PART ONE

Vivian climbed off her client with a satisfied smile slapped over her face. It wasn't often she got as good as she gave even if the bloke had called out someone else's name when he climaxed. Life was like that, though that was the first time she'd ever been called a boy's name. The client, handsome as he was and no doubt more used to taking it up the arse had been a good shag all the same. The name thing was annoying though.

"That'll cost you an extra twenty." She slid into her silk dressing gown, no one could accuse her of being a cheap whore. He was clearly amused and sated because he chuckled as he watched her lithe body, disappointed to see it covered so readily. Time was obviously up.

"Didn't like the name thing huh?" His American accent was damn sexy. She turned watching as he sat up and pulled on a white T-Shirt.

"I would've preferred Vera to Ianto, hell what kind of a name is Ianto for Christ's sake."

Something clouded his beautiful face for just the briefest of moments before he flashed her a dazzling Hollywood grin. A mobile started to ring, breaking the smile in an instant. He grabbed the phone he had placed beside the bed before they'd gotten started and with the other hand he tossed over his wallet.

"Help yourself." His attention no longer on her...... another tenner at least. Viv took £200 in twenties and tossed it back, the client didn't seem to notice. Three minutes later and in a swish of coat tails he was out the door.

Ianto lifted his chin on hearing his front door open. "In the kitchen Owen."

A moment later a shadow fell over him and he looked up to see a somewhat dishevelled Jack Harkness gazing down at him. Jack bent down at his side and Ianto was instantly aware of the smell of perfume.

"What the Hell are you doing here?" His pain and bleeding forgotten. Jack smiled hesitantly.

"Owen called me.... here, let me see."

Ianto pulled back leaning into the cupboard door. "I called for Owen, you're not touching it." He cradled his hand and squeezed his eyes shut to ease his queasiness.

Jack shook his head with exasperation. "Don't be an ass come on. What happened?"

"Where's Owen?"

"On his way. I was nearer he called me, I came."

Ianto glared at him. "I bet you did."

Jack sighed. "What happened Ianto?"

"I was cutting carrots, I cut my hand."

The lie was easy enough to read. "At 3am?"

Ianto looked away. "I was hungry."

"Ianto....."

"Jack."

Jack stood up. "Fine. Mind if I make some tea while we wait?" He was worried, not entirely certain that Ianto wasn't about to go into shock, there was a lot of blood on the towel and on the bench, he noticed a moment later. Sweet tea would help, wasn't that right? He could feel Ianto's gaze boring into his back as he searched out cups and tea bags.

"Good, was she?"

Jack shook his head and had to smile at the accusatory tone. "Does it matter?"

"Obviously not."

"Yes, good and expensive." It knew that would piss Ianto off.

Ianto said nothing, his arm ached and he was really regretting testing out his earlier theory.

"Shit."

Jack turned at the whispered curse.

"Ianto?"

"Hurts is all. Where the fuck is Owen?"

"Right here you tosser!" The medic stomped in dumping his kit bag by Ianto's legs and kneeling at his side. He snapped on latex gloves and Ianto proffered his sore limb, wincing when Owen peeled away the sticky red linen tea towel. It was a Welsh Flag. He gently held Ianto by the wrist inspecting the still oozing cut. It ran a neat line across the palm. Owen examined it carefully.

"Can you move your fingers?"

Ianto complied with a wince, aware that Jack was watching carefully from over Owen's shoulder.

Owen looked pleased. "Ok, tendons are alright then. I'll clean it and stitch it, get up and sit on a chair at the table." He stepped back grabbing his gear and placing it on the dining table and began preparing a local injection and a stitch kit. Ianto hauled himself to his feet refusing Jack's outstretched hand to assist him. He sagged into a chair at the table feeling light headed and watched as Owen got to work washing at the cut with saline and gauze.

"How did this happen, Tea Boy?"

Ianto said nothing and Jack decided to intervene. "He was cutting carrots."

Owen rolled his eyes. "Tosser." Like Jack he knew the lie for what it was and really couldn't be bothered at this time of the night to ask further. "Ok, this'll sting a bit."

Ianto chewed at his lip, yep it stung. A mug of tea was placed by his good hand.

"Drink that." Jack ordered.

Ianto nodded and did as he was told, Jack's tea was always pretty good anyway. Twenty minutes later and Owen was done. He packed his things away and chucked the rest into the bin by the sink. He grabbed his bag and made to leave.

"I want you in my autopsy bay first thing, for a very long chat, are we clear?"

Ianto nodded realising that Owen had probably come to the same conclusion as Jack, he sighed resigned to his fate. "I'll be there."

Owen left knowing full well that Jack would stay. Jack with his mug of tea in hand sat down opposite Ianto and watched the younger man in silence, at least some of the colour had returned to his face. For his part Ianto ignored him, or at least tried to, the smell of the perfume was..... it annoyed him, disappointed him.

"So how much was she?"

Jack sighed and put down his mug. "Why did you cut open your hand?"

"Touche."

"You know the whole jealous thing really doesn't look good on you."

"Disappointment, Jack."

"What?"

"Disappointment."

Ianto finished his tea.

"It's not what you think it is either, before you ask. I'm not depressed or jealous or suicidal..... just disappointed." His hand throbbed again the local anaesthesia wearing off.

"Disappointed in me?"

Ianto arched an eyebrow. "He shoots, he scores."

"Ianto...."

"Fuck off Jack. I did this for you... I did this....." He blinked up at the ceiling but there were no tears, not even the threat of them. "I died Jack. I had 22 hours on a slab, no heart beat, no brain activity, no warmth in my broken body. I remember it, but mostly I remember the fire of life burning through me, could feel my bones repairing themselves, that ache.... that ache you have so often described to me. That other Jack, he gave me my life back, where you couldn't, you didn't even try and I know you could have done it because you did it before when Lisa threw me that time."

Jack frowned and opened his mouth to speak.

"I'm not finished Jack."

Jack closed his mouth and nodded his head.

Ianto hitched a bitter smile. "He told me he had given up his immortality to save me, to put things right..... he healed my body Jack. I felt every nerve coming back to life. It's had me wondering ever since. It's had me wondering whether or not I am now like you. I've been itching with that question for the last 10 days, so tonight I tried it out. I cut my hand to see if I could heal like you do, if maybe by any chance I was like you." The tears betrayed him now as he registered the horror on Jack's face.

"Jesus Ianto, why ever.... whatever. You hurt yourself, I....." Jack reached and took his hand. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Ianto pulled his hand away and stood up. "It doesn't matter now. I know I don't mean anything to you, not in anything other than Torchwood." He took his mug to the sink. "It doesn't matter."

Jack was at his side a moment later, resting a hand against the small of Ianto's back.

"Yes it does. Please tell me, so that I can understand this." He gestured to Ianto's freshly stitched and bandaged hand.

Ianto met his concerned look. "What use am I to you if I can die?"

Jack gawped at him. "What?"

Ianto snorted and turned away desperate for some distance between them. "Really, I don't know why I bothered because you and I just keep missing the target. I'm just disappointed that you felt needy enough to go out and pay for it instead of being honest with me, but we're not too good on honesty, you and I. Perhaps part of what you think is right. I am jealous. I'm jealous that Jonsey and his Jack have what we could never have. He gave me my life and all I can think of is how jealous I am. What kind of a man does that make me?" His eyes darted around the room, blood stains stark against white surfaces. "I need to clean up, can you leave now?"

Jack shook his head. "I'll help you and then you need to get to bed and get some rest." He sighed trying not to sound as angry as he felt, but Jack wasn't entirely sure who he was angry with at that point.

"I asked you to leave." There was a stern edge to Ianto's tone of voice, but Jack stood his ground, not taking it seriously. It was a mistake. Ianto walked out of the kitchen and came back a moment later with his hand gun aimed at Jack's chest. "Leave!"

Jack rolled his eyes in annoyance. "What? You think that frightens me? Jesus Ianto, what the fuck is the matter with you?"

"You stink of some whore's cheap perfume. I know we're not exclusive Jack but I do not need to have my dignity rubbed in the shit by your crass insensitivity, now get the fuck out of my flat before I shoot." He moved the barrel of the gun, jamming it under his own chin. "Or maybe I could take my test a little further.... see if I can pull a Lazarus shall we?"

Jack shot him a filthy look. "You stupid son of a bitch, go on get on with it!"

Jack stalked past the younger man and a moment later the front door was opened and then slammed shut. The weapon clattered to the floor. Ianto stood there, alone, feeling naked in the face of..... he wasn't sure what. His hand had finally stopped aching at least. Ianto raised it, curious. He carefully unwound the bandage and a dozen separate nylon knots came away from his healed palm. Ianto stared at it and started to cry.