Okay, I am being completely true to my word from now on, and when I checked, I had 3 reviews for the chapter, so I'm sticking to what I said and posting it! I feel terrible for waiting that long, so… ON the bright side, I'm getting this one up pronto. ON the not-so-bright side, I self edited it, so please yell at me for grammar mistakes in reviewing. I'm a terrible proofreader.

I am using a new page break, so really, that's what the giant line of centered song lyrics with no spaces is.

Chappie Warnings: Suicidal thoughts, low self-esteem, sexual references, and guess what: swearing o.o

Disclaimer: Tsubasa Chronicles belongs to CLAMP. If I was any part of CLAMP, this would be happening in the actual manga, and I wouldn't be on here writing this crappy excuse for a story. The song 'The Last Sunrise' also belongs to someone else. Credit to the amazing band Aiden for writing such an amazing song, as disturbing as it may be. The song comes off of Nightmare Anatomy. As does 'Knife Blood Nightmare' which I also borrowed lyrics from.

I'mSoAliveMySkinSoColdAndFakeICloseMyEyesIKnowThatNow'sTheTimeToTakeMyChanceWithDeathAndRealize

Chapter 3: Insomnia

After the incident at the mall and the magician's unexplained purchases, it had been quiet at the home of the travelers for the evening. Kurogane and Fai got back just in time for lunch, where Fai ever-so-graciously refused to eat… again. In an attempt to stay on the blonde's good side, Kurogane didn't press on the subject. The ninja refrained from lecturing him about taking care of himself and asking, 'why?' because he'd been there before. In his eyes, there was nothing new here. He couldn't have been more wrong.

That night/the next morning

3AM

There were three things to do at this point. Fai made a mental list.

Scream and start throwing things,

Try to sleep like he had been trying to do for the past 3 ½ hours

Go overdose on the sleeping pills that apparently had no effect whatsoever.

As appealing as death sounded, he couldn't. Well, obviously he could, but did he really want to? There was always a chance that Kurogane would accept it, maybe even welcome it, and… no… there wasn't. His lover would leave him on the spot, hating him for the rest of their travels. No matter how much Kurogane 'loved' Fai, news like this could… no, would tear them apart. Fai hated himself for warping their lives and their relationship. Kurogane had already done his- er…- part. The thin blonde reasoned all of this in his head, but could only think of the night that had changed it all. Then, his mood abruptly changed, making him even more distraught. 'Why the hell would they miss me anyway? They don't really care! None of them give a damn about me, no matter what they say,' his mind screamed. The thoughts moved Fai, and he walked into the kitchen looking for two things: a small knife, and the defective pills from hell. Both were found easily, but now his problem was different. Which should he use first? He contemplated for a while, looking at the pros and cons, before deciding that bleeding out would be a better primary. He sunk down, back against the cabinets, sitting with his knees up, forming a protective barrier to shut him out from the world he was about to leave. His heart was beating impossibly fast and his breathing was heavy. Maybe that was why he didn't hear the figure approaching as he prepared to shove the blade deep into his own skin, breaking through his fragile, beautifully white flesh, plunging into his veins. Just as the tip broke the surface, the blade was snatched out of his Fai's hand and thrown swiftly to the ground. Fai, in his confusion, found himself being dragged up into a loving kiss; not one of passion, but caring. The tender, soft lips that melded against the magician's in such adoration and frantic concern could only belong to one person. Fai opened his shocking blue eyes to see thick lashes concealing closed, worried red orbs: the beautiful face of his lover.

"Are you okay?!" Fai shrieked at Kurogane, knowing perfectly well what time it was. The taller man looked confused for a moment, but answered anyway.

"Yeah… I'm fine, why?" But Fai had already rushed down the hall to check on Sakura, Syaoran, and Mokona. When he was perfectly sure that they were all fine and out of danger, he walked back into the kitchen, shaking, his skin slick with perspiration.

"Fai… are you sure you're alright?" Worry clearly expressed itself through Kurogane's tone of voice. His lover looked like he was about to collapse, and his breathing was shallow, adding to the mass of terror and confusion in the ninja's head. He ran to Fai, guiding him towards the couch. He sat down in the corner and was nearly reduced to tears as he watched the magician crawl clumsily into his lap. Kurogane held Fai's thin waist, assisting him as he sat down, buried his head into Kurogane's chest, and sobbed. Kurogane simply stroked the beautiful blonde hair in front of him and held the smaller man close, giving him as much support as he needed. If there was one thing that the raven- haired man wanted to do, it was to take all of the wizard's burdens onto himself. If only he could! He held Fai close, even long after the wizard cried himself to sleep.

SheSaidLiveYoungAndLeaveAWakeOfBeautyThat'sAllIEverCould'veAskedShould'veAskedFromYou

"Tell them I'm busy!" Yuko screamed to Watanuki.

"Tell her to put down the sake and get her ass over here," the ninja raged.

"Kurogane-san," Watanuki reasoned, "it's only 4:30… in the morning. And- Oh! Wait, she's coming." Watanuki had such a hard job. Store worker? No, that didn't even begin to describe it…

"Kurogane, what do you want?! Oh… you look… disheveled. Having fun with Fai?"

"Wh-what?! No I wasn't – look, I need to know what's wrong with him. He got all… weird. He tried to cut himself, and he freaked out trying to make sure everyone was okay, and when he came back, he was sweating and shaking and breathing heavy, and then he just… cried."

Yuko pondered for a moment before she got an idea. "Is he asleep?" She asked. Kurogane nodded. "Well go and wake him up." Kurogane looked confused and irritated, but did what he was told, desperate for an answer.

"Fai," he coaxed gently. Fai didn't budge. "Fai," he said, a bit louder this time, nudging him a bit. Still no movement. "Fai!" Kurogane nearly shouted, his pushes becoming more aggressive. What if Fai was… dead?

His pale eyelids fluttered apart, revealing his lethargic blue eyes. "Kurorin, stop shaking me so much. Not right now, okay?" Kurogane breathed a sigh of relief when Fai responded and finally woke up, comforted more than ever in knowing that Fai was alright. Then, he started blushing deeply at the realization of what Fai had meant by 'not right now'. He hoped that Yuko hadn't heard or made the connection, but she obviously had seeing as she was laughing hysterically. The ninja was fuming, but overcome by his reassurance, he didn't react… not out loud at least. Fai was half asleep, so who could blame him. But when he said 'not right now'… was he thinking of Kurogane? Did he think that the ninja was so absorbed and hell bent on having sex with Fai again that he'd be that aggressive? Did he truly believe that the ninja was low enough to take advantage of his half-awareness and take him then? Was his dream something along those lines? Or… maybe he still thought of another man… Kurogane didn't know how to feel about all of those thoughts. Should he be jealous, afraid, nervous, or should he be kicking himself for seducing Fai in the first place? The ninja waited more patiently than usual for the witch to stop laughing, because no matter what, last night had still happened. Fai could be sick or have some kind of problem. Fai groggily got off of the couch to see what the conversation between his boyfriend and Yuko was about, and at the same time, genuinely regretting what he had said. In truth, Fai had been thinking of someone else when he'd said it; a previous partner who was even more dominant than Kurogane, and very controlling. In his mind, being shaken awake, as a residual memory of his past relationship, still meant, 'Fai, hurry and wake up so we can have sex.' Fai hugged Kurogane and muttered a quiet but sincere apology before pulling away and giving him a sweet peck on the cheek. They had only done it once, and Kurogane had gone to sleep that night feeling terrible in fear that he had accidentally hurt Fai. Hell yes, it had hurt him, but that was completely inevitable. When it's two guys doing it, one of them gets hurt. It wasn't like it made it less fun or less pleasurable. Hell, Fai had liked it! But Kurogane intensely worried that Fai was faking feeling okay and that he'd completely ruined their relationship. It seemed like Fai hadn't been the same since.

Yuko's insane laughter had finally died down, and Kurogane simply looked at her, still waiting for her diagnosis.

"Your love just had a panic attack. He's worried about something. Keep an eye on him as much as you can, and Fai? Wake him up if you feel like that again. He's only grumpy for a little, and trust me, if it's for you, he doesn't mind. Yuko smiled, and then she was gone.

"I'm sorry. I should keep a closer watch. And don't feel so terrible. And wake me up if you need me… umm… okay," Kurogane said, realizing how much he had just voiced him feelings, "You go ahead and go back to sleep. It's too damn early for you to be awake when we aren't going anywhere special…" the ninja grumbled. Fai smiled softly to himself at how endearing Kurogane's shyness could be, and laid back down on the couch. Kurogane slept propped up on the couch, sitting with his arms folded. Fai slept on the couch behind him, his head right behind Kurogane's. Unintentionally, during the night, he wrapped his slender arms around the ninja whom he loved and never wanted to let go.

AndIWon'tForgetToWriteYouWhenIGetThereSoonCauseYou'llBeLyingDeadFromDreaming

Okay, so there you have it. I don't know what's with my endings, so… yeah I'm not sure. And I know this one's terribly short as well, but as I said, it was originally only half of a chapter. I have a request! Please review and tell me what you think is wrong with Fai! I'm eager to see your reactions and what you think is going on. I know I might lose readers once the truth is exposed (next chapter) but oh well. I'll write some other random story soon enough. But yes! Looking at how he's been acting, what he's been doing, and the Chapter 4 teaser, I'd LOVE to see what everyone thinks. Just remember: In my mind, anything is possible. After I few diagnoses, I will continue and everyone will finally learn what's wrong with our favorite mage. ALSO, please vote on my poll over on my profile! I'm outlining another story and I really need everyone's input!

Chapter Teaser: The morning started out perfectly normal… that is until he started feeling terribly sick. One thing leads to another, and in the end, how will Kurogane react to Fai's shocking news that will alter both of their lives?

~~ELF-chan