A/N:107 reviews? OMFG! Really you guys are awesome, you're the best readers ever and I'm most likely the worst writer ever because I said I'd try to update until Monday and now it's Wednesday. But I really am sorry, I forgot about my dance lessons and then I had to study for my science exam. Okay, just know that I always try to keep on to my update promises but if something unexpected happens (hehe how fitting) in real life than it's possible that I won't make it, sorry. I'll try to improve.

Bxcinderrella: LMAO yeah that would be a good idea xD. Thanks for the review.

Anna: Um, Eleanor knows that Blair died and she also knows about Audrey but she chose not to be a part of her life. You'll soon get to know why. Thanks for the review and I hope you'll enjoy the chapter.

Angel159: Thank you very much for the review. I'm sorry that you had to wait. Please read the author note if you want to know why I was busy and I'm glad you liked it.

Karina: Aww thank you, that's really sweet. Yeah I love Bart ;) um yeah Nate will be in the next chapter, hope you'll like him there. Oh thanks I think your review just made my day.

Teddy bear: Thank you, I really work hard on those thought scenes, I try to give my story a little deepness. Hehe I love that quote, too. And I think it's really wise and so true. Yeah when Eric and Audrey talked that line came to my mind and so I had to use I really am glad you liked the way I used it. Hehe no problem dear, you made my day more often then I made yours so I'm glad that I made you happy :)

Twix: I really am sorry. But there was just a lot going on lately and I promise you that I'll try to improve but I said that I wouldn't make any promises because I wasn't sure if I could manage to update on time and after all I failed. Thank you I'm glad you like it and I did as you wished. xD

And now there is this new way of replying and I don't anymore to which reviews I already replied so if any reply got under in the fever I am sorry, just tell me.

Happy readings.

Chapter 10

Do you know this feeling when your whole world seems to be spinning? When you're in some kind of déjà vue? When everything you have been sure about suddenly doesn't count anymore? Then you look at somebody who feels familiar or you feel like something like this has happened a long, long time ago and you just don't know if it's reality or if it's a dream. But then everything comes back to you and you know that this can't be a dream because a dream would never be so painful.

Even the worst nightmares can't be worse than reality because the thing about nightmares is that they aren't true they won't follow you until you want to scream, if you have a nightmare you scream once and then you'll be awake, you're heart will be pounding, you'll turn on every single light in your room and you'll try to calm down.

Nightmares are horrible, they force us to deal with our deepest fears, to deal with the things we want madly to forget, this is their way to catch up with us and they'll eventually; but at the end they're just nightmares.

Reality is so much more powerful because it doesn't matter how hard you wish, it doesn't matter how loud you scream reality won't go away. And that's why we fear those nightmares so much, they wouldn't be so bad themselves but they symbols everything we are afraid could happen in real life. And then there's one moment in your life everything you wanted to forget about catches up with and you feel overwhelmed and honestly there are no words to describe this feeling because it's just too awkward and the people who ever felt that way are usually to disturbed to tell others about it, well maybe they just don't want to because they're ashamed of what they felt.

But if you've ever felt this way you know exactly how Chuck Bass felt when he looked in some familiar hazel eyes.

The realization hit him without an advance warning.

"This can't be true" was all he thought.

"Seriously this can't be true, it can't be her."

This couldn't be Blair Waldorf. She left, she left 15 years ago; she couldn't be back. He thought he'd never see her again and all of a sudden she was back, it was just too much for his brain to handle.

How would you feel if the love of your life would stand right in front of you after 15 years of absence? What would you do?

Would you say: "I missed you so much" and everything would be good again. Would you want to start all over again?

Or would you put up a fight? Just to prove your point, to make clear that nothing has changed and that you're still as stubborn as you used to be, maybe even more.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and in the case of Chuck Bass they're definitely right about that. He missed her and now that there was an opportunity to get her back he was willing to anything.

But how could she be back? And why didn't she change one bit? Why her eyes were still the same? Why were there just like they had been so many years ago?

Chuck Bass stood in front of the huge kindergarten. His nanny had left just seconds ago and he was too afraid to step through the doors all by himself. He was a child, he was afraid of the darkness about loneliness and about a lot of other things. All in all he was wiser than most adults.

All the other children were surrounded by their families but Chuck was completely alone, his father said he couldn't make it because he was on some business meeting but Chuck knew that that wasn't true. He was probably out with some woman. Chuck didn't even blame him, he knew that he wasn't the son his father expected him to be and even though he really tried he screwed up time after time.

First he was the perfect son, carefully dressed and with good manors but then he stumbled and broke a precious vase and he saw the disapproving look on his father's face. He really tried to be perfect but he failed, and now he was tired of trying to be someone else, if his father wasn't perfect, then why was Chuck supposed to be perfect? It didn't make any sense to him.

He missed his mother, sure he never met her but he missed her. You probably don't understand how it's possible to miss someone you never met before, well I don't have an answer to that question, I don't know how it is possible but what I know is that it IS possible.

Because when you sneak into your father's room when he's at work and you open the old wooden drawer in the huge closet and you'll look at the picture of you're beautiful mother, which is hidden there, you can hear her chuckling. "I love you Chuckie"

And somehow you can even hear your response: "Don't call me Chuckie Mom, my name is Chuck."

"And why am I not allowed to call you Chuckie, dear?"

"Because I am Chuck Bass."

That's insane you tell yourself but you can't bring yourself to give up on those day dreams because it is the only thing that reminds you of her and she is the only person that connects you with your dad. You're dad, who only notices your presence when he has something to criticize.

"Daddy, I don't want to go in there, I don't know anyone…" he heard a tiny voice complaining.

He turned around and looked at a girl about his age, she was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen and Chuck Bass had seen a lot of woman. He slowly went towards her and stopped barely a meter away. The girl had curly brown hair, which she wrapped around her finger, just as she twisted her father around her finger.

Then she looked up and her eyes met Chuck's. The boy felt as he came up against a brick wall. Those eyes…

These hazel eyes that remembered him of his mother's ones, that remembered him of his ones. They were full of grief too much grief for such a young girl, but then again he had seen so much grief that it would be enough for a lifetime, either.

He had to get to know this girl, he had to discover what it was that made her so sad, he wanted to know every detail about her.

Yes, maybe he really was insane but somehow he knew that she was his equal.

He stepped closer and cleared his throat.

"Hello… my name is Chuck Bass and I don't know anyone, too… maybe we could know each other?" he asked shyly.

The girl smiled at him and Chuck felt something fluttering in his stomach, he ignored it, he'll ignore it for the next 12 years.

"That would be nice, I guess. Oh, and I am Blair."

"Hello Blair", Chuck said and waved at her.

"I've heard he's new money…" they heard an old woman whispering.

"Yes, and they're saying that he never had a mother, she died in childbirth or so…"

"And now his father is sleeping around."

Chuck blushed and tried to turn away but Blair didn't let him.

"So you're new money?" she asked him curiously.

"Mhh" as little as he was, Chuck knew what that meant.

"That's interesting, I've never knew someone who's new money" she chuckled "My Mom's gonna freak out because we friends now!"

All Chuck could do was nod.

"Come on, Chuck" she replied and gripped his hand, "We're friends now, you don't have to be shy. Let's play house!"

She looked over her shoulder and said: "Bye Daddy!"

That was the first time he ever met Blair Waldorf, it was the day he looked in a pair of hazel eyes that were so similar to his own ones. It was the day he felt in love, it took him years to understand that.

"What are you doing here?" he said harshly.

Yes, if you're called Chuck Bass you'll definitely put up a fight to prove that nothing has changed.

Even though everything has changed, you're just too stubborn to admit how much you missed her, you can't tell her, and she is the enemy.

If you tell her she'll tell everyone and it'll be on Gossip Girl before you even know that you said it out loud. No, you can't tell her. She is the enemy. A freaking hot enemy, by the way but this was war. Okay, it was difficult to fight against someone who knows you so well. It's difficult to fight against your partner in crime; the person you used to scheme with but that was all an awful lot of time ago.

Yes, it truly was difficult but he knew that if he really wanted to then it could be done.

"I… I am sorry", he heard her whispering.

And suddenly he shivered.

This wasn't her. This wasn't Blair. This wasn't the one person he had been waiting for for 15 years.

The girl that stood in front of him was a girl, not the full grown woman Blair Waldorf was supposed to be.

How could he have been so blind?

This girl was nothing like Blair. Of course, she had the same brown curls, ruby lips and she even had those hazel eyes he had missed the most. Those eyes that talked to him without words, and this girl surely was sad.

Okay, maybe she had her eyes, the same sad eyes but she wasn't Blair.

"It is okay" he just said.

What could he say more? Something like: "Oh never mind, you just broke my heart because I thought you were the woman that's the love of my life and now that I realized that you aren't I feel kind of ashamed and hey you know what? It fucking hurts to stand up everyday knowing that she won't come back to me".

No, you don't tell strangers things like that. If you're Bass you don't tell anyone, they could use it against you. You can't trust anyone because no one trusts you.

"Are you okay?" the low voice asked.

That voice interrupted Chuck's thoughts and he looked up and for the first time her really noticed the girl, not because he thought that she was Blair or because he was mad at himself for letting his emotions overwhelming him but for who she really was.

She was about 16 years old, maybe even younger and he had been right she really looked like Blair, she even had the same grief in her eyes as if she had seen too much pain to handle.

She was pretty and you could see that she was going to be beautiful, very beautiful.

But now she was just a child.

"Yeah…"

"You don't look so…"

"I'm fine."

"Really?"
"Yes!"

"Aha…"

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't say anything."

"This "aha" that means something."

Audrey chuckled.

"I just think that you don't seem fine, you're actually seemed pretty stressed."

Omg! Audrey thought. This is your very first conversation with your father, Audrey. YOUR FATHER! Your VERY first… okay don't think about it, you just have to keep cool… breath in and breathe out…and try to not stare at him you can worry later…

"Oh… I just… um… never mind", Chuck couldn't believe that a 15 year old made him stutter that way and that when he had just reminded himself to not show feelings. His father would be so disappointed in him, but then again his father was always disappointed in him, so he didn't care what the old man thought.

At least he tried to tell himself that he didn't care and Chuck was good in convincing other people, he was even good in lying to himself.

"I don't need him, I don't need her, I don't need any of them."
Oh yes, Chuck Bass was the king of lies, nobody could see through them; nobody but himself and even that happened not so often.

"Who are you anyway?" he asked the girl to detract from his own weakness.

"My name is Audrey", she replied and Chuck noticed that she also sounded like Blair.

She had this typically biting undertone in her voice and she spoke clear and carefully just as she thought about every single word that left her mouth but the wink in her eyes made also clear that she spoke before thinking. She irritated him and that was what reminded him of Blair the most. It was also why he loved Blair, she wasn't like any other girl or woman he'd ever met.

"Lovely name" he replied. "My name is Chuck Bass."

"I know…I mean it is nice to meet you."

"Likewise."

They stood there starring in each other eyes, trying to figure out all those questions that were burning on their souls when a lively too familiar voice interrupted them.

"Audrey? There's someone really excited to meet you" Serena van der Woodsen squealed as she made her way towards her goddaughter.

She was so happy to be back in New York, she had missed it so much even though she had never admitted it to herself. She wanted herself to be happy in France, for herself for Audrey and for Blair.

But truth be told New York, the Upper East Side and over all the people there would always be a part of her, no matter how hard she tried to fight that feeling.

They say you're home where your heart pounds and in Serena's case they couldn't have said wiser words. Her heart pounded in New York like nowhere else; it was her home.

Those thoughts suddenly stopped when the person who stood next to Audrey turned around and she saw the face she was frightened of. It was not that she hadn't missed him because she did; she was surprised about that herself. But he was her stepbrother, a part of her family and she had missed him, he had screwed up time and time again but aren't those mistakes the reason we love people? If there were perfect people, wouldn't that be boring?

"Chuck…" she choked out.

He winked at her and then after a moment of awkward silence he hugged her briefly, something she had never expected him to do. Maybe it was true what Lily told her, maybe he really had changed. The old Chuck Bass would have made a pervy comment, this one just looked broken.

"So you're back for good?" he asked her.

"I guess I am."

"And you came alone?" he asked curiously.

"Yes." She watched his face fell.

"I mean know…" she interrupted herself and suddenly it was back this glimmer of hope in his eyes.

"No?"

"I came with a friend."

"Is he or she here either?"

"She is…" Serena said and she felt so guilty for raising his hopes. But all of a sudden she wanted him so suffer; she wanted him to feel as bad as she felt.

But what then? He was already broken she could tell. Was her satisfaction worth it to hurt him even more? It surely wasn't.

"Chuck, this is Audrey my friend from France."

"I've already met her!" he said harshly. "Isn't there someone else?"

"No…" Serena said and gripped his hand carefully.

"Let go of me!" Chuck demanded.

"No. Chuck, I really think we have to talk and it might be better if we'd go somewhere quiet… maybe you should sit down."
"No, you can say anything you want to tell me right here" he made a grand gesture.

"No, I can't. It's about Blair."

She pulled him with her and this time she didn't encounter any resistance.

Audrey followed them silently.

It was Showtime.

Things were about to change… that was sure what wasn't sure was if it was for better of for worse.

TBC

Please leave a review if you want more.