Mea Culpa
Hello all!! So this isn't a chapter as you can see, rather it's my issuance of a mea culpa. The second chapter was supposed to go up roughly a week and a half after the first. It's all planned out; from what happens in the start, to how it ends. In actual fact the entire story has been planned out.
Theoretically this is fantastic.
Unfortunately that is where it remains...theoretical......
While the chapter sounds all great in my head, I've had trouble translating it into written word, partly due to stress, work and what I'm attributing to S.A.D. ...
BUT, fret not, I am away on holidays from next week, 3 weeks with no work/laptop and hopefully, hopefully will be back to myself afterwards.
In the mean time, as there's not going to be another chapter for at least 3 weeks, I decided to write up an interview with our favourite little shadow man...
Julian: Who exactly are you calling "little"?
Almaria: Juju! There are you are!!
Julian: I 've also asked you not to call me that, I'm a Shadow Man, you can't call me by a pet name.
Almaria: I think you'll find Juju that I can.
Julian: How? You have no power, I am a Shadow Man.
Almaria (staring sceptically): Eh, because I'm the one that's writing this....
Julian: "....."
Almaria (smirks evilly).
Julian: "....whatever...."
Almaria (Pushing glasses up her nose and attempting to look business-y): So Juju...
Julian: (winces)
Almaria (continuing): I have been told by some of our readers that after they reviewed, you failed to kidnap them. Is this true?
Julian (rolling his eyes): Yes, so?
Almaria: Well surely that's a breach of promise
Julian: I think you'll find I promised nothing. That was all you...
Almaria: "..."
Julian (smirks evilly, flashing devilishly delicious canines. Turns to the readers and smirks some more.) :
What you didn't think my canines were good looking? I am a Shadow Man, every part of me is hot....
Almaria (looking at readers in a way that can only be described as "askance") Stop distracting them Juju.
(Looks back at Juju) Incidentally, why do you keep doing that?
Julian: Doing what?
Almaria: Booming the words Shadow Man. We've all read the books, we kinda know...
Julian: Because, I am a Shadow Man.
Almaria (snorts): Please, that only works if you're Chuck Bass.
Juju: Who?
Almaria: Chuck Bass, you know gossip girl....
Juju: Who?
Almaria: Chuck Bass...dude than kinda pouts and glowers at the camera. Keeps saying "I am Chuck Bass..."
Juju (glowering and pouting): He sounds like a bit of a tool...What kind of a name is "Chuck" anyway?
Almaria: What kind of a name is Juju?
Juju (looks confused, then stares at screen): What the hell, when did you change my name?
Almaria: Few lines up...
Juju (glowers menacingly at Almaria)
Almaria: Please, that only works on a particular blonde....
Juju: As I told the blonde once, don't mess with me.... I can make your worst nightmares come true...
Almaria: (grinning widely): Really?!!!.... I mean, oooh big scary shadow man, are you going to kidnap me now???!!
(Looks expectantly at Juju)
Juju: (stares at Almaria, then looks at readers): Err...yes?
Almaria: HOT SAUCE THAT'S AWESOME!!!! I mean.....err.... oh NO....big scary shadow man....I'll do anything if you don't kidnap me....
(bats eyelashes at Juju)
Juju (looking slightly mystified): "....?"
Almaria: (Jumps up from chair and sticks blonde wig on her head. Turns to Juju): Why me? Why are you doing this to me???
(bats eyelashes again)
Juju: (still looking mystified, with a slight tinge of horror)
Almaria: (Sidles up to Juju and stage-whispers): Your line is: Because I fell in love with you....
Juju: (looks at readers): Any idea what's going on with crazy here?
(Points at Almaria and makes crazy sign with his hand.)
Almaria: Seriously, it's all here, look; (pulls crumpled copy of Forbidden Game out of her jeans pocket. Flicks to relevant page.)
See right there. Jenny says in her whole "woe is me, I just got kidnapped by a ridiculously hot guy voice", Why me? why are you doing this to me?,
Then you reply, with blazing eyes and honeyed voice- or something equally nauseating- Because. I fell in love with you. Surprised? You shouldn't be.
Juju (staring at Almaria with a look of abject terror on his face):
S..s..someone wrote a book about me? How did they.... Who did they....Are they watching me right now?.....
(Stares nervously around the room. Twitches once or twice.)
Almaria: "..........WTF?"
Juju: (looks pensive. A series of emotions flashing across his smooth chiselled features.):
I mean, if they were writing a book about me, the least they could have done is let me know. Asked my permission somewhat, you know, cut me in on a bit of the profits.
The good ol' ching ching. But this, this is just wrong man. I got rights too you know, I'm a man too –
Almaria: I thought you were a Shadow-man....
Juju: (continuing with his soliloquy and flashing Almaria the bird):
If you cut me, I bleed. I ain't no different. I got rights. I am a Shadow-man after all –
Almaria: There we go...
Juju: -I'm gonna go and find this... (looks at book cover)... this L.J. Smith person and make him pay.
Almaria: It's a her.
Juju: Whatever. I'm gonna go and make my money the best way I know how.
Almaria: (eyes widening in surprise): What? Working street corners?
Juju: What?
Almaria: You just said, and I quote, "I'm gonna go and make my money the best way I know how."
Juju: Yes, that's all well and good. But what the devil does it have to do with street corners?
Almaria: Hey, it's easy money. I won't judge you.
Juju: (Staring at Almaria, a look of concern on his perfectly chiselled features. His sea blue eyes are as clear as a summers day.
If one looks close enough, a cluster of cumulus clouds can be seen in the corner.)
I really worry about you sometimes. I'm not going to pimp myself on a street corner, I-
Almaria: I'll be your pimp.
Juju: (gritting his teeth and continuing): -I am going to trek down this woman, kidnap her and make her face her worst nightmares, until I get my money.
I'm gonna walk right up to her and say, SHOW ME THE MONEEYYYYY.
Almaria: (Blinks.)
Juju: (looks at Almaria expectantly): Good plan or what!!
Almaria: (Scratches her nose. Blinks again.)
Juju: Well.... Answer me.
Almaria: You're going to kidnap her, and make her face her worst nightmares.
Juju: Yes.
Almaria: After you got my hopes up, you're going to run off to somebody else.
Juju: "....?"
Almaria: What am I to you, just a plaything? Something you can throw away once you get tired of it? Well I'm sick of it. I'm done, it's over.
Go, go chase after her. But before you go you should know one thing. She's never gonna love you like I do. No one ever will. You just lost the best thing you ever had.
Have a good life, I hope she makes you happy.
(Cries into a pink hankie.)
Juju: You know, I'm the youngest in a line of a murdering, pillaging and all around sociopathic race, and yet somehow, you manage to make them look sane.
I have to admit, I'm speechless, that's....well that's quite an achievement.
Almaria: (looks up furiously): You think I'm crazy?
Juju: In a word. Yes.
Almaria: (smiling viciously): Baby you ain't seen nothin' yet. You think this is crazy? I'll show you crazy.
Juju: (rolling his eyes): Oooohh, I'm scared.
(Winks at readers)
Almaria: (widens her vicious grin): You should be. Next chapter's gonna have you rocking up in a pink t-shirt, and cream chinos.
Juju: (whips head around to look at Almaria): No....
Almaria: Yes. And sailor shoes.
Juju: You wouldn't dare.
Almaria: Wouldn't I?
Juju: (stares speechlessly at Almaria.)
Almaria: (grins victoriously): That's right bitch. I own you.
Juju: (Stares pleadingly at readers): Help?
Almaria: Save it Juju-bean, you broke your promise to them, they won't help you now.
Readers: (quirking eyebrows at Almaria): Yeah, wouldn't be so sure about that... You haven't updated in zoinks. Oooh look something shiny.
Almaria: (looks at where readers are pointing)
Readers: (Grab Juju and disappear)
Almaria: Son of a crap-smucking douchebag. I fall for that everytime........
(Waves hand menacingly at the air): En garde Juju, till next time.
Hee!!Anyway's will try get the other chapter up soon enough....In the mean time enjoy! Let me know if you want more Juju one-on-ones!!!