Phase Four – Suddenly I see

I love Bella, she was like a best friend, a sister to me, and now, she was something more and I was confused because of that. Whenever I touch her, I feel electrify. When I'm close to her, her aroma is so strong that I can't even think straight. And when her face light up with a smile, I truly melt and it's hard to not fall at my graceful step. Even when she was still human, she was a goddess in my eyes. Okay, maybe I went too far there.

There wasn't a single second, minute or even day that I didn't go without thinking of her. It was hard to hide my thoughts from Edward, but I've found a way to do it nevertheless. Thinking about what I would want when it came to shopping would be the perfect block of brick that would protect my mindless thoughts about Bella. At least that was what I think, since it seemed like Edward was suspecting something from me. Did I act weird around him and Bella? Probably not, I was always in my usual self, like a sister that I was supposed to be. Bella acted kind of weird around me as well, but I tend not to pay much attention to it. Being with her always made me happy, no matter how weird she was acting towards me.

Everyone was out, either hunting or shopping, and the only two occupants in the house were me and Bella. I was in my room then, debating whether I should go down and hang out with her, all alone, with her. It made me nervous somewhat, but I managed to fight off my nervousness and walked down the stairs. I called out her name, even though I knew where she was. She answered with that new alluring voice of her. Even though it had been two years that her human voice had changed to one of ours, I still couldn't get used to it, not like I had gotten used to her human voice. I memorized the tone, but whenever she spoke it always sent me nearly off the edge.

I was behind her in a flash, and I saw her reading one of my magazines. I knew that she didn't like reading that type of magazines, but those were the only ones that were around. I didn't giggle though, when I was holding it in. I leaned in and kissed Bella's forehead as quickly as I could, so that my lips wouldn't linger from her cold skin for long. We talked, casually, like sisters would, and I wrapped my arms around her when I felt that she was in pain when she was remembering on her human life. I quickly suggested that we go shopping, or somewhere along the line. She declined on the invite however, and I had to pull my most adorable puppy dog face. It worked, just like I knew it would, and soon we were in my Porsche speeding off towards where I had planned our shopping would be, Vancouver. At least I wasn't going to L.A or New York, since that would be one hell of a shopping trip.

I started humming to myself, so that there wouldn't be much need to talk. Her scent next to me was enough to delude my mind. Time passed by so quickly, and I was beginning to worry about her. Bella hadn't even spoken a word ever since she got into the car. I stopped humming, and turned to look at her. She was thinking, deeply, since her brows furrowed and I wondered what she was thinking about. But I was still worrying about her, whatever Bella was thinking about, it had to be important. I watched her as she turned to me, and for that instant our eyes met. However, our eyes didn't lock into each other for long, since she looked away as quickly as our eyes had met, and it made me giggle. She was cute, too cute for her own good. Then I asked her what she was thinking, she answered, a first lie in such a long time. I urged her to tell me the truth, and she gave me the truth this time. When she mentioned Edward, I felt guilty for having these feelings for her, since Bella was his, not mine.

I knew that she missed Edward, but I had to ask the question so I could hear it from her mouth, only because I was trying to strengthening my resolve. I parted my mouth and let her know that I missed Jasper as well. I did, but missing the feel of her body against mine had won hands down. Then I heard her say They'll Come Back Soon with no hope in her tone. What was that? Wasn't she missing Edward? My question had been answered, by my foolishness of asking her about Edward. Then a vision hit me, and I had to look since this was the only day that I'd get to spend with Bella, alone at least. I saw her walking into a footwear store, with me trailing behind her, or rather skipping behind her. I saw her browsing through the many shoes, and grinned at myself. I turned to look at her and saw that she was pulling back from me, what was she doing while I was seeing through the vision?

"We're going to get you heels, more heels, and flats !" I squealed and without realizing, my hands had left the steering wheel and were now excitedly clapping together. Then I heard her groan, and my hands instantly went back to the steering wheel. And it was when we had just one tiny argument, and she was whining which made me giggle, then laugh. But then another vision hit me, and once again I had to look through it.

What I saw was something that truly made me want to cry. The future lay out of me and I thought that anything as beautiful as this, was supposed to be heart breakening. The only heart breakening about the vision was Edward and Jasper weren't in it. I was there, with Bella, and the rest of the family. Our hands were joined together, but Edward and Jasper weren't there. I could feel the unshed tears settling under my eyes, but I knew that they would never fall. The tears were both from happiness, and pain. The happiness of having Bella, and the pain of losing a brother and a soulmate. Then again, Jasper and I had been together for decades now, and he had been expecting me to tell him about my feelings for Bella. He had felt it, I knew, no matter what I'd do, I could never hide my feelings from Jasper, he was a part of my life after all. But to know that I would lose him in such a way, it pained me. However this was just a vision, even if I was with Bella, Edward and Jasper would come around, right? I couldn't live to know that Jasper would leave me, because of my unyielding feelings for Bella. But what of Edward? What of him if I steal Bella from him? I didn't want to do it, and I'd prevent the vision to come true if I could.

My eyes refocused, and I could see the concern in Bella's eyes. The unshed tears were the only explanation to her concern expression, and I couldn't help but smile at her in reassurance. Everything was going to be fine, or that was what I told myself, to convince myself that everything was going to be fine. And I knew that I'd have to tell her vision, but what I should tell her? That we would be together in the future? Whether it would to be soon or not? That would be awkward, wouldn't it? Since I haven't seen or felt anything that would give way to Bella loving me the same way that I love her. So all this didn't make sense, and I'd have to think up of a story to not tell her the vision. But that would mean lying to her, and I didn't want to do that. Was this the part where I come out of my shell, and tell her how I felt? That would make it the more awkward for us, but I knew that she wouldn't avoid me. So this was worth the shot, and I got an eternity to dwell on this.

"Bella…." I paused, struggling with the words that I wanted, or shouldn't, use. It was rare for me to be struggled for words, since they always viewed me as flawless. Now, I just needed to think of how to put these words together, to make it the more understandable, and to tell her that it wasn't her fault that I've fallen for her. It was now, or never.