"Shush Be-bel," Emmett murmured. I sobbed harder and pulled away from Emmett's chest.

"Jasper," I wailed, and he was at my side within an instant. Despite the fact his gift had no effect on me I still needed his presence. He took me gently from Emmett's grasp and lifted me up, bridal style. He shot up to my room and settled me on my bed. I moved to the middle of my bed tucking my knees under my chin and looked at him.

"You need to do this Izzy."

I straightened out my legs, and my arms fell to my side. Jasper moved to my side and patted my leg. He nodded quietly, and I took a deep breath.

I screamed. It was heart wrenching and painful, yet I screamed. I screamed so loud I felt all the Cullens crowd at my door trying to get through the door at the same time. I heard Jasper tell them that I needed to do this and to leave me alone. I continued to scream. I screamed until it fell away to body wracking sobs, and I moaned against Jasper's chest. He didn't say anything, just rocked me slowly until I whimpered and disappeared into my dreams.

My dreams were eventful to say the least. I was standing in the forest again staring cruelly down at Edward. He held a beating heart in his hand. He looked sadly up at me, and I reached for the heart. It felt warm in my hand, and I gasped when it thumped in my hand. Steady heartbeats permeated my hand, and I looked down at it in horror. As I tore my eyes away from the beating bloody heart I saw the gaping hole in Edward's chest. A unnatural moan escaped his lips, and I felt the heart shrivel and blacken in my grasp. It was only then that I realized I was squeezing it. I wanted to stop, but I couldn't. My hand wouldn't allow me. I sobbed as I watched Edward fall to the ground.

I glanced at the heart and it continued to die in my hands before it turned to dust. The wind picked it up and carried it away from me. I looked to where Edward was and realized I was alone.

"Arh!"

I woke with a start and frantically tore at my clothes.

"Izzy, Izzy," Jasper cold hands grabbed mine and tried to still them. I pressed my hand against my chest and sighed when I felt the steady thump of my heart. Jasper dropped his hands from mine, and I only just worked out that it was pitch black.

How long had I slept?

"Jazz, please," I murmured. I felt Jasper lift me and cradled my in his lap. I leaned into his neck and inhaled his scent. It was so comforting and calming, but I needed to know.

"Please Jazz tell me what I'm feeling,"

I felt him shake his head. "No Izzy that's not right for me to do darlin', and you know it."

I was silent. I knew what he meant. If I couldn't work out my own feelings I didn't deserve to feel them. I felt Jazz's hand work in small circle over my lower back.

"Come on Izzy you can do it. Just feel," Jasper whispered. So I did. I relaxed against him and closed my eyes.

I felt incredible anger. Anger towards everyone. Anger for the Cullens because they left me. Anger at Kirk for lying to me about his involvement with the pack. Anger for Jacob for not trusting me to take care of myself. Anger towards Edward for breaking me and leaving me broken. But I was mostly angry at myself. Because I wasn't strong enough in the beginning and not forgiving enough in the end. Anger because I knew I loved Edward but continued to ignore it. Anger at the fact I still loved him.

I felt it and let it wash over me. I heard and felt Jasper tense and growl next to me but I ignored him. He was just feeling what I felt.

And then is dissipated. The anger was gone, and I felt surprisingly light. Another feeling encompassed me. Fear. I gripped Jasper tighter as it washed over me like a blanket. It suffocated me, and I moaned. I was scared of loving Edward. Scared of him hurting me again. Scared of giving myself fully to him. Scared of laying myself so open and bare again. The fear wrapped around me, twisting my stomach in painful knots and constricting my heart. I grabbed at it trying to release the pressure, but once again Jasper pulled it away.

"Feel it Izzy, you need to accept it," he murmured.

I sobbed and felt it push hard on my chest. It delved into all my bright memories tainting them and darkening my soul. And then as suddenly as it was there it was gone. I sighed heavily against Jasper.

"Well done Izzy… now do you feel it," Jasper whispered into my ear. I frowned. What was I supposed to be feeling? The pain the fear the anger was gone, but now I felt empty.

And then it hit me so hard I grasped to pull oxygen into my lungs. Tears pooled in my eyes and ran down my cheeks. I felt it, and it was so powerful so awe inspiring I could barely breathe.

The love that freight trained into me drove mercilessly around my body pulling the dark places into the light. It plunged deeper into me wrapping itself delicately around my heart and making it pump and beat stronger in its cage. I cried out as I realized everything.

I loved Edward. No I was in love with Edward. I wanted to be with him near him always around him. Even though the horrors of my past still played coyly in my memories they stayed there. In my past. My future was no longer tainted with anger or hatred. Edward stood there holding his arms out waiting for me.

"Edward," I whispered. Jasper sighed.

"Well done Izzy."

I turned in his lap and tried to find his honeyed eyes in the dark. The sun was only moments away and I finally saw the butterscotch orbs. His face came into focus and he was smiling at me with pride.

"Well done little sister,"

I smiled at him. "Where is Edward?"

"He'll be home soon, Iz," he murmured.

"Thank you, thank you Jasper," I whispered against his cheek. I felt him grin, and he patted my back softly.

I clumsily climbed out of his lap and stood up. I stretched and padded over to my closet. I heard Jasper close my door, and I smiled.

He really is a great brother.

I moved quietly into the bathroom and turned on the shower. As I climbed in I giggled as the hot water hit my skin. I had never felt so light so free. Nothing pulled me down or tugged me harshly. My skin turned pink, and I heard a knock on the door. Rose peeked her head through the door.

"Izzy can I come in?"

I smiled. "Of course Rose."

She closed the door behind her and hoisted herself up on the vanity. I turned the water off and climbed out carefully, grabbing the towel and wrapping it around me. I pulled the bag off my cast and glanced at Rose.

"Are you okay Ro?"

Her eyes widened. "Me? Am I okay?"

I nodded as I grabbed another towel and started to dry my hair. Rosalie grinned.

"Of course I'm okay Izzy. I was just checking to see if you were okay."

I giggled. "I'm good Ro. Real good."

"Where is Al?" I asked as I took the bra Rose held out to me. Rosalie frowned.

"She's not so good Izzy. She is really pissed at the both of you."

I nodded. I knew that would happen. I had used her to get back at Edward, and she didn't even get to implement her own revenge on him.

As I got dressed Rosalie talked about all the things I had missed while I was sleeping or with Jasper. I laughed when I found out that Emmett tried to put a NOS system into his Jeep all by himself and systematically screwed up the entire engine.

"The Jeep is fucked. It's going to take ages to fix it."

I giggled. "Well that can be his punishment. What an idiot!"

We walked down to the kitchen, and I was surprised to find Esme and Carlisle sitting at the island in front of a massive banquet of food. I started laughing so hard I had to grip onto Rose for support.

"What is funny Izzy dear?" Esme asked with an amused expression. I gulped down a giggle and placed my hand on my chest trying to calm myself.

"It's just funny to see you two eating."

Carlisle shot Esme a frown. "We're not eating this Izzy," Carlisle murmured.

I shook my head. "Oh I know but when I saw you there it just seemed so human and then I realized that you hate human food, and …well it was funny in my head."

Esme stood up and kissed me on the forehead. "I'm sure it was dear."

I gaped at her. Esme had just mocked me. She laughed at my expression, and I couldn't help but join in. Soon all of us were laughing, and we were quickly joined by Emmett's booming cackle. As we calmed down Emmett whacked his leg and wiped an imaginary tear away chuckling deeply.

"So what's so funny?" he asked, and we all burst out into hysterics again.

After I stuffed as much food into my gut as humanly possible I excused myself to go for a walk. Everyone left me alone, and I walked slowly out to where Jasper and I had our first heart to heart. I felt him before I knew he was there.

"Izzy?"

I turned slightly and stared into his eyes.

"Hi Edward," I murmured as I attempted to smile at him. My heart strained against my chest willing me to let it pump wildly. I refused it focusing on slowing it down. There was no way I was letting Edward see how much he affected me now.

"I thought you had left already."

"I can't leave," I whispered shaking my head. "Esme needs me."

I saw his eyes dull when I added the last part. It fell from my lips unconsciously and I instantly felt my wall go back up. Protecting me from whatever was going to happen. Whatever pain I was going to inflict on myself, on Edward and vice versa.

"Izzy I need to say something, and you need to listen."

My internal instincts told me to fight. I tensed immediately at his demand and I struggled to reign my fury in. I had gone through so much, and here he was the love of my life being an arrogant fuck.

"I mean I need to say something, and I would like you to listen."

The anger started to ebb at this statement, and I focused on my breathing. I felt my body start to relax again. I looked up at Edward and nodded my head.

"I I…I," he stuttered and I was briefly amused at his flustered state. He ran his fingers through his hair.

"I love you Izzy. I always have, and I always will."

I wanted to tell him I loved him as well, but my body shut down. I couldn't move or speak. I just stared at him. He looked around frantically seemingly trying to find the right words to say.

"I changed for you when you first walked into my life. You became my sun, and I never wanted the darkness again. Then you got hurt, and I couldn't handle seeing you in pain. Because of me. Because I was the monster that had led you down the dark path."

I tried to say something. Anything, but he silenced me with a shake of his head. Like anything could actually come out of my mouth. My voice box was on lock down.

"No Izzy let me tell you how it was for me."

"So I thought you would be safer in the human world. So I left, and I said the worst thing imaginable. I lied to you, and it nearly broke me when you believed it.

He fell to his knees, and I gasped. He looked exactly the way he had been in my dream. I flexed my hand thinking I would find a beating heart but only grasping air.

"You didn't even fight Izzy. I told you I loved you how many times, and you believed me on one sentence. You didn't fight for me," he murmured staring at the ground. A sob escaped his hunched form, and I tried to get my mouth to work. To fix this.

"You were so believable," I whispered. He looked up at me, and I saw the pain and grief in his eyes. My eyes pricked with tears, and I tried to blink them away. He tore his eyes from mine and stared into the forest.

"I'm a vampire Izzy I have to be good at lying to keep up appearances. You knew I was good and yet you just laid down and accepted my words. And there I felt that you didn't love me enough. Because you didn't fight. You didn't fight for me."

He was right. I didn't fight for him, and I wondered if I did love him enough. I heard him sigh and look up into the trees.

"Leaving you was one of the hardest things I had ever done. I refused to hunt I refused to talk or smile. God Izzy do you realize that it has been six years since I smiled or laughed. I hated myself."

God Izzy look what you did.

Shut up we both did this

Well fix it, and I'll shut up.

"Good," I snapped at my internal voice. Edward was suddenly standing, and he rounded sharply on me. I tensed at how close he was to me.

"Why do you keep torturing me? I get it okay. I'm a miserable piece of trash who doesn't deserve to live. I don't think you realize that it isn't possible to hate me more than I hate myself. I would kill myself if I had the chance Izzy. I really would. The world might be a better place."

I felt all the blood drop away from my face, and I stumbled away from him. Never had I wanted him to feel he wasn't good enough to live regardless whether we sorted our shit out or not. He relaxed his stance and ran his fingers through his hair again.

"I don't care how you play it Izzy. We are both at fault. You didn't fight for me, and I didn't think you were strong enough when clearly you were. I was incredibly selfish, and you were incredibly ignorant. We broke each others heart in different ways, but that's just it. They are both broken, and we are both in pain."

I glanced down. He was right. We both were incredibly flawed, and I doubted we could have worked before. One of us would have had to give up everything for the other, and that didn't seem very fair.

I felt his cold fingers grip my chin and lift my face towards his. His eyes held so much sadness, so much pain and grief.

"I'm sorry for hurting you, for breaking your spirit, for not respecting you enough," he whispered. I closed my eyes and felt the tears fall down my face. He was sorry, and I believed him. I took my hand and cupped his moving it gently so held my face. I leaned into his hand.

"I'm sorry for not fighting for us, for just giving up," I murmured into his hand. I felt his other hand move to my other cheek and the pads of his thumb brush my tears away. He moved in close, and I could feel his lips just touching mine.

"I love you Izzy. There is no world for me without you," he whispered, and I felt every syllable leave his lips. I sobbed and opened my eyes.

"I love you too Edward."

I flicked my tongue out to lick my lips and faintly touched his with it. He sighed quietly, and I stared into his honeyed eyes. The grief and sadness was all but gone. I was about to lean in and kiss him when his hands moved down my neck, across my shoulders and gripped my hips. All thoughts stuttered to a halt as he pulled me down to the ground. His legs splayed out in odd angles and mine over the top of his. I placed my hands on his shoulders, and he smiled at me. I couldn't help but smile back at him.

We sat in silence for awhile playing with each other's shirts. I was trying to absorb everything that had happened over the last couple of months. No wonder I was so tired.

"I've changed again, Izzy."

I frowned and moved my hand away from him.

Why does he have to ruin a good moment?

"The night you came home with the Bugatti. I ran to Tanya's-"

I hissed. I heard about Tanya from Emmett. She had the hots for Edward and on a few occasions had tried to seduce him. And failed. Edward smiled at me and pulled me against him. I couldn't help but notice that we were perfectly symmetrical. Eyes on eyes. Body on body. He wrapped his arms around me pulling my tighter to him.

"Only you Izzy. Only ever you," he murmured into her ear. I felt him dip his head, and his nose move slowly along my jaw line and down to my neck. He sucked in a deep breath then moved back up to my ear. My eyes rolled when I felt his lips caress the skin in a soft kiss. I sighed, and he pulled back, smiling lazily.

"She helped me realize what I should do. Of course I misconstrued it and started playing your game," he said softly.

See nothing to fear from Tanya.

Only from Edward.

That is soo a good thing.

I smirked at my internal musings. "So that's why you were all hot and cold."

Edward nodded slowly and smiled. "I need you to know Izzy. I've let all of it go. I no longer think of myself as a monster. Only the wanker who can't seem to make things right. I can't hate myself for what I have done Izzy. Because if I hadn't I wouldn't be here with you on equal footing. Which is what we never had before. Equality."

Equality.

It was something I didn't feel when I was Bella. Edward was always so much stronger than I was. And not just physically. He had been able to pull away when it got too intense. He had always told me what was best for me, and as much as I tried to fight him I always succumbed. Now as I stared at him it did feel equal.

As I contemplated this new development I pulled my hands through his soft hair. I smiled when I heard a low purring rumble from his chest. A thought struck me, and I giggled as I pulled away.

"Don't think for a second you're getting Bella back."

He laughed. "I don't want Bella. I want Izzy."

Yes perfect!

I warned him with my eyes. We needed to be careful now. We may love each other, but we had to learn to accept the changes we had made. We were so different from who we were.

"Slow Edward," I murmured. He nodded.

"Slow," he repeated softly. He surprised me when he let out a throaty chuckle. I cocked my head and looked at him.

"So Izzy would you like to go on a date with me?"

I laughed.

How sweet. A date with Edward Cullen.

Do not squeal.

"Okay Cullen, but if you try anything I will break you."

He held up his hands. "Hey I know."

I giggled and glanced at the house, I wondered how many Cullens could hear us. I sighed heavily and looked down at Edward.

"Alice is angry with both of us."

"Why both of us?"

I giggled. "Because she wanted to play you as well. She is so reliant on her power that the time was never truly perfect for her plans to go ahead. She hates being so blind. And the fact that you used her to play me."

"Don't forget finding out how I…" he trailed off and looked sheepishly up at my through his lashes. He looked so dang cute I couldn't help but giggle

"How you dumped me Cullen?" I finished of his sentence thankful we had finally got over the pain of that event and could joke about it. He nodded smiling with relief and then glanced at the house. He looked back at me and I saw fear in his eyes.

"How angry?"

I smirked because I knew Edward would get the brunt of it. "Mini typhoon."

"Shit," he muttered, and I laughed.

He pulled me up and together we walked back into the house. Hand in hand.