Disclaimer: I don't own anything in the Who-verse. That honour belongs to RTD and the mighty and glorious BBC. The only thing I get out of this is a warm fuzzy feeling knowing I am trying to put right what once was wrong.
Authors Note: As promised Chapter 7. I decided to combine my original chapters 7 and 8 into a single chapter because they were both rather short and as I'm not going to be able to update for a couple of days I didn't want to leave you hanging mid angst-fest. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed. I continue to get a shiver of pleasure at every one. I'm will reply to everyone but that pesky work stuff will mean I may not be as quick as I'd like. Anyway please enjoy (if that's the right word for the following chapter). Hankies out.
Chapter VII
In the end they had a very pleasant dinner, even Sylvia thawed under Jack's non-stop charm offensive and when he offered to wash up, causing Donna to choke on her last mouthful of wine, she waved him and Donna away with a smile, telling them to 'go out and enjoy themselves'. From the glint in Sylvia's eye he was sure that she just wanted rid of them so she could interrogate Wilf about what was said at the allotment, but never one to look a gift horse in the mouth he and Donna made their hasty goodbyes and headed back to Jack's flat.
"I don't believe it. You had my mother eating out of the palm of your hand!" Donna crowed.
"It's the natural Harkness charm," Jack confessed with a smug look. "I have that effect on women."
"That's what worries me. Just make sure you direct it only at my mother...and me." Donna returned.
"So you're susceptible to my charms then?" Jack found himself asking. His tone was light but there was a hint of tension running underneath.
"I would have thought after the other night that was blatantly obvious." Donna half laughed although her voice wavered slightly. There was an uncomfortable silence. Finally Donna asked tentatively,
"Are we alright? We crossed a pretty big line the other night and I don't know what to do next. I haven't had much practice at this relationship stuff. There was only Lance and he didn't really count, what with him buggering off on the day of our wedding..." She trailed off helplessly, glad Jack could not see her face in the dark interior of the car. "I know I'm not making much sense."
"We play it by ear," Jack said gently reaching over with one hand and squeezing hers. "We see where this thing we have takes us." Jack knew Donna was looking for more reassurance. Those three little words which would convince her she was not alone in her feelings. He just wasn't ready to say them. He knew he liked being with her, missed her when they were apart. He could even admit that he needed her. But love? That was something for him and Ianto alone wasn't it? He had promised Ianto he would love him forever, never forget him. That he would never be just another blip in time. But by being with Donna wasn't he doing just that. Consigning Ianto to history, just one of those lost loves which were scattered throughout his existence.
"You're thinking about Ianto," Donna observed, her soft voice abruptly intruding into Jacks' thoughts. "You think you're betraying his memory by being with me." When Jack didn't deny the accusation she shook her head. "You're not ready for this," she continued sadly. "It's too soon and I'm not really sure you'll ever be ready. I understand. Really." She paused to take a deep shuddering breath. "I think you should take me home."
"Donna, I..." Jack began, then nodded and pulled an abrupt U-turn in the road. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," Donna shook her head. "I can't compete with Ianto and I wouldn't want to."
Despite her words Jack could hear Donna's voice crack in the darkness as she fought to suppress the tears rolling down her face. Her misery tore at him but he couldn't say anything.
After several agonising minutes of silence punctuated only by the hum of the engine and Donna's stifled sobs Jack pulled up at the bottom of Donna's drive. Frantically Donna fumbled with the door latch trying to get out.
"Goodnight Jack" she gulped pushing the door open and scrambling out. "Goodbye." And without looking at him she scurried into the house. Jack stared for a long moment at the closed door, half hoping that she would come back out. The door stayed firmly closed. After a minute he put the SUV into gear and slowly pulled away.
Jack's dreams that night, when he finally fell asleep, were uneasy, jumbled images, familiar and yet alien as if they belonged to someone else. Tosh lying bleeding on the floor of the Hub. Gwen and Rhys on a dark hilltop begging him not to leave. Owen looking incredulously at the bullet hole in his chest as the life drained out of him. Gwen in her wedding dress, heavily pregnant, determined to marry Rhys no matter what. Gray looking down on him as John threw dirt on his face burying him alive for two thousand years. Weevils, Daleks, the Master, Martha, Rose, the TARDIS, the Doctor. A blur of memories threatening to drown him. Ianto, where was Ianto? The one memory he needed. And suddenly he was there, his blue eyes dark and serious and fixed on Jack's face, dressed in Jack's favourite dark suit with a purple tie. Looking so wonderfully alive.
Jack desperately wanted to say something but couldn't, scared that by speaking he would make the vision disappear. Ianto stepped forward, a nervous smile on his face, and held his hand towards him.
"Dance with me," he said softly, his voice carrying that trace of deadpan amusement Jack loved so much. "...Sir," he added, his smile suddenly mischievous.
Like a drowning man Jack seized Ianto's outstretched hand and pulled him into a crushing embrace, kissing him desperately, his hands greedily tangling in his hair as if he could somehow absorb Ianto's very being into his own. The strains of Paul Weller's 'You Do Something To Me' soared around them – the same music they had danced to at Gwen's wedding.
"I thought I'd lost you," Jack finally choked before burying his head in Ianto's neck breathing in the achingly familiar warm musky smell. "Please don't leave me again, Ianto."
"Can't happen," Ianto admonished gently into Jack's hair. "Whatever happens I'll always be here. Forever." He pulled away slightly and laid his hand on Jack's chest above his heart. Taking the older man's face in his hands he tilted his head down and kissed him with tender passion. "I love you," he murmured. Then he laid his head on Jack's shoulder, nuzzling against his neck as they swayed silently in time to the music.
"I love you Ianto" Jack whispered brokenly.
"I know," Ianto lifted his head and smiled at Jack. "I've always known." At that moment the song ended. As the last notes faded Ianto kissed Jack again, long and lingering, then caressed Jack's face with his fingertips, down his cheek until they rested momentarily on his lips.
"Time for a different tune," he murmured and stepped back out of the circle of Jacks' arms. "Please be happy." Frantically Jack tried to pull him back but his hand found nothing but empty air.
"No! Come back! Don't leave me!" he screamed sitting bolt upright in bed, the sheets around him soaked with sweat. He looked around frenziedly willing Ianto to be there beside him, but the room was empty and Jack was alone.
Grabbing Ianto's photograph from beside the bed he hugged it tight to his chest, his body racked with sobs. He didn't know how long he lay there cocooned in grief but as the sky outside the half drawn curtains began to lighten Jack lay, tears spent, looking at Ianto's face smiling at him from the picture. Incredibly as he stared at the image he felt the ache in his chest ease just a little.
"I think I get the message Yan," he said finally. "Not better, just different."
He pulled himself up, putting the photo back on the bedside table and stood up. He looked back at Ianto's smiling face.
"Just so you know, Yan. I will always love you. Forever. But right now I need Donna. I don't know why but I do. Wish me luck Yan. Let's hope I haven't screwed this up irreparably."
Jack knew it was his imagination but took comfort in the calm voice which seemed to reply, "Good luck sir. Not that you'll need it."
After leaving Jack, Donna had whirled through the house, the shocked faces of Sylvia and Wilf just blurs through the haze of tears. Ignoring them she ran to the safety of her bedroom, slamming the door behind her in that 'Don't you even think about coming in here' way she had perfected as a teenager. There in the darkness she had flung herself on the bed and wept as if her heart would break. No. Her heart had broken. She couldn't survive this, she thought dully. Somehow in the few short weeks she had known him he had become the purpose of her life. The old selfish Donna, the one she hid behind to protect herself from the world, had been driven out by her need to take care of him, make him happy, love him. She was sure he had feelings for her, loved her in his way, but not the way she wanted. He would never look at her with that particular expression in his blue eyes the way he did when he looked at that picture of Ianto, or had spoken of him. It wasn't Jack's fault. It wasn't hers. She knew now she would only ever love Jack Harkness and Jack would only ever love Ianto. That was just the way it was. If anyone could be blamed it was the Lords of Fate who had decided they should meet in the first place, decreed that Ianto should be taken too soon. Yes, Donna thought savagely, Fate can take the blame. The problem was, knowing who to blame didn't make it hurt any less.
Finally exhausted, she fell into a troubled sleep haunted by dreams of the tall skinny man in the brown suit. He cocked his head to one side, flashed her a wide twinkling smile and said cheerily, "Trust me Donna. When have I ever let you down. It's all part of the plan. And believe me it's a brilliant plan. 'Course it is. It's my plan and I'm brilliant. Even if I do say so myself!" Then he grinned again, rammed his hands into his pockets and was gone.
Donna was woken by a gentle but insistent knocking at her door.
"Donna, sweetheart. Are you alright?" Wilf's worried voice tentatively enquired. "I've got a cup of tea for you darlin'"
Despite her misery Donna couldn't help but smile. In Grandad's world a cup of tea solved everything. Even broken hearts. Her smile wobbled as tears threatened again. Brushing them away with the back of her hand she quickly called for Wilf to come in, in what she hoped was a calm voice. In the next moment she had been enveloped in her Grandads' arms, comforting her in a way he had not done since she was a little girl skinning her knee.
"What's that man done?" Wilf muttered angrily. "I warned him what I would do if he ever hurt you. Less than twelve hours it took..."
"Grandad!" Donna cut him off. "It wasn't Jack it was me. I broke it off. There's stuff you don't know about him. Things I can't explain." She pleaded with him to understand. "It's better this way. Really." Her words sounded unconvincing even to her own ears.
Wilf looked at her sceptically. Whatever Jack Harkness had done, Donna was covering up for him. Maybe he'd had to run off back to the Doctor, or perhaps Donna had got too close to finding out something that would cause her to remember. Either way it was probably better that he'd gone, even if Donna was suffering now. He saw the pleading look in her eyes and decided he'd be better saying nothing so he simply pushed the mug of tea he was holding into her hands. Gratefully Donna took a sip, letting the hot sweet liquid warm her. She grimaced.
"Grandad. Exactly how many sugars did you put in this tea?"
"Six," Wilf replied promptly. "Hot sweet tea. Best thing for shock."
"Right," Donna took another sip and grimaced again. "Well next time..."
Whatever Donna was about to say next was lost under the sound of someone hammering loudly and persistently on the front door. Donna scrambled off the bed to look out of her window which overlooked the front of the house, whilst Wilf started to head for the stairs cursing under his breath about the earliness of the hour. Looking down Donna saw Jack on the doorstop looking through the glass by the side of the door. As if sensing her gaze he looked up, saw her face and shouted her name.
Sylvia put her head round the bottom of the stairs, "It's that man of yours Donna. God knows what the neighbours will think banging on the door like that at this time of the morning" Her voice was tinged with impatience.
"It's alright mum, Grandad. I'll get it." Donna called back, her heart beating wildly. "Please Grandad!" She added, sensing Wilf was about to open the door and swing for Jack.
Donna reached for her dressing gown, then realised with surprise she was still in last nights clothes. For one wild moment she worried what Jack would think if he saw her like this, then with a pang of despair realised it didn't matter what Jack thought anymore. Numb, she walked slowly down the stairs concentrating on trying to breath. Outside Jack was still banging on the door with his fist, urgently calling her name. She paused behind the door, took a deep breath, and opened it wide assuming a defensive stance, legs braced, arms folded, eyes flashing. It didn't fool Jack, the almost ghostly pallor and tired, red eyes spoke volumes.
"What are you doing here Jack?" she asked immediately, wanting to get the first word in before her nerve gave out. She was amazed at how calm her voice sounded.
"I need to talk to you," Jack pleaded.
"I don't think there is anything left to talk about," Donna argued tiredly. "It's done. We're done"
"No." Jack said hotly. "I know I didn't say the right things last night, but I need you to know that I do love you."
Tears sprang to Donnas' eyes and she put her hand out to keep Jack away as he took a step towards her.
"No, you don't," she choked. "You're just afraid of being alone. That's not love."
Jack grasped Donna's outstretched hand and held it tightly as she struggled to free herself.
"You're wrong. I was wrong," Jack explained pleadingly. "I thought I was betraying Ianto by being in love with you. But I'm not. He would want me to be happy. And I am happy when I'm with you Donna."
"I don't know Jack," Donna replied uncertainly. "I know you still love Ianto."
"I do. A part of me will always love Ianto. But I'm in love with you too. The love Ianto and I shared, it's part of me, part of what makes me who I am, but it's not better than what I feel for you. It's just different. It's like you're the two halves I need to make a whole. I know that sounds like something from a bad American soap opera, and I know I'm not making much sense – if any – but you have to believe me when I say I love you, I need you and I want you to be with me." Jack paused, looking expectantly for some indication of what Donna was thinking. "Will you be with me? Please?"
Donna stared into his blue eyes and saw a look which made her heart leap. It wasn't the look Jack reserved for Ianto, it was one that belonged solely to her. She hadn't thought it was possible that someone could love two people at the same time, equally and fully. But Jack could. Jack needed someone to love and protect him and he needed to love and protect someone back. First it had been Ianto's job, now it was hers. It was suddenly clear and real and wonderful. Slowly a smile of wonderment spread across her face.
"Yes Captain!" she replied with a cheeky if somewhat teary wink.
Less angst in the next chapter, I promise - well there might be a smidge but nothing you can't handle (winks cheekily)