A/n: It seems I've confused my readers, so in an attempt to make things clear, I'll explain. The reason why I chose to have Raito not touch the notebook again and reclaim his memories that way is because eventually -- 490 days later to be precise -- he'd forget them again, since he wouldn't be in contact with the deathnote. If L had gone that way, he'd have to touch Raito every 490 days with a piece of the deathnote, and Raito might lose his memories and not know what's going on, but L's not going to take that chance and continuously bring a piece of the deathnote near him, even with a memory-less Raito. Obviously, they don't have to worry about this for Misa, because she doesn't need to remember. Also as far as memory-less Raito goes, in this story I choose to portray him as more accepting of what he was, because I see it this way. Raito – past and present -- doesn't enjoy it when people embarrass him, and since he detests it, the news that 'he was Kira but he was caught by L' is going to come as the biggest embarrassment that he's ever experienced. I see Raito as trying to explain away his faults with the logic of 'If I did that, then I must have had a great reason for doing it.' I can't actually see him being repentant when he feels like he's been done some great injustice; he's been taken away from his family, his home, and he has to devote his entire life to someone that tortured him for three months. Or that's my reasoning anyway...

There was a veranda at the other end of the orphanage.

Raito slipped out into the porch and finally found the person he'd searched for all morning seated in one of the chairs and hunched over a small table. He was staring at a chessboard.

"Oh, hello" L greeted.

"What are you doing?" Raito asked, without the faintest pleasantness in his voice.

L looked down at the board and then returned his gaze to him. "I'm trying to beat myself in a game of chess," he said, face completely serious, "would you like to join me?"

Not really knowing what to say to that, Raito simply took the other seat, and watched L as he organized the black pieces on his side of the board.

"I'm assuming you would rather white," he said.

Raito looked at the remaining pieces. He'd come here to resume their conversation from yesterday, but if L would rather play chess, then he was not going to argue, and after arranging his own pieces, Raito moved a pawn forward two spaces.

"Did you return his toy?" L asked, also moving a pawn forward.

It seemed he wanted to talk after all. "Yes…but when I gave it to him he dropped it on the floor and told me he didn't need it anymore." The incident with Near this morning surprisingly had not made him angry, but that was probably due to the blank face the child wore upon telling him the news.

"He does not have favorites when it comes to his things and he will quickly move onto another when the current toy begins to bore him." L swiped the unguarded pawn that Raito had been using as a lure. "Did he say anything else to you?"

Raito moved his bishop. "He asked me what room I was staying in."

L's hand faltered over the piece he was about to pick up. "Your room?"

"Mmhm," Raito answered. Near knew which room he was staying in. He more than likely knew the entire layout of the second floor, so it was impossible for him to miss the room he was staying in when it was opposite of his. Oddly enough, all Near's questions that morning had been like that: totally obvious. "He's strange…" like you, Raito was about to point out, but kept it to himself.

"He is just curious about what I have brought home," L answered, phrasing it like Raito was some new toy. "Put up with it for the time. If this is like seven years ago, then there will be a brief period of activity from him before he calms back down."

Raito looked up from the chessboard, confused now. "Seven years ago?"

"When Mello was brought here," L said, simply leaving it at that.

Raito did not inquire further, turning his attention back to the game.

In no time at all, the beginning and middle game flew by, and the endgame was upon them.

Raito was now analyzing the board and taking some time to make his next move. So far they had played a pretty fast game of chess, using two to three minutes on each turn, so it would not hurt to slow down and give himself more time to think. As he contemplated his next move, Raito propped his chin up and crossed his legs under the table, letting his weight settle more comfortably to one side of his chair.

Black eyes once focused on the game had changed their course and now they were looking across the board at him. L staring was as familiar as the detective himself, so Raito did not pay it any mind and moved his Queen forward.

But after a few minutes, Raito could still feel his eye on him, and something about that started to annoy the brunette. Glances here and there were fine, but when he was silently gawking at him for minutes at a time, then there had be a reason behind it.

Raito shifted in his chair, sighed louder than usual.

He wondered what exactly had triggered this one-sided staring contest between them. Things had been fine up until the last stretch of their game. But the almost comfortable silence had flipped on its head, and now Raito was battling with the oppressive atmosphere more so than he was with their actual chess match.

He should ignore it. He could ignore it.

But he wouldn't. "Do you have something to say?" Raito asked. He looked up from the board and held the detective's stare.

L lowered his eyes. "No, not really."

"Are you sure?" he persisted. He moved his Queen again and stole L's knight away in the process.

"No…" L responded.

Surprised, but not deterred by his answer, Raito asked, "You're not sure?"

"I just don't think it's an appropriate topic for us."

Raito felt his curiosity peaked. "No topics going to ever really be appropriate for us to discuss," considering he was Kira and the person sitting across from him was the one that had caught him, "but even so, I would think you could be a little more frank."

L finally met his gaze, moving his own Queen to intercept.

"Your memory has holes in it."

'Well duh.' Raito eyed him funnily. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I need to ascertain something, but it's hard for me to do that when you're unaware of it yourself."

Raito moved a rook and claimed L's Queen. "Yes, I don't recall any thoughts that are related to the deathnote. Nor do I recall memories that actually show me with the note, or with me doing something related to it. But I do remember most of what transpired in the last two years. That journal, those tapes, you -- when I got over the initial shock, it was pretty easy to put it together."

"Easy? I know reading it in your own words must have helped considerably, but I think you're too confident of your 'understanding' of the situation. I would have thought you'd have a difficult time accepting what you are, but it seems the opposite has taken place. You are never easy to predict, so I should not be surprised."

Raito bit the inside of his lip. "You make it sound like what I've done is a bad thing. Don't you want me to come to terms with it, or would you rather I just deny it and act casual with you. Hmm?"

"Let us drop this," said the detective, eyes lowered to the board. "I do not want to fight with you about something so small. I would like to think we've matured a little."

'Stupid ass,' Raito thought, and hunched some in his chair.

"I need to ascertain something, but it's hard for me to do that when you're unaware of it yourself."

Of course he would be unaware of it when worded like that. Give him some clues at least. Raito wasn't a mind-reader. Sure, the deathnote made him lose a small amount of his memories, but he was fully informed now, and whatever discrepancy lay between him and his past self was negligible, to the point where he felt right – just – in thinking certain things.

If he wasn't aware of something, then it wasn't important enough to be aware of, or written down in that journal. To keep his personality intact, his past self had written down things that he thought important, and kept the things that he thought superfluous to a minimum, creating unwritten rules for him to follow without having to actually express it.

So whatever problems he had with "awareness" was simply up for debate.

Stupid L, questioning his grasp of the situation. He wasn't in his shoes, so he could not possibly know how he was feeling or what he was going through.

Raito shook away those thoughts and concentrated on the game. L's vagueness was making him irritated. He felt a strong urge to punch him, but restrained himself and did the next best thing.

"Checkmate."

L glanced up at him, glanced back at the board, the space between his eyes slightly furrowing, like he was displeased.

'That's what you get.' Raito leaned back in his chair and looked at him; face slightly upturned as he did so. He watched as the detective began to point to certain squares on the board, like he was replaying the game in his head.

"I would like a rematch."

Raito did not immediately answer, finger prodding at L's King, toying with it. He'd never cared to rub it in people's face when they lost to him. Unworthy opponents that they amounted to, it was useless to flaunt his victory when it was assured.

Raito believed in always being a gracious winner.

However, today would be the exception.

"If you want to lose again," he replied, tipping over the piece under his finger, and watching it rotate in a half-circle that eventually came to a stop.

L reached over the board and righted his toppled King. "Is that so?"

"Well, I've never lost a game of chess before, so I don't think I want to start now." Raito smiled, completely self-satisfied with himself. L glowered and opened his mouth to reply, but the screen door interrupted him.

"So this is where you are," Misa announced, walking over to them.

Raito turned to look at the blond, face gone as plain as a new canvas. Like clockwork, L had also restored his poker face, the same need arising within him to cover his previous expression and replace it with the usual dopey-looking one.

He noticed Misa was holding a plate of brownies in her hand, and without a second thought, he reached over and took one out of the pile. He'd had a light breakfast, so passing up on dessert was not on the menu for the today.

"I hope you like it," the blond said as she sat in the chair between them. "When Misa bakes, the only ingredient she uses is love."

'An apparently the whole bag of sugar,' Raito thought sourly and made himself swallow.

L, who had been staring at the plate rather intently for all this time, pointed to himself so the blond would notice. "What about me, Misa-san?" he said, voice also taking on that untroubled tone that he so seldom used when they were alone.

"What about, Ryuu-zaki?" Misa said, mimicking him. She gave him a suspicious look and followed it by chastisement as she noticed his expression. "No," she said, attempting to be stern, "these are special brownies that I made especially for someone. You can't have them because they're filled with love."

"But I thought Misa-san cared for me too," L said, trying to guilt-trip her into sharing.

"Friendship-love is different from romance-love," she explained, all serious-like. "I can't share these with just any one."

"That is unfortunate," L said while eating one of her brownies.

"Ah!" she shouted, pointing at him accusingly, "Spit it out!"

L answered her by shoving another one into his mouth. "That would be an insult to the brownies, Misa-san. These are delicious, by the way." L crammed yet another in his mouth, crumbs falling on his shirt.

Between now and two minutes ago, when L had looked like he wanted to tell him something especially nasty, Raito could not help but notice how on-edge the detective became in his presence. Of course, Raito could not deny he was the same, but he thought he was handling it much better than L. Then again, he could not overlook the fact that L had a soft spot for teasing Misa. He seemed to enjoy egging her on and Raito could only translate it to the schoolyard philosophy of 'I like you.'

"Leave some for Raito," Misa complained, no longer attempting to stop the pilfering detective. She looked over at the brunette who had not touched the plate for a second time. "Don't you like them?"

Raito indifferently gazed down at it. He had always made it a habit of being nice to girls, but since he knew Misa, he had really stopped caring what she specifically thought about him. It wasn't like she was judging him in any way. He didn't have to impress her with politeness or even the occasional white lie.

"You bake with too much sugar," Raito bluntly told her, "Learn how to use a measuring cup."

There was a second of silence -- he assumed indignant silence -- before Misa cried into his ear "You're so mean!" She slapped him right in the arm, and Raito grabbed her easily by the other hand before she could hit him with that one too.

"Do not bully, Misa-san. She is half our size and she has brought us brownies," L commented, the plate now on his side of the table as he stuffed his face.

It wasn't like he was bullying her. She was just a lot weaker than him. Anyway, if L wanted to tell him what to do with Misa so badly, then he'd best be ready to get actually bullied in her stead.

"I'm not being mean," Raito stated. Mean would be allowing Misa to continue feeding this to people. He was doing humanity a service. "I won't eat it if it tastes bad. If you paid more attention and used a cookbook then it would turn out edible." Raito watched L devouring the last piece.

Well, edible for the rest of them.

Misa sniffed. He assumed she was hurt. "I'll try harder next time."

Raito gave the blond a strange look.

He knew she was the second Kira, but why she was so devoted to him was beyond him. Killing the murderer of her parents should have its limits -- unless she was the type that never forgot when someone was "kind" to her, even when that kindness was a complete fluke.

He knew her memory had been wiped clean and L had not told her anything about her past. He assumed what she felt for him now was a remnant of her other self. Extreme emotions, he had noticed, seemed to have a hard time dying down, even when the power of the notebook intervened.

How troublesome…

Well, it wasn't his problem. She was cute, and she would probably be good for relieving some of his bodily frustration, but Raito was certainly not going down that path. He hated commitment and she would most likely get the wrong idea if he did her.

"Is Misa-san having fun with the children?" L asked out of the blue and pushed the empty dishware over to the girl.

At the mention of children, Misa seemed to perk up, the upset look on her face clearing away. "They pull my hair sometimes," she said, as if that was a good thing. "I have to wear it in a ponytail now. See?"

She turned to Raito, pointing to herself with a smile on her face. "Does it look nice?"

Well, she was quick to forgive. "Looks nice…" Raito said, going along. Though he was confused as to why she was letting kids randomly pull her hair? Did he miss something?

"They love Misa," the girl bragged. Then she slapped her hand over her mouth, appearing to realize something. "Oh, I never told you!"

Raito assumed she was talking to him.

"But I couldn't find you yesterday. Where were you?" Misa questioned and Raito shrugged in response. Thankfully, she did not ask for more of explanation than that, more excited to tell him what he had missed. "Yesterday, I got to play with kids this little." Her hand hovered about three feet over the floor. "They're so cute!"

"Misa-san is alluding to the three and four-year olds that are located in the other wing of this institution," L explained, noticing his confused expression. "There are about five of them. Roger is usually the one that supervises them when Miss Bethany -- the other caretaker -- is overseeing the older children. Though they often switch because Roger can only last about an hour before he puts them down for a nap."

"They're so tiny," Misa said, still stuck on their sizes. She had probably never been around small children before, or it could be she was surprised to find something actually shorter than her. "And they pronounced that name you gave me funny, but then an hour later they were all calling me 'Minako.' I'm learning theirs too, but English names are weird."

"Since this institution should not exist, or should remain secret, Watari does not wish to bring in other caretakers," L told him, picking up where Misa had stopped. "It is a great deal of work for two people, but they are both very capable, and the older children can practically take care of themselves."

L glanced over at the blond still deep in thought. "But it does not hurt to have an extra pair of helping hands, especially when Misa-san has graciously offered to help Roger with the smaller children." The detective scratched his head. "Though I do not understand why you want to look after them. You could simply relax like the rest of us. I hope you do not feel pressured by Roger. He can be very pushy sometimes."

Misa snapped out of her thoughts. "Don't say that about Roger-san," she said. "He's been nothing but nice to me. He even gave me a copy of the key to Raito's room when I asked him for it," she blurted out.

Raito blinked at her. "You have what?"

"Nothing," Misa said, coy smile on her face. She got up from her seat, giggling. "Misa is not telling you where she hid it. The only way to find it is if you search me." Picking up the empty plate, she practically skipped towards the door, a pretty hum in her voice.

She twirled around to face them, hands mischievously behind her back. "I'm going back to play with everyone," and by "everyone" she probably meant the brats located in the other wing of the building. "If you want to come Raito, you're more than welcome to. I can be the mommy and you can be the daddy."

Raito deadpanned.

Sometimes he wondered if Misa said things like this to aggravate him on purpose.

"Sorry, Misa-san," L cut in, "I have a job for Raito-kun to do, but after he is finished, I will happily give him to you for the day."

God, what was he? Some pass-around toy now. Did his opinion even matter?"

"Ryuuzaki is such a slave-driver, making my Raito work so hard." She began to nod her head, in total agreement with herself. "But Misa understands. She is patient like that, and training to be a detective sounds like hard work." The blond balled her hands into fists, the look on her face silently chanting 'tough-it-out.' "Good luck, Raito. Misa is on your side, so don't lose to him." She disappeared out the door, and Raito wondered if the blond had gotten the wrong idea when L had told her a month ago that he was going to work for him.

They were standing outside one of the classrooms near the entrance. Raito looked in and saw children seated at tables, some working away at different puzzles, others reading books or scribbling away at paper.

The man that Raito had come to know as 'Roger' was seated next to a little girl, observing her as she solved what looked like a Rubik cube on steroids.

L chose that time to enter and took a seat across from the older man, Raito naturally following him in.

"Where were you?" Roger's voice held more than pleasantries at the moment. "I would have liked some help during the morning classes."

"I was busy giving a hand to Kiyoshi."

Roger did not look convinced, appearing to be familiar with L's antics. "I suppose…but maybe you could give the children some guidance in their studies. It does not hurt for them to have that once in a while."

L made a face. "There are other things that I would like to attend to, but if it sounds like I am abandoning you, that is not the case, for I have brought someone that is far better suited to these kinds of things than I am."

And that was how Raito ended up spending the rest of his morning.

L was sitting across from him, looking over papers that he had requested from Roger before the man's departure and stuffing his face with mille-feuille, while Raito was stuck 'supervising' -- as the detective had put it earlier when he'd persuaded Roger to leave the care of brats to them (him).

"Kiyoshi? So how do you translate each of the kanji that make up your name?"

Raito tried to ignore the little boy beside him, who for the past ten minutes had taken up an interest in his name and abandoned the fold puzzle that he had previously wanted help with.

"The 'two' and 'kettle lid' are easy, but what about the third kanji, tsuchi – which do you use to translate it: soil, earth, ground…?"

"I use earth," Raito said, attempting to remain civil. He solved the puzzle and then handed it over, expecting the little boy to get the hint.

"And shiru?" the boy persisted, ignoring his hint all together.

Raito sighed. "I use sap."

"But doesn't shiru mean 'pus' too?"

Leave it to a child to come up with that meaning first.

"What about gatsu?"

"I translate it to moon, and for ao I use blue," Raito said before he could ask him about that one too.

The boy laughed, like something was funny. "Two moons above blue earth look like kettle lids filled with sap. It's like a lyric in a song."

'And while you're at it, you can write a haiku and stick it on my forehead,' Raito thought, wondering why he was stuck with babysitting. L could call it "supervising" all he wanted, it didn't change the fact that he was eating cake and Raito was left answering questions that really had nothing to do with the original inquiry.

"Thomas, I thought you're problem was serious," L said, finally looking up from his papers after two hours of flat-out ignoring him. "If you are playing around then please vacant your seat so I can sit there."

"Huh? But I'm not done yet."

"Yes, you are," L said as he went behind the boy and lifted him out of his seat by the under-arms. He set him down behind the bench. "It is recess time, so go inform the others. I will trust you all to not kill or maim each other without adult supervision."

The boy ran off, not offended in the least, and most of the children also left the room in a hurry.

Raito watched them go. Two hours of little boys and girls asking him questions that really were none of their business had made him a little cranky. He'd gone through the motions of showing those that actually had problems how to solve them, but the majority had been more interested in seeing how smart "Kiyoshi" was.

It was a given that the person working for L would be intelligent, but Raito would rather not broadcast his IQ if he had a choice. It didn't seem like a smart thing to do.

L took a seat beside him, a little closer than expected. "Here you go," he said and dropped a folder in his lap. Raito looked down at it and then at the detective.

"Psychological profile on Near. It will help if you are up to speed."

"So that's what you've been doing this entire time," said Raito, motioning to the small stack on the other side of the table.

"I have to keep myself up to date if I am to make a valid choice. Roger collects information on all the children, and it is my job to go over it and point out behaviors that I feel would be beneficial or detrimental to becoming the next L."

Raito began to thumb through Near's file. Test scores, more test scores; some scant comments about his playing habits, where he was usually seen… Raito skipped ahead. It said he interacted with everyone on a minimal level; if asked a question, he was usually very straightforward about it. However, there've been times in the past where he's been seen talking to Mello for long periods of time, or more accurately, the latter had been yelling and attempting to get a response out of him. Roger noted that he deals well with confrontation from the blond. There were more scribbles about his past interactions with Mello, which Roger seemed to be paying close attention to. It also said he has an apparent distaste for the outdoors; he's prone to getting sick during the winter, and has mild asthma.

"This file is small."

"Near generally stays out of sight, so he does not give anyone the chance to observe him."

Raito glanced over at the other file that L had been holding onto. "And let me guess, that one belongs to Mello." It was twice the size of the others.

"He frequently plays with the other children, so it is very easy to observe him. He also does not hide his nature." L picked up another file that was as thin as the first. "This one belongs to Matt. As you can see, he is not as easy to study either. He is seen outside even less than Near and has a disposition to keep quiet when Mello is not around."

And as L had said, his behavioral file was sparse, but to make up for it, there were extensive notes about his interactions with Mello, more so than Near. Roger seemed to also be paying close attention to how Mello affected this boy too.

Fingers carelessly leafing through the Near's folder again, he scanned the types of problems on each test. Most tests he scored perfectly, but occasionally, there would be a problem or two that he would leave blank.

L noticed he was staring at one of them.

"A says to S and P: I have chosen two integers x, y; such that 1 is less than x and x is less than y, and x plus y is less than or equal to 100. In a moment, I will inform S only of s equals x plus y, and P only of p equals x times y. These announcements remain private. You are required to determine the pair (x, y).

"He acts as said. The following conversation now takes place: P says: 'I do not know it.' S says: 'I knew you didn't.' P says: 'I now know it.' S says: 'I now also know it.' Determine the pair (x, y)." The detective finished reading and looked at him, like he was expecting him to answer, and Raito was never one to disappoint in that regard.

"P and S stand for Product and Sum. The statements that seem completely useless are actually very helpful. For example, the numbers cannot be 14 and 16: if they were, their sum would be 30. This is also the sum of 7 and 23. If those were the numbers, their product would have been 161 which, as these are prime numbers, only is the product of 7 and 23. So Product would have known the numbers, and therefore Sum -- if the sum had been 30 -- would have considered it possible that Product knew the numbers. But Sum said that he knew that Product didn't know the numbers. So the numbers cannot be 14 and 16. Sum and Product learn enough, by eliminations, to be able to determine the pair of numbers, which is (4, 13) –"

A noise at the door made both of them look up in time to see Mello standing in the entrance; face a cross between wariness and hostility.

"I see you chose to study in your room today," L greeted him, and Mello's expression changed, as if he was suddenly aware of the disagreeable face he was making at them, or more accurately, at Raito.

"…yeah, I guess," the boy answered, looking at them more intently than his casual tone implied.

"Then you do not want to miss the soccer game outside."

He nodded but continued to stare.

Raito hoped he hadn't heard them talking. It wasn't like it could hurt him in anywhere if Mello did hear their conversation, but he just didn't like anyone paying particular attention to them, as this child seemed to be doing now. It made him feel uncomfortable. Speaking of which, he and L were sitting a little too close for comfort. Raito straightened and shifted away, making it appear as if he was reaching over for another file.

Mello took another longer look at them before vanishing from the doorway, leaving Raito with a feeling of awkwardness that he could not place, even if he wanted to.

He and L had spent practically the entire day together, and the detective hadn't gotten around to letting him go to see Misa like he had promised. But knowing the blond, she'd be waiting for him when he got to his room.

Ambling along at his own pace, Raito stopped by one of the windows, noticing the outline of an adjacent building.

"That would be the church," L told him. "It was built before the orphanage. Though many of the children don't necessarily associate it with religion. Actually, since it's cut-off from the main building, they more often than not use it as a study spot; all they would have to do is lock themselves in the alter room at the back. There are also many good spots for hide-and-go seek," L added, wistfully.

"So you grew up here…" Raito found himself saying, eyes focused on the jagged shadows made by the surrounding trees. The fact that L had grown up here was already established, but it was what had come out of his mouth, and Raito would not force any other topic when he didn't feel like it.

"Yes…does it shock you that I'm an orphan?"

"No," Raito said bluntly. There was no shock here. It was easier picturing L without parents than it was with them -- with a family and a home situation alike his. This orphanage suited him, suited the labels Raito had placed on him, and the thoughts that always resided at the back of his mind:

'You're nothing like me…'

Raito watched the clouds roll away from the moon, the shadows of each cross that crested the bars of the gates elongating across the yard, growing towards the house like branches on an old tree.

"I thought it wouldn't." L shuffled a step closer, sliding pale hands in his pocket, and staring down at the floor.

"You were born in England?" A lot of the kids here didn't have British accents, which meant they were either really good at hiding it or Watari searched outside the country for prodigies. L spoke English with an accent, but he could very well be doing that to blend in, as he was used to, jumping from country to country.

"Yes, but not in Winchester. I believe I was born in central London…in Kings Cross."

Kings Cross… unlike the name, it wasn't one of the richer areas in London. In fact, it was known for its red light district and drug abuse. Raito thought he should drop their conversation at that, but the daze that he'd been in was slowly giving way to curiosity. "…you're not sure?"

L shrugged. "Well, I could have been merely abandoned there. Though I'm pretty sure that's the place, as it has a high level of prostitution, and leaving a baby out in the winter is one way of getting rid of it."

Raito blinked, thought about what had just been said to him…

'Oh my god.'

"I suppose that would be another for our 'inappropriate topics that should not be discussed' list."

Raito tried not to stare. "No…I asked…" He'd been curious to know some things about the detective. He'd thought it was kind of unfair how this one person knew a lot about him, but he was still in the dark about many things in regards to him. Maybe L was trying to even things out between them a little with the gesture, but he was so clumsy and factual about it, like he was narrating someone else's history.

"So did Watari pick you up from…" wherever you'd been abandoned. Raito thought it was the meager politeness within him that had stopped him from saying it – this might be L, but it just sounded so damn tactless.

"No," L replied, reading his mind. "I was found by someone else and brought to a nearby orphanage, so it wasn't until I was four that I came to this institution."

Raito felt any remaining questions drift away, like the clouds in the sky. He could feel L looking at him, maybe waiting for him to add something.

After some minutes, he heard him scratching his calf through his jeans, the noise oddly distracting. "I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable, but I thought I should tell you." L scratched his leg some more. "Was it not a good idea?"

Raito shrugged, glancing away from the window for a second. The moon had shrouded itself behind the clouds again, and L's reflection showed up on the glass in front of him, the darkness outside acting like a mirror. He stared at the pane of glass and at the detective that was shown in it.

There was something really odd about how L was staring at the floor, almost like he was staring at his…

Raito blinked, pondered over what he had just thought, and then tried not to frown. He was seeing things if that was the case. Nevertheless, he leaned his forehead against the glass, eyes pinpoints as he studied L. "I think I should head back to my room."

L made a sound of acknowledgement and did not offer more than that.

Raito leaned away from the window more slowly than he needed to. He noticed L's line of sight was moving along with him.

What the – "hell are you doing?" Raito asked, the words escaping his throat before he could naturally put a filter on them. It could be that he was blowing this way out of proportion, but something about this just rubbed him the wrong way. He supposed it was the sudden entrance of things that he'd sooner forget, or how closely it followed their previous conversation and how highly inappropriate that just was.

Staring back him, the detective looked wary, but totally unashamed. "Nothing that would make it okay for you to curse at me, but you are distracting, so maybe you could stop that."

Raito blinked. "You're asking me to stop…distracting you?" He was not too happy about L's habit of conveniently reversing the situation. "You're the one that's staring at me inappropriately." This guy was so unbelievable.

"I don't see what's so wrong with looking. Have you forgotten that we've slept together?"

Of course he hadn't, but it wasn't like they'd slept with each other for any other reason than to fuck the other over. "Stop messing around; this isn't funny."

L blinked owlishly at the carpet. "What makes you think I am 'messing' around with you? Why would I do that?"

Raito stared back at him. "Look -- I'm…actually not too sure about this part of what happened," he admitted. The journal had gone into great detail about his plan and how he would kill L, but it had never really touched on how things were going in terms of "sexual progress." It hadn't even mentioned if his original plan was working. It just said that 'L was more than likely aware of why he was having sex with him, but he was not resisting.' Raito had inferred from that line that L was also playing along. There were more than enough passages that suggested this to be the case.

"The journal hadn't gone into specifics about this…"

"So you do not know what happened during our last night together?"

From L's questions, it didn't look like he'd even bothered to read the journal prior to handing it to him. But that was strange. Why wouldn't he read it?

"Of course I do. I remember most of everything…it's just that my thoughts are a little disjointed." There were moments when he'd be thinking and suddenly it would trail off into nothing. He'd been able to fill the gaps in his other memories because of the journal, but just that night…

Raito closed his eyes, trying to recall anything that could give him a clue and drawing a complete blank. He remembers they had sex, but everything before and after that in terms of thoughts were lost to him.

He turned his eyes on the detective, and asked, genuinely wanting to know, "Is there something important that I'm forgetting?"

L stared at him as if he'd sprouted wings. That stunned look, however, was quickly replaced by something that he did not think he'd ever seen on the detective's face:

Defeat.

And as Raito continued to stare at him blankly, the expression once again changed in something different. L shoved his hands into his pockets petulantly.

"Raito-kun screws me over from the grave."

'Where'd that come from?'

L glanced up at him, eyes doleful, even if his expression was not. "I know it is better this way; our future associations will be much easier and I genuinely do want things to be uncomplicated between us...but truthfully, I feel more depressed than hopeful right now. I know you do not mean to be cruel, but your past self is nastier than I give him credit for. Maybe he did this to keep things simple, but I am certain he is still messing with me...even with him long gone..." L started to walk down the hallway, leaving him behind.

Raito stared at the detective's back, both annoyed and frustrated.

'What the fuck?'

A/n: Troubles, troubles... Anyway, this is like part two of an ungoing Q&A in this chapter. About that promise-thing, I never meant to insinuate anything by it. Raito just wanted L to promise him that he wouldn't kill him -- not very romantic (I know) but what do you expect from him. Oh, and if it helps to explain how the memory thing works, just recall when Misa lost her memories and L was questioning her about going to Aoyama. She remembers going, but she doesn't remember why? She remembers the event, but not the thoughts. It's the same thing with Raito now. He won't recall memories that show him with the actual deathnote or thoughts related to it, but he will remember everything else, which explains why he remembers the sex part but not the 'you're in love with me' part. My explaining is overkill, but I don't want anyone to be confused. One last thing, before someone asks me, the Machiavelli quotes are there to remind the reader of what Raito once was, so they'll show up off and on. Okay, I'm sick of hearing myself talk, I'll see you guys next chapter.

1. The problem that Raito was doing is called 'the Impossible Puzzle.' No joke. They're called this because they don't seem to have enough information that would allow them to be solved. As you can see, they're solvable, but it's not an easy task.