I own no one but my own people.
A/N This is not an E/O. This story is, and will forever remain FO. Just clearing the air before people read half way through this and go rushing down to the blue button and start yelling at me for a few actions and things said by the characters.
"Tell me!" Fin screamed,forcing himself with all his might not to grab hold of the doctor.
"She's alive, for the moment."
"Fo- for the moment, what does that mean? Tell me if she's going to be okay!" Fin begged him.
"We're not sure, Mr. Tutuola. Right now her lesser injuries include three broken ribs, her left arm bone has been shattered, her right eye socket has been severely bruised. It may take a while before she properly sees out if it again. Not to mention the multiple bruises, the whipping scars, the burns..."
"Oh god," Elliot groaned, feeling sick to his stomach.
Fin's eyes filled with tears. If three broken ribs and a shattered arm were the lesser of her injuries, he shuddered to think what might be actual damage.
"What else? You said that was her lesser injuries."
The doctor cleared his throat then motioned to Cragen and Elliot. "I'm sorry, Mr. Tutuola, but I can only give this information out to family."
"That's her father and I'm her brother!" Elliot cried, desperate to find out what was wrong with her.
The doctor cocked an eyebrow in disbelief before turning back to Fin.
"Your wife was losing to much blood, not to mention the multiple tears, the trauma to her sexual organs. We also found traces of logitide in her blood stream, a poison that attacks a woman's birth canal. Seemingly harmless if a woman is not pregnant, very uncomfortable but otherwise harmless. But if a woman is pregnant, then it is indeed very fatal. It cramps the vaginal muscles so tight, that your body tricks itself into giving birth, caring none whatever about what stage the fetus has developed to."
"That's why she gave birth so early," Fin whispered, tears running down his face.
Cragen looked from Fin, to Elliot, to the doctor, all of whom seemed not surprised in the least that Olivia had been pregnant.
"She was pregnant?"
Elliot nodded, "About 4 months."
Fin, deciding that he would deal with the fact that Elliot knew how along his wife had been before he was was something he would deal with later, turned back to the doctor.
"Is it going to kill her?"
"No. However, due to the irreversible damage and massive blood loss that would have killed her," he took a deep breath, "we were forced to preform a hysterectomy on your wife."
The room had begun spinning once more, his breathing became rugged. He forced himself to straighten out, to concentrate on the man in front of him.
"So... so she can never get pregnant again?"
The doctor shook his head. "I'm sorry sir."
Fin let the tears that had gathered in his eyes fall down finally.
His son had just been murdered brutally in front of them, and now he had found out that she would never be able to become pregnant again.
"Ca- can I see her?"
"That's another thing I wanted to talk to you about. She's in a lot of pain right now, and refusing any pain medication or antibiotics. Mr. Tutuola, if your wife doesn't take these pills, then she will develop an infection that will more then likely be fatal."
"Have you explained this to her?"
"Yes. After she woke up and we informed her of the surgery, she said she wanted to be put off the pain meds , and wanted no antibiotics."
Fin shook his head, "no. That's not like her. She'd want to get better!"
"She also said," the doctor interrupted, a saddened look on his face. "That she didn't care about living anymore."
Fin glared at the doctor. That was not his Olivia that he was talking about. Not Olivia Benson, the woman who would do anything to survive, who would encourage others to do the same, who would never give up on life and leave him and Tina alone. There had to have been a mistake. Some other Olivia Benson in the hospital who would be willing to give up her life so easily.
"Fin," Elliot's cracked voice brought him back down, and he turned to look at him, and wasn't surprised to see tears cascading down his face. "Fin, you have to talk to her! You're her power of attorney, you can sign some kind of form saying that she's not in the right state of mind to make those decisions. Olivia's always been for people being forced to take their medication if that's what it takes for them to get well. She would thank you, and you know it! I'm not going to lose her."
Fin watched the tears roll down his face before he turned back to the doctor. "I need to see her. I'll talk to her."
The doctor nodded. "Of course. Follow me, sir."
Elliot and Cragen began to follow, but Fin turned back to them.
"I'm sorry," he said, mostly to Elliot. "But right now I just need to be alone with her."
Cragen nodded, and at once went to go sit back down, but Elliot made no move to go back.
"Elliot, please," Fin pleaded, his voice cracking as a fresh batch of tears made there way down his face. "I know you love her, but please. I just want to talk to my wife by myself."
Elliot took a deep breath before he too went back and sat down next to Cragen, burying his head in his hands, not even trying to cover up the sobs.
Following the doctor once more, he was steered up two floors and down three halls until he reached the ICU, and they stopped at the first door on the right, where all the shades had been drawn for privacy.
"She's in there. She's awake, but again, please remember she's in a lot of pain right now."
Nodding, he opened the door and stepped into the room.
Her left arm had been put into a heavy cast and on a sling, and even through the thin hospital blanket and gown, he could see the outline of a large dressing on her back and her ribs wrapped and bandaged tightly.
Olivia didn't even register his footsteps as he entered the room, nor when he sat down beside her. She kept her one good eye open and staring into the opposite wall, making no notice that Fin had arrived.
Her breathing was shallow, and her fists were clenched around the sheets so tight, she had made tiny holes in them.
"Olivia," he whispered, to afraid to touch her, unsure if he would further injure her or not.
She said or did nothing. He might of well been talking to the heart monitor. "Olivia, please. The doctor told me you're refusing any medicine that will help you." Again, met by silence. "Yo- you can't give up like this. You can't roll over and-"
"Die?"
She spoke so softly, that he almost missed it, the one word laced with more pain then Fin ever thought he would hear if he lived a thousand years.
"Why not?" she continued, her voice a low mutter. "I deserve it."
"Olivia, don't say that, don't you ever say that."
Though his voice was soft and barely above a whisper, it conveyed his desperation. "Neither one of us deserved what happened, neither one of us deserved to have our son taken from us when he wasn't even five minutes old."
"Then why is it, every innocent person I was supposed take care of, dies? My two miscarriages, this one, I can never become pregnant again, Tina's probably dead as well."
"No!" Fin told her, grateful he could bring at least some good news, "Tina's fine, she's worried about you. She needs her mother to fight this!"
"Why?"
With every ounce of agony ripping through her, she turned to face him, and Fin in took a deep breath when he saw the thick heavy white bandage over her eye, the large blue and purple bruises on her face, her one good eye full of tears. "Fin, all I do is hurt the ones I love."
"Liv, that's not true!"
"Yes it is. If it wasn't for me, none of this would never have happened. If I never fell in love with you, then we wouldn't be here right now."
Fin's eyes filled up with tears once more. "Olivia, please."
He reached over to take her hand, but she turned away from him once more. "Leave me alone," she muttered.
"Olivia... you can't do this. Think of how much it'll hurt Tina if she finds out they saved her mother, and she just gave up."
"She'll be better off without me."
Fin felt his desperation reach his breaking point, and forced himself not to take her by the shoulders and shake some sense into her. Why was she doing this? Why was she just giving up on life? Surely she couldn't truly believe that Tina would be better off without Olivia, that Fin could even manage to live another day without her by his side.
"Olivia, that's not true. Tina needs you, I need you! No one would better off."
She shook her head, and Fin could her a sob escape, "I'm her mother, I'm supposed to protect her, and instead I stood by and did nothing while they kidnapped her."
"Olivia, look at me, look at me!" He couldn't help himself as he yelled at her, but when Olivia faced him, her unbandaged eye full of tears and fear, he regretted it instantly.
"I'm sorry, but Olivia, I wouldn't be able to live without you, Tina would be devastated if you let yourself die. Think of our son, Liv. Do you really want him to look down from heaven and look at his mother giving up on life so easy?"
She let out a sob and the tears began falling swiftly down her face, causing her pain every time a new salty tear touched her bruised and broken skin."I just don't want to hurt anyone anymore!"
Fin wanted to hold her, to comfort her, to tell her everything was going to be okay.
"Olivia," his own voice was shaking, "you could never hurt anyone as long as you live."
"But my children-"
"That wasn't your fault! that wasn't mine, or theirs, or any one's but the two sick men who did it. You have done nothing wrong."
"Mommy?"
Olivia and Fin both turned towards the door to see Tina being rolled in on a wheelchair, her right ankle in a brace, the doctor behind her smiling apologetically.
"I'm sorry, she wanted to see if you were okay."
Olivia nodded, wiping her tears away before the doctor rolled her up next to the bed.
Olivia looked over her for a moment, for the first time since she woke up, a bit of happiness seemed to shine through. She still had on the same clothes as when they were taken, and they were not ripped or torn, just dirty, she seemed to be fine emotionally, and the only outward injury was the tiny bruise on her cheek that would go away in a day or two, and her ankle, but it was just in a brace, so she knew it couldn't have been that bad.
"Are you okay?" Tina asked, looking over Olivia's bruised and broken body.
Olivia chuckled and nodded, "I'm okay, sweetie. How are you doing?"
She pointed to her foot. "I''m fine. I'm hungry though."
"We'll get you something to eat, I promise, okay?"
Tina nodded and then pointed to her face, "what happened to you, Mommy?"
Olivia's eyes filled with tears, and she forced herself not to shed them. "Nothing, Tina. I'm going to be fine."
Tina nodded, taking her mothers words to heart. She reached down and hugged her, and Olivia had to hold her breath to keep from screaming.
"Tina, maybe you shouldn't hug mommy yet!" Fin said, pulling her away from Olivia. "She's in a lot of pain right now."
Olivia took a deep breath and shook her head, "I'll be fine."
Tina looked from Fin to Olivia, wondering if she should go against Fins wishes and hug her, or listen to him and stay away.
Olivia wrapped her one good arm around her and pulled Tina towards her. "I'll be fine."
As Tina wrapped her arms around her, barely touching her, and to that, Olivia was grateful, Tina laid her head on her shoulder. "I missed you," Tina whispered.
"I missed you too."
"Excuse me," the doctor who had told Fin the news poked his head in, a small needle in his hand. "Mrs. Benson, Mr. Tutuola, I need to talk to you in private for a moment."
The nurse who had wheeled Tina in began to pull her away.
"No!" Tina cried, "I want to stay with mommy!"
"It's okay, sweetie," Olivia told her, "I promise you can come back soon, okay?"
"Promise you won't leave?"
Olivia let out a small smile. "I promise."
And with a grin, Tina allowed the nurse to wheel her out, saying this as she was.
"Can I have some food, please? Does this place have hot dogs? Uncle Munch says they're filled with disgusting, mutinous chemicals, but I love them!"
Fin laughed, and Olivia tried, but the pain in her ribs made it too much to bare.
"So, Mrs. Benson," the doctor said coming into the room, "have you given any more thought as to what me and you talked about earlier?"
Olivia nodded. "Yes. I want the pain medication and the antibiotics."
The doctor smiled then went up to her and pushed the contents of the needle into the IV.
"This is morphine. It'll help with the pain. You'll probably going to want to sleep in a few minutes. I'll be right back with your other medicine."
And he walked out of the room. Fin turned to her and held her hand, stroking it gently.
"Thank you," he whispered.
"For what?"
"For making it so that I didn't have to live without you."
Olivia didn't smile, and instead leaned up and kissed him softly on the lips.
When they pulled away, both had tears in their eyes.
"Fin.. I don't know what I'm gonna do."
"Don't worry. We're figure this out together. Right now just try to get some rest."
Olivia, who could already feel the effects of the morphine kick in, laid her head back against the pillow, and drifted off, thankfully, into a dreamless sleep.
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