A/N: WOW! Just WOW! 128 reviews… really I never expected that much when I started to write this story… please keep your great reviews up :D
This chapter is nearly all about the past so barely progress in this chapter... please don't complain about that. The next one will be all present.
Twix: Thank you. I know today's Saturday… but I tried! Thanks for the sweet words and before you're going to ask me to update until Monday or Tuesday… it's my grandma's birthday and I have dance lessons but I'll try until Wednesday…
Irishgirl837: I did it asap. And thanks for the review.
Koenig: I tried. Thanks for the review btw.
PP: Thank you so much, your review made me smile.
Karina: Haha, thanks. And I am really sorry about the cliff hanger. Thanks for the review:)
Teddy bear: Did I ever mention that I simply love your reviews? They are always so detailed which makes it sooo much fun to read them. Thank you I am glad that you liked all of those parts. Oh German exam? Bist du deutsch? Because I am German… hehe. Well good luck! No I finished the flashbacks with Blair in France… but there are a few Chuck flashbacks to come and several one when the two of them were little.
Happy readings!
Chapter 11
If somebody would have ever told Chuck Bass that he would sit in front of his stepsister and some teenage girl trying not to bit his nails he wouldn't have believed him.
He was Chuck Bass he didn't bite nails that was something for girls or depressive women. It was a sign of fear or even of defeat and he would never fear anything neither would he ever lose something he wanted to keep.
Well you did, reminded him the tiny voice in his head.
Okay, he really was going insane, he was talking to himself. How low can you go?
Shut up! He told the voice and at the same time he rolled his eyes at himself.
This was all her fault, he was going insane because of her and her stupid pride if she hadn't run away he would have never started to go crazy over her in the first place.
Who knew that you could go crazy over a woman? Okay, he guessed that everyone knew that, Hollywood kept telling that everyone in the stupid entire world.
But who knew that Chuck Bass could go all crazy over a woman? The right answer is: nobody. He was known as a heartless bastard, as a guy who never slept with a girl more than once. And he had been fucking proud of that image. Everyone was scared of him because they knew that he was Big Bad Bart's son. Maybe he hadn't even noticed Chuck but not matter how bad he was; you can't call him costive.
Chuck got everything that could be bought with money sadly love can't be bought with it. You have to earn it yourself.
Where were we?
Oh right, Chuck Bass hadn't been the guy who felt for a girl and went crazy over her. The girls went crazy over him. But then he felt for his best friend's girl and all of sudden everything had changed.
He shouldn't have hooked up with her; he should never have let her go under his skin.
Then maybe things would be different right now.
Why did he sleep with her anyway?
It wasn't even that good…
Okay, that was lie. It had been the best night of his entire life. Mmh, maybe the night of her 17th birthday party was even better… he didn't exactly know.
But what he knew was that the best nights of his life were strongly connected with her, that she was what made life worth it.
Truth be told he started falling for her a long time before that night at Victrola before that ride in his limo.
It started all so many years ago…
8 year old Blair Waldorf sat on the green grass of the Central Park angrily starring at Nate Archibald who was flirting with her so called best friend Serena van der Woodsen, again!
The two of them had run away when Blair had proposed to play house.
Okay, maybe she hadn't proposed maybe she had demanded. But that was not the point, the point was that she was sitting all by herself while her boyfriend was playing with her best friend, he had chosen Serena over her and that hurt Blair like nothing else because everyone chose Serena over her. Her mom did, her teachers did all her girl friends did and now even her boyfriend did it.
She couldn't even blame them because she actually understood why they did it, why they always chose Serena over her. She was prettier, livelier and of course she was a van der Woodsen people expected her to be funny and to do what she wanted. But Blair was supposed to act like a lady she wasn't allowed to play at the monkey-bars or to play in the dirt.
It was one of the first things her mother had thought her: "You're a Waldorf, Blair. You must act like one."
Blair really tried to act graceful but she was still a child and somehow she knew that her mother expected too much of her but she wanted her to be proud of her, so she changed herself in a girl she didn't even like herself.
"Why are you so angry?" asked a voice right behind her.
She didn't have to turn around to see who it was.
Chuck Bass, the villain of the Upper East Side grade school elite. Even though he was barely old enough to write the word villain correctly it was clear that once he'll be older be the next Carter Baizen and when he'll be fully grown up he'll be the next notorious playboy of Manhattan. It was in his DNA. No one expected him to be anything else. Somehow he and Blair were caught in their own cage, a cage they had accepted with the milk their nannies had given them and now even at the age of 8 it was too late to break out of it. Their lives were planned and there was nothing they could do against that fact, they couldn't rebellion it was pointless.
"The golden couple is reunited again" she told him, she didn't even try to cover the anger in her voice, she didn't have to. Chuck knew her too well and he accepted her for who she was just like she accepted him for the same reason. They were Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck the dreaded scheming partners of Manhattan.
They understood each other and had a strange bound of connection that no one else really understood.
"So he chose her over you again" he assumed.
"Let me guess, you wanted them to play house with you…"
She raised her head and nodded.
"Why do you always want to play house?" he asked her though he knew her answer.
"Because it's the only game I can play without getting all dirty."
"Aha."
"Mmmh" she said and starred at the green grass, there were daisies growing next to her and she couldn't help herself so she gathered one of them.
"That's beautiful" Chuck told her.
"I love daisies" Blair muttered. "They are not as classy as roses but I don't want everything to be classy."
She carefully gripped one tiny piece of the blossom and started.
"He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me,-…"
"What are you doing?" Chuck asked her when she finally stopped.
"I want to know if Nate loves me" she answered.
"And what did it say?" he wanted to know.
She didn't answered instead the gathered another flower and started all over again.
"Hey, you did it once you can't just do it twice" Chuck interrupted her.
"Of course, I can. That one before was simply the wrong flower so I had to pick another one."
"Okay, I give you one last try" Chuck offered.
"He loves, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me-…"
"So what did it say?" he asked her again.
"You know what I think?" she told him while ignoring his question. "Those daisies are the wrong flowers. It's extremely hard to grip a single piece of blossom I probably just gripped two or so and that's the reason the flower…"
"… always says that Nathaniel doesn't love you", Chuck finished her sentence.
"Yeah, it's mistaken. He loves me, he really does." Said the 8 year old girl, wasn't it hilarious that an 8 year old spoke about love in that way?
"If you're so sure about that, then why do you have to ask some random flowers about that?"
"I don't know" she said harshly. "I just have to!"
"Besides those daisies don't work, I'll go and buy some roses."
"I thought roses are too classy…"
"Nothing can ever be too classy" Blair tried to defend herself.
"It that Blair or Eleanor Waldorf speaking?"
"Shut up! This has nothing to do with her; it's just about the fact that daisies are useless."
"I thought you'd like daisies…"
"That's so 10 minutes ago" Blair rolled her eyes.
"Whatever… but let me prove you that daises do work, come on give them another shot…"
"Okay" she mumbled. "But just one, how are you going to prove it anyway?"
"I'll try it myself", he claimed.
Blair laughed out loud hardly and chuckled: "Well Chuck, then it'll definitely say he loves you because you love yourself more than anyone could love you and far, far more than you could ever love someone else" she told him.
"I guess that's true" he assumed, though he had a feeling she was wrong.
He gathered a daisy and started to rip out the piecsd. While he was doing that he looked up and their eyes met, their gazes locked and he couldn't look away anymore, he didn't have to anyway because he knew exactly that his fingers ripped out every single piece of blossom for itself. They did not do mistakes because as long as the two kids were together, there were no mistakes and no regrets.
"She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not… she loves me" he finished.
"She… she loves me" he repeated surprised and kept starring at her.
"And who is that famous girl?" she wanted to know.
"Oh that's not important.., but what is important is that the daisies work. That means Nathaniel doesn't love you."
All of a sudden tears welled up in her eyes and she broke the connection of their eyes.
"Shut up" she demanded her voice throaty.
He could even hear the tears in her voice; he carefully reached out for her and caressed her shoulder.
"I really am sorry" he whispered honestly. "I didn't mean to hurt you."
Blair silently nodded.
"I bet he does love you" Chuck continued. "Maybe he's just shy…"
Blair looked at him as if he was insane.
"Shy?" she asked sarcastically.
"There's my girl" Chuck said smiling. "Always ready to rise as a phoenix from the ashes when it's time to laugh at someone.
"You see, how could he not love you?" he asked her and she chuckled.
"Thank you Chuck" she smiled at him and stood up.
"I think I'll go over to Nate and Serena, maybe they want to go to the monkey-bar. My mom is going to freak out but what she doesn't know won't hurt her…"
"Do you want to come with me?" she added.
"No thanks, I have something I need caretaking of" he replied.
"Bye, Chuck", she waved at him.
"Bye, Blair."
When Blair got home a bouquet of roses waited for her, right next to them stood a plant pot with daisies. She ignored the roses and picked on of the daisies. She remembered the way Chuck smiled at her and so she started with his face on her mind.
"He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me… he loves me."
She looked up when the elevator bell announced a visitor and as the doors opened she whispered: "He loves me". She would never admit that she was disappointed when Nate was the one getting out of the elevator, over all she would never admit it to Chuck because she was his best friend's girl.
Serena starred at her stepbrother who stood in front of her, completely calm.
Why didn't he freak out? Why didn't he scream: "I want to know what's going on here? Why didn't he act like Chuck Bass? What was wrong with him?
All he did was standing in front of her a silly smile on his face.
"Chuck?"
He flinched as she interrupted his day dreams. "Huh?"
"Would you please pay some attention to me? What I have to tell you is important so please sit down and stop acting like a 10 year old."
He just starred at her silently, he didn't have to say anything to her. Okay, that was a lie he had a million things to tell her but he knew that if he would start he would admit all the things no one could ever knew. He would admit how hurt he had been when Blair had chosen Nate over him, he would admit that he regretted everything he had done to her, and he would even admit that he had tried to follow her, so that he could make things up to her. He would admit that he failed in winning back the two persons he ever truly loved, Blair his father and Nate.
Because after Blair left Nate chose to ignore him, and unlike Chuck Nate was talented in finding new friends.
"Did you sleep with her, huh?" he still remembered the day he lost his best friend.
…
"Yes Nathaniel, I took what Blair kept throwing at you and you kept throwing back."
"So somehow you're screwing Blair for sport is my fault?"
"It wasn't just for sport. She needed someone and I was there."
"Oh so you cared about her?"
…
"Look I'm sorry but how long have you and I been best friends, okay?"
"No Chuck, it's not okay. From now one you'll stay away from me."
"Nate…"
"You heard what I said, you stay away from me!"
Since that day he never really spoke to Nate again, not that he didn't try to. He tried a million times but Nate never wanted so talk to him again. Chuck had tried to explain but Nate never really listened.
Chuck lost his two best friends at one day… and he had lost his parents the day he was born, so Chuck had been left alone.
"I am not acting like a 10 year old Serena. As glad as I am that you're back now Serena, you have no idea what it's been like…" he started but was interrupted by her furious reply.
"I have no idea what it's been like?" she screamed, she couldn't control the anger in her voice, it was all too much. He told her that she had no idea what it's been like and actually he was the person who had no idea what it's been like. He had no idea that he had a daughter she had raised, he had no idea that her best friend died… and his best friend as well.
HE HAD NO EFFING IDEA!
And he dared to tell her that she had no idea what it's been like…
"You know what? I wanted to tell you carefully, so that you won't get hurt too much. I don't even know how I would have done that but I decided to try. But now I don't give a damn about your feelings anymore because no matter what you're saying I am the person who knows what is has been like, unlike you.
So listen good Chuck and listen well because I'm not going to repeat this.
You're wondering why Blair isn't with me? You're asking yourself when she'll come? Well let me give you an answer to that question: SHE WON'T. NEVER EVER. Because she can't. She'll never come around again; you'll never hear her voice or her laughter again. You'll never see her smiling unless you take a look at some old photos. And do you know why she won't come around again? No, you don't because you never gave a damn about her. Okay you called; you wanted to talk to her… so what? That you could hurt her again? No Chuck I didn't let you… and now I am kind of glad that I didn't because she was at least a bit happy. So you don't know why you'll never see her again, right?
Let me tell you… "
"Serena", Audrey interrupted her godmother. "Don't." She saw Serena's furious face expression and she knew that she was willing to do anything to hurt her father.
But unlike Serena Audrey had noticed how Chuck's face fell when he had heard that Blair would never come around again, unlike Serena Audrey could see that her father had loved her mother.
Call it wishful thinking… but Audrey was 100% sure about that.
"No Audrey, I guess you have to protect him but it's too late. He has to know."
She focused on Chuck again, who had followed her speech silently.
He starred at her with wined eyes; she could even see some tears in his deep brown eyes.
All suddenly she was all calm again because maybe he knew what it's been like just in another kind of way.
Serena sighed. "Chuck" she started softly.
"I have something for you, you need to read it. This is not my explanation to make."
She reached into her black Channel back and searched for Blair's letter.
When she finally found it, she closed her eyes briefly then she handed it to Chuck.
"This is for you" she told him. "You'll probably hate me when you finished reading it, but you have to know that –no matter what I just have said- I'll never hate you."
She turned around, gripped Audrey's hand and pulled her out of the room.
Chuck was left alone in the big room, sitting on one of the precious mahogany chairs.
He starred at the envelope in his cold hands. It looked old, but I had never been opened before.
He starred at the single world that was written on the front side, it was nearly faded.
Chuck
TBC
Again, PLEASE DON'T HATE ME. I'll try to update asap. And then Chuck will finally know everything. So please keep patient.
As always:
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