A/N: Thank you to kinnik, ciasteczko, Perfecta999, ashmo2000, Tynee23, Shantigal, ljhjelm49, MsNorthman, LostInSpace33, Beth - Geek Chick and the guest who reviewed thank you so much for taking the time to do so. I love reading them.
I want to give a special thank you to outinritefield1 for always reviewing and the messages she sent me a little over a week ago. I know it may have seemed like nothing to you but you reminded me I needed to write for myself and not for others. Thank you for that.
Thank you to kelpie169 for editing this chapter.
We are back to Sookie's POV. In the last Sookie chapter they had just reached the island and I'm continuing on from there.
Just so everyone knows I am alternating between the present (Sookie's POV) and the past (Eric's POV). If you don't care about there past then I suggest only reading the even numbered chapters cause they will always be Sookie.
Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter.
Life was easy on the island.
Luna and Sam arrived the next day, as promised, and we all settled in. We didn't do much the first week we were there; we slept, we ate, we tanned by the pool and explored the area. No one talked about music and no one talked about writing. There was no shop talk and most importantly no one mentioned Bill.
We were on vacation and vacations were about rest.
And then day eight happened.
I was sleeping soundly, blissfully unaware of my surroundings only to be jarred awake by what sounded like a fog horn. I jolted upright in bed, flailing my arms in hopes of destroying whatever was making the god forsaken sound. I faced the direction the noise came from, my legs curled up under me as I tottered precariously in my half awake state. I did all of this without opening my eyes.
"Up!" I heard Eric's voice demand. "Get up!"
I opened my eyes and shot him a look of death. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!"
"It's time to get up, Sookie!" He blew the fog horn again.
"Stop doing that!" I shouted at him. I stumbled toward him and tried to pry the horn away from his ridiculously strong grip. "Where did you get that?" I asked.
"I found it." He shrugged as he fired it again in my direction, a stupid smirk plastered across his face.
"Everyone is going to be super pissed when you wake them up blasting that thing!" I trudged across the room to pull on a shirt after I realized I was topless.
"It's eleven o'clock in the morning and everyone has been up for hours. Now, get your ass into some workout gear and meet me on the beach in fifteen minutes. I'm whipping you into shape." He left my room and I watched as he headed out the back door.
I growled in frustration and yanked on tight black capri yoga pants. I traded the huge T-shirt I'd thrown on for a tank top that said 'I hate running' on it before I shoved my feet into some running shoes. The last thing I grabbed was a pair of sunglasses before I grudgingly headed out back.
Everyone was already awake, just like Eric had said. Debbie, Tara and Luna were all lined neatly in a row atop their colourful beach towels, working on their tans. It looked like Debbie was sleeping, Tara was listening to music as she drummed her fingers against her leg and Luna was reading. LaFayette, Alcide, Eggs and Sam were doing cannonballs into the pool and rating each other's splashes. I hadn't seen any of the guys wear a shirt since we had arrived and all the girls were more or less always in bikini tops and short shorts.
I heard the fog horn sound again and turned my attention towards the beach where a shirtless Eric was looking in my direction. He was wearing workout shorts, running shoes and aviators. His bare chest was already covered in a layer of sweat, shimmering in the sunlight. He waved me over though I gave him the finger before I stubbornly crossed my arms over my chest. He huffed and fired the foghorn again, making more grandiose gestures for me to come over to him.
"You better go over. He's in Richard Simmons mode and he's not gonna give up till you do whatever workout he has planned for you." Alcide smiled at me as Sam jumped into the pool, a wave of water cascading over the sides.
"What about that one?" Sam asked excitedly when he surfaced.
"It was weak, bro- like a five." Alcide said with a grin as he pulled himself out of the pool.
"Fuck off! That was at least a seven." Sam shouted at him before looking over at me. "Morning Sook." He beamed before he swam over to bother his wife.
I rolled my eyes and headed towards the beach. Eric was smiling at me as I neared him. "Was all this really necessary? If you wanted me to workout you could have just asked." I smiled at him.
"And you would have said no." He thrust the fog horn into the sand and picked up a bottle of spray-on sunscreen. "Hold your arms up." I did as I was told and he sprayed a thin layer of lotion on me before he rubbed the cream onto my bare skin. Once he was satisfied he threw the sunscreen back on the sand and began to stretch.
I copied his movements; I was slightly less than graceful, though I managed. I was always terrible at exercising and never knew what to do without someone showing me, even after years and years of personal trainers. "So what are we doing today?"
"We are running to that point and back." He pointed to the part of the island that curved around out of sight way off in the distance.
I stared at him with shock painted on my face. "Seriously? That's at least three miles away." I said to him, my arms unconsciously crossing themselves over my chest again.
"Four actually." He started lunging.
"How exactly do you know that?" I asked him.
"I've been running it every morning since we got here."
"And what's the point of this?" I asked as my hands dropped to my hips.
He stood up tall and looked down at me. "You're weak. You let your body and mind wither away and I want to make you strong again."
"I'm not weak." I whined, insecurely.
"Yes, you are. But you won't be for long." He started jogging in place. "If you fall behind, I'm going to tickle you." He threatened.
My heart dropped into my stomach. I hated being tickled; I absolutely loathed it. It made me irrationally angry when anyone tried to do it. "You wouldn't."
"I would. I'm willing to do anything to wake you up." He said as he moved a few steps away from me.
"I'm awake right now!" I threw my arms up in defeat.
"Your eyes are open, but you're not awake. Now come on!" He shouted at me as he made his way down the beach.
"I'll need water!" I shouted at him as I stalled.
He turned, fishing two mini bottles of water out of his pockets, and waved them tauntingly in my direction. With a smirk, he shoved them back where he'd found them and turned to continue torturing me. I sighed as I pushed myself to catch up. I set a pace that didn't quite match his, but didn't put too much distance between us.
I was doing fine-and actually feeling good-until the seventh mile on the way back. I just couldn't run anymore. I slowed to a walk, clutching my side and gulping in deep breaths as cramps began to form in my abdomen. Eric ran up to me and handed me a little bottle of water.
"What's the problem?" He asked as I downed half the contents of the bottle in one gulp.
I shook my head. "I can't run anymore. I'll walk the rest of the way back."
"You can walk the rest of this mile and run the last one." He commanded as he walked beside me, his breathing deep and heavy.
"No. I ran six and a half miles. Considering I haven't done any physical activity in nearly five months, I think that's a pretty good start."
"It's not good enough."
"I don't give a shit if it's not good enough. I'm exhausted and I want to walk the last mile." He scurried in front of me and stopped. "What are you doing?" I asked him, still panting as sweat dripped down my skin.
"I told you what I'd do if you stopped running." His expression was serious and his tone was curt.
"If you tickle me Eric, I swear to God I will cunt punt you in the throat." I spat. He was starting to piss me off and I could feel the red hot fire of annoyance building inside me.
He started towards me and I moved to deflect him, but he was faster than me. His fingers grazed my side and I smacked his hand away. "Don't fucking touch me!" I snapped at him.
"Run!" He shouted at me.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I asked as I put my hands against his sweaty chest and pushed him with all my strength. I managed to knock him back slightly as I propelled myself forward, putting some much needed space between us.
When he caught up to me he growled, anger highlighting every line of his face. "You wanna know what's wrong with me?"
"Yes!" I yelled back at him. "I have no clue what you want from me!"
"I want you to be like you were!" He shook his head and ran faster. I accelerated to keep up with him as pain flooded my body. "You've been comatose; your smile doesn't reach your eyes. You talk about music, but you don't really care and you barely talk to anyone about anything. When you do talk to us it's only because you've been drinking or you're high. You're fine for a couple of days, but then you pull away again." Despite the volume of his voice, the concern it held still leaked through. "I want my friend back!"
"Which friend, Eric? Him or me? Don't take your anger out on me for what he did!" I spat at him, the anger surging hotly through my veins at the stark reminder of my ex.
"Kinda like how you took out your hurt and anger out on us? You're a fucking hypocrite!" There was so much venom in his voice that I reared back sharply. This was when I hated our relationship the most; I didn't understand why he had to be like this. We had been doing so well for so long that an argument of this nature was bound to happen.
I didn't respond. I just turned and sprinted away, pushing myself harder until I reached the house and collapsed on the sand as I tried to catch my breath. Eric fell down beside me and neither of us moved for a long time. We just laid in the sand listening to the ocean, our breathing strangely in sync as the sounds of our bandmates drifted toward us from above.
"Sook?" He asked quietly, breaking our long silence.
"I'm not going to be the same as I was." I finally said and I could feel his eyes on me. "There are going to be days when I'm great and everything is fine. But there are going to be days and weeks where I am not okay and nothing is fine. It won't always be like that though. I just need a lot of time time to find my new normal." I finally turned my head, my eyes misting slightly as I faced him. "I'm sorry if that's not good enough for you, but that's just the way it is."
"I'm sorry." He said quietly. "I don't know what to do, I just want to help you." He turned over on his side and pushed his glasses up on his head.
"No, you want me to deal with my feelings like they do in the movies. Like a pint of Ben and Jerry's and a John Cusack movie will erase ten years of my life. That's not the way it works. If I need your help or if I want to talk, I will come to you. I promise. Okay?" I tried to reassure him with a soft smile, though I'm not entirely sure I managed.
He nodded before a grin overtook his face and his hand reached over to tickle my side. "Okay."
I smacked his hand away and stood up. "You're starting piss me off, Northman." I kicked a little spray of sand at him. "I'm gonna go shower."
"Alright. Meet me in the studio when you're done." He rolled over in the sand, his sweat slicked skin collecting more sand than he'd already been covered in. "I'll gather the others and we'll write. Bring your notebook."
I nodded and headed to my room, stripping on the way through to the bathroom. The water felt divine as I scrubbed and buffed myself clean. Once I was sufficiently dry, I changed into striped high waisted shorts and a cropped black tank top. My feet slid easily into my trusty black flip flops and I grabbed my notebook on the way out the door. I ambled leisurely through the house, taking my time as I headed out to the detached recording studio behind the far side of the house.
The studio wasn't too large, which was just fine for our needs. The recording space was a good size with old rugs covering the floor. There was also a medium size producing area and a boardroom, which was where I finally found everyone. There was a long conference table in the middle of the room with eight black leather office chairs surrounding it. The far wall housed a small kitchenette with two small cupboards, as well as a fridge and sink. The couches lined on each side wall look awfully comfy too.
I sat down and threw my notebook on the table as I shot a smile toward Tara. Then Eric started talking and everyone became focused. "This album is going to be difficult to write, difficult to perform and difficult to produce. While we're happy to have LaFayette, losing Bill will change the way we do everything."
We all nodded in unison.
"Are we still on board for a completely collaborative album? All ideas are in until it's proven they don't work?" He glanced around the room. "If you want to sing-speak up. If you want to play a different instrument-speak up. If anything isn't working for you-speak up! Don't stay silent, okay?"
We all nodded, various degrees of a smile on all our faces.
"So, we've written one song but obviously we need more. We have enough experiences and heartbreak between us, so there has to be a few more songs already amongst the five of us." Eric opened his journal and began flipping through it.
"You still need to teach me that song." Tara pointed at Eric, her lip pushing out into a pout. "And I'm still pissed you wrote something without me."
"It's not set in stone Tara. If you want to change something once you hear it just say something." Alcide said softly with a warm smile. Alcide and Tara had always had a close relationship. It spawned when Bill and I started dating and Eric was friends with us. I know the both of them felt a little left out and rested on each other for comfort and support. After thirteen years of this, they had an understanding with each other that the rest of us were not privy to.
"I only have choruses and verses. Nothing complete." Eric admitted.
"I have a skeleton of something. but it'll need filler." Tara said as she ripped out the page and tossed it into the middle of the table.
"I'm in the same boat as Eric; pieces, but nothing whole." Alcide said ripping out the sections he liked as Eric began doing the same thing.
"I have one song and other random parts." LaFayette said as he realized what we were doing. He followed our lead and began ripping things out of his own notebook.
Eric picked up the piece of paper with the full song on it. "'We Used To Be Friends'?" He asked as his eyes darted between LaFayette and the lyrics, his eyebrows raised nearly to his hairline.
"I started writing it the day after I met you all." He averted his eyes from all of us. "I felt like an outsider. I don't know what it's like to be friends with Bill; you all used to be friends. So I wrote a song about your relationship from an outsider's point of view but as if I was an insider." He shrugged.
"That's a smart idea." Tara praised, as she held her hand out for a high five from Lafayette.
He smacked her hand softly before rubbing the closely shaved hair on his head in a self conscious manner. "Feel free to change it."
"Thanks man. This is actually really awesome." Eric smiled and turned to me. "Sook, what do you have?"
"Nothing." I said, knowing this would cause another fight.
"I know you have something." Eric sighed, rubbing his face. "Please don't be difficult. Please don't make this a fight."
"Let it go then." I bit out harshly as I ran my hand through my hair. "Just because I've written some stuff doesn't mean I want to share it."
"You are a part of this band, so you need to contribute. That's what collaboration means." Eric said bluntly, a current of exhaustion under his words.
I crossed my arms over my chest for what felt like the hundredth time that day and cocked my eyebrow. "Where are all those songs you promised to show me? You've written something every day for fifteen years, right? Show me." I snarled.
"Not everything I write is worth sharing." He echoed my words.
"Now who's being difficult?" I questioned with a smirk.
"Oh my God!" Alcide shouted in annoyance, slamming his hand on the table. "Would you two just fuck and get it over with already?!" He got up from the table and grabbed a beer from the fridge.
His outburst caused us all to jump and my cheeks to flush. He twisted the cap off the bottle violently and drank audibly. He let out a soft sigh as he set the bottle down gently on the countertop. I glared at the table as he continued.
"We all get it. You have this cute push and pull relationship and you're BFF's, but you also kind of hate each other and there's sexual tension out the fucking ass. Neither of you could ever do anything about it because she," he pointed at me as he sat down at the table, "was balls deep in your," he pointed at Eric, "best friend. But guess what!? She's not anymore!" He took another long gulp of his drink. "I don't care if you ball this energy up and nothing happens or you get drunk and fuck. I don't fucking care, but this has to stop. I'm so fucking tired of it and so is Tara." He took an even longer swig of the beer, glaring at the bottle as he tipped the last drops into his mouth, and looked at the wall across from him. "Now Sookie- if you have shit, rip it out and put it in the fucking pile."
My cheeks were burning with embarrassment and I knew I was going red as I tore out the two songs I had written and any bits I liked. Jokes about Eric and I had always been a thing. It's hard for them not to be when two members of the opposite sex are friends, but it was never serious. I was with Bill and that was that. Now that I wasn't with Bill anymore, I was starting to wonder if the jokes were ever actually jokes or if they actually had a little truth to them. Alcide seemed to be dead serious with his comment.
It would be a lie if I had never thought about Eric in that way. I mean, how could I not? He looked like a Disney prince with tattoos and an attitude. When he wasn't being a moody bitch he was sweet, kind, sensitive and his talent mixed with his looks made him nearly irresistible. I had had a huge crush on him when we first formed the band but he never reciprocated and my feelings fizzled out when I got together with Bill. But now there was no buffer and I wasn't sure what, if anything, was going to happen. I didn't even know if I wanted anything to happen. I always assumed I wasn't his type.
Besides, he was out of my league and he could definitely do better. His past girlfriends were models, pop starlets and movie stars. I was just a girl from Bon Temps.
I looked up at Eric who was staring daggers at Alcide who was looking at one of the songs I had written. "Sook, why did you say you had nothing? This song has fucking chords to go with it." He shook his head and sighed as he passed the paper to Eric.
"Like I said-just because I'm writing doesn't mean I want to share." I hissed at him. I was angry at him because he had embarrassed me. "I'm not ready yet."
Eric looked up at me and pointed at the paper. "Play this. Now."
I glared at him, weighing my options. It was the angrier of the two songs, but it would draw up a multitude of feelings that I wasn't quite sure I wanted to drudge up. The anger, the sadness, the madness, the rejection, the loneliness-all the emotions I'd been drowning in recently.
But Alcide was right. No more fighting. If they wanted to hear it, then I would play it. "Fine." I sighed as I stood to trudge toward the recording booth.
Eric followed, shoving the paper toward me. "For reference."
"Don't need it." I bit out as I picked up my guitar, my phantom limb, and slung it over my shoulder.
"You want us in or out?" He asked, his lips pursed in annoyance.
"Whichever." I dismissed his question with a shrug.
Tara and Alcide stayed in the booth, just like I knew they would. They would try to play with me if they heard their part in my chords, but Eric wanted to watch me. He was always watching me.
I tuned the guitar, made sure the amp was at the right level and the microphone was working.
"I'm gonna record it." Eric informed me, almost daring me to argue.
I nodded though, uninterested in arguing. After our second album, we began recording everything. We all found it easier to hear the mistakes and decide what to change and what to keep. It was hard to hear the things that worked or didn't work in the moment.
I took a deep breath and started playing.
Took a lonely feeling / Just to let the meaning / Sink like the sun goes down / Never close to heaven / Felt my feet were burning from the same red hot ground
There's blood on my hands, / There's blood on my hands / Yeah, there's blood
Playing this song wasn't second nature, I had to think, pay attention and my mind was forced to focus on the chords, but more importantly-the words. I couldn't ignore them or what they meant. I closed my eyes, which up until that point had been fixed on Eric.
It's getting hard to listen / When the clock is ticking / Counting down the days gone by / Praying for an answer to another question / That will only leave you dry
You won't understand / With your head in the sand / No, you won't
I could hear Alcide already plugging in his bass and a slight cymbal flair as Tara got behind her kit. I opened my eyes again and focused on anything other than Eric.
But I'll kiss the ground where you kneel / Till I grow my hair to my heels / Spike your water your wine / While you waste my precious time
Every time I drink and try to stop my thinking / Bout the things I've said and done / Stop the world from turning faster / Then I'm learning not to just hide and run
You won't understand / With your head in the sand / No, you won't
I could hear the wear in my voice as I continued to sing. It wasn't from the cigarettes or the alcohol. It was from having to drudge up these feelings over and over and over. My voice was thick with the all the the things I hated about Bill, all the things that made me sad about him and all the things I would always love.
Love came and went faster than a penny spent in a slot machine / Nowhere near the devil, just somewhere in between you and me / Sworn to secrecy
And I'll kiss the ground where you kneel / Till I grow my hair to my heels / Spike your water your wine
Yeah, there's blood on my hands, / There's blood on my hands / There's blood on my hands, / There's blood on my hands / Yeah, there's blood
Alcide and Tara were doing an okay job of keeping up with me. But when I changed up the progression, their accompaniment faded into nothing.
Took a lonely feeling / Just to let the meaning / Sink like the sun goes down / Never close to heaven / Felt my feet were burning from the same red hot ground
I stepped away from the microphone and locked my gaze on Eric. "Is that what you wanted?" I asked him as my throat hitched and I felt the splash of tears on my chest. I didn't realize I had started to cry. I brought my hands up to my cheeks to scrub away the wet trails.
LaFayette leaned over and asked Eric something while pointing at me. Eric shrugged and said what looked like "I don't know" before leaning forward and speaking into the microphone. "What's it about?" He asked me.
"Isn't it obvious?" I asked him with narrowed eyes.
"I want to hear it from you."
"It's about Bill and me. How I couldn't have changed the things he did and how it frustrates me; how helpless I feel and how I hate myself for still loving him as much as I do." I sighed. "But I handled the whole break up situation incorrectly and it's unfair that I made you guys into victims of my self loathing and anger. And while he destroyed our relationship, it's not entirely his fault. Every relationship takes two and my hands are far from clean."
"It's a great song, Legs." Alcide whispered from behind me.
"Do you want to play it again?" Eric asked as he and Lafayette entered the booth.
I shook my head. "No. For now, let's go through the song we wrote on the plane."
Everyone nodded and we taught Tara the song, which we ended up calling 'All These Things I've Done'. She threw in her suggestions and we all tinkered a bit before we settled on the changes we could all agree on.
It was a frustrating session. I had played against Eric for so long and I was so comfortable with him that it was a learning process playing against LaFayette. He was looking for my tempo and sorting my style, learning to play against me. Meanwhile Eric was struggling with the front man position. It was weird for him not to have something in his hands and he had no idea what to do with them. Should he sing the way Bill did or sing it the way he wanted? Tara and Alcide watched for changes and did what they could to make everything transition easier.
What kind of band were we now that Bill was gone?
Eric stopped the song halfway through with a frustrated sigh. "This isn't working."
We all stared at each other hoping one of us would have a suggestion. "Maybe we should just take a break and come back to it later?" LaFayette offered.
"He's right. We've been in here for like, six hours." Tara pointed out. "Maybe we pick this up in the morning."
I nodded as I set my guitar down and nearly bolted from the studio. I was overwhelmed, frustrated and angry. I was angry at myself for how hard it was to do this now when this was the only thing I was ever any good at. I headed for my room and closed the door, throwing myself face down on the bed to try possibly smothering myself into a sense of calm. And that's when I heard a knock at my door. "Come in." I didn't need him to announce himself, I already knew who it was.
Eric entered the room and came to sit on the foot of my bed. "I'm sorry."
"We're sorry an awful lot. Have you noticed that?" I said as I sat up to look at him.
"I don't know what's wrong with me, I just-"
I cut him off. "I know you want things to go back to normal. But like I said, you're asking me to get over ten years of my life in four months. It's not going to happen. So stop pushing me, let me be me and things will be fine."
He looked down at all the papers in his hand and swallowed hard. "This one is the sad one?" He asked as he showed me my other song.
I nodded. Eric knew how I wrote. I always wrote three songs, a happy one, a sad one and an angry one. But this time, there was no happy song.
"We'll I've got thick skin and an elastic heart." He read off the paper.
"But your blade it might be too sharp." I finished the lyric. "I have no melody. It's just words right now."
"We'll find something for it if you want." He reassured. "You wanna come watch TV? They are playing Stomp again!" He smiled widely.
I couldn't help but grin at his enthusiasm. "I wonder why they play it so much?" I asked as I got off the bed. There was a Brazilian channel that did nothing but play a filmed version of the stage musical Stomp. We had all watched it about eight times each.
"It's giving me ideas for a song. We could use a lot of percussion and objects to make sounds. It could be cool." He jumped off the ledge onto the couch. The lithe bastard had a slight issue with stairs. As in, he was too lazy to use them.
I sat down on the adjacent couch next to LaFayette, who was clearly talking to Jesus on the phone, and we watched Stomp.
Eric told me all the bits he liked, using feet and hands and "I love it when they hit the pipes!" He had told me that multiple times, always demonstrating in a spectacularly spastic fashion.
LaFayette hung up the phone.
"How's Jesus?" I asked, not even trying to hide my smile.
"He's good. He's flying in next week, on his birthday no less." He grinned as he ran a hand over his head.
"On his birthday?" I questioned to make sure I heard him correctly.
"Well, you know what that means?" Eric asked with a wicked grin as we both looked over at him with blank expressions. "We're throwing a party!"
I hope that was sort of satisfying and worth the wait. The smutty wonderfulness is coming, I promise. I'm trying to make this a practice in smut so there will eventually be a lot.
The song that Sookie sings in the chapter is called "Blood Hands" by Royal Blood. It's an awesome song that I have posted a link to on my profile page if you have any interest in hearing what it sounds like.
I'm 6 reviews away from 100. I didn't realize until I started writing the authors note. It's so amazing that you guys keep reviewing and reading even though I'm the slowest writer ever! Anyway if you can take time to review it would be more than appreciated and loved. I love knowing what you think. Also if you have a question or concern please message me. I will always message back.
Summer Nights fans - I have chapter 21 with my beta. I struggled immensely with it but I think I've over come my fear of writing this story again. It's happening. I've started writing chapter 22 and chapter 23 is more or less done. So more is coming eventually.
Thanks for reading and I hope to post again soon.