Chapter 14

It was about 10pm and Nick was getting ready to go to bed. He noticed that Alex was sitting on the porch outside with a beer in his hand. At first he wanted to just leave him alone and go to sleep, but he decided to make sure that his brother was OK.

"Hey mate." He said as he opened the door so that he could talk to Alex. "Everything OK?"

"As OK as it can be." Alex sighed. "I just called Molly about an hour ago."

"Oh." Nick replied. "I take it she wasn't too pleased, huh?"

"Not really." Alex confirmed. "But she should be fine."

"What about you? Are you going to be fine?"

"Of course I will be. It would take much more to break me." He tried to smile, but Nick could see that this whole situation with Claire was really getting to him. He'd never seen his brother like that.

"Well, take care. I have a lot of work tomorrow so I'm gonna turn in. And I would really appreciate some help, you know."

"No worries, mate." Alex assured him and Nick went back to the house. Alex knew that he hasn't been of much help recently and he did intend to change it. But right now he really needed some time to himself to try and come to terms with everything that was going on in his mind and in his heart. The unresolved situation with Claire was driving him insane and he knew that he needed to talk to her. And the sooner he did, the better it was for everyone involved. What he was going through was almost unbearable and he was scared that Claire was going through the exact same thing. And he hated the fact that he was the one who put her through all this. He needed to talk to her, to explain everything. And he needed to do it now.

He ran back to the house and grabbed the keys to his car. He almost jumped into the car and immediately started the engine. He wanted to get to Claire as soon as possible, but he also knew that he'd rather didn't kill himself on the way, so he tried to drive fast but also cautiously.

When he finally reached Drovers Run, he jumped out of the car and ran towards the house. At first he just wanted to go in, like he usually would, but since it was quite late, he decided to knock. Tess was the one who opened the door. She was holding a kitchen knife in her hand.

"Not planning on killing me, are you?" he joked.

"I don't know." She replied. "Depends on what you want."

"I need to talk to Claire." He said determined.

"I don't think it's such a good idea, Alex. You've already…"

"I know I've been a bastard and a pig, Tess. No need to remind me of that. But I really do need to talk to your sister."

"I don't know Alex…" Tess knew that Claire was feeling a little better, but she still wasn't sure whether a visit from Alex was a good idea.

"Please." Alex almost begged and when Tess looked into his eyes, she just couldn't say no. She knew that no matter what had happened, Alex would never intentionally hurt Claire.

"OK, but remember that I have the knife." She grinned and then sent him a serious look.

"I will." He replied smiling and started climbing the stairs. When he finally reached Claire's bedroom, he hesitated for a moment before coming in. He desperately needed to talk to her, but he was so scared of how the conversation was going to go. He was so scared of hurting her again, but he couldn't go on living with this rift between them. And he was sure that Claire couldn't either.

He knocked on the door, but there was no response. He knew Claire was not sleeping, because if she was, Tess would have told him so. He gently pushed the door open and saw Claire sitting on her bed eating ice-cream. She was leaning against a pillow and was wearing her robe. He could tell that she'd been crying, probably more than what he saw earlier in Gungellan, but he also realized how beautiful she was.

"Tess, can you…" Claire started saying something, but didn't finish as she lifted her head up and saw Alex standing there. "What are you doing here? You came to torture me some more? My performance in front of the pub wasn't enough for you?"

"Claire, don't say that…" he said softly, almost scared that if he was louder, it would break her. "I came here because I needed to talk to you."

"I don't think that's such a good idea." She said as she got out of the bed and walked up to the door to open them. "I think you should go." She showed him the way out, but he wouldn't move.

"No. We need to talk Claire. About what happened the other night, about what happened today, about everything. And I'm not going anywhere until we do."

"I think we talked enough in Gungellan." She said firmly.

"No we didn't. You did." He noticed. "You were the one who did the talking and you drove off before you even gave me a chance to say something, to explain."

"And just what did you want to explain? Why you have to get drunk to be nice to me? And how you can sleep with someone and not remember it the next day? Is that what you want to explain?" she looked at him emotionally and he knew she was about to cry. He would give anything to not let that happen, but unfortunately it was not totally in his power.

"Yes, that's exactly what I want to explain." He looked into her eyes and placed his hands on her shoulder.

"Don't… don't touch me like that." She said almost teary eyed and broke free from his embrace. "Please just go." She told him and turned around so she didn't have to face him anymore.

"I can't go. Not until I tell you what I came here to say." He said firmly and he knew that this was now or never. The time has finally come to be honest with her and with himself.

"And what is that?" she said almost bored. She knew him and knew he wouldn't leave, so maybe it was better if she listened to him.

For a moment he just stood there looking at her back and praying that the words he was about to say would sound true and convincing.

"I love you." He finally uttered and was waiting nervously for her reaction. At first she didn't say anything, but after a while she turned around and shot him a hateful look.

"Why are you doing this to me?" she said almost crying. "Why?"

"What do you mean?" he asked a little baffled.

"How many beers have you had today, huh?" she asked with so much hurt in her eyes that it almost killed him. "You can't just come to me every time you are drunk and tell me that you love me. This is not fair, Alex! I have feelings, you know."

"Claire, you don't understand." He said softly as he walked a few steps towards her. "I really do love you. And I've had one beer today, so I am absolutely and completely aware of what I'm saying to you right now." He waited to make sure that she was looking at him. "I love you. I think I always have, ever since we first met. I know I always admired you, the way you were helping your dad on the farm. How devoted you were to him and this land. And then when he died, I couldn't believe how you started doing things on your own. Everybody kept saying you wouldn't make it, but you were so stubborn and you made it. You are the strongest woman I know, Claire. And you're amazing." He continued as he walked yet one step closer to her. "I love the way you always take care of everything and everyone before you take care of yourself. You were a wonderful daughter and now you're an even better sister to Tess. And you're the most amazing friend anyone could ever have. You were always there for me when I needed you and I was so stupid for not realizing sooner how much I loved you. Because I do, Claire, with all my heart. Now I don't know what I said to you that night that we… you know… And I will never stop hating myself for not remembering it, but it doesn't change the way I feel about you. I'm sorry about the other night, I'm so sorry… But the only reason I did what I did is because I was so afraid to tell you how I felt. So whatever I told you then, I'm sure it was exactly what I was feeling but was to afraid to admit."

Alex finally stopped talking, feeling that he had said everything he had to say. He looked at Claire, terrified of her reaction. She was staring at him in shock, tears streaming down her face, unable to say anything. He got frightened as he had never seen her like this. He wasn't sure what to do or what she wanted him to do, but after a while he just couldn't stand to see her like this so he finally put his arms around her and held embraced her. He wanted to hold her close, as close as possible, to make the pain go away. He was ready for a "get off me" or "don't touch me" from her, but she said none of those things. Instead she let him hold her in his arms, the way she had wanted to be held for such a long time. Because no matter what Alex had done and no matter what had happened between them, being in his arms like this seemed like the most natural thing in the world.

They no longer needed words, the closeness of their bodies was enough to convey everything they wanted to say.