Hello, all, as promised, your update. I hope you guys like this, this is around where it started to give me trouble. As always, please review, and expect the next part on Wednesday. Oh, and if anyone here didn't see it, please read 145t P14c3 Y0u'd 100k (my first MattMello) story, hopefully of many. If anyone has an idea of how to continue it with plot, I'd be overjoyed to hear. Ah, and we're still playing 'What's wrong with this picture'. You can find the rules in Chapter Two's Author notes.

I don't own Death Note, but I did make a pretty cool necklace about it.

Ki11 me, Ki55 me

The brunette's lips twitched to a very slight smile, his tone slightly more relaxed. "On, no, no, no, no, no, that doesn't mean I agree to the sex, it just means that I finally know why you've always acted so obsessed with me."

L shook his head slightly. Just like the boy to think his obsession could only have to do with his brilliance. "It's not definite, whether or not I am sexually attracted to you. It might make sense, but it is not definite. Only a forty-seven point eight percent chance."

Light rolled his eyes. "You've propositioned me fifteen times today, L, you want me."

"I propositioned you because I wanted to find out if I wanted to proposition you, Light-kun." L pushed the door open, pulling his companion inside.

Light glared, following the older man reluctantly. "Then why don't you see a psychiatrist, maybe they can help you, but we are not having sex."

The officers in the research room looked up at the pair simultaneously, all attention drawn by Light's comment.

Matsuda's mouth was open, his eyes wide. "... L- Light-kun... and Ryuzaki-san!?"

Light's eyes narrowed at L, scoffing, "He wishes."

L nodded. "Maybe."

Over at his desk, Soichiro Yagami was mortified.

L continued, "Which is why we're going upstairs to find out. You all need not watch the tape, I'll examine it later." With this, he dragged Light towards the stairwell.

"No, no, no!" The brunette stumbled slightly, leaning back against the other's grip, growling, "Father, Matsuda, doesn't anyone else have a problem with this??"

Soichiro stood, saying with outrage, "Ryuzaki, please, this is completely unnecessary-!"

"Yagami-san, the reason I wish to have sex with your son is that, if it were true that I am sexually attracted to him, it would explain away my focus on him and perhaps clear his name."

Soichiro paused, torn between mutual desires.

Light hated how familiar the flush in his cheeks was becoming. "You don't need to sleep with me to find that out, why can't you just-"

His father lowered his face into his hand, much as Light had done earlier that morning, and spoke hesitantly, "... Light, it's up to you. I- I want to see your name completely cleared, so..."

Light fisted his hands by his sides, raising his voice despite his efforts to contain himself. "Yes, I want my name cleared too, but I am not going to sleep my way out of this!"

"Why not? Are you sentimental about your first time, maybe?" L mused with genuine interest.

Light's blush darkened as he immediately opened his mouth to respond before he realized if he had to speak, he would scream. So, he stood his ground, fuming and glaring daggers at the man attached to him.

"If that is all it is, Light-kun can have sex with Misa-chan first. She likes Light-kun a lot."

The younger man reeled his temper in and snapped, "I don't want to have sex with Misa either, I'm not a sexual person and can we please move this conversation away from my father and my coworkers!"

This was a bad move.

L nodded quickly. "Okay." With this, he grabbed Light's hand, pulling him upstairs to their bedroom, ignoring his protests and continuing, "It seems strange that Light-kun would not submit to sex to clear his name. Even an innocent person should be willing to do that."

"I don't want to have sex with you, alright?" This was ridiculous, this was absolutely and completely preposterous and if you'd told him he'd be in this situation a few months ago, he would have given you a polite smile and walked away without a word. Light sighed, looking aside. "Why don't you just... I don't know, "soul search" or see someone about it, why do we actually have to go through with it?" He continued, muttering slightly, "And even if you don't agree to that, why can't you just kiss me or I can undress, see if there's any... " He pursed his lips, continuing delicately, "Reaction."

L nodded with understanding. "Ah, but if we did that and it did react, I wouldn't want to stop." He nibbled his thumb absentmindedly, plopping down on the edge of the mattress. "... Putting that aside, is Light submitting to a kiss or even discarded clothing?"

Light rolled his eyes to avoid looking reality in the face, blushing dark red. "Yes, I'd let you kiss me, and you've already seen me naked in security footage, it's not like that will be anything new."

L paused, watching him. "... " Light tensed as the man drew him closed, tugging the chain insistently and resting his spindly hands on the younger man's hips. "Light-kun is blushing again. It's cute."

Light glared, squirming slightly and pushing the hands off his hips, taking a small step back. "I told you not to touch me."

L frowned up at him. "It's unreasonable to think I can kiss you without touching you."

Of course it was. Dammit, why did this little social reject make him feel like an idiot child.

Light sighed, sitting on the bed beside his suitor. "Fine, fine..." He tried to stay still as he felt L place a cool hand on his thigh for leverage and lean over before pressing his lips gently to his own.

It wasn't so bad. Then again, most moments that were supposed to be magical or horrific felt like nothing. A first touch didn't always bring fireworks and being looked over by a person you weren't interested in didn't always feel like a violation. And this was just skin pressed together, however intimate it looked.

...But still... it lasted only a few seconds, and it was almost pleasant. Enough to be tolerated.

Light almost didn't notice when L pulled back, and only barely heard him say, "Odd".

The brunette blinked, slightly surprised. "What? Nothing?"

L shook his head, settling back in a perch. "I can't tell." With no warning, he swept down again, this time pressing his mouth softly to Light's neck, moving closer.

Light sighed softly, almost with disinterest, leaning his head away to give L more access to the smooth skin of his throat. "Damn. This may turn out to be a little trickier than I hoped."

L's hand slid down his leg, fingertips just tracing his inner thigh as he trailed his lips up slowly, brushing the graceful jaw line and saying softly, "What is trickier, Light-kun?"

"I hoped it would be a simple peck on the lips-" Light felt L's nails scratch his skin softly and he jumped. "What do you think you're..."

L pulled back, his expression conveying polite confusion.

Light narrowed his eyes slightly, his modesty returning to him. "You don't need your hand there and why are you kissing my neck?"

"If I can't get good answers from your lips, Light-kun, perhaps other body parts will have a different effect. And my hand is there because it is inconvenient to support myself while leaning over you, and if it were not on your knee, it would either be between your thighs or on your other side, which would only be a more trapping measure."

Light pursed his lips, glaring slightly. It sounded so reasonable when he said it like that. "Then let me move back, and you can sit in front of me." The brunette pushed L's hand from his leg, moving back on the bed, making a conscious effort to keep his body relaxed.

L watched him with interest, turning to face him. "It would help if Light-kun leaned forward too."

It would have been so much more logical to agree, but that would be forcing him to respond to this idiotic pseudo-experiment. Instead, he rolled his eyes, saying with mild irritation, "I'm laying back, do whatever you like. Within reason." He added quickly, lying back with his arms at his sides, suddenly feeling very confined.

L nodded, crawling forward over the younger boy in an almost animalistic manner, lowering himself carefully to press his body flush.

Oh God, Oh Jesus, Oh Kira, Oh Satan, Oh whoever-was-listening, this was the worst idea a genius mind had ever come up with. Despite Light's efforts, his body tensed.

He opened his mouth to... do... something, but he forgot what it was when L kissed him again, harder.

Ohhh, this was not happening. This was... was...

L pressed closer, his chest against the other man's, teeth and lips roaming boldly over Light's and just brushing his tongue over the pink lips offered to him, tugging lightly at his bottom lip as his hands moved smoothly to Light's sides.

Ohhh...

The brunette felt his body tense further as he covered up the momentary insanity by going on the alert, his hands fisting loosely in the covers below him. L thumbed his side softly, moving slowly down the other's body, pausing to suck at Light's pulse point, feeling the beat speed up.

Light flinched, biting his own lip softly and squirming despite himself as he pushed at L's shoulder firmly. "Alright, alright, you've kissed me. Thoroughly. Now can you please just make up your mind about whether or not you're attracted to me."

This had gone on far enough, he couldn't possibly be less than one hundred percent sure if-

L pulled back, looking down at Light with interest. "... There is a sixty-eight percent chance that I am attracted to Light. I am not quite sure yet."

Light couldn't help but groan, "Oh, come on, can't you- Mm-" Their lips were pressed together again, just hard enough to Light to jump, causing him to press closer to the thin hands peeking up his shirt.

Oh, no. No, no, no. He didn't agree to this.

"I must ask Light-kun if he is willing to discard his shirt."

Oh. Right. He did agree to this.

Light gave an exasperated sigh, undoing the buttons of his shirt. "Yes, fine." He slid the material off his shoulders, continuing until the sleeve got stuck on the chain still connecting them. They both stared at the obstruction for a moment before L's hand flexed, popping a joint from place and slipping the cuff from his wrist to let the shirt fall off the bed. Light blinked and the cuff was reattached.

"That..." He shook his head, grumbling as he settled on the bed.

L took his place on top of the younger, running his hands up Light's sides and thumbing the smooth skin before settling on his chest, kissing the brunette's collarbone before sucking softly, the skin heating as blood rose to the surface.

Light jumped, pursing his lips, fisting his hands and hating the goosebumps that rose where the damn genius touched.

L ducked his head before Light could admonish him, kissing his nipple and sucking.

No, no, no, it could not happen like this, this was infuriating, humiliating, absolutely-

The point of a hot tongue dragged over the sensitive skin, fondling enthusiastically to accompany the fingers tracing over his ribs, down his sides and moving inward to circle his navel with short rounded fingernails, exciting a slight shudder.

Oh, it could totally happen like this- No, it couldn't!

Light banished his libido from his mind and pushed up on his elbows quickly. "L, that's enough!"

L blinked, cocking his head in confusion. "But I still don't know either way... And besides, Light-kun is already aroused, isn't he?" His eyes flickered down at the faint bulge in the other man's pants.

Light sat up, ignoring the latter comment, saying firmly, "I don't care anymore, I agreed to a kiss, I gave you a kiss, I agreed to shed clothes, I shed clothes, nothing else is happening." He turned to hide his blush, leaning off the bed to snag his shirt on two fingers, straightening and pulling it over his uncuffed arm.

L pulled at the chain, reminding Light forcibly that they were still connected. "I warned Light-kun. If I were aroused, I wouldn't want to stop, bit if I can't even find an answer, then I am even less likely to give up." He leaned forward on his knees, kissing the crook of the other boy's neck lightly, his hand wandering to the tensed thigh beside him, then up to the slender hip.

Light jumped beneath him, slapping L's hand away. "G- get off."

He stuttered. This was not alright, this had to stop now.

The brunette turned over, not wanting to look the other man in the face as pushed up on his knees, straightening his clothes and attempting to force the blush off his face even though he could feel it spreading over his cheekbones.

"Light-kun, you shouldn't be blushing so much. You'll faint." L slid an arm around his waist, his chest pressing against Light's back and pushing the man down, matching their hips. "Don't hurry away. I don't have an answer yet."

Light tensed the moment he hit the blankets and he pushed up, trying to jerk away from the body behind him, gritting his teeth and growling, "I told you, I don't care about your answer, get off of me this instant!"

He must have sounded more panicked than he meant to, because L frowned, pausing. "... Light-kun, please calm down. Nothing bad is happening to you."

Light scoffed, craning his neck to look over his shoulder, voice soaked with sarcasm. "Oh, of course not, the man who's trying to get me locked away is just molesting me!"

"Light-kun, I do not wish for you to be locked away. Actually, I would hope you were not Kira, because I do not want you to get the death penalty." But whatever he said, he was still holding Light down.

The younger rolled his eyes, lips twitching to a scowl. "That's probably true, you can't touch me if I'm dead." He began to push himself up, fighting against L's weight, but it was more difficult than he'd thought it would be.

"Actually, your intelligence is what really intrigues me, Light-kun. Your body is very nice, but my previous comment about it was only one in passing, because I don't think about it so much. You are perhaps my first friend, and that is why I don't want you to die."

That old load of crap, the last time L had talked about being "friends", he took Misa into custody. And if L could lie, so could he.

"Yes, yes, and I enjoy being your friend." Light squirmed, managing to sit up, L still half draped over his back. "I'm not so fond of the idea of being your lover."

The detective cocked his head curiously. "Lover? No one said that, Light-kun. I'm simply trying to figure out if I'm sexually attracted to you of not. If I were, it would be disappointing, certainly, but I still want an answer."

Find a fucking answer.

Light glared, his irritation peaking again. "Fine, then exactly what more could you possibly need to know if you want to have sex with me?"

L frowned, pausing. "I'm afraid I don't understand your question."

The brunette pursed his lips, aggravation mounting further as he said curtly, "Are you sexually attracted to me or not."

"... I don't know. That's why I've been doing these things to you."

"How can you not know after all of that??" Light trailed off into grumbles, pushing L away to move to the edge of the bed, unclasping his pants and pulling them off quickly before he could second guess himself. He could feel L's mild surprise but tried to ignore it as he lay back, glaring icily at the older man. "There, now do you want me or not."

L blinked, frowning slightly. ".... Again, I don't know. Light-kun looks ready to stab me, so I have to say I'm not attracted, but at the same time, I'm probably simply not attracted because Light-kun is glaring like that."

Light sighed, wishing he could pretend this wasn't happening. Instead, he leaned to the side, picking up his tie and knotting it around his eyes before laying back. "There, now you can't tell."

He felt L watching him. He felt the radiating body heat as the crawled over him, and he felt the soft peck placed on his lips. "The answer is most definitely yes, Light-kun." And then lips down his chest, accompanied by a wash of warm breath with L's low voice saying, "Ninety-eight percent, I believe."

Great idea, Light. Blindfold yourself and lay down on a silver chain platter. Perfect.

"Good, now let me-"

L's hips were pressed roughly to his, and angular fingers massaged his nipples.