Part 5, Escape
by ctrlphreaque
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July 29, 1998
Dean sat at his desk in his room staring out the window at his neighbours across the street. Six year old Emily was trying her best to keep her two year old little sister entertained in the front yard while their mother unloaded groceries from the back of the van. Dean smiled as Carrie got away from her big sister hitting the huge mud puddle at full speed. Emily was yelling at Carrie but he could tell that it was all good natured when she jumped into the water.
Turning back to the task at hand, Dean looked at the paperwork for the three colleges he had picked out. He had procrastinated all summer though he had the forms filled out he still needed references and essays. Dean should have been paying less attention to the world outside and more to his world inside because he did not hear his younger brother come into his room.
"What are you doing, Dean?" Sam asked in a sing-songy voice. He enjoyed the jump he caused his inattentive brother. Dean spun around to face him, eyes wide, breath quickening. Sam placed his hand on Dean's shoulder, a condescending smile on his face.
"I-i w-wa-ss- f-ff-i-ill-n-n' o-ou-t c-co-ol-le-ge a-ap-pp-l-li-ca-ti-on-nn f-f-or-rm-ms-s," Dean stuttered, he had started to sweat like he had been caught doing something wrong. He smoothed his facial features and clasped his hands together hoping that Sam would not see them shaking.
Still in that sing-songy voice Sam inquired, "Why would you be doing that, Dean?" his head tilted to the right, eyebrows raised. He was playing Dean, making him squirm.
Dean swallowed trying to steady himself, but his mouth was dry causing his tongue to stick to the roof of his mouth. He hated talking especially around Sam, he always made it hard for Dean to concentrate. "I-i h-hh-ha-av-v-e t-tto-o a-aa-ap-pp-l-ll-ly t-tt-oo s-ss-se-ee wh-wh-i-i-ch o-on-ne t-tt-oo g-gg-go t-tt-oo," he was struggling with the words. He could see from the look on his brother's face that he was going to get punished although he did not know what he did wrong this time. Sam had taken to punishing him more frequently in the past year.
"Oh, I don't think so Dean," Sam's voice was low, all mirth was wiped from his features. He dropped his hand from Dean's shoulder and picked up the applications. Sam flipped through the forms reading aloud the names, "Northwestern, MIT, Stanford... hmm, all out of state." Sam knitted his brows and held his older brother in a hard stare. "You cannot go to any of these schools, you will be too far away. Are you trying to leave the family? Are you trying to get away from me?"
"N-n-nno-o S-ss-a-aa-mm-m," Dean answered quickly, his eyes wide in fright again, "I-i'm-m n-nn-no-o-t-tt-t l-le-ea-v-vv'n-n' th-th' f-ff-ff-aa-a-am-mm'l-ll-ly." He was visibly shaking now, his stutter worse under Sam's scrutiny.
"But you are applying for colleges not in Kansas, now what else would that be telling me? Hmm, Dean?" Sam pushed making Dean speak more.
"I-i'm-m j-jju-us' g-gg-go-oo-n-nn' tt-t' c-cc-co-ol-ll-le-eg-ge l-ll-l-ii-i-k-kkk-ke M-mm-m-oo-o-m-m a-aa-nn' D-ddd-aa-ad-dd w-www-wwa-a-a-nn-n-t-tt," Dean was almost pleading, he knew the direction this conversation was going but was powerless to stop it.
"No, Dean, they do not want that. In fact they know that you barely passed your equivalency to get your GED, so they know you do not have the brains for college. These," Sam said with distaste indicating the papers, "are worthless." He dropped them one by one onto the floor.
Tears sprung to his eyes as Dean watched helplessly the plans for his escape hit the floor and turn to dust. He knew that Sam planted the information in their parents' minds because that is what Sam does best. And even though their parents attended the ceremony, they would not remember that Dean had graduated with honors this past May and was awarded two scholarships. If Dean were to look now he would find all of his grades changed, the diploma a GED, and the scholarships gone.
"W-wwh-yy-yy-y?" he breathed unable to do anything else, staring at the useless applications on the floor.
Sam slammed Dean up against the desk, leaning heavily on his chest. "Because I say so that's why. You have no right to question me, I hold all the cards, I am the one who says what you do and when you do it," Sam's eyes were flashing with hate as he spit out the words. "Fuck Dean, you have been trying to get away from me from the very beginning. Always running off with your friends, leaving me behind. You have never wanted to be around me. You don't love me."
"N-n--" Dean attempted to protest but his air was being constricted, the desk biting into his back. Plus Sam would not give him the time to get the words out.
"Don't you contradict me, damn it! I know the truth, I see it in your fucking eyes every damn day," Sam pulled back letting Dean breathe again. He jabbed Dean in the shoulder to emphasize each statement, "Shit, the only reason you are here is because I make you stay. And you know what?" malice colored his words, Sam straightened and crossed his arms, "I don't care. You are mine to do with what I please."
"N-n-nno-o S-ss-a-aa-mm-m," Dean panted to get the words out, cringing as far from Sam as he could in the chair, "I-i l--"
"You are a bad boy, Dean," Sam cut him off, voice hard, brows furrowed, "You've broken the rules."
Everything Dean had endured over the years had been increasingly harsh and humiliating but he could deal with a bit of physical and emotional pain knowing that his parents were safe and one day he would be shed of his younger brother when he left for college. Ten years of punishments causing ten years of pain leading to ten years of planning resulting in ten years of hope. In the course of five minutes Sam had taken all that away with the destruction of his academic career. Dean was still trapped.
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