PART EIGHT

Ianto was suddenly aware of another presence. He wasn't certain how he knew that someone else was there, he just knew. He likened it to the sensation of someone walking over his grave. He'd lost his sense of time and place, wasn't aware of time or place, but another presence....... If he'd been anywhere else he would have turned to look, but here there was no movement, no air brushing against his skin, no fabric keeping him warm..... no anything. Not even a residual self image, or view of where ever it was he currently found himself. His comprehension amounted to one thing and one thing only, a sense of being. His brain struggled to deal and so he just accepted.

"Ianto?"

The word echoed through him, his name spoken in such a way, a slow drawl of an accent that vibrated through his bones. Did he have bones anymore?

"Jack?" It was a thought, incoherent and insubstantial. Ianto wasn't in the least bit concerned.

"I thought I might find you here." There was a comforting rumble almost a chuckle.

"And where is here?"

"I don't know, what do you see?"

"There's nothing to see. I just...... I don't know."

"Open your eyes Ianto."

My eyes? But I have no eyes in this place. "There's nothing to see, I cannot do as you ask."

"Exactly. This place is where I come after death. There is nothing here, literally nothing."

"I like it. I feel untroubled here." Ianto could feel something inside him smiling.

"Aren't you bored?"

"No, I just am. How long have I been here Jack?"

"Almost 24 hours now, you revived..... well your body did at least.... right now we're both dead."

"We are?" Ianto had no idea, he didn't feel dead or alive for that matter.

"Don't you feel it? That force of life tugging at you, like hooks in your skin, ready to drag you back into the world?"

"I feel nothing, just that I exist."

"It's not enough to just exist though."

Ianto felt himself smile. "Perhaps for me it is. I don't have to strive for anything here, I don't need love or attention or knowledge. I just. I don't feel time passing me by, eroding the days like a cancer. I remember being out there and always being afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"Afraid of losing you, afraid of dying too soon, afraid of making mistakes, of living in the moment. I need order and here is the one place where I get it in bucket loads. This place is like anti-chaos."

"I can't stay here Ianto, I will be pulled back soon, I can feel it already. I'd like you to come back too."

Ianto could sense his fear.

"I know, but I don't know what to do. I don't feel that same compulsion, how do I come back to you?"

"Make a choice Ianto, that's all you have to do, make a choice."

Jack lurched upright on the cot and dragged in a couple of painful breaths. Immediately Owen was at his side, scanner in hand, but Jack batted it away focussing his full attention on Ianto, squeezing the younger man's fingers under the bandages.

"Come on Ianto." He whispered.

"Did you speak to him?" Gwen demanded from the upper level.

Jack nodded and watched as Ianto began to breathe, sucking in deep gentle breaths. His eyelids fluttered open revealing deepest blue and Ianto turned his head to face Jack, a calm smile on his pale face.

"Ianto?"

Ianto raised the hand that was bound to Jack's. "Someone want to tell me what's going on or maybe this is a private party I wasn't made aware of?" He said weakly. He was immediately puzzled by the worried expression on Jack's face.

"What happened?" He tried to sit up but Owen's strong grip on his shoulders held him back.

"Be still Tea Boy."

Ianto complied, his gazed firmly fixed on Jack.

"Jack what happened?"

"You don't remember?" Jack was busy unbinding their joined hands.

"I was with Gwen, we were chasing some bloke through his flat..... oh, the balcony.....ok I remember seeing the pavement rapidly approaching. Was I dead?" The lie was too easy.

"As a dodo mate." Owen answered with a grin. "But you seem fine now."

"Can I sit up now?"

Owen nodded and turned to put his equipment back on the bench. Ianto cautiously sat up with help from Jack.

"I don't remember any of the being dead bit and it didn't hurt waking up, is that normal?" He was looking at Jack now in earnest.

Jack stepped back and shrugged unable to decide whether or not he should feel hurt at Ianto's revelation.

"Normal for you maybe." He hitched a strained smile, which wasn't lost on Ianto in the slightest, but he became aware of the girls looking down at him from the upper level and smiled at them. Tosh and Gwen both looked relieved.

"Anyone want a coffee?"

It seemed like the appropriate thing to ask.

"Thought you'd never ask, jump to it Tea Boy."

Over the course of the day things slowly got back to normal. Gwen, Owen and Jack went out to chase a clutch of weevils down into the sewers and Ianto sat with Tosh having another lesson on using the Hub's computer systems. She enjoyed teaching him because he was patient and paid attention and Tosh needed the distraction because she kept thinking about the fact that he had died and now he was like Jack, doomed to exist forever. Tosh didn't want it to bother her, but it did, she liked Ianto in spite of his anal retentive nature and rather odd habits, she trusted him and didn't want to treat him any differently now that he was different. She hoped that Jack would help him deal with all the things that were bound to happen but then Ianto seemed content enough. It bothered her that he hadn't asked what had been happening over the last day, maybe he would ask Jack later, in private.

Ianto finished the programming that Tosh had asked him to do and handed her the hardcopy of the work he had done so that she could review it whilst she was checking for bugs. He was certain she wouldn't find any, he'd put in a lot of extra hours over the last month revising everything she had been teaching him, much aided by his fantastic memory. He was not one to show off though, he just wanted Tosh to be happy with the work, so that she could trust him to get on and free her up for more important and difficult tasks. Of course he had lied about his experience on the other side, the last thing he wanted to do was discuss it openly in front of the team. He was pretty sure he didn't want to talk to Jack about it either. Coming back had been incredibly hard and would have been impossible if Jack hadn't have been there to guide him back. He found himself gazing into the middle distance as he waited for the coffee machine to work its magic and was shaken out of his reverie by the sound of the cog door opening. Owen was complaining and yelling at Gwen, who sounded like she was about to burst into tears. Ianto concentrated on arranging mugs on a tray and was startled by a pair of arms snaking around his waist and warm breath against his right cheek.

"You're a saviour, but don't make them I'm going to send the others home, its late and you and I need to talk about that bullshit you spun in the medical bay earlier." Jack's voice was low, but determined in his ear.

Ianto nodded. "Of course." He tried not to sigh, but his body tensed automatically. Jack appeared to sense his reaction and kissed his cheek.

"I just need to know that you're ok." He whispered.

Ianto closed his eyes suddenly overwhelmed by his spiralling emotions, he kept it all in check.

"I know Jack. I'll bring some coffee up to your office."

It didn't take long to get the others out of the Hub. It had been a long and stressful day and Jack was wholly aware that they all riding high on confusing emotions after what had happened with O'Rourke and Ianto. He found the Welshman sitting in his office looking worn out and thoroughly fed up. Jack closed the door and sat on the edge of his desk with his arms folded across his chest.

"You wanna tell me why you lied earlier?"

Ianto steadfastly refused to look at him for a moment finding the shelf behind his boss much more interesting.

"Everyone was there Jack, I didn't want to..... not in front of the others. It's private, what's happened to me is not their concern."

Jack sighed. "You really see it that way?"

"Yes."

"Ianto, they are your friends, they were worried and we can't afford to have to have these kind of secrets between us if we're to work as a team and trust each other."

Ianto fixed a glare at Jack. "Says the man who seems to have exclusive rights on keeping things to himself."

"That's different!" Jack snapped back. "I've told you there are things you don't need to know."

Ianto lurched to his feet and made for the door, his hand never made it to the handle before Jack grabbed his wrist and swung him round.

"Ianto, stop this. This isn't about me, don't you see I am trying to help you."

Ianto stopped and looked him straight in the eyes, his shoulders sagged on seeing the genuine concern written all over Jack's face.

"Come on, sit down. Talk to me."

Ianto hesitated and Jack tugged on his sleeve. "Please."

Reluctantly he allowed Jack to steer back to his chair and sit him down. Jack resumed his place on the edge of the desk.

"Tell me what you remember."

Ianto sighed, gathering himself. "I remember falling, seeing the sky rush away from me. I felt my skull cave in, heard the bones crunching against the concrete and an explosion of pain and then..... I was in that place where you found me....." He snuffled for a moment realising that he wanted to cry but sure as hell wasn't going to in front of Jack. "I liked it there, there was nothing, no feeling, no pain. I was content Jack. I've never felt that before it was like I was where I am supposed to be. Funny really I was expecting something more clichéd like a room full of ghosts or something." He clenched his hands, they were shaking.

Jack found himself feeling a little jealous, his own death experiences were never peaceful.

"So why didn't you come back when you fell?"

Ianto shrugged. "Didn't feel it, the need that is."

"And when I shot you?"

Ianto looked up with narrowed eyes. "You shot me?"

Jack nodded. "When you came back the first time, some else was occupying your body. I shot you in the head to remove him. Did you not realise any of that?"

Ianto shook his head, vaguely shocked at the revelation. "You shot me?"

Jack watched a myriad of emotions play out across Ianto's face. "I'm sorry. I guess I was a little panicked, the guy was a creep and I didn't like him where he shouldn't be."

Ianto snorted half in disgust and partly amused. "You selfish twat."

"Yeah, that's what Owen thinks of me too, no surprises there then." He reached out a hand and tentatively touched Ianto's cheek. "I was scared I was going to lose you." He whispered. "Things were starting to get better between us."

A faint smile was hitched. "Yes, I suppose they were. It's not exactly a normal relationship is it."

"It never could be Ianto, not before."

"And now?"

"We have to learn to trust each other. I don't want you dying on me and not be able to come back, or feel you just don't want to come back." Jack's hand fell away and Ianto sighed at the loss of contact.

"I don't think I was conscious of a choice Jack. I just felt right there, but I am certain that I would not have been able to find my way back without you to show me. I couldn't feel any of that 'pull' that you spoke of. It was like being caught in amber, the whole of time could have passed me by and I wouldn't have noticed."

"I would have."

"But why now Jack? You've never said anything before all this."

Jack knelt down at Ianto's feet and grasped both of his hands, resting them on Ianto's knees.

"Because now we are equal Ianto. I don't have to move on after you've gone. I'm not going to be left behind. I don't have to consign you to memory and I can be there for you when the people you love pass away. Neither of us has to be alone. I know I can be all kinds of stupid sometimes. I wasn't strong enough to love you as a mortal man, because I couldn't face losing you."

"And you really believe that love can be eternal Jack?"

"There's only one way we are going to find out."

They leant their foreheads together. "And what if when I die next time and I can't find my way back?"

"Then I will guide you, I won't lose you."

Ianto closed his eyes. "Don't think for one moment that gives you free license not to tell me things Jack, like you said we're equal now and I need to know everything."

"We've got plenty of time."

AN: So not the ending I was planning.... I was going to be mean and horrible, but I thought I'd better cut Ianto some slack for a change..... for all you saps out there...... next time I won't be so soft.