Wow, you guys actually like this. I'm... I'm.... AW, I'M SO HAAAAAPPY! Ahem. I said nothing. But thanks to everyone who reviewed, favorited, put this on alert, etc, etc, I love you all, and I replied to reviews. If you didn't get them, please tell me so I can just answer on here. I'm, uh, still figuring this site out, only got the profile a week ago.

On another note, I have a game for everyone to play. It's called 'What's wrong with this picture', and this is how you play. Cleverly hidden in this story are plotholes and inconsistencies. Tragic, I know. But I'm going to make a game of it and test you guys by asking if you can find them all. I have a list here, but I doubt I've found them all, anyone who can find one for me that I already have gets a cookie, and anyone who can find a new one... I don't know, request a one-shot.

As per usual, I don't own Death Note, or anything else you may recognize.

Ki11 me, Ki55 me

At precisely 6:03, L woke, blinking to clear his mind before adjusting and continuing his work as he'd left it last night. Before long the boy beside him opened his eyes, yawned softly and pushed himself up, rubbing his eyes. "Ow..."

L's eyes remained glued to the computer. "Is Light-kun in pain?"

"Just a headache." Odd, he hadn't felt sick when he went to sleep. Of course, it could have just been the fumes of sugar permeating the room all night. He stretched and stood, taking a step before he was jerked back by the cuff, groaning softly, "I'll have to get used to this."

L nodded. "Is Light-kun hungry? There is nothing downstairs but sugar, and since Light-kun obviously has such a distaste for it, we could go out for pastries."

"... I think the idea of leaving the house to go out because there's nothing healthy is somewhat superfluous if you're going out for sweets anyway."

"Pastries are not sweets. There is bread in them. And there would probably be hot chocolate or coffee coming with them too."

"Mm, that still rather defeats the purpose. How about you have pastries, I'll have normal food."

"Pastries aren't normal?" The detective stood, setting his laptop aside and walking out the door, dragging Light behind him.

The brunette pursed his lips and followed, internally cursing the utterly unnecessary chain between them. "No, they're not, they're sweets. I don't care if they have bread in them, I just want a normal breakfast."

Why did this have to be the only way to prove he was innocent, shouldn't someone as intelligent as L just be able to know?

L shrugged. "Light-kun's tastes are strange."

He led them out of the room and down past the surveillance room where several of the men were working. Matsuda rushed out, speaking to the detective. "Ah, er, Ryuzaki, Misa-chan still doesn't know anything about the Death Note"

Light glanced behind him, up at the monitors and his eyes widened at the scene. "L, what are you doing to her!"

Oh, thank God that hadn't been him.

L looked over at him, his expression as blank as ever. "She was not offered the deal you were. I cannot keep twenty-four hour surveillance on two people at once. If you had declined the offer, I would have asked her."

Light's mouth fell half open as he looked around at the various screens. "That's... That's inhumane, she's a twenty year old girl!"

L shrugged uninterestedly. "She was arrested on suspicion of being the second Kira. This is the logical way to restrain her. With a power like that, if she is Kira, who knows when she could kill us, after all?" With that, he continued, pulling Light behind him and walking out the door.

Light followed, however reluctantly, his eyes still focusing on the screens behind him. "Yes, but you think I am too. Even in the cell, I wasn't retrained like that."

The detective shook his head slightly, looking ahead. "You were bound the same way, Light-kun. I imagine it feels very different than it looks." The pair left the building and L glanced up and down the street, musing, "Where is the breakfast shop...?"

Light sighed, "It's two blocks down, but-" He glanced down at the cuffs connecting them and quickly gathered the spare chain before pushing it in his pocket, glancing around to see if they'd caused a stir.

The elder looked at Light's actions with little interest. "Ah, yes, handcuffs connecting two men is not socially acceptable, is it?" He led them towards the restaurant, his eyes darting around at the surrounding buildings.

The brunette pursed his lips, following. "No, it isn't."

"Too bad for society, then." They entered the restaurant, sitting down in a booth be a wide window. Light sat across from L, letting the chain fall out of sight through the crack between the table and the wall. L glanced to the table edge. "That will be very inconvenient, Light-kun. The table support will catch it."

"We'll move it later, at least this way, no one can see it." Light flipped through the menu with little interest, setting it down with his uncuffed hand.

"... It is still inconvenient..." L copied him, leafing through the menu, taking a small sip of the water in front of him before pausing. "They have strawberry sundaes, Light-kun."

Light rolled his eyes before he could stop himself. "So they do. They also have real food, Ryuzaki." The boy set the menu down, looking out the window.

At that moment, a young waitress to the table, smiling brightly. "Are you ready to order?"

Light looked up and nodded, but he barely noticed her. He ordered more than he probably would on a normal occasion, but with the overgrown crow hunched over in the seat across from him, he was sure he'd need the extra energy.

L looked up, starring at the woman unblinkingly. "Strawberry sundae. More than one strawberry, if possible." He gathered the menus with one hand, holding them out to her and ushering her away with his presence alone. He turned back to his companion. "Light eats a lot for being so pretty."

Light blinked, momentarily silenced.

Why would L say he was pretty. Why. Ugh.

".... Thank you, I think. But I am not 'pretty'."

He had tried to make this point clear before, men were not pretty. Pretty was far too feminine a word.

"And as to why I'm eating more than usual, it's because I know the rest of the day will be spent going through endless files, each of which will somehow prove to you that I'm Kira. I think I'll need the energy."

Just to put up with you.

The detective nodded. "Then you understand now that I can eat so much sugar and not be diabetic." He fiddled with the napkin case with his cuffed hand, the links scratching against the table as he moved.

Light twitched, each tiny sound jarring his nerves and causing his voice to take on a slightly scathing tone as he said, "Stop that, you'll draw attention to us." He massaged his temple with one hand, taking a sip of water. This man was infuriating, why couldn't he just be normal for a half an hour, it wouldn't kill him.

Unfortunately.

Bad thoughts, bad thoughts, if he knows you're picturing his death, he'll never let you hear the end of it.

"I apologize." L retracted his hand, letting the links grind roughly against the table edge.

Light flinched as he felt people looking over, though he couldn't share their confusion, he was too concerned with his own annoyance. He grabbed the links near L's hand, pulling the chair back under the table. "Ryuzaki, stop fidgeting."

L cocked his head, letting Light guide his hand lazily. "I am not fidgeting. The napkin case simply intrigues me." Before Light could respond, the waitress returned, setting their food down, nodding courteously and walking away.

Light responded with a polite 'Thank you' before picking up a piece of toast and taking a bite, pouring his desired amount of cream and sugar into his coffee.

L blinked, watching him. "Light-kun makes use of both hands, even at breakfast. That must mean he is good in bed."

Light had barely taken his first drink of coffee before he almost spit it out, dropping his toast to cover his mouth. He set down his mug quickly, eyes wide, his cheeks flushed a very faint pink. He swallowed, stumbling over his words slightly. "The- where the hell did that-"

L looked vaguely surprised, but Light could see amusement in his eyes. "It is simple observation and deduction, Light-kun. Those who remember where their hands are tend to be good at having sex."

He can't be serious.

Light felt his face flush and tried to force the color down, wiping coffee from his lips with his napkin. "You can't say things like that, Ryuzaki!"

"Why not? I think Light-kun would be very good at sex, because his body is optimal for it."

"..." Light blinked, starring at the man across from him. Somewhere, somehow, some tiny part of his brain was imploding. "..." He shook his head, cutting a pancake neatly and eating it more enthusiastically than one should be about breakfast.

L watched for a moment. "Light-kun retreats into the safety of his pancakes. But why?"

Light looked up, unable to hold back the glare he knew he was sending at the older man. "Because I do not wish to have a conversation with you over sexual talents."

"But it's a valid topic, isn't it?"

"Why would it be a valid topic?"

"Because we will be sharing a bed for at least twelve days, of course."

Light narrowed his eyes. He hated being reminded of that fact and hissed more than spoke, "That has nothing to do with it."

L cocked his head. "... But sex is usually had in beds."

"Not. In. Ours." Light continued eating, now glaring at the man across from him with almost no control over his hostility.

"Why not?"

"Why would there be?"

Were they honestly having a conversation about this? They were both either very bored or one of them was going insane. And Kira knew which.

"I find Light-kun attractive."

Light blinked. Never mind. No question who was going insane. He cleared his throat before saying firmly. "Let me say again. There will be absolutely no sexual activity in that bed for the next thirteen days."

"... Light-kun is grumpy today."

Light took a bite of toast to give himself a moment to think. "I'm not. I'm simply stating that I will not be having sex with you." He finished his toast, at least he'd have an excuse to leave soon.

"But you are still grumpy when you do that. Light-kun isn't eating his toast quite so neatly."

"It's exceedingly difficult to eat toast 'neatly', Ryuzaki." Light took a sip of his coffee, fighting the urge to fidget in his seat.

"Light-kun is taking bigger bites. You're in a hurry."

He was starting to loathe this man, being read so easily was infuriating. Since when was telling the truth his best option in a conversation? "Yes, yes, I am. I'm in a hurry to get back to your building and away from the public eye." He couldn't help but glance around the room, taking in the several occupants starring before looking back to L, heat rising in his cheeks. Being the center of attention because of unfortunate things like having a man attached to his wrist was a much different experience than being the center of attention because of his genius.

L cocked his head. "... Light-kun is blushing. Light-kun does not get embarrassed, so perhaps you actually do want sex with me?" The detective took a bite of whipped cream, his expression reverting to a thoughtful mask.

Light glared, the faint tinge on his cheeks darkening to what even he would consider a blush. "I do not, now kindly drop the subject." This must be what going mad feels like.

L blinked, saying matter of factly, "Light-kun is blushing even more now. You must have been aroused by what I've said."

The younger tensed, blush darkening. No. This must be what going mad feels like. "That is not a reasonable deduction!" Why was he snapping? Why was this stupid not-even-accusation making him panic like this?

"Light-kun is very red. Perhaps he wants to have sex right now."

He just couldn't win, could he?

Light felt his face flush bright red as he paused, refusing to take in the absurdity of the situation. After a moment he lowered his face into his hand, almost praying to wake up again. Surely this was not happening.

"Light-kun gets turned on very easily." L dragged the handcuff chain up to the tabletop. "Perhaps it is best that we return to the headquarters."

Light stood, restraining himself from seething, "I am not turned on, I'm just embarrassed!"

L cocked his head, blinking like a curious crow. "But Light-kun comes off as a person who is good at controlling his emotions, and thus is not embarrassed by something like sex talk."

Light rolled his eyes, silently wishing Kira would strike him down where he stood. It proved he was innocent and gave him a legitimate excuse to never speak to L again, two birds, one stone. Of course, he'd be dead, but at least he'd be right. "Oh, come on, let's just go back to headquarters."

To his minor surprise, L nodded and dropped several bills on the table before walking to the door, pulling Light behind him.

Light ignored the people gawking, shoving the excess chain back in his pocket and following L, the color slowly fading from his cheeks. At least that was over with.

Until L glanced at him, chewing on the thumbnail that strayed to his mouth. "As I thought."

Light almost didn't want to answer, but instead he narrowed his eyes, meeting L's gaze almost brazenly. "As you thought what."

L looked forward and continued lumbering towards headquarters. "Sexual innuendo, talk, or stares do not embarrass Light. However, he still blushes when he talks to someone about having sex with him or her. So you must have been turned on, and not embarrassed."

Light rose to the bait like a snake to its charmer, hissing, "I was embarrassed! People don't tell me to my face that they want to have sex with me!"

"Why is that?"

"Because people don't do that." The brunette glared ahead. "It's rude."

"I think it's flattering when people say they want to have sex with me."

"I don't, it's not something people should say."

"... I see, because it makes Light-kun want to jump them?" L adopted a thoughtful look that Light couldn't quite determine if it was genuine or mocking.

Light's eyes narrowed and he walked faster, back towards the building that would hopefully return what little sanity L had possessed before this incidence. "It does not, I don't want to 'jump' anyone."

L kept up with him easily, saying conversationally, "That is unrealistic. All human beings have sexual desires. So you must want to have sex with me."

Light scoffed softly before he could stop himself. "You wish, if I could, I wouldn't have anything to do with-..." Light tensed slightly, glaring back at the detective and holding up his cuffed wrist. "There couldn't possibly be an ulterior motive to me being attached to you, could there?"

"Light-kun is suspicious of me."

"I am, yes, the day after you handcuff me to you, you say you want to have sex with me."

"A persuasive deduction, yes." Light watched L stare off into space for a moment before he continued, "Perhaps... I wanted to have sex with Light-kun secretly, so I offered handcuffs as a sort of subconscious act. After all, I could have offered Misa-chan first, I did not... hm..."

Light groaned at the attempted rationalization of a truly simple human desire. "You-" he huffed, refusing to dig himself deeper and sped up.

L followed close behind. "Light-kun has brought up an interesting point, and it must be explored thoroughly."

"I'm sure it does," Light muttered.

L evidently heard him and nodded. "Light-kun agrees with me. Which means we must have sex."

Light felt his whole body and mind freeze for one instant and he stopped in midstride before continuing, speaking in a firm, commanding voice, "No."

L paused with him before continuing, his cuffed hand slipping to Light's side, stroking his hip lightly. "But otherwise how will we know what my intentions really were?"

Light jumped and repressed a shudder. What the hell did the man think he was doing. "Ryuzaki, don't touch me. And what exactly does it matter what your intentions really were, who cares?"

L cocked his head. "You care, because you asked." He poked Light's side again, finger trailing to his hipbone. "And this can be a sexually stimulating spot. It would use time effectively if I turned Light-kun on during the walk to my building."

Light glared, eyes narrowing. "No, it wouldn't, because we're not having sex."

L nodded once. "Yes, there is an eighty five percent chance that we will not have sex when we reach our quarters again." Contradictory to his words, he continued approaching the younger, standing behind him and putting his hands on Light's hips. "But if I touch Light-kun enough, maybe he will be turned on enough to consent to sex anyway."

The brunette jumped, his hands jerking to shove L's hands from his sides as his face flushed. "What do you think you're doing??"

"I am turning Light-kun on sexually, so that you will have sex with me."

Light opened his mouth to respond when the words died in his throat and he felt his face heat up. L had just grinded against him, matching their hips far closer than he ever thought they should be. "Ryuzaki, get off me!" He shoved the pale hands off his sides, glancing up and down the street at the bystanders.

L cocked his head. "... Ah, Light-kun can control embarrassment against people staring and gets turned on sexually by me. But public displays are too much, perhaps?"

Light felt his nails dig into his palms and he near growled, "You do not turn me on sexually!"

"You blush and get flustered. That's just about the same thing." L wrapped his hand around the chain between them, shortening the distance and anchoring Light more firmly to him before he began dragging him more enthusiastically back towards his building. "We'll go back to our bed and have sex, then."

"No, we most certainly will not!" Light wrenched his wrist away, cursing under his breath, "There has to be another way besides the damn key."

To counter, L wrapped the rest of the excessive chain around his own wrist, pulling the younger man forward. "Light-kun isn't being very sensible."

"I'm not being sensible? You're the one who's dragging his suspect to his building to try to have sex with him!"

"Yes. What of it?" The building came into sight in front of them.

"So, that's entirely reckless, and besides that, I have no desire to!"

"But it will reveal if it was my intention to sleep with you, which is why I would be focusing so much on you, which would be a great factor in why I suspect you to be Kira."

Wait, what?

Light paused, blinking in confusion. ".... That actually makes sense."

The detective nodded. "Which is why we're going to have sex, and then we'll know if my suspicions about you being Kira are truly founded or not."