Chapter 19: Jacob Black man of mystery.

Izzy's POV

I walked past Alice not bothering to look at her. If I did I would probably loose my composure, and I didn't need that right now. I needed space from everyone. I needed to work out my goddamn feelings, and where I fucking stood in this mess.

When I reached my bedroom I collapsed on my bed, and then choked at all the dust that had invaded my lungs.

God Charlie it's not that hard to dust.

I had no idea what I was going to do. I didn't know if I was going to stay or go, but I needed Edward to hear what he had actually said to me. I knew he had probably said it to keep me safe, but it had the exact opposite effect.

Arh push this shit aside Izzy.

Charlie will be home soon, and you need to be functioning on some human level.

Charlie did come home early, and I was glad all the Cullens had vacated to give us some privacy. I told him I had fallen down the stairs when he freaked out about my wrist. He chuckled and commented on me still being klutz. If only he knew. After two pizzas, an unwatched movie and a sore throat from talking and laughing with Charlie we said a tearful goodbye. I promised that I would return soon, and I would be there for the wedding in seven months.

The ride home was tense. I rode with Emmett and Rose in the Jeep. Rose kept glancing over at me, and I wondered if she thought I was going to hack her to pieces with my knife. Every time I moved she twitched.

Emmett however got the entire fight story out of me, and crowed with victory when I explained how I cut her head off! I laughed along with him, but deep down I was severely disturbed by my lack of feeling when it came to killing another being regardless on whether or not she wanted to kill me.

Alice refused to look at me and I knew exactly why. Carlisle and Esme had been told what Edward had said to me ,and the look of pain whenever they glanced at me caused me to shrink away from them. I didn't want their pity. I had gotten over it…at least I hoped so.

I didn't see Edward until after I got home. Even then I fled upstairs to my room and slept for almost two days. Rose would come in and bring me food, but apart from that I didn't see any other Cullens.

I woke up on the third day and went in for a shower. I put a plastic bag over my wrist which looked so stupid, but it was necessary. I let the hot water slide over my body, and I leant against the cold tiles imagining it was Edward. That night in the forest I had given into all my anger and showed Edward what it was like to be on the other end of that conversation.

I heaved as I felt the truth pressing into me. I loved Edward. I had always loved him. Hate was the emotion that kept me going. It had been useful to feel it. I had been to the utter pits of despair and the extremity of hatred. They had made me stronger and more durable, but underneath it all I was just hiding the cold fact that I still loved Edward Cullen.

Edward fucking Cullen.

I turned off the shower and dried myself thoroughly before turning to the misted up mirror. I wiped the steam off the mirror with my good hand and stepped back. My long hair stuck to my shoulders and I turned and dropped the towel. My body was in its best possible form. My arms were carved from hours in the gym. My shoulders were strong, and my breasts were firm and pert. My eyes skimmed down my stomach, and I smiled because this was my favourite body part. The skin was smooth but tight, and when I tensed a beautiful six pack revealed itself. I turned around and noticed with the movement how curved my legs were. I looked across my shoulder and saw the muscles of my back pucker and release. My spine was straight ending with my very firm, very round ass.

I picked up the towel and wrapped it around me. I did this every morning. It was my self affirmation I guess. I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and silently padded out to my room. I grabbed some skinny leg ksubi jeans and an old AC/DC shirt. As I pulled it over my head I heard a soft knock on my door.

"Come in," I muttered grabbing my gold snakeskin converse sneakers and sitting down on the bed. I looked up to see Emmett walk in. He smiled at me and sat down next to me on my bed.

"How you doing kiddo?" he asked. I shrugged my shoulders as I pulled the sneaker on. I pulled my hair back from my face and turned to look at Emmett. He grimaced.

"Jacob's downstairs," he murmured. I nodded and got up. As I turned around I leant in and gave Emmett a hug. He hugged me back so hard I almost passed out. But he needed this, and I would let him.

"Please don't leave Izzy," he whispered into my shoulder. I pulled back suddenly.

"I'm not leaving. Whatever gave you that idea."

"Edward and Alice they told everyone you're leaving."

I giggled. "Silly Emmy bear I ain't leaving. What you think the Cullen clan can survive with out me?"

"Then why…"

"Because he needed to hear that he doesn't get his way all the time. That he can't control everything and everyone."

Emmett nodded quietly than let out a huge whoop. I laughed as he scooped me up and twirled me round.

"Little sissy is going to stay," he sang in a very off pitch voice.

As he placed me down I chuckled and headed towards the door. As we made our way downstairs Emmett and I started telling yo mama jokes at each other. He had some real interesting ones.

"Yo mama is so fat she fell in love and broke it."

I laughed. "Yo mamma is so fat her legs are like spoiled milk white and chunky."

"Aaah gross."

My head snapped to the deep voice that situated from the couch. He was older than I remember and a hell of a lot bigger too. He stood up, and I took an unnecessary step back. He held out his hands.

"I'm not going to hurt you Bella."

"Izzy," I snarled. His brow knotted in confusion. He just didn't get it. I had every right to be angry at him. He had betrayed me by stalking me. It was all kinds of creepy.

"What? You think me finding out you were stalking me was going to be fine with me Black. Think again." My eyes darted around the room. Esme sat on the arm of the chair next to Carlisle, and Jasper stood close to the door. I could feel him trying to emit waves of calm, but they wouldn't work on me.

"Look Bella-"

"Izzy you filthy mutt," I yelled at him.

Esme gasped. "Izzy that's not nice."

I looked down trying to reign in my anger. As I counted the breaths I pulled and pushed out of me I started to think back. To our time when we would sit in Jake's little garage and tinker until it was dark. How we would splash each other down at the beach. How Paul and he would get into a fight whenever Paul would make me blush. I realized that he did everything for me. This was my Jacob, my best friend, my confident. I looked up and took in a big breath.

"Look Jake what you did was wrong. I realize why you did it, but it was so very wrong."

Jake looked down ashamed. "I'm so sorry Bella," he murmured.

I sucked in some air. This was Jacob. I doubt I could stay angry at him for very long, and to be honest I was getting tired of being angry. So I decided to get it over with and just forgive him. I smiled and launched myself at him. He caught me easily and laughed.

"Ya smell like vampire."

I giggled. "Emmett and I got it on in the bedroom."

I glanced up at Emmett who was grinning and giving me the thumbs up. I shook my head as Jacob put me down.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" he asked quietly.

I nodded, and we headed outside. I let Jacob steer me down a path, and we talked about silly things for a while. Then as we rounded a corner I pulled up.

"Jake? Carl?"

Jacob's whole frame hunched, and in that one moment I saw the boy in the man. It wasn't fair he had to deal with all this shit. It wasn't fair that he thought he had to protect me from the world. It wasn't fair that he had to deal with the death of a pack brother. It just wasn't fair.

"Jake," I whispered. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

He nodded and then stared down at me before enveloping me in a hot hug. I sobbed into his chest. I cried for him, for Carl, for the pack, for the Cullen's. But most of all I cry for me and for Edward. I cried because I knew that this shit was all my fault. I knew that if I had been stronger I would have never left Forks. Never forced the pack's hand, never met Edward again. I cried harder at that. Because despite the fact that I felt guilty for everything, I did not regret finding Edward again. Jacob pulled me closer as he smoothed my hair down and shushed me.

"Its ok Bella honey. It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault. Sometimes fate has a different idea for us."

I pulled out and looked up at him. He had grown up in so many ways since I last saw him. His size rivalled Emmett's, and his blue black hair was tied tightly up. His face had matured remarkably, the childhood puppy fat melted away long ago. His jaw was strong and straight as was his nose and the crinkles around his eyes told me that he was happy at least.

He grinned, and I was immediately reminded of cheeky Jacob who would try to steal kisses from me in his garage. I guess some things you never grow out of, and for that I was glad. I smiled softly and then sighed.

"It must have taken a lot of guts to ask for help from Edward considering you hate him."

Jacob groaned and pulled me to the ground. His arm was slung lazily around my waist, and we both stuck our feet out in front of us. He looked up into the sky then rubbed the back of his neck.

"I don't hate him Bella," he said softly, and I looked into his eyes. He was being sincere. I opened my mouth, but he shook his head.

"Bella I understand why he did what he did," Jake said a little too quickly. I tensed and made a move to get up, but Jacob stopped me. Anger coursed through my body but I couldn't move in Jacob's grip.

"Wait Bella. Listen to what I've got to say please. God! Your anger rivals a werewolf," he muttered.

"Shape shifter," I corrected him.

"Whatever. Werewolf sounds cooler," he said as he rolled his eyes. I laughed and looked out on the sun coming over the trees.

"Bella he did it to protect you. He did what he thought was right. And yeah I get it, he hurt you. Hell it hurt me. I hated seeing you like that. I hated that I was the one who picked up the pieces. I hated that the one piece I wanted to pick up he had taken with him. And when you ran well it hurt me more than you'll know."

Jacob released his grip on me and wrung his hands together. He seemed far away.

"Sam gave me leave to track you while they dealt with Victoria. But we realized it wasn't enough, and we needed more of us there with you. Luckily Carl had just moved to take over his uncle Duke's bar and it was easy to plant the flyer on your car for employment. I spent the next two years standing watch stopping myself from grabbing you when you got into fights or bad situations. I realised that we couldn't protect you from everything, and that you needed to learn by yourself. I kept Charlie informed of everything with the exceptions of a few details."

We sat in silence as his words sunk in. He hadn't stepped in. He had let me make my own decisions and my own mistakes. He had just dealt with the supernatural side of my life when I didn't want to. I was infinitely grateful to him for letting me be.

"When did you get wise Jake?"

He leaned back, pulled out a picture from his wallet and handed it to me. I stared at the woman who was obviously pregnant. She was staring lovingly up at Jacob, and he had the biggest grin as he looked at the camera. Tears prickled my eyes.

"Oh Jake. You imprinted," I whispered.

"Yep. It came out of nowhere too. She was getting coffee from Starbucks, and I ran into her. Her coffee spilt all over me, but of course I couldn't feel it being the hottie that I am. I told her I loved her right then. She just sighed, and told me that she loved me as well. Her name is May, and she's my whole world Bells. I still love you, but not that way anymore honey. You are more like a sister."

I sighed and leaned against him

"I'm glad you found her Jake."

"Me too Bells, me too."

"And that's why I don't hate Edward anymore. Because if he never left you I would never would have found May."

I understood then, and I closed my eyes. I felt them pop open when I realized something.

"Jake? What happened to Kirk?

Jacob snorted. "Kirk is my cousin. He had no idea about us until we saw Carl phase. Then we had to tell him everything. He was more stringent with you after that. But Kirk is entirely human, and so is Coops."

"Is he ok though?"

"Yeah, bruised ribs, collapsed lung and a broken wrist. Not to mention a killer concussion. But he'll be fine…he was more worried about you."

I snorted. "What an idiot!"

We were silent for a while, and then I released a huge yawn. Jake chuckled against me.

"Bells you really need to sleep."

I shook my head. How could I be so tired? I had just slept for two day straight. I stood up and Jacob followed. We started back to the house when a thought struck me. I grinned wickedly.

"Hey is the baby yours, or are you stealing another man's glory?"

He laughed, "Yes Bells. The baby is mine."

"Oh yeah? How can you tell?"

"Well on the ultrasound he had a big-"

"Jacob," I yelled to cut him off. He laughed when I cuffed him in the arm. I was too short to make his head.

"Didn't hurt Bells," he taunted me. I snorted as he bent down to give me a piggy back ride. I hugged his neck and leaned in close to his ear.

"I missed you Jacob," I whispered. He nodded, and I felt him swallow beneath my hands. Who would have thought Jacob Black all choked up. As we got to the front door I felt Jacob tense up, and I remembered how hard it must be for him to be around so many vampires. Emmett opened the door and smiled at me. I hopped down, and Jake turned around. I smiled sadly as I reached out and grabbed his hand. He looked down at our entwined hands, and then back at me.

"Take care Bella baby."

"You too Jake. I love you."

"I love you to Bells."

I watched him turn slowly and run towards the cover of the trees. At the edge he turned seemingly searching for something. Jake's dark eyes found mine, and he saluted before phasing and disappearing altogether. I hugged Emmett hard hiding my tears from everyone.