Here we are with another bad night. This is getting to be a habit. This is a repost, I am not sure what happened the first time, but it was not what I planning to do, then I could not login to fix it.
Now I have made references to three much better stories by much better writers than my crap. My version of the "Who are You Challenge" (and yes I still have a story to stink up that great collection).
I have to give a huge thank you to jagged1 for taking the time to beta this for me.
Wow, there were many super points that I never thought about and my grammar always sucked. I was in awe when I saw the comments. So send all the good praise that way, and all the flames to me, since I tinkered with it afterward.
So on with the show!
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"I'm sorry to have to be the one to break the news to you, but your husband is not who you think he is."
Ellie Woodcomb is sitting in a small chair in front of a large wooden desk in the small oval office. Staring at the woman sitting behind it in a large overstuffed chair, Ellie feels smaller than she can ever remember feeling.
"His full time job is not as a surgeon. We recruited him in college in order to get close to your family. You see, in reality he is a spy for the United States of America and your father, although you may think he is a nutbar, is actually a very important asset that keeps slipping though our fingers like a buttered baby."
Ellie stares silently at her husband as he rips off his scrubs revealing a tux underneath.
The person speaking was a blonde woman, dress in a tight military garb, General something or other. She had seen her somewhere before, but Ellie could not place it.
"While you might have lots of questions, I'm afraid that they really don't matter to me in the least, and any objections you might have, well just suck it up, princess." the general stated.
"That is why we have ordered your husband to remove your voice box while you slept last night and Crazy Glued your arms to that chair this morning. You see, you have become a liability to us. Agent Awesome is reluctant to seduce the forty or fifty women every week in order to get the required information from the enemy agents posing as an endless stream of hot models, especially after the incident at his bachelor party."
Ellie stiffened; now she remembered the bimbo.
"We have therefore decided that you must be modified so that Agent Awesome can perform to the level of awesomeness needed."
Ellie tried to speak, but there is only silence. She looks at the small box marked 'Ellie's voice' now on her lap.
The door opens and another blonde, looking exactly like the general, comes in and puts a tray with tea and cookies down on the desk and walks out. Beyond the door, there are several others, all looking exactly like the blonde, who seem to be waiting for something.
Looking at some papers on her desk, the general turns to her. "So what will occur will be the insertion of an on-off switch located behind your left ear, and a mute button by your right."
The general pours herself some tea. "However, due to budget cuts, we do not have the funding to modify your own voice box, so we had to go with an off the shelf one from Toys-R-Us. If anyone asks why you sound like .... Optimus Prime, we have automatically programmed the voice to say you have the flu. There will be 10 other pre assigned voice clips. If our budget increases, we will see about adding other phrases. Now, there is a note here about batteries... Are you sure that they go there?" She shows the note to Agent Awesome. Taking the note dramatically, he throws the paper down onto the desk without reading it.
With a super bright smile, he says "Indeed."
The general sighs. "It's a good thing you are so very pretty, Agent Awesome."
"Indeed!"
"Now Mrs Woodcomb, we think it wuld be prudent for you to be away from the hospital for, well forever, so what we have done is have a Mark 3 baby assigned to you. This baby will mean that you will become a stay at home mom. Now I know that this baby will not look anything like you. But it will look like your husband. So that will have to suffice for the moment, and allow Agent Awesome to begin his training as the next Agent Awesome."
There is a noise at the door and Sarah Walker enters the room. Her arms move up and down, and her foot comes up, kicking occasionally. She robotically walks through the door leaving a splintered mess. With a glazed look on her face, the heel of her shoe breaks and she falls over in a crash, arms and legs still moving as if she was walking forward.
"Ah, Agent Bartowski I see the modifications to your girlfriend have been a success. Thank you for retrieving the information from that sandwich girl. Good job. I hear she could not even remember her own name by the seventh hour. Now if you can be so kind as to take your sister for processing, that will be all."
Chuck enters dramatically wearing the same tux and holding a remote starts fiddling with the controls'
"Of course General Dudette Bombshell." Behind him was a very very pregnant Jill Roberts in a really huge tux and with a set of devil horns growing out of her head. "Chuckie, can Agent Awesome come back to your place with us, I need a full, complete check-up!"
"Sure, anything for the mother of my eight children, my new nephew, Morgan's twenty two children and the sister Ellie and I never knew we had!"
"Indeed!" and Agent Awesome strikes a new pose that causes the muscles in his arm to rip out of the tux. Jill, with a wide eye look, comes over and squeezes his arm. "Follow me, big boy." and they leave the room.
Sarah stops moving, and in a second gets up and with superhuman strength, she lifts the chair with Ellie and turns the chair to face her smiling bother. "No worries, sis, in a few hours you will be the perfect wife and sister. Didn't dad do such an awesome job on Sarah?"
"Indeed!" is heard from the hallway.
Suddenly, Chuck accidently drops the remote as he looks down. Ellie looks around and realizes that no one is wearing pants.
The general starts smiling from ear to ear. "I see Agent Casey is early for his debriefing,.Please send him in as you leave. The take-a-number machine is set up in the lobby; please do not shoot the others just to take their ticket to get ahead. There is more than enough Casey for everyone."
THUD!
Ellie finds herself on the floor beside her couch.
"OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP!"
Ellie grabs her throat and runs her hands behind her ears. Finally relieved that no 'upgrades' have been made, she gets up and goes over to the phone lying beside the rented movies on the table. The Stepford Wives and the latest James bond.
"Hi Sarah."
"No, nothing is wrong."
"Well, it's silly really; you know those movies we rented yesterday for our 'Girls Night' last night? I had this crazy dream that Jill Roberts was back and she was pregnant and a spy. You smashed down the door, and Casey was a stud - oh,get this - Chuck and Devon were expert spies in seduction. Weird, huh? Sarah? Are you there? Sarah? Gosh you sound terrible, do you have a cold?"
A/N
Just my little homage to Malamoo's great "Chuck vs the Second Chance: and Wepdiggy parody of it. He's hoping that it will get them to update faster (hint hint)!
I had to throw in a reference to Wep's "Super Casey" as well, just because I want to hint at a chapter where Casey is Batman!
These references were used without permission, Wep or Moo's stuff, Any Chuck or BSG reference, the Sun, The Moon, Global Warming and the computer you are reading this on does not belong to me, and never will.