Dear Readers,

Thank you so much for all your reviews I was simply amazed by all of the feedback I got, so thank you! It's really hard to decide between all the lovely couples you suggested, especially about the question: Chuck-Georgina or not Chuck-Georgina… but I think I'll find a way to satisfy both sides :)


Ggxxlover: thank you for reviewing! well I really think I'll find a way to make you happy, but I think also that you have to live with a little Chuck&Georgina first; but remember Audrey is Blair's daughter, do you really think she would accept Georgie as her stepmother? NO, she would take actions!

Anna: The story won't change the whole subject, it's just that I want some married couples… and therefore I needed to know which ones you would prefer, but yeah I think Serena must find a sweetheart, she has taken care for Audrey for 15 years and always put her love life behind that, so I think it's time to maker her happy. LOL I really think Blair would do that, but I also think that Audrey herself would be pretty upset about Georgie as her stepmother…

irishgirl837: Thank you so much for reviewing and your suggestion, well I think I have bad news for you… you'll see Chuck with someone else than Blair, but don't worry he won't be too happy about that, either.

J: Thank you so much. And thanks for the suggestion, I'll keep that in mind. ;)

Laurienlaurie: Oh I definetly will. Thanks for the review and the suggestion BTW.

teddy bear: Thank you. Mhh i think you'll have to read trough some C/G parts first but don't worry that will change for sure, I can't stand them either ;)

thank you! And thanks for reviewing and your suggestions. I'll definetly think about that Dan/OC thing. BTW I finished half of the next chapter for Hamptons to Forget so sorry it takes that long.

Jelly: Thanks for reviewing and your suggestion. To the first thing: YES! And the second thing: NO! I can't just leave them out… but they'll just appear from time to time so don't worry you won't have to read too much about them ;)

Sammy: Aww, thank you SO much. Yeah I think that would be great, too.

Happy readings!


Chapter 5

Audrey sat at her bad starring at the white envelope in front of her. Next to it laid a simple, black box but Audrey didn't care what was inside of it. She couldn't stop looking at the classy, white envelope. Her mother had written the letter that was inside of it, that was what her grandfather had told her. He mother had written it for her. Audrey got a few things that once belonged to her mother, but she had nothing her mother had written or done just for her and she always had thought that she'd never have. Her mother died before Audrey was old enough to understand what the word mother meant, Serena had told her about her mother, her granddad had told her about her, she saw hundred of photos but she never met her, she never heard her voice, she never knew how her handwriting looked like. And know finally she was about to learn a few of those things.

Maybe she really had loved her, maybe she hadn't hated her, maybe she hadn't blamed her…

"Maybe, maybe, maybe", Audrey whispered to herself, "I am tired of all those questions; I need answers."

She knew that she needed those answers but she wasn't so sure that she wanted them, what if the letter would tell her the things she already knew? That her mother was angry with her, for killing her… She was afraid but at the same time she knew she would never be happy if she wouldn't read it.

She breathed heavily in and out, and then ripped the envelope open with her smallest finger.

A letter felt out of it and then another envelope, she took the other envelope and read the name that was written on it.

Chuck Bass

Chuck Bass? Wasn't that the boy her aunt had told her about, the really good friend of her mother's? But why did she write him a letter? What was this about, why wasn't there a letter for Serena or that Nate guy?

"It doesn't matter right now", Audrey told herself.

She unfolded the letter and started to read:

My beloved daughter,

I don't know how to start this letter, though I know clearly what I need to tell you.

You're 15 years old now, old enough to understand what I got to tell you.

Oh gosh you must be so beautiful…

Is it strange to say "I miss you"? Because even now, that you're still in me, a part of me, I miss you because I know things are going to change.

I love you, Audrey. That is the most important thing you need to know. I love you more than anything else.

And I want you to know that it wasn't your fault that I died. I guess you probably feel that way because I once knew a boy whose mother died in childbirth, his father blamed him for her death and therefore he blamed himself.

Over the years he became bitter and lonely, he was afraid to hurt the people he loved and tried his hardest to shut them out.

Please Audrey, do not become that way, do not blame yourself because there is no one to blame.

It's just life; things don't always turn out the way they're supposed to be.

I should know that, I used to plan every single detail of my life; I failed.

You can't plan your life; I learned that the hard way. Things will go wrong and you'll fall but you shouldn't give up then, Audrey.

Try to fight and ask for help, don't do things on your own, your friends are there to help you, so don't build walls to shut them out.

Because these boundaries don't keep them out, they fence you in.

Another thing I want you to know is that you should be yourself. Be the girl you want to be and don't let other people tell you who are, tell them.

My mother used to tell me that I was a Waldorf and I had to act as one, always gracefully and I wasn't allowed to play in the slush or wear the things I wanted to wear. I had to make my mother proud, wear the things she designed. All I wanted was her to look at me the way she looked at Serena, like she was an angel, always more beautiful, thinner and happier than me.

So I tried to be perfect and somewhere on the way from Blair to perfect I lost myself.

I needed the help of my friends to get back to myself. I needed the help of my true friends. I was popular at school, I had lots of friends but they weren't true friends, I bet Serena told you about them, they were called "the girls of the steps" and they were faked.

Sweetie, search for friends who really like you and not the person they want you to be.

I think every mother wants to teach her daughter something useful for life, well those are the things I learned.

But there is another thing I know; I know that a girl needs her father, maybe it was a mistake to keep him away from you but trust me when I say that I wanted to protect you.

I made Serena swear she wouldn't tell you about him, made her swear to never say his name again, to never contact him. I know she never did such a thing, she wouldn't break these promises; she is after all my best friend, my family.

I told you about the boy who tried to shut people out because he didn't trust himself to not hurt them.

His name is Charles Bass.

He is Serena's stepbrother and he was a member of the Non-Judging-Breakfast-Club.

Serena must have told you about it.

The Non-Judging-Breakfast-Club consisted of Serena, Chuck, Nate and me. We were best friends; we were there for each other, no matter what happened until something happened that broke our connection.

Nate and I used to date since kindergarten; we were the glory, perfect couple of our school. The king and queen of the Upper East Side and then in our sophomore year Nate and Serena got drunk, really drunk and he cheated on me. After that Serena ran away to Connecticut and went to boarding-school.

She never said goodbye. I was so confused, Serena had left, Nate acted weird and my father moved to France with another man, it was a hard time and I had no one to turn to, except Chuck, he was a pretty good friend in my time of need and soon we became quit close.

After Serena had left our school I became the most popular girl there, every one wanted to be like me and my mother was simply proud of me, but that wasn't the real Blair, no one knew that I was dying inside; I began to throw up again. I had bulimia… I had had that problem years ago and all of a sudden it started again, I really tried to fight it but I wasn't strong enough, the only person besides my parents who knew about my problem was Serena and she was far away at boarding school.

I got through this time, I don't know how but I managed to, somehow.

Suddenly Serena came back and everything was the way it used to be but then Nate told be what had happened and I could not look at him or her anymore, they made me sick, they had lied to be, betrayed me and I couldn't trust them, anymore.

But when Nate told me he loved me we got back together, I made him promise to never speak with Serena again.

After a few weeks of fighting Serena and I made finally up. Her family went through hard times, just as mine, we needed each other and I was sick and tired of fighting with the only person who ever understood me.

A few days later I broke up with Nate, not because of Serena, she dated someone named Dan Humphrey. But because I knew he wasn't over her and that he didn't love me. The break-up was painful, with losing Nate; I lost my perfect future, my perfect soon-to-be engagement ring and my perfect illusions.

All I wanted was to forget; to escape so I met with Chuck.

Chuck Bass was the notorious womanizer of Manhattan he never made up with a girl twice and he usually got drunk before 12 pm.

But he was also one of my best friends.

I met him at Victrola, his club. And believe me or not, I got on stage and stripped. I still wore my slip so don't think something wrong.

I finally found the girl I lost on my way to perfection, I felt free and relieved, and I didn't want to stop. Well I did after all.

Chuck gave me a ride home and still amazed of my little striptease and the feeling it gave me I kissed Chuck.

I didn't kiss him the way I used to kiss Nate, with Nate it was sweet but with Chuck there was passion and without thinking I lost my virginity to Chuck Bass in the back of a moving vehicle.

When I woke up the next day, I was so confused and I regretted it, though Chuck had been really sweet and nice, I thought I'd actually love Nate and I searched for a way to get back together with him.

When he called and said that the break up was a mistake I was so happy, in the evening there was my birthday party. I waited for him all night long until Chuck told me; Nate only wanted to get back together with me because his father wanted to make a business deal with my mother. I didn't believe him, I thought he just wanted me to leave Nate but I was wrong he told the truth.

I got a text from Gossip Girl, that's a girl who has fun stalking us and to post blasts on the Internet, it showed Nate with some girl.

He promised to show up on my birthday but he didn't but he spent his time with some other girl.

After that Chuck found me lying on a bed in a separate room. He said he wanted to salvage my birthday, he held a box in his hands.

"What's that?" I asked. "Our sex tape?"

He didn't answer. He just opened the box.

It included a beautiful necklace; I've never got something that beautiful before or after it.

"Something this beautiful deserves to be worn of something worthy of its beauty", he told me.

That was when we started a secret relationship.

I was happy with Chuck, very happy. He saw the girl I really was and he didn't judge me, he wasn't Nate but I suddenly wasn't sure if I've ever truly loved Nate.

Serena saw us and she said that I dated the wrong guy she has never been a big fan of Chuck.

But I stayed with Chuck, he was cute and I secretly thought he really liked me.

After we started being together, he stopped womanizing completely and he didn't drink that much, I really changed him.

But when it was time for the Cotillion Nate asked me to go with him, for old times sake.

Well I went with him, but I didn't have the intention of getting back together, but when I found out that Chuck had posted a Gossip Girl blast about me dating Carter Baizen I told him to stay away from me and got back together with Nate.

I regret it now; I didn't let him explain I just took the easiest way. After I got back together with Nate Chuck left for Monaco, he didn't say goodbye; he didn't call.

He just disappeared. I didn't know how much I hurt him; I didn't know he really cared about me that way. I was so selfish.

When he came back he forced me to stay away from Nate, I just thought that he wanted to torture me, to hurt me and didn't understand that the view of Nate and me together nearly tore him apart.

I didn't understand it until I was together with Nate, event though Chuck had told me not to, but I knew he wouldn't tell Nate about us, he was after all Nate's best friend, he wouldn't take the risk to lose his best friend by telling him about us.

When I was with Nate I noticed the way Chuck looked at us, or the way he tried not to and I finally understood why he acted the way he did.

But it was too late.

Serena noticed my mood swings, I told her I was late and she bought me a pregnancy test.

It was positive but I told her it wasn't, but she had already told her boyfriend Dan about me, she was worried and needed help and she knew that Dan would never tell anyone. Well his littler sister overheard their conversation. Meanwhile Serena went to Chuck and tried to talk to him and he told her about Nate. I hadn't told Serena that I slept with Nate because I dind't want her to judge me, I was tired of always explaining myself, so I kept silent.

So the next morning when I told Chuck that I wasn't pregnant and that it was really over he sent a message to Gossip Girl that said I slept with two guys in one week and was perhaps pregnant. The Gossip Girl sent that blast to everyone who went to our school.

The whole school gossiped about me but that wasn't the worst part, Jenny, Dan's sister, went to Nate and told him about me and Chuck.

So at the end of the day I was friendless (Serena and I had a fight over sleeping with Nate and not telling her) and boyfriend less.

I had no one to turn to. So I remembered the last time I had no one to turn to and I met with Chuck but he said he didn't want me anymore, so I left for France.

I finally told Serena about the pregnancy and she came with me.

I never contacted Chuck or Nate, though the person I needed the most was Chuck.

When I lost him I finally understood that I loved him, more than I ever could have loved Nate.

But it was too late, he didn't want me anymore.

Everyday I wanted to call him, to write him but I was too afraid that he could laugh at me, tell me he didn't love me, never had. So I kept the silence, made everyone who knew about my condition promise to not tell anyone. And he never knew that I was pregnant. He had made a joke when he had told Gossip Girl about it; he never knew it was the truth.

This is my story, the story about me and your father…

Chuck Bass.

Please try to understand me, Audrey.

And please don't judge me; I tried to do the right thing. I was too young to be wise enough to make the right decisions, maybe I even failed.

But I had good intentions; I just wanted to protect you.

Now it's up to you, I made my decisions, now you can make yours.

You can go and find you father or you can stay, hide yourself and live the life you've build. I'm not trying to make you do the one thing. I'd like you to find him because I hope he has changed, hopefully not too much. But I hope he is ready to be a father now.

If you'll go to find him, then please give him the other letter which is in the envelope, there are some things I really need to tell him.

The things I never told him, when I had the chance.

And Audrey? If you're really going to find him, don't let him break your heart, it's hurts too damn much.

Anyway, you won't live forever, Audrey. So take every chance you'll get and try to make the most of it.

I love you, Audrey.

Your mother

PS. Please tell Serena that I love and miss her.

PPS: I always wanted to get into Yale, so when it's time for college applications please fill in for Yale, please Audrey, make my wish come true.


"You loved me", Audrey whispered while she tried to whip away the tears that were streaming down her face.

"You really did."

She buried her face in her hands and just cried until she felt empty, in a good way, she felt clean and as nothing could hurt her anymore. Then she remembered the box.

She unfolded Blair's letter a last time and tried to save the picture of it in her memory, then she opened the box; in it laid a stunning necklace, it was so beautiful. It was the necklace her mother had written about; it was the necklace her father had given to her.

Father, she never had a real family, sure she had Serena, her granddad and Roman but she never had anyone else. And all of a sudden she had a father…

She didn't blame her mother for keeping him away, she couldn't she somehow understood as if she had experienced all the pain that he caused her herself.

And then Blair had written about her mother, Audrey's grandmother… Audrey had never met her.

"I have another family", Audrey whispered, "and I am going to met them."

Then she stood up, went to her body sized mirror and put on some make-up to cover the red marks, she always got when she cried, she turned around, took the steps and went to the dining-room, where she heard low voices whispering with each other.

She stopped in front of the door, breathed in deeply and finally entered the room, her chin held high.

"I don't want to go shopping", she told her aunt as she entered the room, she had her voice under control, she managed to keep it stable, "I want a ticket to New York."

Then she pointed with her forefinger at her.

"And you're coming with me", she demand in best Blair Waldorf manner.

TBC

Please Review!

Because I was so amazed about the answers on my question which couples you'd like the most I decided to let you decide another thing.

I need two names… one for a fifteen years old boy and another one for a fourteen years old girl:

The boy is the son of Georgina and Carter… so think about something classy but evil ;)

The person who suggests the ones I like the most will get either:

-a chapter dedication

-or comments on your stories (if they are about Gossip Girl/Twilight/OTH/Mortal Instruments/Grey's Anatomy)

You can choose!

If they are really good you'll get both :)

No please press this green button… thank you!