AN: I am so sorry this took so long and I haven't even replied to everyone yet… I am so sorry! I'll do it know. By the way I loved your sweet words please keep them coming :) I know this is very short but I have exams and I am so proud that I wrote something at all.

Chapter 3

"There are people dying

If you care enough for living

Make it a better place you

And for me"

-Michael Jackson; Heal the World

"She knew she was going to die?" Audrey asked confused.

"Yes", Serena answered low, her voice was about to break.

"But how could she know that?"

"The doctors told her…"

"They what?!"

Serena sight slightly and inhaled deep, as if the air included the words she was searching for.

""They told her that… that if she wanted to have you… she could pay with her own life."

Audrey's head was spinning; it was like her world had been turned upside down. She had always blamed herself for her mother's death; she always had listened to the sneaky voice in her head which whispered "you're a monster", she couldn't bland it out, no matter where she went, what she did, or how hard she tried.

"So it's my fault… I always knew that, even though no one admitted it, I always knew. I always knew… but it's hard to work it out."

Serena gripped Audrey's shoulders and shook her soft.

"No. Audrey, she loved you, she loved you, more than anything else, and she even loved you more than her own life. She knew that they're might be complications and she had the choice- she chose you, no matter what.

So don't blame yourself, Audrey because there is no one to blame.

She wouldn't want that. Look, she wanted you to be happy, so try to be happy- not just for yourself, but for me and her as well", Serena stroke over Audrey's hair, which had exactly the mahogany colour that Blair's hairs used to have.

"For you?" Audrey asked slightly sobbing.

"Yes."

"But why?"

Serena sighed and looked away. She focused the shadows at the wall, the single candle in front of her was able to bring at least some light into the darkness of the room and Audrey was able to bring at least some love into the emptiness of Serena's heart. Her heart that made his last beat with Blair's one, her heart stopped when her best friend died; died because of her.

Her heart was filled with nothing but emptiness since she killed her. Serena meant what she had told Audrey; at least she meant the most of it. It wasn't Audrey's fault, that was true, but she had lied when she had said there was no one to blame, there was someone responsible;

Serena Celia van der Woodsen.

Blair hadn't wanted to get the baby, it was Serena who persuaded her, and it was her who killed Blair. No one but herself was to blame.

She focused again on the shadows at the wall and drew her own "perfect shadow picture" in her head. She just erased herself and drew Blair's petit figure into her family portrait.

She thought about that a moment, no it wouldn't be like that, she forgot someone.

She closed her eyes for a moment and tried to remember a person, she hadn't seen in ages.

But Chuck Bass was hard to forget, maybe it was even impossible.

Serena knew Chuck loved Blair, all the drunk dialing calls he had given her. All the apologies, she had never told Blair about.

He would have been there, he would have fought for Blair, and he would have won, not the battle but the price; her heart.

"That's the way it should have been", she murmured to herself.

"What should have been?" Audrey asked; still confused.

"Nothing, sweetheart", Serena whispered and lay down beside her.

She ripped her arms around Audrey and they drove off to sleep.

"Nothing at all."

15 years ago

"S? You love, don't you?" Blair asked Serena.

They were sitting in lovely café right next to the Eiffel Tower and enjoyed the beautiful view of Paris.

Serena sipped at her orange juice and joked: "How do you know that? Actually I'm only in France because I like the climate that much."

Blair tried to chuckle but Serena felt that she was about to cry.

"Hey", she gripped her hand and stroke with her thumb over the back of Blair's hand.

"What is it?"

"You love, don't you?" Blair repeated her voice was weak and about to break.

"Yes", Serena whispered, "I love you, Blair. You're my sister, how couldn't I?"

"The question is how can you…, but that is beside the point. If it's true what the doctors say, if they're will be complications… if I'll die, than please take care of the baby. Will you do that for me?"

"Yes, I'll do. But it won't be necessary because you won't die. We will get through this together, B; like we always do.

"There something else", Blair said low and looked away.

"Name it."

"Do you remember what you promised on the flight?"

"No, I don't", Serena lied; she knew exactly what Blair wanted to say.

"You swore that you wouldn't tell Chuck about me about the baby about anything that includes both of us. You need to keep that promise, no matter what happens. I don't want him, to get near the baby, at least not yet.

I don't want him to hurt it, he has to grow up first and I'm not sure he ever will. You promise?"

"I promise it", Serena whispered. "But that doesn't change the fact that you won't die, Blair. You have to promise me something, either; promise me you will fight, you'll fight as hard as you can so you can raise your child yourself. Promise me, you'll do your best."

"I promise", Blair buried her face in her arms.

She raised her head again and looked Serena straight in the eye.

"You'll love the baby, just as much as you love me, won't you?"

Serena smiled a sad smile and said: "I surely will."

"I know someone who'd love it more than I ever could", she whispered to herself.

"What did you say?" Blair asked confused.

"Nothing", Serena replied, "Nothing at all."

TBC

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