Late dusk had descended into twilight, while a gentle breeze carried the scent of wild fruits from Torent forest into the village of Heimdall. As she sat on an ornately carved wooden bench listening to the calming swells of the stream water flowing past, Presea made an attempt to come to terms with what was to occur the next day.
Tomorrow, she thought. This time tomorrow will be the end of the journey. Cruxis has been defeated, and all that is left is for Lloyd to defeat his father and re-unite the worlds.
LloydShe closed her eyes and leaned her head back, inhaling in the cool night air. What am I going to do after this is over? She thought of that night spent camping outside of Flanoir, one that now seemed so long ago.
'Or if come tomorrow, you were no longer in his company?' Colette's words emerged from the jumble of conflicting thoughts residing inside Presea's head, and the small girl suddenly found her eyes filling up with tears. She brushed a finger across an eye, staring in amazement at the tear, which glistened on her skin like the sparkling of early morning dew on grass.
What…what is this? She felt her lip tremble, and more tears began to flow despite her best efforts at rubbing them away. Her eyes burning, Presea eventually gave up trying to stop them and instead focused her tear-stained gaze on the swirling stream in front of her, thinking. Once the worlds have been re-united, our group will have no further objectives, and with no purpose we will probably disperse. I…will be alone again.
She watched a couple of Elves pass by, who stared at her out the corners of their eyes. She automatically brought a hand up to wipe at her cheeks, wondering what she must look like. This is not a practical use of my time, she thought, admonishing herself. But still, she just couldn't shake the negative feelings – no matter how hard she tried – and began to feel frustrated. Am I going to see them again? Will I see Lloyd again? Otherwise, I…
No. She shook her head angrily, scolding herself. I am being selfish. Tomorrow, Lloyd will meet his father in combat. Presea stared up at the emerging stars, trying to imagine what he must going through, but all she had of her own father were hazy memories. She found herself almost envious of the young man, who, in theory, was in possession of two fathers – even if he didn't as yet see Kratos as such.
Presea's thoughts trailed off as she thought of her own father, and of Alicia. The small girl closed her eyes, feeling the unjustness of her loss. Her family was gone; her old friends had all grown up; her lost time, never to be recovered. It was so unfair! She punched her fist down onto the solid bench again and again in anger, feeling the smooth hard wood scratch and cut her skin. Why is it that I am surrounded by people I call friends, and yet feel so alone? The question played on her mind, but she couldn't find a sufficient answer, her thoughts returning always to Lloyd.
He has been on his own a lot since we arrived here, she contemplated the reasons why and frowned. Perhaps he would benefit from talking about his task tomorrow. Presea stood up, feeling somewhat more at ease now she had thought of something to do.
Small scattered clusters of clouds, tinted purple in the light of the moon, contrasted smoothly with the dark blue sky as Presea made her way towards the house Lloyd would be in. Above it, the milky orb of the near full moon could be seen through the thin branches of overhead trees, pockets of stars clustered around, guarding it jealously. The village seemed quiet now in the late hour, most of the inhabitants having already retired to their houses, if not to bed.
As she stood in front of the door, she paused in thought. I wonder if I am being too concerned. She waited for a few seconds; her forehead resting on the door, listening to the breeze rustling leaves, the distant muffled conversations in other houses, the bubbling stream. There was something else too; a burning inner feeling that she didn't want to leave this night without having spoken to Lloyd.
Raising her head, she took a deep breath and rapped on the door.
"Who is it?" Lloyd's voice didn't sound sleepy, so it was unlikely she had woken him. Presea opened the door and lingered in the doorway, feeling as awkward as she had done in Flanoir. Lloyd was sat up on the bed rubbing his eyes, still dressed in his travelling clothes.
"It's me," she said simply. "Were you asleep? I apologise if I woke you."
Lloyd shook his head, and stretched. "I couldn't really get to sleep."
Presea nodded. "Ah. Is it about tomorrow?"
"Yeah, I guess that is on my mind." Lloyd closed his eyes in thought. "Amongst other things."
"Um, well…" Presea paused, feeling the colour rise in her cheeks. "Maybe…would you like to talk about it?"
Lloyd opened his eyes and looked at Presea. "Talk about…tomorrow?"
The small girl nodded, and smiled. "I have found that the stream in this village is very relaxing, and there is a bench nearby…uh…if you wish to that is. I still owe you one from Flanoir.
The brown haired young man smiled warmly at that, "Sure Presea, just for a little while. That would be nice."
"Our journey is almost over," Presea voice was unreadable as she stated the fact.
"Yeah." Lloyd sighed as the pair came to the small bridge spanning the stream. "When I defeat Kratos and release Origin tomorrow..."
The small girl studied her companion's face. "...You don't feel any trepidation...about fighting Kratos?"
Lloyd paused for a second as he crossed the bridge, then shook his head. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't. But I guess Kratos wants to fight us."
"Will you have to, um…" Presea hesitated at the words, "…take his life?"
Lloyd closed his eyes for a second. "I have been wondering about that myself," he confessed, rubbing his brow. "There is a chance I guess, yeah. I…I hope it doesn't come to that though. I hope there's some other way to break the seal."
"Origin's seal…" The small girl looked at her friend and felt an overwhelming feeling of sympathy for him. "I hope there is another way too. I…I do not want you to lose your father." She took a breath, shuddering in remembrance of the feeling, and aware of his eyes on her. 'Like I have' would have been her next words, but Lloyd seemed to have understood what she had meant to say.
"It's okay," he said softly. "Something will work out, I'm sure."
Presea shook her head, flustered. "I do not understand," she said fiercely. A sudden gust of wind ruffled her hair, and she turned her head against it. "I do not see the logic of this fight. For all intents and purposes, Cruxis no longer exists."
There was no real humour behind Lloyds smile, only a sense of understanding. "Well, I think Kratos wants to bid farewell to his old self as an angel of Cruxis."
Presea's brow furrowed in thought as she tried to understand Lloyd's words. Some of it seemed to make sense, but other parts… "Can he not do that by physically abandoning his role as an angel?"
"He's probably lived too long for that," Lloyd's voice seemed distant as he answered. He continued to walk in silence for a while, deep in thought. They approached the same bench Presea had sat on earlier, partly circled by trees and bordered round the front by the stream. On seeing it, the small girl felt an overwhelming desire to blurt out all of the fears which had been troubling her previously, but held the feeling in check. Tonight is Lloyd's night, she thought.
A few moments later, he sighed again. "Sorry, I got a bit lost in my thoughts there. Its just, I can't even imagine what four thousand years is like."
Presea placed a brief hand on her Exsphere, eyes closed. "Four thousand years..." She wondered at the loneliness one must feel, thinking of how much her own isolation hurt. "Continuing to exist beyond the limits of your race...is a painful thing."
Lloyd glanced up as branches of the nearby trees rustled in the breeze. "I wonder what I'd do if I had that kind of time."
"Eventually...you would get tired of living." Presea blinked sadly for a second, feeling something in her throat. She looked up at Lloyd. "That is what I think."
"Get tired?" Lloyd returned her gaze. " I wonder if that's true. If you can live for a long time, you'll get to do a lot of things."
She sat herself down just in front of the bench, on the soft grass by the stream bank and dangled her legs over the side. The water swirled and gurgled as she watched her thoughtful reflection ripple.
"Is it not because people know that they will eventually die, that they try very hard to live?" she said at last, tilting her head back to look at the star filled sky. "When people die, everything is over. Therefore, everyone wants to find their destiny before that time comes...At least, that's how feel."
For some reason she felt that earlier sadness returning and as she brought a hand up to her Exsphere again, she found the emotional lump in her throat had increased. I don't want to die, she thought. Not alone, not without...
Tears had begun to pour down her face again, and she turned her head away so Lloyd couldn't see, staring instead at the stream beneath her feet. Lloyd's laugh confirmed he was oblivious to the sorrow that had suddenly engulfed her. "Yeah...maybe so, he said walking closer. "It's kinda like if the holidays lasted forever. I'd never do my homework."
Presea laughed despite herself, trying to wipe dry her eyes. That was so like Lloyd. "I don't think that is quite the same thing."
Lloyd rubbed the back of his head, sounding dismayed. "Oh, really?"
She turned her head to face him, smiling. "It is not the same, but it is easy to understand."
His laugh was warm and slightly embarrassed. "It's okay, I wasn't offended or anything," he said, then paused, staring as the moonlight shimmered on her tear-stained cheeks. "Presea are you all right?" There was genuine concern in his voice as he approached, resting a hand on her shoulder. "You're crying."
Presea wiped a hand across her eyes and turned away, feeling awkward and embarrassed. "It is nothing. I'm fine."
"No you're not. What is it?" He sat down beside her and let his hand fall down her arm till it found her own. Presea's cheeks flushed, and she felt her stomach lurch as his fingers entwined around hers. "Lloyd…" she turned her head to face him again, feeling giddy at the nervous ambience of the event.
He smiled reassuringly, giving her hand a quick squeeze. "It's okay, you know. You can tell me."
Presea could feel her eyes filling up again, and felt guilty. After all, she had asked Lloyd here to talk about how he felt, and now this. She felt useless, but the knowledge that Lloyd was there for her and the sudden release of emotion gave her the strength to finally open up, to discuss the heart of her pain.
She tried to smile, and the small laugh she let out was merged with a sob of relief. "It's just…I spent my life watching the people of my village grow older and pass me by." I'm lonely.
"Yeah." Lloyd nodded, his voice sympathetic in its sadness.
"Even my younger sister, Alicia, grew older than me," she continued, feeling a pang of remorse at her sister's name, wondering if she would ever fully come to terms with her loss. "...I wanted to go on to the next grade with everyone else." I am so lonely.
Still holding her hand, Lloyd had turned slightly to face her. He had nothing to say, nothing he could say, but even so, Presea found she had support in his gaze. "But I alone, am still on a holiday…" she used his term with a sad smile on her lips.
Lloyd surprised her then as, smiling brightly, he leant over and took her other hand in his. She adjusted herself so she was more comfortable, resting on her calves as she faced him. "Then, let's grow older together," he said simply.
Although she tried, Presea couldn't quite conceal the gasp that left her mouth. The warm dizziness had returned, and she bowed her head briefly, closing her eyes in an attempt to calm her reeling mind.
I cannot believe this is happening, she thought, and only when she opened her eyes again to look at the young man before her did she realise how much she had wanted it to happen. "Together…with you?" Even speaking had become an effort, and she found her hands trembling.
"Sure," said Lloyd. "Listen, when this journey is over. I'm planning to go around the world collecting all the remaining Exspheres. To make sure that people will never get hurt by them. I would…" he paused, slightly colouring, "I would really like you to come with me. As in…like, I won't take no for an answer."
Presea swallowed, biting her lip as she looked Lloyd right in the eye. Her breathing was ragged, and the lump in her throat made speaking difficult, but Lloyd's nervous gaze gave her the strength to answer.
"I…" she paused, feeling tears forming in her eyes again as she gripped Lloyd's hands tight. "I wish to go with you too," she said softly.
His face seemed to register disbelief for a second, and then he laughed in jubilation. "What, really? You mean it? Wow Presea, that's great!"
Presea stared at the young man, wondering why he sounded so relieved. She released his hands as she shifted her position, draping her legs over the bank again and focusing on her reflection to calm herself.
Numb relief had filled every part of her body, and the empty despair that had consumed her mind every time she thought of the next day had faded incredibly quickly into nothing. She gazed at Lloyd's face and it was then that she finally realised what it was she had been feeling for so long.
"Lloyd, I…" she broke off at the sound of her own voice being carried by the silence, and felt sudden pangs of doubt.
If…if I am feeling what I think it is…and I say something now, what will he do? What will he say? She avoided his gaze, looking at the area in front of his position and then the moon hanging in the air above them. The warm dizzying sensation was not going away, and as she admitted to herself how she felt about him, she also accepted that there was something in the back of her mind that wouldn't let her not say something. Blushing, she tore her eyes away from the moon, and looked back at Lloyd. "I…there is something I would like to say to you. Something I need to say to you. It…it has been occupying my mind a lot recently."
Lloyd nodded, the gentle smile still there. "What is it Presea?"
Her whole face seemed to be burning now, the giddying sensation almost deafening her to her own words. She felt distant, like a spectator watching from afar. "I…" she swallowed, unsure. This is unacceptable, she thought. Whatever transpires after tonight will only matter if you speak your mind now.
Presea bit her lip again, feeling uncomfortable in a situation that, to her, was unfamiliar. Taking a breath, she tried again. "Lloyd, I…I think I…am in love with you." Interesting how such simple words are so hard to say.
Lloyd dropped back down into his earlier position beside her, a serious look failing to mask what looked like a blush. "Presea…" He had started to say something else, but it was lost in the stream of hastily prepared words that Presea had begun to release.
"And I…I do not think it's in a…ah," she tried to recall Colette's definitions, "…a family way, like the love siblings share. I don't even think I have really considered it until recently, but every time I thought about what was going to happen after tomorrow, I…" her cheeks began to feel wet again, and her voice was coming out in choked sobs. A thought suddenly occurred to her, wondering whether anyone else could hear her during this moment as she poured her heart out. It was soon lost though in a conflict of rising emotions. She closed her eyes. I don't want to be alone anymore.
Lloyd had placed a hand on her arm. No, it's not enough to stop now. Just tell him, she told herself fiercely, as she pawed at her eyes, remembering how she felt at the questions when she was discussing the subject of love with Colette. Or if come tomorrow, you were no longer in his company?
"…I, oh I can't do it Lloyd! I can't do this if I'm not with you." Her voice had taken its cue from the passionate words floating around in her head. Desperation and raw emotion had uncharacteristically amplified her speech as loud, unrestrained sobs echoed through the air. "I…I need you Lloyd and…I love you."
Presea turned her face away then, wiping her sore eyes – scared to look at Lloyd. "I am tired of always being strong," she continued, "I…I want to be weak – just for once." Getting to her feet, she moved to the bench and dropped heavily into it, her unfocused eyes fixed on the floor around her feet. "I want…I just want to need somebody; to feel as though I can't do anything without that one person. I want to be with you, because…you…you make me feel wanted, and you make me feel safe just being near me. I like the feeling I receive when I admit to myself that I need you and I…I just thought, together with you, I may be able to fill the void in my life." She told herself desperately to shut up, and the absence of her voice created a stillness she soon felt ashamed of.
"Presea…" Lloyd's voice seemed to hang in the silence for ages as he walked over and knelt in front of her position on the bench. He placed a hand on her shoulder, his skin feeling warm on her own. In that one moment she was yearning to hear his next words, even though the thought of what they might be filled her with a terrible fear.
"I…" he laughed slightly to offset his obvious nervousness. "I would…well…like to help you fill that void."
She paused before looking up at him, numb, her eyes shimmering in the moonlight. "Y-you would?"
Lloyd nodded, swallowing. "Yeah, I…I'm not very good at this." He admitted, taking one of her hands in his. "I want to be with you too Presea. To be honest, I think I've been trying not to think about it yet – you know, what will happen after tomorrow, and what I would do." He stroked her hand and Presea swallowed, feeling more nervous than she had ever remembered being before. "But I was thinking earlier, you know – before you arrived, that regardless of what I do after, I don't want to do it without you. That's why I want you to come with me and that's why…well, I…um…I love you too Presea!"
It was a strange thing, as if that one sentence was the signal to which weeks of built up panic, sadness and longing had been waiting for. As the surge of emotions released themselves from Presea, she found she couldn't say anything at all. She leaned, sobbing with relief into the arms of Lloyd's embrace and as she turned her head to gaze at him, she felt her lips brush his. She wasn't sure who moved into the kiss first, but it did not concern her. She drank him in, her desperation giving way to scared, nervous passion as she wrapped her arms around the young man, their lips pressed together in an embrace of their own.
They stayed like that for a moment more, and even when they loosened out of the hold, it was a shared activity, two minds working as one. Presea found herself wiping away fresh tears, even though her heart was alight with joy. Why am I crying still? She blinked, confused. Oh Lloyd, she thought, I am not used to this.
Lloyd smiled at her, "Are you okay?"
She found herself nodding, unable to speak for the lump of relief in her throat. Lloyd's gentle laugh carried no humour, only kindness as he moved to sit beside Presea on the bench. "You dork," he said, pressing her close to him and kissing the top of her head.
"I…I must apologise," she said, as she leaned her head on Lloyd's shoulder, her unsteady voice dry and raw. "It is…improper to cry over things that make you happy so…why am I?"
Lloyd shook his head, resting it on Presea's. "It's not improper Presea. Sometimes we cry when we're happy."
Presea tilted her head slightly so she could see Lloyd's face. "I see. I do feel happy," she said, "But also I feel relief. I felt unsure of my feelings for so long – thinking I must have been mistaken or something, and so…I…I just didn't think you would ever feel the same…" she trailed off, wrapping an arm round the front of his chest. The physical contact filled Presea with warmth and a snug sense of safety, and it suddenly felt as though she couldn't hold him hard enough – as if she could just squeeze him tight and never let go.
"You've been thinking about this for a while then?" Lloyd enveloped her outstretched hand with his own.
Presea felt her cheeks flush, "Yes, kind of. Although I do not believe it was always with such clarity."
"I understand," said Lloyd. "I think that was the same for me, well…I think it's only been tonight that I realised how I really felt. Till then I was a bit confused. You know, how you think you understand what you are feeling, but you aren't exactly sure." There was a slight blush to his cheeks and he sounded embarrassed. "Guess I'm a bit simple-minded eh?"
Presea smiled. "I do not mind," she said softly, watching the wind shake loose leaves from the trees above and distribute them into the stream. "I am just so relieved."
"Let's make it a promise then."
"A promise?" Although she didn't move, Lloyd's statement had caught her by surprise.
"Yeah. To grow old together."
"Yes," Presea whispered, closing her eyes as she nestled her head closer, snuggling further into his embrace, "Please, don't leave me behind."
Lloyd's hands were soft as he stroked her hair, a sensation she hadn't, to her knowledge, felt before. "I promise I won't."
"That…that feels nice." Presea stifled a small yawn, feeling suddenly exhausted. Even closed, her eyelids felt heavy. "I apologise for keeping you up so late, it would be wise for you to sleep. You need to replenish your strength for tomorrow." Tomorrow. Presea realised as she had said it that the word no longer conjured up feelings of fear or sorrow.
"You're right, I'm going to be no good if I fall asleep in the middle the fight." Lloyd laughed, "but I'm okay for a while longer. How about you Presea? You looked drained earlier, you must be tired."
In the silent air, Presea's shallow breathing was the only thing that indicated she was already asleep, clutching Lloyd and with a gentle smile on her lips. Lloyd watched her for a second before looking up at the moon between the branches of the trees, his face echoing Presea's as he closed his eyes. "I promise I won't," he whispered, repeating the vow again.