AN: I am feeling really good about myself right now. I updated two days in a row and I even updated Bullet of Love! PLEASE, check that story out if you get the chance… and Go me! Thank you to those who reviewed; it means a lot! 8-)

This chapter is intense and I lurve it! I am very proud.

It really was just my luck that the car broke down on the side of the road. And that when we entered the very small gas station, conveniently located, half an hour away, there was a fan blowing full blast. It was a very, very small room with only a cash register and a man sitting behind the desk on a stool. The fan in the station was circulating the heat out, but it was still very hot inside. Angela had insisted that it wouldn't be a far walk to the station but Jessica had offered to call someone. Lauren had complained about her shoes. I had remained silent, but now, as my friends walked ahead of me into the small station room, and their scents hit me full in the face, I wished we had taken Jessica's idea.

I leaned forward and subconsciously crouched, ready to spring on my prey.

12. Saving Myself from Me

I didn't register what my body was doing; I didn't give a care. I was too far into the scent, ready to take the blood from where it came from, to drink it dry until the thing it moved through moved no more. My senses were those of the animal. I was an animal. Blood. That's what I wanted. I wanted the hot liquid running down my throat. I wanted the thing with the blood to be afraid. I wanted the thing to fight me; it made the kill more fun.

The three humans stood in front of me. It would be oh so easy to drain each of them in a split timeframe. I could even take the other human. It should be enough to satisfy me. I wanted to be satisfied. I must. Blood. It smelled rich and sweet. I wanted to taste it.

I wanted… I wanted…

But, wait, no I am Bella!

No, you aren't.

I am!

You know you want to taste. A little taste won't harm anyone. Go on.

But… It was Angela. Yes, Angela… Weber! My friend… I couldn't be thinking these thoughts of her. I don't want my friend dead; I don't want to kill her. It was the animal, the monster, inside me talking. I was not a murderer! I wouldn't do it, not even… Lauren.

I'm inside you. I am you. I know what you want. You know what you want. We both know.

You aren't me. I don't want it.

I am. You do.

Get out of my head.

I am your head, Bella! Now drink the damn blood!

"No!" I yelled, but the monster inside me didn't go away. She only screamed louder; she wanted to be free. She wanted to taste the blood. I wanted to taste it. Blood. So warm and rich. I wanted it. I wanted it badly. So badly I would kill for it…

"Bella? What is your damage?" A human asked… Human… Lauren… She is so mean; just kill her. She is nothing to you. Just take her blood; you don't have to kill your friends. Lauren is not your friend. She doesn't even like you. Why would you want to keep her around? She is a waste of space; she is your dinner. Take her. Drink. You know you want…

"No!" I yelled again. The three humans just stared at me. I knew I was doing something wrong but I didn't know what it was. I had no clue. Should I ask someone?

You aren't doing anything wrong, Bella, except stalling your kill. Come now, drink. You want it. Do it. Do. It. Now. Go on.

"I don't want to," I whispered. I could barely hear myself. I wanted the blood. I wanted. I wanted to taste. Please, let me taste it. Maybe I could ask first. Maybe they would let me. They are my friends. They must let me. They will. And if they don't…

They won't. But that's what makes it fun.

"Bella! What is wrong with you?" A different human… But who… J… Yes, Jessica… It's Jessica…

She doesn't have a name. She is your kill. Take her. Kill Lauren and Jessica. Leave Angela, for now. Maybe you can taste her another day. Think about it. You want it. You want to taste the blood. Do it. You want to. You long for it. Don't fight it anymore. Don't think. You want blood. You know you do. I know you do. We both…

"No," I said.

Stop pushing yourself away.

"I feel like I am going to be sick," I stated.

Lauren and Jessica shared a look. They believed me. I probably looked terribly ill. I needed help. I needed help, now. Where was Edward? Where were the Cullens? They would know what to do. They would want to help me, right? They had said they wanted to help me. If only they were here. Oh, if only. But Alice couldn't see me. They wouldn't know.

I was alone. Well, not entirely.

You don't really want them here. They would ruin this for you. They would get in your way. You don't want that, Bella.

People are friends, not food. People are friends, not food. People are friends, not food.

People have blood, drink it. People have blood, you want it. People have blood, take it from them. Take it!

"No, I won't!" I yelled.

"I think she is going to puke," Jessica said. Lauren nodded fervently, "I think I might vomit if she does. I can't take it."

"Can you… help… me out… side," I struggled internally with the monster. She would not win; I would not let her, I couldn't. These were innocent human girls. And I was not a monster. I was not. I refused to give in. I thought of Edward. Edward Cullen wouldn't give in to the monster; he would fight. Any of the Cullens would fight it and they would win. I would win, I could.

The girls helped me get outside and I held my breath. The unfortunate thing was that I couldn't hold my breath for long and we were slow getting me outside and into the grass. I would breathe in and their scents would assault my nose. Many times I stared at Angela's neck or her finger where she had sliced it open earlier that day and blood had dripped from it… Too bad the vampire thing where I didn't need to breathe wasn't working. I was going double-time trying to get through this without killing any of them. They so owed me, but they could never know it.

The eventually got me into the grass across the road from the small gas station. I told them not to worry about me; I would be fine. When really I was debating internally with myself on the best days to kill each of them and enjoy it. They struggled with leaving me alone and it increased my troubles. I told them they didn't want to puke, too and they went inside. Angela was the last to leave. She looked at me a second as if she knew exactly what she was seeing, and she looked sorry for it. But she couldn't know, could she? Humans aren't supposed to know. The Volturi didn't want us humans to know; though, I couldn't really contain myself into the "human" category anymore.

So what did I do now? It was obvious I needed to get away from here, soon. How lucky that I had a way to do just that. Sure, I would need to feed soon if I used my ability, now, but this fit into the emergency category.

I made a show of sitting in the grass so the girls wouldn't get suspicious that I was doing anything else, anything like controlling time and going forward to the future awaiting me inside my house, inside my room, inside the protection of my bedcovers where the monster couldn't get me. But what about Charlie? Would I want him? It made me sick to think about, but it was an alternative that needed attention.

In the end, I decided that, right now, I couldn't deal with the fact that I might eat my dad later that night. As awful as it sounded, I needed to escape from here, not murdering any of my friends.

When I folded my legs together on the damp grass, I touched my left middle, ring, and pinky finders to the crescent on the nape of my neck and thought about- it was 7 P.M. now- midnight that night. It would be a late time to get home, especially with school being the next day, but I couldn't think about that. I needed out of here, now.

This particular part of my ability had two parts and it would require a large part of my energy. By the time I got home, I would be too exhausted to do anything. I would need to think about being right in my bed, right under the covers. Normally, I would only have to speed up time and I would be in the same place I started in when I was finished. But this time I would have to do it differently, and it wasn't easy. And it was painful. Transporting myself through time made me want to throw up. The pulling of my skin and my stomach and organs was almost too much to bear. I hadn't done this particular part of my ability but once before.

I had gotten lost in the mall with my mom a year ago. It was a large mall and I really didn't want to be there alone. I had gone to the corner of the store and done the usual, but something had changed; I had been panicking and doing crazy things. I had felt the pain and before I knew it, I was in the house, my house. I had to call Renee and lie to her; I had told her that I had taken a cab when I had gotten lost. I vowed never to do it again because it was too painful to do, but in this case, I needed it.

So with my fingers on my neck, I thought about midnight at Charlie's house. And the colors came, reliable as ever, and I thanked each bright blue, each dark orange, each pale peach, each soft green, and each crimson red. I saw that Jessica, Lauren, and Angela would call a tower. It would take an awful two hours of waiting for it to get here. I would have to call Charlie and tell him; he would be worried. The girls would have to call their parents and they would be very, very upset. We would be bored, and I would be fighting the urge to kill them all. The truck would get here and hook us up. It would take us home. I wouldn't kill anyone.

It was time for the second half of the time-change. Abruptly, I stood up- three fingers still on my back, thinking about my warm bed, under the covers- and I spun around in one circle counter-clockwise, then quickly sat back down. And then pain came, fast. I didn't remember it hurting so much. I screamed. I could feel my thigh muscles being pulled and twisted. My lips curled. My hair whipped around me. Keep your fingers on your back, I thought. Keep sitting.

A minute later, I was lying in bed and the covers were over me. I was drenched in sweat and sleep overtook me.

Wait. No it didn't.

It should have. That would have been ideal.

Charlie was snoring in the other room. Well, there is the vampire hearing. At least the sense of smell went away. I did not need that right now.

Why am I not sleeping? I am exhausted. Was it something to do with the sporadic vampire senses that came along when I didn't expect, or want, them to? Was I in-between- exhausted but unable to sleep? That is an awful place to be. I literally could not go to sleep. It couldn't get any worse.

I was wrong.

This was only the beginning of my end.

AN: I do so hope that this met expectations of you readers! Let me know. Reviewing doesn't take long. Even if you just want to say "update" or want to go on and on about things you liked or disliked. I lurve any kind of review so…

REVIEW.

~Sylvia~