Welcome back....

Lloyd: About time you got this up! How long has it been? Practically a year!

Me: A year? More like half, Lloydo

Lloyd: Lloydo?

Me: It's my new name for you.

Lloyd: ...

Me: Have I ever told you lately I love you?

Lloyd: No... why?

Me: 'Cause I do!

Lloyd: -Sigh- Fine. Game-girl209 owns nothing.

Me: LOVE YOU!!!

I flinched as my backside came in contact with the ground, for the what felt like hundredth time. Two hours Lloyd and I was training with the auburn, oh-so-muscular and....

I could have gone on but I was afraid of the result of getting distracted and losing my train of thought. So I decided to try and put the wonderful aspects of Kratos aside, and continue training. I stood up off of the grassy ground, as I did I thought of why I wanted to train. With Yuan, it was a lucky escape, with the bandits another lucky escape. 'Wow, I'm starting to sound like Voldemort, the way he says Harry has always been lucky to escape with his body and soul in tact....' I mused inwardly.

Lives. That word suddenly popped up into my head. I would have been dead so many times. My life would have been thrown away, because of my carelessness. Life is so precious.... so vulnerable... To be treated like a sentimental gift.

Something clicked in my head. No, it wasn't the fact I was just standing there looking at the grass moving from side to side, or watching it grow. It was the fact that I ended a life, and hurt, anyone who was ever close to him. It was the fact that I killed the bandit, just because he wanted money, on our way to the Ossa trail, and I felt nothing.

I did not regret it, at all, neither did I feel sorry for him, or even flinch when I killed him. Am I a monster.... for not caring.... for not feeling... for not regretting that I had to take a life, like it was a daily thing... Like it's nothing new... Causing the pain for anyone who knew that person, and acting like I'm a bloody, heart-less, bastard! I am. That's what I am.... a heart-less bastard, who cares about no-one, but my self... Like right now, I am only dwelling on his death, because I wanted to feel sorry for myself...

"Erin! Hey, you okay?!" the voice of Lloyd asked, it's concern did not hide.

Lloyd... He was so nice to me.... me... someone so heart-less. I do not deserve his friendship.

I finally looked up and turned to his face. "I- I'm fine, just thinking about stuff, is all," I replied, my voice failing my attempt to sound normal. Instead it sounded lost and quiet. Kind of shy-like.

"You sure? You should tell me about something, if it worries you," he informed me.

I noticed his face. It was dirty with clay and his clothes seemed like the dirt would never come out. He was doing all of this just to get stronger, for Colette, for everyone, for himself.

I wasn't training, for Colette, for Raine, Genis, Colette, or even Lloyd. I was getting stronger for myself. So I could show off and defeat anyone who lays a finger on me.

"Erin, come on. Tell me, what's wrong," Lloyd said.

"..." I stayed silent, now just starring at him with a blank face. Colette, was doing the same thing to Lloyd. Staying silent, bottling up her feelings, thinking it was for the best.

The only difference was, I wasn't thinking it was the best for them, I was thinking it was the best for me.

Oh God, I was bloody acting like Colette, or even worse! What the hell is wrong with me! I'm acting like an effing emo! I realized.

"No, I'm not alright. In my head I was acting like a fool, for the past half an hour. Can I ask you something?" I asked him.

"Sure..., what is it?"

I looked around. "Where the hell is Kratos?" I really wondered where he was.

"Uh, didn't you hear? He said, that would be enough for the night," Lloyd told me.

"Oh, no, I didn't," I said.

"Was that all you wanted to ask me?" Lloyd said.

"Uh. no. Um.... Lloyd..." I said shyly..

"Yeah? What is it?"

I breathed in. "Do you think I'm a heart-less bastard?" I asked, bluntly.

"Wha?! Why would you say that?!" Lloyd exclaimed, looked taking back.

"Gone... just answer," I mumbled.

"Well... No! Of coarse not! I mean you obviously love your family, your world, this world. Why else would you be on this journey?"

"...In the future, hopefully there is something, that would be able to take me back to my world...." I confessed.

"Erin... that's completely human. Anyone would want to go back to their home, that they love. What inhuman would be, to not go on this journey, and find your way home, your own way, and not helping us, at all," Lloyd replied.

"Maybe..." I trailed.

"What do you mean maybe?! Erin, calling yourself a heart-less bastard is calling yourself evil! You are not evil! Why the hell are you saying this stuff anyway?!!" Lloyd questioned.

"Remember, the bandits... I killed one... I didn't feel anything. I didn't feel sad. If anything I felt relieved. Relieved he was dead. Relieved, I killed him. And, it felt like it was nothing new. I completely forgot that I actually killed someone until now. It just struck me, that I felt nothing for him... Right now, I'm only saying this out of self-pity," I finished.

The atmosphere was tense. Silence, was ringing in both of our ears. I waited for Lloyd to speak.

He stared at me and asked, "Do you know why you didn't feel anything?"

"No..."

"Do you think that man was nothing but a fictional character?" he asked his voice raising.

"I don't know..." I mumbled.

"Do you think I'm fictional? Is this all some fictional, game to you?!"Lloyd asked, his voice still rising.

I did not laugh at the irony of the question, instead it hurt me, making me feel sick. Did I actually still think this was all a game? How stupid was I if I was? I didn't like it. This shame, this thing, this feeling.

"I don't know. Maybe, I did, maybe I didn't. I just wish that I knew," I admitted.

"Do you want this to be a game?!"

"No!" I answered with out thinking. "No! I don't want this to be a game. Even though I've only been here for like, a week, I don't want this to be game! I don't this to be fictional! I love everyone I have met here! And if this is all fictional.... I JUST DON'T WANT IT TO BE!" I shouted at the top of my voice. "If it is... it means the feelings I have for you all, everyone I have met is fictional too. I love it here. Life isn't a game, so I will not think of this as a game anymore. I will treat this as real life!" I said to him. It was true, I probably thought this was all a game, that needed to win. It was probably why I was so careless. I just hoped Lloyd would see the truth.

"I believe you. Did you like my test?" Lloyd grinned.

"Oh, that was a test now?! I asked with a very high pitched voice. "Oh, I am so gonna kill you!!! You prick! That was mean!" I tackled him to the ground.

"Hey, it helped, didn't it! And it wasn't- wasn't completely an act- wow!" He had to stutter sort of, because he and I were rolling down the hill, and the impact from a stone now and again stopped him.

"What are you going 'wow' for?" I asked as we continued to roll. "WOW!" I exclaimed, as she saw the fiery ball of red, rising. "I love the sun rise! " I said, while stabbing my foot on the ground, while Lloyd and I skidded to a halt.

We both watched it's magnificent glow, for a minute, until they realized they were still on top of each other.

"Haha, Lloyd, gone get off of me!" I laughed.

Lloyd blushed out of embarrassment, "Sorry. Didn't realize, there," he admitted. He got off of me and sat down.

I smiled. "It's fine, and..." I observed his red face. "And... are you blushing?! Hahaha!" I laughed again.

"Sh-shut up! I'm not! And, anyways, we should get back. We've been up all night." Lloyd stood up and walked back to the camp.

"I like it, that you were embarrassed..." I whispered, as he walked.

Lloyd turned his head. "You coming?"

"Yeah," I nodded and caught up to him. "Thanks for earlier. And what do you mean by, 'it wasn't a complete act'?" I asked.

"I wanted to know as much as you did, of coarse, it wasn't a complete act. Do you really think I would of done something like that to you?" Lloyd teased.

"Since when did you get so smart?! You never like this in the game!" I said.

"We- well, thanks!" Lloyd replied.

"That wasn't a compliment," I sighed. "Never mind!"

We reached the camp finding Kratos and Noishe still up.

"Hey, Kratos!" I waved. "'Morning!"

His only reply was, "I thought I said to you, Lloyd, when we were in the desert, not to go too far from the campsite, and Erin you should know that as well."

"Oh yeah, I had to talk to Erin about something, though," Lloyd said.

"I heard," Kratos replied. "I advise, if you are talking privately, do it without shouting."

"How-?! We were-?!" Lloyd stuttered.

"Let's get to sleep, Lloyd," I pushed him along. "Other wise we won't be able to move in a few hours," I informed him.

"R-right! Good night!" He waved to me and lied down.

"Good morning," I smiled and continued on to my own spot to lie on.

Me: Hurray for emoness! I'm not happy with this chapter.

Lloyd:Is she here?

Cam: Yep! Hey Lloyd!

Me: Lloyd, say sorry.

Lloyd: Sorry.

Cam: About what?

Me: Good boy, you're very obedient :) Now say it!!!

Lloyd: Say what?

Me: ARG! Foolish boy. Reveiw! Pwease! 8(