hear that sometime."
Raito leaned a bit closer to L and asked somewhat shocked, "You mean no ones heard you play before?"
L looked down at his hands. "Yes, this is the first time I've played for someone."
If that was the case, Raito smiled and put his hands together noisily. "Then I feel sorry for them." Raito stopped clapping and rested his hand on one of L's wrist, moving the hand and placing it back onto the keys. "I want you to play something else for me."
L looked over at him curiously. "Raito-kun is very demanding."
"I was never very good at this sort of thing," Raito confessed, "so for us who are not as musically inclined, I don't think I'm asking for too much."
"I do not believe you," L told him, letting him pick his other hand up and arrange it on the keys. "It seems hard to believe that you have problems with something so simple."
"And you've just insulted too many people to count," he rejoined.
"Raito-kun knows what I mean," L said crabbily, face stuck in that childish pout that he liked to take when he thought no one was looking and which Raito had always found kind of cute.
"Can I ask you something then?"
L scratched the side of his head, making some of the hairs stand out more. "I am listening."
"What other instruments do you play?"
L stared at him and then looked at his hands. "I can play some string instruments."
"And by some I'm guessing you have the entire violin family down."
L shrugged nonchalantly and continued to stare at his hands, by which Raito took as a definite yes.
"What about the guitar? Never picked one up before?"
"People go through phases," he answered mysteriously and with a somewhat sour look.
"I'm jealous," Raito sighed, pressing a hand to L's upper arm and leaning against it. "And yet you don't look too thrilled to brag about it. Don't be so modest," Raito teased, and for all his troubles, he got some grumbling.
"I can tell when you are making fun of me."
Raito slipped an arm around L's back and pulled him closer. "And what's wrong with that?" he said smirking. "You have more than enough fun picking on me. For some reason you don't like it when I compliment you, but you never miss a chance to try and flatter me."
"But Raito-kun is better at getting certain reactions from me than I am with him," L defended with that same sour look on his face. "When one looks at it, it is an entirely different thing when I tease you than when you do it."
"You just want to have your way." Raito replied and rested his head on L's shoulder. "But not today, you're going to play me something."
"I originally offered, so going back on my word is not something I would do."
And without prompt, L began to play.
………….
11:34 pm
Yagami-san checked his watch and took out his key.
What had brought him back to his room at this time of the night, not even he knew the answer to that, but he had an urge to just go there; even though his son was very well asleep and he would not disturb them by knocking on their door.
He knew it was stupid of him to worry when he had seen Raito some hours before, and leaving the team to go tend to his own anxiousness was past irresponsible, but –
Yagami-san stepped through the threshold, and as he did so he heard, surprisingly enough, the sound of the piano.
"Raito," he called out, and walking into the den, he immediately spotted his son and L.
L looked up as he approached, and when Yagami-san had gotten close enough and opened his mouth to say something, he saw L rest a finger to his lips in a gesture of silence.
Confused as to why he was being shushed, Yagami-san walked to the side of the bench where his son sat and quickly understood why.
Raito was…asleep.
Well -- he had wanted Raito to get some rest, but this wasn't exactly what he had in mind. L seemed to not be bothered by his son using his shoulder as a pillow, but having to support someone like was never too pleasant for everyone involved – although, looking at his son passed out on the other's shoulder, no one could say he appeared to be uncomfortable.
"Is there something you need?" L whispered and subsequently brought him out of his thoughts.
"It's nothing important," he said, continuing to watch his son and forgoing the explanation that he thought no one else but a parent would understand.
L stared, but did not ask more of him, eventually turning back to the piano and continuing to play as if he had never come in. Yagami-san was surprised at how good he was, although he shouldn't have been, considering how talented this young man proved himself to be time and time again.
Soon Yagami-san was able to also get over his initial shock of finding Raito asleep, as he listened closely to the very soothing music floating up from the piano.
He couldn't remember a time when he had seen Raito asleep like this, other than when he was a little boy, and he always liked to stay up with him when he brought his work home.
But that had been such a long time ago and Raito was now practically a grown man. Responsible and mature and as dutiful a son as any would wish for.
He knew every parent thought their child was special and perfect and that no one else could even compare, but Raito was really that for him, too good to be true in a way – even wanting to take after him in career.
What more could a father possibly want?
To him, such a perfect son, how could anyone think he was…
How could L believe he was…
It was unthinkable. It was more than that – it was impossible.
Raito was not Kira.
And looking at L as he played, and at the same time tried not to upset Raito on his shoulder, it didn't look like he believed his son was Kira either. He never knew what was going through the detective's head, but would anyone, who had such strong suspicions – would they be able to sit like that with a guilty person and not show some unease?
Even the reverse was true, however loathe he was of thinking that way, a murderer of Kira's caliber, would he be able to fall asleep so easily around a person that wanted him executed? It made absolutely no sense when watching these two around each other.
Yagami-san had finally gotten to see his son act his age – fighting, complaining, generally be very immature about many things that he normally would have had the patience and calmness to work through.
He supposed since they were so alike that they were bound to start fights with each other. They were both so intelligent and had such strong opinions about how to handle the case that it was a wonder that they talked and joked around as much as they fought.
But people who were friends acted that way with each other. The fact that they were friends had to mean something in terms of Raito's innocence.
He knew that his son was different from other children his age, and he had glimpsed over the years, noticing that Raito had never brought anyone home to meet them, not even so much as a word about someone from school during dinnertime.
He never received any phone calls at home either, his wife had said to him one day and out of blue -- not like how Sayu was always getting. You'd think a teenage boy would speak at least once or twice on the phone throughout his high school years.
Little things that should have been commonplace in someone so friendly, they were nowhere to be found. He understood how important academics were to his son, but did he not care for anything else?
Yagami-san refused to believe that. He could tell that Raito was making an effort to be friends with this boy, and that – that had to mean something. It had to.
Oh god it had to mean something.
And even if it broke his heart to think his son wanted to be friends with someone, who after this case was over, would have to erase all traces of his existence and go into hiding again, he wouldn't try to shield Raito from that…
He could only continue to strive forward, hoping and praying along the way that his son would be set free and would be able to return to his normal life, away from L and away from this burden placed on him.
A return to normal life was the ultimate goal that he set in front of him, and no matter what, he would reach it with his son.
After this was all over, Yagami-san felt it was time he should retire from the force and concentrate on his family, because years of neglecting them and putting his career first was no way to live, especially with such a wonderful family waiting for him at home.
"Ryuuzaki," he said, and the younger man immediately stopped playing and stared at him.
"Yes, Yagami-san?"
"It's late – you should get some sleep," he said, pushing off from the wall and making his way towards the bench.
"Yes, I suppose you're right," L answered back, looking to his side where Raito was fast asleep. He rested a hand on the other's back and began to ease him away, but dead weight was a cumbersome thing, and L was having trouble getting Raito to sit up.
Yagami-san watched L place a hand on Raito's shoulder, ready to shake him awake, but he stopped him before he could jostle his son.
"It's alright. Let him sleep," he told L and came around to Raito's side.
L gave him a funny look and then stated the obvious. "Yagami-san, I cannot carry your son. He is heavy."
"Don't worry about it," he answered and put a hand around Raito's shoulders, while simultaneously getting a hand under his knees. It wasn't like he had never done this before; of course, Raito had been much lighter back then and had been prone to shout daddy when he was leaving the house.
He saw L unlocking the handcuff around Raito's wrist and something about that gesture made him feel better for the first time in a long while.
Lifting with his knees, he was able to get Raito properly settled in his arms. He was surprised that Raito hadn't even twitched; he was that deep in sleep.
When they reached the bedroom and he had laid him down, Yagami-san turned around to find L there, staring at him, Raito's side of the handcuffs dragging on the floor. He didn't seem to care if it got caught on anything either.
"In the morning I will tell Raito-kun that he has contributed to his father's back problems," L said out of nowhere.
Yagami-san didn't know whether to chuckle or tell him he wasn't that old, so he kept it to himself. "Ah no, my back's fine," he added uselessly.
"I wasn't going to actually tell him that," L said and looked down at the handcuffs on the floor. His eyes then flickered over to where his son slept.
"Raito-kun is lucky that he has a father that cares for him so much." L walked past him and towards the glass sliding doors that led to the balcony. He moved the curtains to the side and as he gazed out at the city lights he added quietly, "Having that must be nice."
Yagami-san knew that L hadn't meant his words in a way that would cause to upset anyone, but saying something like that…
It was sad -- and it made him remember that this person in front of him was someone's child, or had been once…
"Goodnight Yagami-san," L said, his back still turned to him, as he gazed out at the night sky.
"Ah…goodnight Ryuuzaki," Yagami-san replied and closed the door behind him.
………….
01/01/05: 12:00am
Raito started awake at something, his befuddled brain not recognizing the very thing that had awoken him until he heard the noise again, a whizzing sound accompanied by a loud bang.
Setting his feet down on the floor, Raito glanced around at the unfamiliar room and felt even more disorientated.
He knew he had been having trouble falling asleep lately, but that was no excuse to drop his guard whenever he felt comfortable.
Raito rubbed a hand to his neck and recalled earlier that night he'd been sitting with L…
Speaking of which, Raito caught some movement out on the balcony, the opening in the curtains letting him see a portion of L's white-clad back through the glass.
Standing up and making his way towards the glass door, Raito slid it open and stepped out into the cold night. He was suddenly blindsided by a gust of icy wind, and putting a hand up to shield himself from the chill, he walked towards L. Raito settled at his side, noting how calmly L was watching the fireworks off in the distance.
"They are being very inconsiderate to people who are sleeping," L said flatly and glanced over at him.
"I think I can forgive them this one time," Raito told him, as he leaned on the balcony and watched the spectacle of color fall and leave trails in the inky darkness.
Red fireworks spiraled out of the sky next, and the view they were afforded from the balcony seemed to place the explosion next to the full moon, as if it were a rose sprouting up next to a full-blossomed lily.
More colors quickly burst from the darkness in the place of the red, almost as if the rose was shedding its petals and turning into different flowers, first a daffodil, then a cornflower, after that a brilliant wild violet.
Raito breathed in the refreshing coldness. He felt so close to the sky right now, and sure, being ten stories up helped, but there was something else, the utter openness of being out here on the balcony, with the fierce wind and all the exploding colors – he felt like he could just reach out and pluck everything out of the sky – that's how close everything appeared to him.
L was standing right next to him, but Raito felt as though transported – they might be only inches from each other, but to him, the distance felt greater. So vast that he could say he was closer to the moon than he ever was to the person next to him.
There was a great sense of liberation brought forth by that knowledge, and standing up here, with the perspective and the sheer height below him, Raito was suddenly reminded of the freedom he once had; the sovereign he once held over his body and not only his mind, where he could just pick himself up and walk wherever he felt like.
He could now distinctly recall that memory of physical freedom, could feel it so strongly and so clearly that he yearned for it -- yearned for it more than he could stand.
There was also the small ache of humanity – the one that would hit him at strange marks in his life and he thought would continue to, even though he was content in the isolation he created around himself.
Loneliness.
It was an emotion that he thought would be alikened to a creator, as he stared upon the vastness of his kingdom, overcome by the perfectness that he was about to bring into existence, but knowing that he was not a part of that thing he created, he was outside it, far away…
It was the kind of thing that was – that was just right for a God to feel.
God was a singular entity, born from his own righteousness and purpose. There was no one that came before him and there was no one that would come after him that he did not want in his kingdom.
God was always alone. He had a loneliness that was not as forlorn as it was proud and deliberate and justified.
And that…
That suited Raito so much it hurt.
L – he had made him feel a little, had yielded something small and strangely precious to a phase of his life that was coming to an end. L was the last memory that would usher him forth into becoming an adult, and maybe, if he had given it more time to come to fruition, maybe L could have made him feel even more…
There was always a bit of confusion in him about love. He knew it as a tool, as platonic and breakable for the family he had lived with for eighteen years; he knew it as many things, but he didn't know, he didn't know if he could fall in love with someone –
He thought maybe he could, when the right person came along, someone who could understand him and know how he felt and what he was trying to accomplish…
But he and L were so far from understanding the other and neither were they even going to try. Raito did not care for L's politics and he knew L did not give a damn about his way of justice.
And that was fine.
Tomorrow he would be free, and no one, no one after L would hold him. This had maybe been his last chance to understand that emotion, to maybe even experience it, but if it did not come for him, then that was fine.
If he could not feel these things now, then he would not look for it after L.
It was an experiment really, as much his game, a question that didn't necessarily need an answer but would have liked one…
Make me feel something for you…
Anything…
Raito clenched his hands on the stone ledge he was leaning against and felt equally overwhelmed by everything he was and was not feeling.
"Raito-kun…"
Raito snapped out of his thoughts and turned to stare at L sooner than he should have. He worried belatedly if the expression on his face was completely transparent, and noticing how stiff L had gone, he was right to think so.
"Did I do something wrong?" he asked out of nowhere, taking a step towards him.
Raito put his hands up suddenly. "Of course not," he appeased, "what would make you think that?"
L stared at him openly, a troubled look on his face as he did. "I feel like you are hiding something from –"
Raito grabbed him by the shirt and suddenly kissed him hard. Self-survival being what it was, he couldn't just let L finish that sentence and he suspected that L didn't really want to either.
Maybe it had been stupid of him to cut L off like that, and maybe it was useless to try, but tonight a strange desperation seemed to take him over. He understood that this was their last night together, that this was his last night to be confronted by an equal, to feel that pure, hot-blooded excitement and overwhelming charge that only L knew how to give him.
Because when it all came down it, L was the only person who could make him feel alive like this, and when L was no longer around, he would be bored again.
Of course, he would be sustained by the large-scale project of rebuilding his pure world and by the pride of defeating his greatest rival…
But he would be bored again, and to Raito…
Boredom was worst than death.
Raito deepened the kiss between them, and maintaining his hold on that unfortunate piece of shirt in his grasp, he began to back peddle towards the room.
They fell on bed heedlessly, neither of them trying to separate.
L was as aggressive for it as he had been for these past days, continuing to hungrily kiss him as he fumbled with the clasp on his jeans. He finally got it open and Raito kicked them off, one of his hands pressing into L's skull and keeping that mouth on his.
He felt L tugging at the buttons on his shirt, opening them in whichever order his blind fingers could carry out, and after a valiant effort of trying to undress him that way, L thoroughly gave up and hastily started snapping them open.
Raito had his own problems to worry about, as he one-handedly yanked up L's t-shirt, and quickly realized they'd have to stop kissing for him to get any farther than that. Not willing to try that one out for size, Raito diverted his attention to opening L's jeans.
There wasn't any lubricant nearby, so they went without, something that Raito would be regretting in the morning, but had the tolerance to take. It was difficult to move around for the both of them and they were clumsier than usual and more anxious – but L had moaned the whole way through about how tight he was and Raito had forgotten everything, including his name, as L used his hands on him.
It was intense and painful and so good that Raito had said words that he thought L would want to hear after something like that. They weren't true and they certainly were apart of the illusion he had built up around them, but he was offering them anyway for the sake of a little corner of him that happened to really like L and maybe thought that if things were different…that maybe…
L had clutched onto his front as he settled down for the night, eyes wide open and staring right at him. And Raito should have felt unnerved by it, but for some reason tonight, he couldn't find a reason to as he embraced him back.
Raito could feel L's heartbeat through his own chest as they held onto each other, could feel how wide awake and tense he was and even the unblinking stare.
He thought he could feel everything from just that embrace alone; all L's insecurities, his pride, his courage, his pain…
Even the part that was in love with him…
…Raito thought he could feel that too.
A/n: You know I've been wondering who the favorite out of those two are. I've never seen a poll for death note, knowing me I probably missed it, but I think it would be fun if the readers out there, who feel like reviewing, if they would say who their favorite is. Raito or L? Hands down my favorite is Raito, because what can't you not like about him? He's charismatic, has a strong sense of justice, and throws the best hissy fits.
1. Moonlight Sonata – Written in 1801, Beethoven dedicated this to his pupil Countess Giulietta Gucciardi. Some biographers think that the sad quality of the sonata's first movement reflected the unshared love that Beethoven had for the countess. They also think, since Beethoven was so madly in love with Giulietta and had hopes to marry her, that this was reflected in the chaotic third movement. But according to another biographer by the name of Fischer, the sonata has nothing to do with romance and more to do with the feelings Beethoven had as he stayed by the side of one of his friends and watched him die. So it's not clear if the inspiration for this piece is a ballad or a funeral hymn.