AN: Thank you for your undeserved patience; it is truly appreciated. Enjoy!
The song is The Answer by Automatic Loveletter. I really like this song and I think it fits what Bella is feeling at the moment. It is a beautiful song and the band is phenomenal. I encourage you to check them out.
I tried to make this chapter as realistic as possible. If any of us were in Bella's place, exactly, in this story I think we would react this way. She is so INFATUATED and to be honest, who isn't? I mean… Edward Cullen…
"Okay," I whispered. She gave me a sad smile and ran with her family. I was just picking up my towel and book off the ground when Edward came back with a whoosh of air. I rose up, surprised and he laughed. I was still shocked when he swiftly kissed me on the cheek and ran away.
It was wonderful and I dropped the towel and the book from my hands.
10. Dreaming The Answer
Of course, last night's dream was replaying in my head, over and over. Don't judge, you would have been reveling in it, too, if it were you in my place.
Edward.
Edward kissing me… but not on the cheek this time, and certainly not swiftly.
Edward.
Edward's lips on mine- tender but rough… Edward's arms holding me in an embrace.
Edward.
Edward.
Edward.
It was wrong, my fantasies about him, my dreams, but I couldn't help what I saw, what I felt, everything. It all included him and I was surprisingly okay with it. I knew that it wouldn't last, his short fascination with me. It was another reason I had wanted to distance myself from him and his family. He would discover, soon, that I was not what he wanted; I was only a mere mystery to be solved, and now that he knew my story, knew about me, he would lose his interest.
I, on the other hand, am too far gone. But it is not love, I thought, I can't afford to love, especially to Edward..
Yes, I, Isabella Marie Swan, am in like with Edward Cullen. Deeply, too, and I don't even know his middle name, yet, but this is just a fruitless crush, right? I mean, he simply can't feel the same way.
Edward.
It's Sunday and I have the whole day to do whatever I want, so why do I want to see Edward Cullen so badly? I know, I know, don't remind me, please. I know that he has probably already shed me. I'm not interesting anymore. Well, his loss. I am very interesting. I can control time, I thought, and he can't. I am special, but he is just a stupid vampire who owns a shiny silver Volvo. Who cares?
I do, sadly, and I can't help it.
Edward.
Maybe I should just cut myself off from him again, but this time I won't have a mystery for him to solve so he can just forget about me. I can't forget about him; it's impossibility, but maybe I can detach myself early… I don't want my heart to break again, not by Edward. Because this time it is something. James was not love like I thought he was. That was infatuation, and in its own way, this is, too, but is different; I have never felt this way. This is different because I think I might die. Well, I know I am dying, but that isn't the point here, is it? I would die inside if Edward broke my heart, because Edward Cullen is not James Gigandet, which is good for me, but not for my heart.
Love is cruel, and so is liking, but I can't help it that I like Edward. You would too, trust me. He is like a drug, say, he is like heroin if I were an addict.
But it isn't love, I vowed to myself, love breaks a person, especially me.
Edward.
I made myself a bowl of cereal, and surprise, it was the Count Chocula. Something about a vampire on a cereal box made me feel sick. My mind immediately went to Edward again. This couldn't be healthy, not at all, thinking about him constantly, but I was enjoying it all the same.
After I finished not eating, I went for a walk. There was a patch of woods behind Charlie's house and I walked for a few minutes through it. Everything could be summed up in one word: green. It was all green. I sighed and looked at the ground as I walked. I purposely tripped over the tree roots I saw. Of late, I wasn't as clumsy and it was because vampires are supposed to be graceful. I never thought I would miss being clumsy but now that I was becoming a vampire, I wanted to treasure every cut, scrape, bruise, and stumped toe- one of which I was getting from tripping over the roots. Huh, graceful but painful.
I continued walking like this, head down and tripping over things, for about an hour I guessed and then I became bored. Wish Edward was here, I thought. Again, my mind wanders to him. It just can't be healthy, this… whatever-this-is-that-isn't-love.
Edward.
I closed my eyes and pictured his face, head still down. I saw his golden eyes and the slight shadows under his eyes and I wished I could see the real thing. I saw his long lashes and his tones cheeks and wished I could touch them. I saw his beautiful bronze mess of hair and longed to run my fingers through it.
Stop it, Bella. Nope, this is definitely not healthy. I sighed loudly, angry with myself. I had tried to avoid this, tried and failed miserably. Why did I keep thinking about him?!
Edward.
"How I wish I knew what you are thinking."
Edward. Really, it was, this time.
"GAH!" I screamed, opening my eyes and looking up into the eyes of, well, you can guess. "How long have you been standing here?" I half-screamed at him. This was too weird. And I was glad he didn't know what I was thinking because I was thinking about him.
"A little while," he chuckled. "Why were you tripping yourself?" He was here for that?! Why, oh why, couldn't my new vampire hearing have been working? I knew I was blushing, a dark crimson, and it made Edward's face change to a sad smile, which was weird.
"There should be a blush there," he said pointing to my cheek. Well, wasn't there? I mean, I could feel it. He lightly brushed the skin of my cheek under my eyes. I closed my eyes and turned my face to his hand. It was wrong to indulge, but I wanted to.
"Isn't there?" I echoed my thoughts.
"Not anymore," he said. He was caressing my face and he walked closer to me. I opened my eyes in time to see him bend down and… kiss where his hand had been. I was disappointed but still his kiss was not unpleasant.
"I'm sorry," I apologized but I didn't know why I was apologizing to him.
"As am I," he said.
"Edward," I started.
"Yes?"
"Why are you here?" I asked. His eyes were so pretty today. They were golden but there was a darkness there that I didn't understand. My eyes followed every curve and line of his face. The pictures in my head had not done him justice, but then again, do they ever? His nose and jaw were perfect and his lashes and lips were full. I lingered on his lips, hating that I was indulging so much in the moment, that I wanted to touch them.
"Bella, I wanted to see you," he said simply.
"Why?"
"I don't know." This made a tugging at my heart but I didn't understand it. Was I upset or was I happy? Either way I was miserable. "I just wanted to see you," he finished. We stared into each other's eyes for a few minutes and then he bent down again, but this time he was going for my lips…
And I woke up.
It was startling how real the dream had been and I had been dreaming about waking up from a dream that was as real as that one. And I was angry that it hadn't been real, that it had actually been a dream and that I was finally awake from it. It was still dark outside and my clock read 11:42 P.M. I didn't even remember going to sleep but I had and suddenly I didn't feel so tired anymore.
Edward. WHY must I keep thinking about him? The dream was something that couldn't come true. And why did I keep thinking about him? And why did I keep thinking about him? Why, I thought, am I putting myself through this torture? For that, I didn't have an answer.
Besides, what made me think the dream was real? Things like that don't happen in real life. Someone doesn't just walk around half the day and think about someone or something and the object of the thoughts come and act all romantic and beautiful and like they want you back… No, that doesn't happen, not to me.
And it wasn't fair.
I like Edward, I thought. I like him. A few moments of helpless craziness wouldn't damage me forever, right? So I took out a cd that my mom had given me and I blared the lyrics of the one song I thought of when I thought of Edward.
Edward.
From ocean to sky
Summer and fall
I have been there through it all
From laughing and crying
To pain that comes easy
From shades of gray meaning
That turn out so sweetly
I wonder when
I wonder what I'll find...
I look up to the sun
It only hurts my eyes
Maybe it's the answer
I've been wanting in disguise
The more you are with me
The more that I'm alone
I don't need the answer I already know
Subtle and grace
Desperate for change
My hand moves away
Melt dry eyes for days
Something's not right
Smiles and tantrums
Hit the ground running
It's all over and been done
I wonder when
I wonder I'll find...
I look up to the sun
It only hurts my eyes
Maybe it's the answer
I've been wanting in disguise
The more you are with me
The more that I'm alone
I don't need the answer I already know
What happens next?
We'll stop and go
The promises has already run cold
So now you know
So now you know
I look up to the sun
It only hurts my eyes
Maybe it's the answer
I've been wanting in disguise
The more you are with me
The more that I'm alone
I don't need the answer
The answer
I look up to the sun
It only hurts my eyes
Maybe it's the answer
I've been wanting in disguise
The more you are with me
The more that I'm alone
I don't need the answer I already know
I think I know the answer:
Edward.
Edward.
Edward.
AN: It was difficult to type this chappy, but I managed and I hope I didn't disappoint any of you. I am trying to get out of love with someone and Bella is falling into it for Edward so it was difficult for me. But all the same, I hope you enjoyed.
Review.
~Sylvia~