Title: The Mark. Author: SA3466996. Rating: T, PG-13. Category: Angst. Genre: Het. Pairing: DiNozzo/Jeanne. Character(s): DiNozzo, Jeanne. Summary: What was going on in Tony's head when Jeanne asked him that question outside the elevator in 'Internal Affairs.' Spoilers: S5.14 Internal Affairs. Disclaimer: NCIS characters belong to Bellisario, CBS and Paramount. No copyright infringement intended.
AN: Based on 'Mean old man's world' by Jools Holland and the Rhythm and Blues Orchestra (4:21). 251 words
He needed to say it. That none of it was true and she hadn't meant anything to him. Jeanne had to get on with her life – without him. However much it hurt. However much he wanted to scream and shout at the top of his voice that 'Yes, he'd loved her' and 'Yes, it had been real.' To show her that he'd meant every word of it and she wasn't just 'the mark.'
She'd changed him back then. Made him think about his future; their future - whether he could be an agent and have a family. Could he put a family... his flesh and blood... through everything that came with his job? Could he have asked her to commit to that; knowing he could go to work one morning and not come home in the evening? Was it fair for Jeanne to have to carry that burden?
But all that was back then, at a time when they'd curled up together on the couch in her front room and he stroked her tangled hair, comforting her as she'd talked of families crying in hospital corridors; kids asking when their mothers or fathers were going to come home, and detectives keeping vigil by their partners' bedsides. No, he couldn't have asked Jeanne to take all that on. Not then. Not now. Better to be cruel and mean; harsh and swift. Take the pain now.
And so, faced with the ultimate question, Tony did what he had to do. He lied.
"No."