Chapter 6: What the hell happened to Bella Swan?

Izzy/Bella's POV

I jumped on my bike and revved the engine. God, did I love how she purred under me. I had won her in a game of poker against some beefed up knucklehead. Needless to say, when I went to claim her, he thought I was just a helpless female, and tried to renounce on the bet. I broke all his fingers and smashed a chair over his head. After that, it got a little hazy, and I vaguely remember that an all out brawl broke out. I'm not sure how I managed it but I walked out of there with only a minor concussion and a few bruised knuckles. Oh and my bike of course. I was pretty dang proud of myself that night. Of course that was the last time I played poker though.

I drove to the only place I could get any peace. The library. It was the only part of old Bella Swan that still existed. I parked my baby and ran up the stairs. The automatic doors opened, and cold conditioned air hit me mixed in with the sweet smell old literature. I would never get sick of the smell. I sucked in a big breath, and stalked past the front desk.

Little Beth Cummings popped her head up from under the desk, and looked at me, smiling softly. Her short blonde hair was tucked behind her ears, and it was obvious that she was trying to sort the returned items. She knew I only came here when I was trying to escape something. I saluted her silently and made my way to the back, smiling at the fact my regular booth and chair was waiting for me. Good cause I don't feel like knocking someone out in a library. I sat down, and slouched into the chair as far as humanly possible. I brought one leg up resting my jaw on my knee, and stared at my reflection in the window.

I smirked. I bet they got the shock of their undead lives when they saw me. Emmett was pretty funny last night too. I lost count how many times his jaw hit the floor over how much I had changed. I wonder if they already told Edward about me. Who cares. He means nothing to me.

So your lying to yourself now are you?

No…yes…no...God I don't know

Gah! I thought I had buried these things along with klutzy, shy, mousy Bella Swan.

I guess not huh?

I thought back to the day when Edward told me he didn't love me or want me anymore, and that I was just another distraction on a long list of distractions for him. I hated how weak I was back then. I hated how I just let him off so easily. I hated how I lost myself and fell into a walking coma. I hated the looks I got from everyone. Poor little Bella Swan.

Of course Jacob had helped. In fact it was him who had put me on this path to who I became. Not intentionally of course. We spent hours tinkering in his garage fixing our bikes together. He taught me the ins and outs of a bike, and I finally found something that didn't remind me of Edward. I fell head over heels in love with my bike. I'm sure Jacob would have wanted me to fall head over heels for him, but it was too complicated. Besides my bike could never hurt the way a man could. I guess that's why I never let a man close to me again. I don't think I could survive that kind of pain.

I remember the exact day I had decided to get rid of poor Bella Swan. A few months after graduation, I had a massive blow out with Charlie about failing to apply to any colleges. I stormed out, jumping on my bike and sped off. I made my way to Port Angeles, and parked the bike in front of a bar. I was still seething over my fight with Charlie so I stormed in, and took a seat at the bar. The bartender asked if I needed a drink, and before I could order it, some ass decided I was in his seat. To this day I still can't believe I told him to fuck off. But he continued his little rant about how it was his chair, and I started seeing red. I slowly got of the chair turned to face him, and then decked him. My hand hurt like all hell when I smacked him, but damn it felt so good.

For such a long time I had no power. Everyone told me what I could and couldn't do. Charlie, Renee, my teachers, the sprinkling of human friends I had, Alice, Jacob and Edward. Edward. The person who controlled me the most. The person I let control me the most. But then, in that one punch, I gained power and so much more. I had freedom. I had adrenaline. I had control. The anger that coursed through my veins felt white hot, and oh so good. It burned up all the sorrow I had been carrying for all those months, tossing it to the side like it was trash. That one punch opened the flood gates, and I was no longer trying to hold myself together. I realized I was holding myself back. Suddenly I was very angry. Angry at everything and everyone. But most of all I was angry at Edward for leaving me, for not loving me like I had loved him.

Loved him?

Pur-lease! You're still head over heels.

Yeah, but anger always trumps love.

After I was tossed out of the bar, I jumped on my bike, snuck home, packed a few things and left. I didn't say goodbye to anyone. Not Charlie. Not even Jacob. I felt guilty for doing it, but I needed to get away, and I knew they would try to change my mind.

When I finally got to Seattle, the first fear jumped me. I only had a little money saved for my non existent college, and I had no idea what I was going to do. So I ran to the safest place I knew of…the library. That's were I met Beth Cummings. She had spotted me in this booth all those years ago, going to pieces. She let me stay at her place till I got the job at the Duke's, and found my apartment. I later repaid the favor by belting her dick of a ex-boyfriend, when he went all stalker on her.

Duke's was one of the best things that happened to me. As rough as it was, I found a family there. Carl, the owner, was weird to the max. He never let anyone come close to him, and was always away on "business trips," but what kind of out of town business would a hard ass bar be going after, I'll never know. It wasn't my place to ask and it would probably bore the fuck out of me if I did. Kirk, a fellow bartender, took me under his wing, catching me when I fell, drinking with me to all hours of the morning, teaching me how to fight properly and backing me up when I did get into those fights. And I got into a lot of fights. I was just always so angry. I knew why I was but I liked me angry. It was better than feeling sorry for myself.

I was fine with who I had became until this morning. Fucking Cullen's. The look in their eyes brought to the surface all the feelings that were buried deep. Guilt, shame, sadness. But anger trumped all those emotions too, and I made sure that they would never forget that messing with me was a bad idea. I banged my head gently against the glass, closing my eyes.

"Izzy?"

I looked up and smiled sadly at Beth. I remember the first time she asked my name. I freaked out thinking that maybe Charlie would be looking for me. I was positive he would call every law enforcement agency this side of the equator in his bid to find me, and I was a bit torn when nothing appeared on the news or on milk cartons. One side of me, I suppose that would be 'Izzy', was happy that they had just left me alone while sad little Bella kept thinking how bad it must have been, to actually live with me in those months after Edward left. I obviously didn't dwell on it to long. I don't like to dwell. Period. So when Beth asked me my name I thought quickly, and settled on Izzy. It was still me, just better. Izzy wouldn't take shit from no one, and to this day I haven't.

"Hey Beth, how you doing?"

"I'm good, how bout you?"

I sighed and leaned back on the glass.

"Oh Iz."

Beth leaned in and hugged me. I don't exactly know how it happened, but I started to cry. Great big, body wrenching sobs racked my body. I clung to her, and she patted my back soothingly. She didn'task what was wrong, she just held me knowing that being there for me was all I needed. I knew there was a reason why I liked her. When the tears finally subsided, she handed me a tissue.

"You know there is always a bed at my place if you want to kip there."

I nodded wiping my eyes, and as I looked around I saw the few people in the library looking at me. I couldn't believe that had just happened. I haven't cried in forever, and even though it felt good I knew that something was very wrong and I need to fix it. But how?

I know it was all Edwards fault. He was the one who burned me. He needs to hurt like you hurt. I flinched at how harsh my inner voice had become, but knew that there was some truth there. He had no idea what he did to me. He was probably didn't even give me another thought after he left me in those woods, and yet he was always in the back of my mind, stalking my memories.

He should…

I should…

Yes!

That's it…the idea sprung into my head. It was crazy and insane and totally me. I grinned up at Beth and she looked at me slightly worried. She knew me well enough that I was going to do something totally outrageous.

"Thanks Beth, but I think I need to deal with this problem now."

"That's my girl." She smiled at me, patting my arm. I watched as she turned, and walked back to the front counter and buried herself in the returned books again. I turned back to my reflection, took a deep breathe and squared my shoulders.

It's time to go deal with Edward Cullen.