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Chapter 7

Impasse

Three days later I was still stomping around the cottage. I had called Renesme and Jacob the day after the family dinner, but told them I didn't have an answer and I wasn't sure when I was going to. I sensed Renesme was choosing her words carefully, trying not to betray her disappointment. When Jacob asked me if Edward had calmed down, I asked him if he was planning on dropping a motorcycle by my house. He laughed it off, saying no, clearly picking up on my meaning. I appreciated him playing along, and shielding Nessie from the truth.

I had spent the last two days and nights away from Edward. It was the longest we had been apart since before our marriage. The separation was more than unusual, and further punctuated by the fact that Edward had not tried to contact me in any way. Apparently the fight we'd had was as emotional to him as it was to me, and neither one of us was ready to back down. Edward and I had found another impasse.

Despite the distance between our homes, I knew the entire family had heard the argument. It did not surprise me when Carlisle and Esme came to the cottage that afternoon. They were both sensitive to our need for space and privacy, but I knew they would want to talk about what had happened. I was glad to see them, and flung myself into Esme's arms as soon as I opened the door.

She stroked and soothed me, pulling me back into the cottage with her. Carlisle's eyes were sad, and I suspected that the stress of the situation made him miss his ability to slip away to the hospital right now even more than usual.

I looked at both of my guests and asked, "So is he driving you crazy?" I smiled when I said it, but I knew they would both see through my attempt at humor.

"No" Esme smoothed. "You and Edward are always welcome at our home." I looked at Carlisle for confirmation and saw the smile playing at the corners of his mouth. Yep, Edward was driving them crazy. I nestled again into Esme's arms and took a deep, unnecessary breath.

I knew they were both waiting for me to speak. I wanted to unload, tell them everything that had happened – not because they didn't know but because I needed to talk about it. I wanted to tell them I was furious, confused and unbelievably hurt. I wanted to scream, cry, and rip something apart.

Instead, I let Esme rock me back and forth, and asked the hardest question, the only question that really mattered to me, "Will we get through this?"

Carlisle sat down next to us and stroked my hand. When he didn't answer immediately, I realized that the fury, the confusion, anger, was nothing compared to the fear. Was I about to have to face the hardest decision of my vampire life without Edward by my side?

Carlisle responded, trying obviously to sooth and inform at the same time. "Bella, I am sure you and Edward will get through this, as I am sure will Nessie and Jacob. None of us are sure how, yet, but our family has always found a way thus far."

The emotional floodgates opened in me and my words came through in a burst, "You don't understand…What happened…What we said…What I said…It was horrible. I was just so angry. I still can't believe he acted as though I had no say, as if I wasn't…capable. As if I couldn't understand. I haven't felt that way in such a long time, and I don't want to go back to that. I am so ashamed, so furious, so…scared."

"I think we have a good idea about what was said, and Edward has filled in a lot of the gaps. Bella, you must understand, Edward has a lot of the same feelings as you do." Esme said quietly.

Carlisle nodded in agreement and went on, "Edward excels at a great many things, but his protectiveness of you has always been something that he struggles with. He feels as though no one can take care of you but him. He struggles with the same feeling with Nessie as well, but I think it's been tempered with the fact that he has always had you and Jacob as allies."

"I understood when I was human. Edward was so much more experienced, more mature, more…well, more everything…than I was. But I am not a teenager anymore. I might not be as old as he is, but I thought that we had become equals, and the first real chance he has to show me that we are, he refuses to even discuss it with me," I whined.

Esme and Carlisle glanced quickly at each other, and it was Esme who answered. "Sweetheart, I don't think Edward realizes that you needed a confirmation that you were equals. I truly believe he has felt that way all along. In some cases, I think he feels you were the one who was more everything." I huffed, and she smiled patiently.

"Bella, equals or not, Edward is still protective of you. The rational side of him is at war with the part of him that wants to scoop you up and hide you away from all this. I am not saying that he is right, and I have told him so, but it does come from a place of extraordinary love," she finished.

"I hear what you are saying. I do. But…" I trailed off, unsure of my own thoughts.

Carlisle stood up, and brought me up to him. Somehow they both seemed to understand I needed the physical connection to them. "Bella, talk to Edward. Come to the house tonight. We will make sure you can be alone and talk without interruption. "

Before I could voice the immature, foot stomping, temper tantrum I wanted to have about how he should be the one to come to me, Carlisle looked down at me and said, "We may know he should be the one to speak first, but can you just accept him as he is, warts and all?" I laughed, in spite of myself. If there was a Cullen with warts, I was sure it was me. I nodded and agreed to be at their house in two hours.