Phase Eight – The Decision

I've sat here on this old, wooden log for as long as I could remember. I think it had been a few hours now, since the sun was setting down on the West side of me. I let out a sigh, knowing that I would have to go back soon to put Renesmee to bed. But would it matter? I know she wasn't tired, but it was selfish of me to even leave her there, all alone because of my selfish needs to have a little peace for myself. There were two things that I know.

One, I was completely in love with Alice, my sister-in-law.

Two, I love Edward but it wasn't the same love as I used to remember, or feel it.

What was I going to do? Alice was still with Jasper and I was still with Edward. We couldn't just break away from our husbands because of our selfish needs, and desires. To top it up, how was I going to explain to Renesmee about this? This was a tough decision, and even though I needed to talk to someone about this, I wouldn't think anyone would understand. Jasper was the one with the ability to empathize, and I couldn't just go to him for advices because that would be rude of me when it would involve his wife. Rosalie was out of the picture. Esme was understanding, loving, and everything in a mother that any girl would want, but when it came to a situation like this I was sure she'd tell me to follow my heart. Yeah, follow my frozen heart, how would that help me when it wasn't even utter a sound? I sighed again, before my head jerked up at the familiar scent that was approaching me, silently and steadily. I turned to the scent, and was greeted with the most southern gentleman bow.

"Jasper…" I inclined my head to him, and quickly turned away. I felt guilty that he was even here, out of all people. Alice must of have told him everything, and now he was here to comfort me. Or that was what I thought. Then I felt a wave of calm entering me, and I knew that it was Jasper's doing.

"Please, stop. I deserve to feel guilty." I sighed, though I didn't turn to look at him. Jasper stopped just as I requested, and the calm left me as I welcomed the guilt back.

"Bella, it's not your fault." I heard him say, his voice was soft and understanding. I turned to him and as my mouth was opened, he held his hand up and stopped me from saying what I was about to say. "Bella, it's no one's fault. We can't control our emotions and I've been getting the feeling that Alice may have feelings for you the first time she saw you."

I blinked at him in a little surprise, before I gestured him to come and sit beside me. "What do you mean? I thought she was acting all friendly because we were going to be 'great friends' as she had put it."

He chuckled, which made me looked rather confused now. I couldn't find anything funny. "Bella, that was just her excuse of getting close to you, maybe not as close as Edward because he set some boundaries between our kind and your kind. But believe me, Alice loves you just as much as Edward loves you, perhaps even more."

Why couldn't I feel the pain in his words? Why was he acting so calm? Why was he accepting all of this? "Jasper, I don't understand."

"Bella…" He sighed and looked down at his lap, before he lifted his head up and met me in the eyes. There, I could see it, the understanding, the pain, the hurt. And here he was, accepting Alice to love me more than she'd possibly love him. Once again, I felt guilty. "Please Bella, stop feeling like that. Like I said it's not your fault, and I know that she loves you much, much more than she'd ever love me. I know that she's happy whenever she's with you, and if she's happy then I'm happy."

"You're not going to yell at me just like Edward just did?" I asked and he chuckled.

"Bella, I'm not like Edward. I understand these feelings perfectly, but this is your decision Bella. Choose the one that will make you happy, think about yourself for a change." He smiled and stood up. Then he leaned over to me to give me a soft, family kiss on my head before walking back into the house. I sighed as I watched him go before I no longer see him.

His words rung in my head. Choose the one that will make you happy. Edward and Alice both made me happy, more happy than any other human ever would. Even so, Alice had made me more than happy, and this I was so damn sure about. Edward only kept me at base, even though he wasn't as careful like he was when I was human, but my happiness had never gone overboard. Alice would give me everything that I want, Edward would do the exact same thing with a little amount of restrictions. He was always in control in our relationship, even though I had proved him wrong quite a few times. I wanted to live with him without any control, so that we could only share the love that we had for each other. Apparently, that didn't go well. One simple thing happened and he had turned into a monster. He wasn't being understanding, like a husband would, I know that it would sound very wrong of me to compare Jasper to Edward, but Jasper could understand Alice's needs and feelings, along with my needs and feelings. Ever since I could control my ability, I had let Edward read my mind when I wanted him to. Sometimes he would claim that he understood me well, more than anyone would, sometimes he would say that I was complicated. However, with Alice, she had always been the most understanding person whenever I was with her. She would give me what I need and want without me having to utter a word. She answered anything that I've asked of her without any hesitation, or much of a question to why I would want to know. She had never held back, and I know if she was in Edward's shoes, she wouldn't run away from me like Edward would.

There, my decision had been decided. I know that Alice could see this coming, and if she was standing next to Edward, or if they were in the house at all, Edward would be able to see this vision in her head as well. There was nothing to stop me from going back to the house, and have my final showdown with Edward. There was no one to stop me from saying what I would tell him. Nothing and no one would be able to change my mind. I know I was being selfish, but this had got to end. I couldn't live with such lies, knowing that my love for Alice was more stronger, more intense, and more in depth than my love for Edward. Edward was my first love, but he wasn't going to be my last. The decision was final.

I stood up from my seated position, turned, and started walking towards the house with steady pace. I didn't need to be hurried, especially when I knew that Edward would be expecting me anyway. I wasn't sure if Alice would be happy though, I still had a small feeling of doubt. I was sure that Jasper had told her that as long as she was happy, then he would be as well. But for me to separate from Edward when I still had Renesmee, would she approve of that? She pushed that thought to the back of her mind, knowing that if she still had it lingering at the front, she wouldn't be able to tell Edward what he was waiting to hear, for the second time.