I´m sorry that you have to wait so long for the chapters at the moment - I really do try to write faster, but work is taking up a lot of time these days :(
I´m hoping for a lot more reviews this time around - 3 won´t do ;)
And to my regular reviewers - I LOVE YOU GUYS :)
You always make my day :)
Enjoy :)
7th Heaven
Renesmee Cullen
Oh crap oh crap oh crap.
I had their attention now but I was totally freaking out. Did I really want to know their answers to my questions?
I wasn´t sure.
I looked up at my dad. I was sure he already knew what I was about to ask them. He looked both confused and a little scared. Right so I was probably not going to like what they had to say.
"Sure baby, you can ask us anything. What is it?" mom said back with a smile. She obviously didn´t know yet.
How was I supposed to do this the right way?
I knew that it was selfish wanting to know what had happened right now under these circumstances. But I just couldn´t die not knowing.
"Right," I started. "I´m not really sure how to begin."
"Nessie," dad said with slight warning in his tone. He just never wanted my mom to be hurt, I didn´t either, but this was not about hurting her or not. This was about me finding out the truth about my past and my future. In that scenario that I even had a future at all. I wanted to know the truth about my family.
"Dad, please you have to understand that I need to know this," I pleaded with him. He always avoided issues that would affect the family and especially upset my mom, but not this time. "I am old enough to know now Dad."
He looked me in the eyes for a few seconds. He looked like he was debating whether or not to argue with me. He narrowed his eyes and then nodded in defeat.
"I guess you have the right to know," he mumbled and turned his head and looked out the window.
"What is it," Jacob asked curious. He looked so cute when he was desperate to know something. I could feel my heart beat just a little bit faster and a smile came to my lips. My dad let out a small groan and rolled his eyes.
"Just go ahead baby," mom said while she took my dad´s hand in hers.
"Right. OK," I started again. "This Simon guy who held me prisoner knew stuff about you guys and what´s happened in the past." I took a quick glance up at my parents, my mom just looked at me eager for me to continue, my dad couldn´t look me in the eyes. He was starring at the floor; he looked like he was in pain. I hated hurting my dad, my hero, but I had to. In order to forgive him and understand him I had to know. Right now the whole image of my dad, the hero, was shattered to pieces. One thing was that he had just abandoned Tanya, leaving her to die to save him. It was a whole other issue for him to be leaving my mom like he did. For them to understand I had to start at the beginning of Simon´s story.
I started to explain about Simon´s connection to Victoria and they didn´t even look that surprised. Well maybe they already knew. Of course they knew my dad would have figured it out when he was listening to Simon´s thoughts. Simon was eager enough for people to know his true colors so I was pretty sure he wouldn´t hide his `perfect` plot from any of his intended victims.
Jasper was however very interested when he heard the part of Simon and Maria.
"Simon you say?" he asked.
"Yes," I answered him. Did he even pay attention? Dah!
He was quiet for a little while and the rest of us just looked at him. He was obviously going through some kind of mind archive of former soldiers he had trained. Then all of a sudden he nodded and motioned for me to continue, he must have remembered Simon and he didn´t seem to want to talk about him. Creepy.
"Well my first question is actually about you and dad, mom," I almost whispered it out. This was not going to be easy. My dad and his temper. Jikes.
My dad groaned, squeezed my mom´s hand and turned his face to look out the small window of the plane. That made my mom a bit nervous but she quickly collected herself and turned to face me again. She nodded.
"Simon told me that when Victoria was after you she had trouble getting to you because of the wolves," I started nervously.
"Yes," my mom then said a bit baffled. "The wolves was very helpful and helped protecting our family, but you already know that Nessie."
"I do know that they helped to fight the newborns," I took a deep breath. Here goes nothing I thought. "But I didn´t know that you needed extra protection for months because my dear hero of a dad left you alone in the woods. I didn´t have any idea that he turned his back on you."
My dad flinched at my words but didn´t speak or even turn to look at either of us. At least he didn´t let go of my mom´s hand.
My mom starred at me, shocked. She then squeezed my dad´s hand to reassure him or something. She gave me a small smile.
"Yes honey, he did that. But never in a million years must you think that he ever did that to hurt me. Your dad will always be my hero no matter what. What he did was a very selfless thing and I admire him for his strength as I could not have done what he did. It was stupid yes, but his intentions were pure," she said lovingly.
My dad still didn´t move and still wouldn´t look at any of us. But how could mom even say that he was still a hero? That he was selfless? Strong? None of it made sense to me. In my book he had behaved selfish, weak and a coward.
"How can it be selfless, strong and heroic to leave the love of your life unprotected in harm's way?" I asked. "That does not make sense to me at all."
My mom smiled again. What was with her anyway? I knew she was forgiving and had a big heart and all, but still? He betrayed her. He left her to die for crying out loud.
My dad who could hear the questions and accusations in my head finally turned to face me. His eyes were full of sorrow and pain. Good - they should be.
"Love is a powerful thing, baby," my mom said. "It makes you do things you never thought was possible. It also makes you do things you never thought you could or would do. It can make you both selfish and selfless. When your dad thought that he kept bringing me in danger instead of keeping me safe his only option was to leave me. In his eyes there was more danger around him than without him, so he told me that he had to leave."
"But you wouldn´t let him leave mom, you hardly go anywhere without him," I said. How could she have let him just walk away like that?
"I wouldn´t have let him take even a step away from me if I ever thought that I was good enough for him and that he loved me the way he does, baby," my mom said.
"But you knew that mom? Everybody knows that," I stated.
"Your mother never saw herself very clearly," my dad finally spoke. "She never thought she was good enough for me and she never truly believed that I loved her like she loved me. So when I told her I didn´t want her to come with me she interpreted it as if I didn´t want her anymore." He took a deep breath and looked down at the floor yet again. "And I didn´t contradict her in her assumption."
"YOU WHAT?" I screamed.
"Calm down Nessie baby," my mom said. "Your dad was right to assume that I would never ever have let him go if I thought he loved me back or if I thought I deserved him. All he had to do to break free from me was to implicate that I wasn´t good enough for him. I already knew that. I knew I couldn´t measure up. I don´t agree with your father´s choice of leaving me, but I do understand his intentions. You also have to understand that leaving me behind was the hardest thing you father ever had to do. As he was my whole life, I was his."
"But he left you there, unprotected" I claimed. I wasn´t going forgive him as easily as mom had done. They had to do better than this.
"As I said before baby, your dad thought that he and his surroundings were the biggest danger I was in. Your dad had no idea that Victoria was chasing me. Besides, I wasn´t unprotected," she said and send a glance towards Jacob. That was another thing. What had happened between those two? And did I really want to know?
"That reminds me of something else Simon said," I said looking over at Jacob now. He hadn´t said a thing during my questions.
"Simon claimed that mom was always followed by a lovesick puppy therefore she couldn´t be harmed," I said with s small accusation which was hardly fair. Jacob didn´t know that I was head over heels for him. Nor did he know that I was jealous as hell if he ever had feelings for anyone besides me. And I sure didn´t know if he had any romantic feelings towards me, so any accusations I was shooting his way were totally out of line. But I couldn´t help it, if he was in love with someone else, even if that someone else was my mom, I had to know now so that I could move on. Not. But if he was in love with my mom that would explain why he was around all the time if it wasn´t because of me. "Do you have any idea of what he was talking about Jacob?"
"I was there for your mom when she needed me," he answered looking a bit shocked at my not so subtle accusations. It seemed that I had been wrong in my hopes to have him return my feelings. It seemed that I had the option of letting him go or to fight and make him fall for me. The option was rather obvious since I could not let him go. I couldn´t imagine life without him. I didn´t want to imagine life without him.
"It would seem that you are ready to know the truth Nessie," my dad said. He must have heard my insecurities so now he was going to reassure me somehow. "Your mother and I have waited for the right time to tell you and I guess that time is here now, whether we like it or not. Jacob you are free to tell what you have been dying to tell her from the day she was born."
Dying to tell me something? My mom and dad knew something for this long and they kept it from me? And now was the time? Jeez, now I was really scared. Scared that my heart would break into a million pieces in a matter of seconds, only Jacob held the power to do so at this point. He was the owner of my heart, the keeper. I took a deep breath and looked into Jacob´s eyes.
His eyes were filled with emotions. Was that good or bad? What was he waiting for?
"We don´t have all day you know," I said impatiently. Better to get this over with I thought.
Now he was the one to inhale deeply. "Right. So here it goes. You know how I told you about how inseparable Quil and Claire are because of the imprinting thing?" he asked me very cautiously. He was nervous and his heart was pounding.
"Yes," I answered. Uh-uh was he going to tell me that he imprinted on my mom now? I had shivers run down my spine and tried to shake them of mentally. I didn´t succeed without my body physically moving.
"Does that gross you out?" Jacob asked quickly in response to my reaction. My dad let out a laugh and shook his head. We all turned to look at him. He better not ruin this.
"Sorry," he murmured.
"No not at all Jacob, please continue," I said. "All of us don´t know what´s going on in your head like Mr. Comedian over there."
"Well we all thought that imprinting was a rare thing and only happened to few. But when it happened to Sam, Jared, Quil and Paul it didn´t seem that rare to me. And then it happened to me too," Jacob explained.
Oh no. This was it then. The pain would come in just a few seconds. I closed my eyes.
"You imprinted on my mom didn´t you?" it came out of my mouth so quickly that I didn´t even register I had said it out loud.
Emmet, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper, Carlisle, Esme and all the wolves all started laughing. I turned to give them my best killer look. That only made Emmet laugh even harder.
"He wishes," he laughed out. Rosalie hit him in the back of his head but still snickered.
"No I didn´t imprint on your mom, Nessie," Jacob said. He looked really pissed at Emmet´s little outburst. "And yes Emmet, at one point I really wished I had imprinted on her."
So it was true then, he was in love with my mom. I could feel my heart rate lower and I started to see black spots before my eyes. This could not be good, I felt so dizzy.
"But that all changed when I saw you Nessie," Jacob said trying to meet my eyes. "I have loved you with every beat of my heart from the first time I set my eyes on you. You changed my world, you are my world. I could not exist without you. You are the reason I breathe, you are the reason I do anything at all. I would do anything you ask me to. I love you Nessie, more than you´ll ever know."
"AAAWWWW," was the reaction throughout the plane, even my mom´s.
Did I just hear him say that he loved me? Did he just describe that I was the one he imprinted on? Really?
"Yes he did Nessie," my dad answered my thoughts.
Screw it, I thought and flung myself at Jacob. I kissed him fierce fully and with all the emotions I had in me. I had forgotten all my questions about Jacob and my mom, it didn´t matter anymore. I was the one who held Jacob now as he was the one who held me. The past was in the past. From now on I would only look at the future. My future with Jacob Black. Wow. My head was spinning again, but for a whole different reason this time.
I don´t know how long time we kissed, but it was way too soon that I heard someone clear their throat. I ignored it and just kissed Jacob again and again and again. I briefly wondered why I ever wasted my life doing anything but kissing Jacob Black. I never wanted to stop.
Again I heard one clearing their throats. Enough with the plotting on bursting my bubble already. I had no intentions on breaking the kiss. I heard my dad chuckle at my rebellious thoughts.
"Get a room," Emmet laughed.
"Emmet Cullen, don´t you even start giving them any ideas," mom of course was appalled by the suggestion of her little girl being alone in a room with the love of her life.
Emmet just let out his booming laugh and ignored her.
"Nessie, Jacob," Carlisle tried to get our attention. "We´re in Seattle and have been for quite a while now." He was also chuckling.
"Yes please break it up guys. I can´t handle all the love and desire you guys radiate," Jasper laughed.
Jacob chuckled against my lips and that made me chuckle too. I was so happy at this point and I never wanted to break away. I was in 7th heaven. Jacob finally did pull away from my kiss and placed his forehead against mine. I pouted the best I had learned by watching Alice my whole life and Jacob laughed and sighed.
"I love you Nessie, but we have to get off the plane and head back home. We have to be ready for what´s to come," Jacob said in a voice filled with regret.
"Right," I said. I had forgotten about the impending doom. I had enjoyed my moment of total ignorance – back to reality then. "I love you too Jacob Black," I said as I had realized I hadn´t told him yet. He flashed the biggest and happiest smile I had ever seen. He placed a small kiss on my lips and stood up. He reached for my hand and I took it without a second thought.
When we were back at our cars I realized there was still some unfinished business I had to attend to. There was still something that I had yet to say although I had made up my mind a long time ago. When my lips meet Jacob´s for the first time a lot of pieces fell into place and everything felt right and I had to make up for the pain I had caused.
"Dad, Mom. Can I talk to you before we go?" I asked.
"Of course, Nessie," mom said. Dad already knew what I wanted to say so he just hugged me and smiled at me.
"It´s OK Nessie, we love you," he said.
"I know you do dad, but I have to tell you that I´m very sorry that I ever doubted what you guys had and still have. I don´t agree with you dad in your decision to leave your love behind. But I had a little epiphany when I was... err... kissing…" I totally blushed, "Jacob back there. And I understand you only tried to protect her. I know that you will never stop blaming yourself and that you can never forgive yourself either. But I forgive you dad, like mom has. I love you too much to hold anything against you. From now on we look forward."
If my dad could cry he looked like he would and so did my mom. We all hugged and they turned to get in the car. Jacob came to my side and he hugged me too.
"I´m so proud of you Ness," he whispered in my ear. His warm breath in my ear made my knees week and I giggled. Great, I was a lovesick teenager. Jacob kissed my forehead and led me to the car.
Because of my dad´s driving we were home in no time. The family went inside to talk strategy; the wolves went back to La Push to check in with Sam and his pack. Jacob had to go with them of course so I placed myself on the couch and started daydreaming.
I heard Carlisle go up to his study and the rest of them kept on talking. In a matter of minutes or seconds my daydreaming had pulled me into sleep. I dreamt of the most wonderful future with Jacob. After a while I felt a couple of warm arms around me and I smiled in my sleep. Jacob held me there for a long time while I was sleeping peacefully.
The door swung upon and I heard Seth´s panicked voice, "Jacob," he called. I sat up immediately and looked from Jacob to Seth confused.
"It´s Leah," Seth said. "She´s gone."
Seth fell to the floor sobbing.
Uh-uh.... I´ll try not to make you wait a whole week this time...
If you remeber to review, I´ll proberbly make it faster ;)